Bleeding Heart - Ch. 7

[I don't own Glee or any of these characters]

Finally, the holidays were over and Blaine and Kurt were back to their usual routine. Classes had started back up again and keeping up with work and school had the couple burning all candles at all ends at all times. Kurt was staying late at Vogue almost every night and Blaine had picked up three additional shifts teaching ballet to beginners at the dance studio across town. Despite the work grind, both still pushed each other to rank at the top of their classes at NYADA, but the constant stress was beginning to wear on them both. Last week, Kurt had a meltdown at Starbucks when the barista kept messing up one of his six drinks for the team at Vogue-a simple skinny carmel machiatto. He'd argued loudly with the scrubby manager until he let him behind the counter to make the drink himself. When he relayed the details to his boyfriend, Blaine resisted the urge to laugh and instead nodded along wisely with Kurt-"some things you just have to do yourself," he said.

As Blaine walked up to the dance studio on the crisp Thursday afternoon, his boots sloshed against the melted snow and he squinted into the orange sun. Only a few more hours to go until Kurt would pick him up for Rachel's open dress rehearsal for a play she was cast in downtown. He'd brought his outfit for tonight to change into after work.

Only four classes today, Blaine thought tiredly, but when he saw one of his pre-K angels running up to the glass door of the studio in her pink tutu giggling with excitement, her mom trailing behind her, he couldn't help but smile as he followed them in. He loved this, even when he didn't feel 100%.

"Hey, Blaine," a familiar voice called from behind the front desk.

"Hey, Sebastian," Blaine smiled. Sebastian had arrived in New York shortly after Blaine made the move with Kurt and was still getting his life together after his parents kicked him out for being gay. Blaine had been there for him when he had nothing and actually helped him get this job even though Kurt never fully forgave Sebastian for what he'd done to Blaine in high school. Every now and then, the three of them would catch a show or grab dinner together, but Blaine knew he was Sebastian's only real friend in New York.

As Blaine swung around the counter to join Sebastian, he threw his dance bag in the corner and started pulling off his shoes to change for his class starting in 5 minutes. Pulling off each layer, Blaine was left in his grey v-neck, tight black dance pants, and an open red plaid flannel. Sebastian couldn't help but smile, "Well aren't we rustic today?" he teased.

"Ugh, I can't even," Blaine laughed, slowly perching himself on the stool behind the counter next to his friend. "Kurt and I have this thing to go to tonight so I have a whole additional ensemble to change into after this-the day that will not end," he joked, sighing.

"Classes still going ok? " Sebastian asked, looking him over.

"Yeah, they're fine, I'm just a little burnt out."

"I can see that," he replied, as Blaine swayed on the stool next to him. "You look exhausted."

"I know man," Blaine replied, rubbing his eyes. "I will be relying on your subtle man makeup skills after class to get me looking top notch for when Kurt picks me up."

"Deal," Sebastian replied, smiling to himself. "And take it easy in there. Sophia is out, her mom just called, but other than that, everyone's here. You can start whenever you're ready."

"No time like the present," Blaine breathed, hoisting himself off the chair and grabbing a water bottle off the counter. As Blaine shimmied his way to the dance room, his chest brushed across Sebastian's back warmly, leaving a jolt of electricity humming in Sebastian's veins. Someday, Sebastian thought, smiling and becoming re-absorbed in the studio desktop calendar.

As Blaine entered the mirrored room, 11 rambunctious little girls chattered and preened in front of the bar, taking their places as Blaine clapped his hands to signal they were about to start. He grabbed the remote for the room's audio system and pressed play to start their classical warm up routine. With Tchaikovsky tinkling in the background, he walked down the line, dragging his feet a bit, feeling the weight of his limbs grow heavier. An inkling of worry twinged in his stomach as he drew a deep breath and took a sip of water. As he began commenting on a few of the girls' forms, he channeled his energy into calm thoughts and began counting backwards from 10, feeling the flip flopping in his chest speed up as the song in the background wore on. It'll go away, shake it off, he thought.

Fifteen minutes into his 3rd class of the day, the drumming in his chest had not slowed down. He had pulled up a stool from the corner of the classroom and was directing his dancers to do spins across the floor when black spots started to invade his vision. Panic started to bubble up in his chest. Stay calm, he thought.

"Keep going," he motioned as he slowly got up from his stool and began to walk towards the door. Sebastian is right outside, it'll be okay.

As he crossed the threshold, the door to the dance room swung shut behind him, and he saw Sebastian turn from the front desk to see him walking slowly towards him. He saw Sebastian's lips moving but he couldn't hear him, all he could hear was the rushing sound of blood against his eardrums as the room went black.

Sebastian lurched forward fast enough to catch Blaine by the arm before he fell all the way to the floor. "Shit shit shit shit shit" he whispered quickly, rolling him over onto his back, checking for a pulse. Blaine had a thin sheet of sweat rippling over his body as he trembled involuntarily against the hardwood floor.

"You're gonna be okay, buddy, hold on," Sebastian fretted, scrambling back behind the desk where Blaine kept his dance bag. Early on in their friendship, Blaine had mentioned how to handle this situation should it ever come up, but that didn't prepare Sebastian for the panic that was coursing through his veins as he ripped open the pill box and scrambled back over to Blaine, who was shifting slowly on the floor. A tiny groan escaped his lips.

"Blaine, Blaine, stay still, I've got your meds, hang on-you're doing fine," he blurted as assuringly as possible. Sebastian knelt over Blaine, holding his head up enough to swallow his pills, tears betraying his eyes as Blaine's breathing became more regular with each passing minute. On the other side of the door, dancers feet shuffled to the beat of the music, completely unaware that they were here like this, Sebastian's heart breaking over Blaine, wanting nothing more than to kiss this man back to life, to health, to save him forever from whatever had just taken over.

"How are you feeling?" he finally asked, sniffing. Blaine still had his eyes closed, resting heavily against him. "Can you talk?"

"Yeh-" Blaine started heavily. "Yeah, I'm okay, I just need a minute," he breathed. "Just recharging," he whispered, fumbling for Sebastian's hand. "Thank you."

"Fuck," Sebastian breathed, shaking his head, swallowing his tears and beating down the urge to vomit. Blaine I love you and you fucking scared me and oh my god I just want to kiss you let me take care of you, he thought.

A few more minutes passed and soon Blaine was sitting up and ready to move to the softer chair in the waiting room. Sebastian helped him up and got him situated with his dance bag, a brand new water, two bananas and a Power Bar just in case.

"I'm alright," Blaine smiled as Sebastian brought over his big scarf and wrapped it around his neck softly.

"If you say so," Sebastian said, kneeling in front of him, checking Blaine's face again. "I'm gonna go tell your class you're not feeling well and Julie can cover for you for the rest of the day. I'll be right back."

"Thanks, Sebastian, seriously," Blaine responded quietly. "It's always kind of-I just, thanks for your help."

At that, Sebastian gulped and nodded, standing slowly to go make arrangements for Blaine. It crossed his mind to call Kurt to let him know what was going on, but if Blaine wasn't calling him, Sebastian sure as hell wasn't calling him. He pictured vaguely what it would be like to have Blaine as a boyfriend, walking around Central Park, laughing in the street. It was stupid, they would never have what he and Kurt have. But maybe.

In the waiting area, Blaine pulled out his phone slowly, thinking of what to text Kurt. He should probably call him to tell him he passed out at work but he doesn't want to make a big deal out of it. Plus he knows it would send Kurt right over the edge, he doesn't need anymore stress.

To Kurt (4:26PM): Julie's covering the rest of my classes for me so I can leave early, see you soon? :)

From Kurt (4:27PM): Yay! I'm off early, too, Isabelle is a saint-on my way to you now

As Blaine sat waiting for Kurt to arrive, he sluggishly tried calculating how long it would take him to get here from Vogue, resting his head back against the wall as the setting sun streamed in through the glass studio front, drawing gold lines across his face. The thought of changing into his outfit for the show tonight made his stomach turn with anxiety, knowing Kurt would be mad if he got here and he wasn't ready. Blaine had already complained about going before he left this morning but Kurt had insisted. "We never go out anymore, we need this!" Kurt whined. His gut was telling him it would be too much, but he didn't want to slow Kurt down. They did need a night out. At some point while he was lost in his thoughts, Sebastian had taken the seat next to Blaine and was running a hand over his arm as they waited. Blaine picked up on an electric feeling beginning to churn in the quiet room as Sebastian sat next to him. Blaine turned his head to study Sebastian, who seemed lost in his own thoughts. Blaine had always admired Sebastian for his boy-band good looks and of course that voice, but since getting to know him, he also admired his bravery, humility, strength. The sun beamed across his face and lit his eyes up sparkling blue. Blaine was just thinking again how grateful he was that Sebastian had been there today, when the boy suddenly parted his lips to speak.

"You know we could-" Sebastian started, but stopped short, unable to find the next words.

"Kurt will be here soon," Blaine said, feeling a pang of guilt as Sebastian's face withered for a moment and then regained resolve.

"I could be good for you, Blaine," he whispered, turning to search Blaine's face for a response. Blaine took a breath.

"I'm sorry, Sebastian," Blaine whispered back after a pause, "but I can't."

"I know," Sebastian replied under his breath. After another moment sitting together, both stood at the same time, Blaine collecting his bags.

"I'm going to, just, Kurt will be here any minute," Blaine said, clearing his throat. As the late afternoon sun painted the entire room gold, he looked intently at Sebastian glowing in front of him. As people walked by the store front with their cell phones and shopping bags and dogs on leashes, Blaine and Sebastian continued to stare at each other from a few feet apart, shadows dragging across their faces with each passerby. Slowly, as if pulled by some invisible string, Sebastian stepped forward and gently pressed his lips to Blaine's mouth. Blaine's chest fluttered and a tiny, "oh" escaped his lips as Sebastian broke away.

Everything was in slow motion. Quietly, almost like a waltz, Sebastian nodded once, slowly backing out of the room with a resigned, "I understand."

The moment was over but it was golden, emblazoned by the setting sun in the quiet foyer of the dance studio. Blaine exhaled, adjusting the grip on his bags, and did his best to shake off what just happened. His heart still only beat for Kurt, but he felt sad and loved at the same time by Sebastian. It was an odd feeling, invigorating, confusing-mostly though, Blaine felt tired. He just wanted to be in Kurt's arms, safe in their bed.

Across the street, the view was very different. Kurt had watched as the sun streamed in on his boyfriend and Sebastian, illuminating the kiss that was burned across his brain. His stomach twisted into knots and he wasn't sure he could breathe. He watched as Blaine shook his head and Sebastian backed out of view but as he crossed the street toward the studio, the jealous fear in his heart turned to panic. The only thing he could think to do was pretend he hadn't seen what just happened, and as he took his last few steps to the front door, he saw Blaine look up through the glass, looking more relieved than ever to see Kurt, dark circles under his eyes, and Kurt knew he couldn't say anything.

"Kurt!" Blaine breathed as he threw himself into his boyfriend's arms. "I missed you baby, mmmf" he started, nuzzling into Kurt's scarf and wrapping his arms as tightly as he could around his waist.

Kurt's eyes prickled at his touch, but when Blaine's lips brushed against his neck, his whimper was involuntary. "I missed you, too, honey," Kurt breathed, kissing Blaine's forehead, "everything ok?" There was a pause in which Blaine considered telling Kurt what just happened and how sick he felt.

"Yeah," he replied quietly, instead, "all fine." Kurt felt like his heart was being sliced in two.

"Okay," Kurt started, trying to process what was happening as his hurt quickly morphed into anger, which he knew he could only convey through annoyance. "You're not dressed?"

"Oh," Blaine cursed himself inwardly, "Yeah, I-I kind of had-" an episode, he thought, "-a really long day. Are you-do you still want to go to Rachel's thing?" he asked. Please say no, please say no baby, see me, take me home, he begged.

Kurt studied his face and saw how tired he looked but replied indignantly, "Yeah, I do. I've had a really long day, too, Blaine, but I'm ready to go. We made a promise to Rachel and I don't break promises."

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry," Blaine replied, ignoring the tug of dizziness in his brain, "I'll change on the way."

"Good," Kurt said, slipping out to the street and hailing a taxi, turning inward to the thoughts screaming in his head. HE SAID HE'D NEVER CHEAT ON ME AGAIN. How could I be so stupid. He's lying. Courage. Courage, Kurt. Fuck. Courage.

They spent the rest of the evening choreographing a new dance for their relationship-alternating between holding hands and being just out of reach, Blaine searching for Kurt's hand to find it unavailable when his heart began thrumming dangerously against his ribs again, and Kurt unknowingly putting distance between them as silent retaliation for a kiss he wished he could forget. When they finally got home that night, they hit their sheets in pieces, fissured by something bigger than either of them, bigger than they could yet understand.

TO BE CONTINUED!