Welcome back, guys. You are THE BEST! 30 Chapters and 300 Reviews, I think that is pretty successful. I love each and every one of you who are reading this. School has officially started and my deathly Junior Year begins. I have a college class and an AP class and I'm already so stressed. But hey, this helps me get my mind off of it. Just know that updates will be scattered from here on out. (ps Thanks to the people who went out and watched my video. You have no idea how much I appreciate it. Music is my passion, writing is on the side.)

I want to tell you about your reviews. It was entertaining to watch, really…. 50% want Ana to come running back to him right away and 50% want Christian to suffer.. And while I never could make Ana and Christian break up (it wouldn't be a fifty shades fanfic if they did), I do know there is a long road to recovery… Let's leave it at that.

Theme song for Chapter: "If You Wanna Go" by Joy Williams (1/2 of the amazing Civil Wars) It's the first song that popped up on my playlist and it really works. It's shocking.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but my OC's.. I really should do this more often..

Fare warning, I do quote Fifty Shades Freed in this… Read on. I have nothing left to say.

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His head was spinning. His insecurities bubbled up inside of him as he tried to get his mind to focus on something else. The walls are white. The sky is blue. Inhale, exhale. Blink. Ana. No…. His brain almost begged him to shut down, to turn off everything and sulk within the prison of his mind, but a small voice reminded him that he had a daughter in the hospital that needed the truth and needed support. She couldn't know about the inner turmoil Ana and Christian were experiencing, she just came back. Her parents had to be together to support her.

It was funny really, how much of Ana consumed Christian's life. He couldn't remember his feelings before her, and he didn't want to. He wanted her and her only. It killed him that he hurt her so much. 'I think I fell for you too soon,' she had said. Was it true? Did Christian push her too far, too fast? He threw his glamorous life at her like a fastball, she didn't even have time to put on a glove. She was always so shocked and startled by how much money he had, and how many relationships he had, and how he lived his life. Was it too much for her innocent life? Her inner distress for these things slowly building until this moment? Christian shook his head. What can I do to make this right?

She had promised once, when they were first married. It was after Leila visited her without prompt and he had flipped out. 'Christian . . . you are who you are because of your old life, your new life, whatever. What touches you touches me. I accepted that when I agreed to marry you, because I love you.' Was that in the past now? Never once did Christian hate his whole life within the BDSM relationships until he met Ana. He wished he could wipe it away, despite what Ana said, and make a clean slate for her. He looked over at Taylor, who had quickly averted his eyes away. When Taylor casually returned the look, he nodded, as if to say go. I'll watch Maddie.

He made his way to the helicopter pad floor and looked out the big windows. The sky had turned a dark grey, as evening crept into view. It's as if the earth could feel his mood. He pressed his forehead against the cold glass, thinking about what to do.

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When Ana finally sat down in the cafeteria she couldn't believe what she had done. It was like leaving him, but not. Somehow the pain felt worse. There was always a small part inside her that feared this. It's like deep down, she knew this was coming, and her small subconscious whispered to her, regret in its voice, I told you so. Even her sub conscious felt sad. When she and Christian first got married, many times she would think that maybe she was too young, that maybe she married him too soon. The silver platter lifestyle was thrust into her hands and she didn't know how to carry that burden. One minute she was a lousy assistant at SIP, the next she was CEO of Grey Publishing, a role she had never even aspired of. The old Ana that worked Clayton's and enjoyed staying at home, reading books, and talking with Kate seemed to be squeezed and molded into "Christian Grey's Girlfriend". Despite Christian's pleas that she's still the same, she knew it wasn't true. She had new "friends" in the high society, women who had more Botox than blood and all reminded her of mini Mrs. Robinson's. She loved him so much, but she feared that this was one of the things she missed out on being a teenager. You find your first love who you think you'll marry, but in the end it doesn't work out and eventually you fall in love again with the right one. Christian was her first and only love. Did she marry him without realizing that maybe there was someone else, someone more like her? The thought caused a nasty scowl upon her face. No, I love him. I really do. He changed me, but I also changed him. Why so many doubts, Ana? She knew why. His past always came back to haunt her. Before they were only trying to hurt her, so of course she didn't care. If they wanted to hurt him, she would take 20 bullets in a blink of an eye. But this time was different. Yes, it did mess with her, but most of all, it messed with her daughter. Maddie was taken, and they took her childhood away from her. It wasn't fair to her, and it wasn't fair to Ana. And even though this was the thing that hurt her the most, it hurt her daughter, and she would not stand for that. All Ana wanted was Christian's honesty. But he couldn't even give her that. Her eyes hurt as she finally let the tears roll down her cheeks after keep them back for so long. She set her head down on the table for a moment, brushing her hair against the warm cup of coffee, and taking in the scent.

When she lifted her head, her husband sat across from her, his hair wild as if he had pulled it out of frustration. He stared at her cautiously. "Hi."

Ana sighed and rubbed her forehead. "Hi."

Christian fidgeted and picked at an imaginary spot on the table. "Am I allowed to sit here?"

"Of course." She said. This was the hardest part. She was so confused and angry with him that part of her wanted to walk away and leave him, and the other half wanted to jump in his arms and snuggle into his embrace.

Christian stared down at the table, a loss for words. He didn't know where to begin and Ana could see that, so she started for him. "You know why this hurts me so much, don't you?"

Christian met her eyes, the gray color giving off his deep sense of shame. He nodded. "My past always comes and hurts you."

Ana shook her head. "No. Well, yes, but it never mattered to me if your past was out to get me. They could've hurt me as much as they wanted as long as they didn't lay a finger on you," Christian grimaced but she continued, "but this time was different. She hurt me in a way that was never a threat when Leila was around. It was a little bit with Hyde, but I was pregnant so it was different. She took my child away from me. I never got to see her grow up fully. I missed the moments when she could've colored me a picture at school and bring it home, I missed the chance to take that picture and proudly put it on our fridge. Those little moments that we cherished with Teddy and Phoebe were taken away from Maddie. They hurt my daughter and that hurts me more than anything else. And then you don't have the heart to tell me the truth, after we've suffered and mourned together. You didn't think I deserved the truth. That's why this hurts." Ana's voice wavered as she finished her explanation, her throat tight and thick.

Christian closed his eyes. "I'm so sorry, Ana." He covered his face, breathing heavily.

"Will you tell me the truth, now?" Ana reached over and took one of his hands from his face and grasped it in hers. Christian soothingly rubbed his thumb over her fingers.

"She was a former sub. We weren't together very long. She was a very beautiful woman, but she had a dark side to her, and deep issues that even compare evenly to my own. She never told me about her life and honestly, I didn't care enough to ask. You remember how I was when we first met, but I was even worse. I told you that there was something different about you from the start that made me draw towards you. Anyway, she was contracted for six months, but she only lasted three. At first it started well, but then things got bad. I caught her repeatedly using drugs and I saw many marks near her vein. I finally told her that I had enough, but I couldn't just let her out on the streets, addicted, so I let her stay a little bit longer. She was glad and tried to change. I think she wanted more, but I was definitely not interested. One night, she told me she loved me, and I told her that I couldn't love anyone, especially not her. She was so hurt that she wanted to get back at me. So, without telling me, she stopped taking the pill. A couple weeks later, she came and told me she was pregnant." Christian stopped and read Ana's expression, but she pushed him on. "If you thought I was horrible when you told me you were pregnant, you have no idea. The difference was that I was married to you, I loved you so much and I wanted to have children with you, but it was too soon, and you were so young, and my insecurities was what got the best of me. When Jennifer told me she was pregnant, all I felt was hatred; hatred towards her, towards the thing within her. I hated her, I never could love her. She told me that I would learn to love her and that we could be a family. But I freaked out. I told her that she had to choose between me and the baby. That I would not be in any part of that child's life, that I hated that child." Ana's mouth hung open, but she closed it quick. She was shocked to find how much hate controlled his life back then. He is your soul mate, Ana. You changed him for the better. Christian took a deep breath again, his face pale. "I didn't know she would do it. I thought for sure she would pick the baby. But she came back later that week with a doctor's note and laid it on my desk. All she said was, 'it's gone.' She had gotten an abortion. She fell back into depression then and began taking drugs. I sent her away to a rehab center and never saw her again. I never told her to get an abortion, adoption would've been better for my conscience. Later in life, she had something happen where she could no longer bear children. So that's why she took Maddie. Because I owed her. Because I made her choose between the only child she could've ever had and me. And she got no one."

Christian looked physically drained while Ana looked sick. She rose slowly from the table and stared off into the distance, her mind millions of miles away. "I want to speak to her."

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Cliffhanger! Not because I hate you, just because I need to go to sleep. Review and tell me what you have to say!