Note: Do you know why I suck so bad at writing shipping stories? I know nothing about love!
The Lady and the Knight
"...and then, seated on their steed and waving the enchanted hat in farewell for the last time, the brave outlaw and his sweet mistress rode off into the sunset," finished Thor.
The stars had started to fade, the sky turning a light shade of grey. The dawn was near. Thor was sitting with his back against a tree, one of his hands lazily playing with Loki's hair, the other gently hugging Loki's stomach. Loki's back rested against his chest. When Loki turned his head to the side, they were close enough to kiss.
"Why?" asked Loki, his eyes sparkling. "Did they have any specific reason for going west?"
"There's romantic scenery in that direction," suggested Thor with a chuckle.
"You got this story from a picture book, didn't you?" noted Loki offhandedly, lifting his gaze towards the sky as the sun peak over the horizon.
Thor made a frustrated noise. "How do you know?"
"Just an educated guess. The ratio of 'riding off into the sunset' ending is about ten to one between picture books and stories told by actual storytellers. The visual are far less important when the story is told instead of shown."
Thor made a face. "Right. Remind me to stop asking how you know things."
"Scared you might actually learn something from me?" teased Loki.
"Hah, terrified!" Thor's fingers disentangled from Loki's hair and brushed his neck. Loki giggled when the sudden touch tickled him.
"Alright," said Loki finally. "I think we've been lazing around long enough." He paused, sighing inaudibly. "And I still can't believe we actually did that."
"What? That we spent a night talking instead of doing something adventurous?" suggested Thor with a smirk.
"Well, yes," said Loki and turned towards him. He kept his tone calm as to not give away the way he felt about it. "Just because I didn't feel like casting a spell."
It sounded like a simple statement, but Thor noticed the uncertainty that lingered in the emerald eyes. He squeezed Loki in his arms, silently appreciating that Loki allowed him to see this part of himself.
"Worth it," he reassured him before leaning in just a little bit closer and catching Loki's lips in a kiss. Loki returned the affection and then disentangled himself from Thor's limbs so he could push himself up to his feet.
Their armor was lying on the ground a short distance away where they had dropped it the previous day. As he began picking it up and strapping it on, Loki noticed how scraped some of the pieces were. It wasn't anything too serious, the armor was still usable, but it had lost its proud gleam. Together with their ragged and crumpled clothes – rugged from fights and crumpled from being slept in – the two Princes were slowly beginning to descend from their royal magnificence. Loki smiled to himself. He knew Thor loved this part of being an adventurer – getting rid of all the pomp.
They put on their armor and set off on their way. The sun was slowly making its way up onto the sky and with it three planets emerged from darkness, the huge purple gas one, the golden one with countless rings and Vanaheim, the green one. A small wind gently whispered among the leaves and played with their hair as they walked, randomly faltering or taking up force, seemingly disappearing from time to time only to return, carrying soft smell of pitch and wood.
When Loki stopped, put a finger to his lips to show Thor to stay quiet and dropped lower to the ground, covering behind a tree, Thor at once knew that the stroll had changed into a hunt. He crouched down right next to Loki, close enough to make their sides brush against each other.
Loki whispered: "Bird. Ten paces. I'll try to get closer." Technical information, delivered almost automatically, while Loki's eyes stayed locked on his prey.
Thor felt a twinge of displeasure. It didn't seem right that he should be the one to patiently wait and Loki the one to get all the work done. Loki didn't seem to even consider that it could be any other way which made Thor wonder what would happen if he showed him it could.
"Wait," he whispered before Loki could move. "Can I do it instead?"
Loki paused, his eyes leaving the animal and flickering towards Thor. He opened his mouth; the question 'Why?' trying to force its way out, but Thor's eager expression was answer enough.
"With Mjölnir?" he asked instead, skeptically.
Thor hesitated just for a second: "Give me one of your daggers."
At first Loki wanted to protest. Some part of him fiercely refused to be rid of his role as a hunter (or more precisely, the one with the hunter's equipment, since Thor was a skilled hunter as well when he thought to bring a spear). It wouldn't feel right having Thor do everything for him. But then he reminded himself that Thor wasn't used to hunting with daggers and there were dozens of things he was likely to get wrong. Arguing about it wouldn't change his mind, but letting him fail would help him realize that it's a much better idea to leave the task to Loki. The younger Prince drew one of his throwing knives and handed it over to Thor who accepted it with a wide smile on his face.
The bird didn't notice any commotion. It hopped around, digging with one talon, as it too was probably searching for food. Thor moved closer, quietly slipping from one tree to another. He tried to remember how it was that he was taught knife-throwing worked. It was different from throwing Mjölnir. The knife was balanced unlike the hammer which always flew with the heavier side in front. The knife would spin.
When he decided he was close enough, he took up a position he thought was correct and hurled the knife. It's been far too long since he had been properly taught how to throw small weapons.
It happened too quickly for either of them to see what had happened. The dagger fell to the ground with a thud and the bird flew off with a startled shriek, unharmed.
Loki started snickering as he left his cover to go pick up the dagger. Thor had to look at the position the dagger was lying in before it clicked into place. He hit the target with the handle instead of the edge.
"Next time," quipped Loki as he was passing him by, "try to remember that daggers don't work the same way hammers do. We're not trying to beat the enemy to death. The sharp end is there for a reason."
Usually Thor would have been annoyed at having failed, but seeing that Loki was amused instead of angry, his smile and the gleam in his eyes didn't allow for his mood to worsen. So instead he joined in on the banter.
"My mistake, then. Here I was, thinking the sharp end is there for you to pick your teeth with."
Loki laughed as he bent down to pick up the weapon and then they continued on their way. They had to walk further for some time before they started to once again see animals among the trees that hadn't been alarmed by their previous hunting attempt. They didn't talk, but neither did they bother to sneak around. It was more of a lucky accident whenever they came across something to eat, since they weren't in any desperate need for food.
Some time later they spotted a young wild boar. Loki hadn't even considered the possibility that Thor might not have learned his lesson, once again slipping back into his accustomed role as they took cover. It was only when he felt Thor's gaze boring into him that he bothered to look at his brother.
"Just one more time," begged Thor in a low voice. "Please?"
It was with great reluctance that Loki handed him the dagger a second time. He was aware that the more he allowed Thor to train, the better his chances at succeeding. But then again, Thor wasn't doing this because he thought Loki wasn't good enough - or so he tried to tell himself, since some part of him insisted that was exactly what this was about. He was just restless and bored.
"Prepare Mjölnir. This thing might not run when you startle it," he said calmly.
"Sure. But I think I've got it this time. It just needs a bit more strength."
Loki didn't say anything. Thor was even more right than he probably thought. Since he hit the target with the handle last time, he needed the dagger to spin in the air faster, to have it turn around. There was a lot of math involved in seemingly simple knife- throwing. Loki's own brain usually calculated all the required factors so automatically that he was barely conscious of the process.
Thor flung the dagger with so much strength, that Loki could already tell that he overdid it. Before he could state so though, he startled at a terrible cracking sound that followed less than a second later. The boar squealed and fell to the ground heavily.
"You split its skull?!" exclaimed Loki in shock. He stayed where he was, sitting on his heels, too awestruck to move. He could see the handle of his dagger where it was sticking out of the boar's temple. It was stuck in the wound so fast that there was hardly any blood leaking out at all.
Thor gave him a wide triumphal smile.
"Sometimes you scare me," murmured Loki grimly.
When he lost his magic and turned into his true form he was so scared. He startled at the sound of his own name, his eyes filled with boundless terror, he tried to move away, to escape... from Thor. The older Prince pushed the uncomfortable memories aside. He knew Loki didn't mean it, so there would be no use in trying to respond in any meaningful way.
"Scared you might actually learn something from me?" he threw back instead, not allowing the smile to leave his face.
"Terrified," returned Loki and smiled as well.
A strange sound directed their attention back towards their prey. They didn't see where it had come from, but there was a small dragon bending over their kill now. It had black scales, wings held half-open over its body and spikes on its head and elbows. The way it was eying the prey seemed almost curious. It was probably wondering if it could have their kill since they didn't seem to be paying any attention to it.
"Hey," called Thor. "That's ours. Get lost."
He moved towards the dragon, Mjölnir ready in hand, but not really expecting a fight. Thieves were rarely so brave. They usually ran.
The dragon backed away, as Thor moved closer, but didn't remove its talons from the corpse. It hissed angrily, showing off its teeth and spreading out its wings simultaneously. The moment Thor made another step forward it flapped its wings powerfully and shot up into the air, carrying off their prey, and shortly disappeared above the treetops.
"My dagger!" complained Loki who has also gotten to his feet and was now standing by Thor's side. He was more surprised and amused than upset. Weapons could be lost and replaced, especially the ones meant for throwing.
Thor had already begun spinning Mjölnir. When Loki spoke, he turned to look at him and gave him a wolfish smile. "Wait right here. I'm going to teach him some manners."
Loki shrugged as if saying 'I'm not going anywhere.' He returned Thor's smile with one of his own smirks: "I don't think you're the best teacher when it comes to manners."
"Ha!" was all that Thor called back, as Mjölnir dragged him up and into the air.
When Thor returned he found Loki sitting on a low-hanging branch, one leg swaying loosely a few inches off the ground. For a moment Thor found himself fascinated by the sight. Somehow Loki managed to make the relaxed pose look so elegant, like even if he sat on the very throne of Asgard no one could say that he isn't well-mannered. Or at least in Thor's mind. He smiled playfully and laid the re-captured prey at Loki's feet with a bow.
"You Highness," he said jokingly, looking up at Loki. "I bring you this offering in hopes of acquiring your good graces."
Loki's eyebrows rose.
"I didn't bring you the dragon's head as a trophy for he flew off rather quickly after I deprived him of his unrightfully obtained possession," continued Thor. The heroes from songs and tales never forgot to bring the dragon's head.
"Your merits are well acknowledged, valiant warrior," said Loki, joining in on the game. "You needn't worry yourself. I don't find myself currently in any need of a trophy for, as you can see, I have no means of stocking it or putting on display."
"Your Grace is too kind," Thor couldn't stop a smirk from creeping across his face. "I should have at least taken the dragon's horns. You could have them made into a helmet."
Loki gave him a dirty look. After a short pause, he said: "What a way to kill a moment."
Thor shrugged and made a step closer, lifting an offering palm.
At that moment Loki realized that Thor wanted to help him to the ground, in very much the same fashion gentlemen always supported women and slid down from the branch on his own. Did Thor actually think he needed help? He didn't waste much time pondering about it, but it left him with an uneasy feeling. He wasn't sure why would Thor do that...
Instead he kneeled down next to their prey, took out the dagger and began preparing the meat that he would later cover with illusions.
They meal passed uneventfully and not long afterwards they were back on their way. They walked in silence, both lost in their own thoughts. For the time being there was nothing else to do than to enjoy the stroll.
As Thor's eyes wandered, they were drawn to a single flower that blossomed among the grass near the base of a bush, hidden in its shadow. He was about to sore right over it, before he stopped and thought better of it. Some part of him cheered at the prospect that entered his mind. He made sure Loki wasn't paying attention to what he was doing and then he carefully plugged the flower.
It seemed to shine with its own light as he drew it out of the shadows. It was small, with softly curved petals layered one over another. It was white, but as the sun reflected upon it, he could see tiny sparkling threads of silver creating a complex pattern upon the petals. Thor had little understanding for esthetics, but every part of his mind assertively told him that this flower was beautiful enough to be considered a worthy gift.
"Loki," he called softly, to get his attention. His younger brother's eyes immediately turned towards him and Thor watched them widen in surprise. Then he bowed, with elegance and confidence, his muscles following a taught formula, and offered the flower to Loki, who stood completely dumbfounded. For a second they looked just like romantic statuary.
Loki's breath caught in his throat, his heart thundering madly in his chest. The flower was beautiful; he saw the silver pattern on the petals and marveled at the detail. The thought that Thor found it just for him made him feel appreciated and he loved it so much...
And then, as his hand twitched to accept the gift, it occurred to him that he was being given a flower and that flowers, trinkets and pretty things were ladies' business and he wasn't supposed to like them. His happiness was almost entirely pushed aside by enormous wave of anger and hate directed at himself, as he remembered another time he had felt this truly happy; when he was a child, still - no more than two hundred – and used his magic to change his appearance, turning into a maiden. He couldn't remember where it had came from, he was simply curious, playing around, trying on dresses and feeling pretty, which was a new and unexplored feeling that he found thrilling.
He was eventually interrupted by his educator. While individual teachers focused on any problems the Princes should encounter concerning their respective subjects, the educator took overall charge of the lessons' imprint on them, making sure they were shaping out exactly as they were meant to and report everything back to the King. His name was Tannr and he always carried himself with an air of great authority. Loki respected him because he often seemed to be interested in what the children had to say even though he never let it get in the way of performing his job. He was an intelligent man.
His voice was perfectly calm when he asked Loki to follow him. The young Prince changed, first his clothes, then his shape and did as he was bid. Tannr led him to the consulting room where he worked.
"Haven't you been paying attention during your etiquette lessons, Loki? Do you really think that this is how a proper young man should behave?" asked the educator mournfully when they seated themselves.
Loki was confused. He understood lectures that he received when he didn't pay attention in class, when he refused to attend his combat practice or when he played a prank on someone, but this time he didn't do anything wrong. He opened his mouth to object, but Tannr stopped him by raising his hand.
"Don't, please, I'll explain. You think that you were just having harmless fun, but I need you to realize that this is one kind of fun which you shouldn't allow yourself to have. When you enjoy such petty pleasures, you are ruining not only your image among your fellows, but spoiling all the work we've put into you. We teach you to be brave, noble and strong. Pretending to be a lady isn't appropriate for a young warrior. I'm not saying you aren't allowed to have fun, but this is a bad habit and it's best to make sure it goes away before you grow attached to it." He paused, his eyes attentive, not hard. "It's quite similar to the toddler habit of sucking one's thumb. Do you feel like sucking your thumb, Loki? Go ahead, you are allowed to do it. Just this once."
"No," said Loki, embarrassed.
"Oh, but why ever not?" prompted the educator.
"I'm not a baby."
"You're not a maiden either. I know it might seem trivial to you now, but I'm only trying to help you avoid bigger problems it could cause you in the future. Ethics are very precise, Loki, and very important. Why should anyone follow a King who secretly sucks his thumb when he thinks no one can see him?"
"Alright, I was really just curious. I'll never do it again," promised Loki sincerely. The man acted so friendly and openly towards him that Loki would be hard tried not to be open and friendly in return. The scolding had very quickly turned into a friendly advice between a trusted teacher and his favourite student.
Loki was ready to forget the whole accident, determined to never let it happen again. But his will turned out to be a fragile force when faced with something so utterly fascinating. A few days later, he came across a beautiful tiara made out of pearls that someone had carelessly left in one of the great halls and his mind immediately suggested a dress he'd seen in the dressing room that would match it perfectly. He couldn't help himself. Before he knew, he was back in front of the mirror, bargaining with his consciousness that he was going to stop soon and then never return again, just a few more minutes...
This time it wasn't his educator who interrupted him. It was one of the servants. She entered carrying some clothes and startled when she noticed him. He hardly bothered to pay any attention to her, too used to servants who silently worked around the castle. That was why it came as such a surprise when she spoke.
"Oh no, is there a new Princess in the castle? I apologize I must have missed your existence, my lady." Her tone was mocking.
Loki wouldn't have been more surprised if a statue suddenly came to life in front of him.
"You look so shocked. Are you going to start crying, little girl? Should I fetch you a doll?" She chuckled derisively.
"I'm not a girl!" he exclaimed. "I'm your Prince, you fool." Reaching for his magic, he quickly changed, leaving the dress lying crumpled on the floor, the beautiful tiara unceremoniously discarded at the top of it.
"Could've fooled me, your Highness," said she with a shrug, a cruel sneer still on her face.
Loki strode past her and out of the room, trying to appear dismissive, trying to show her just how unfazed he was by her unacceptable behavior. Doing his very best to hide the terror that seized him. Just a few days ago he wouldn't even hesitate before telling his parents or any of his teachers about something like this, knowing that she would immediately lose her job –if not her head - for such crudity. But now...
Tannr warned him not to do it. Loki brought this on himself by disobeying his advice and it was too late to ask for help now. And if what he did prompted the servant to act this way towards him, how would others react when they heard? What if Thor didn't like him anymore? What if mother or father decided to take his magic away from him? It felt like control was slipping from his fingers – control he never before realized he had had.
In the end, he didn't tell anyone, hoping to forget the accident. But to his great terror and misery, the attitude quickly spread among the servants. When he showed tears or uncertainty, when he came anywhere near jewelry or flowers, when he dared show any feelings other than calm control, then he was 'Lady Loki' in their eyes.
He tried to command them to stop, threatened, then pleaded and tried to bargain them, but knew that while he eventually managed to silence them in his presence, they kept laughing behind his back. He could only pray that Thor would never hear them, though he had no way of knowing for sure and never dared talk about it.
He grew to hate this weakness and every word that reminded him of it, even innocents jests that Thor made in his oblivion. He couldn't stand Sif, who despite being an actual lady, seemed to be so much better at being a warrior than him.
As he got older, smarter and gained more experience, step by step learning how to predict and manipulate others (because there were no books or education on that), it occurred to him that it had all been a set-up. There must have been some authority involved, because the servants would never turn on him so suddenly unless they were told to. Someone wanted to make sure Loki learned the lesson. The obvious suspect was Tannr. Giving Loki a friendly advice in advance to ensure he would feel guilty about betraying the educator's trust afterwards was a clear sign of good manipulation. Nonetheless this conclusion had no impact on the effect of the learning. Loki acknowledged that it was a good lesson he had been taught, one he wouldn't want to unlearn even if he could. Show any trace of weakness and your enemies will tear you apart. The sooner he understood that, the better.
When the day came, it clicked into place that Tannr worked for Odin, who needed his puppet King to be strong and harsh, deprived of lust for petty pleasures that he won't be getting. But when Loki's world shattered, his mask followed right along with it and he cried for the first time in centuries, his helpless tears washing away all the strength, all the walls he tried to build. And after breaking of the dam, he had cried more times then he bothered to count. He wanted it to stop, tried to get his emotions back under control. It seemed unbearable at first; knowing that Thor witnessed his breakdown and noticing the influence it had on him. Loki could understand that Thor saw him as fragile and that it made him overprotective. He even appreciated when Thor was kind enough to tolerate his flaws.
But this was something different. There was no reason for Thor to act like this.
Thor looked up to him expectantly, his eyes shining, thinking that Loki was simply too awed to react.
"You're mocking me," said Loki. His voice was empty; he wasn't sure how he should feel. The words sounded wrong, nothing about Thor's manner suggested mockery, yet it was the only logical explanation that came to mind.
Thor frowned in confusion and quickly straightened up from the etiquette-required pose, as his eyes searched Loki's face. "What are you talking about?"
Loki left the question without answer. It was clear that this wasn't mockery, but that only opened more questions. He made his voice thoughtful, trying to make it seem as if he knew more than he actually did as he asked: "Why is it a good idea to give flowers to your brother?"
"Is that a trick question?"A playful smile returned to Thor's face. "For the very same reason anyone ever gives flowers?" To express their love.
It was courtesy, then. Thor was simply following the etiquette he had been taught. Loki forced a smile. "You don't have to do that for me. Let's not waste our time with things neither of us cares about."
"You don't care...?" Thor didn't sound at all convinced.
Loki kept his breath and face calm by sheer force of will. He projected how he would feel if Thor was annoying him with something he barely ever bothered to think about, something he had absolutely nothing to do with and then rolled his eyes theatrically.
"Even if I did," putting in enough force to make clear he didn't, "it really wouldn't matter. I'm sure it wouldn't kill me if we just ignored it and moved on."
The flower was nearly crushed as Thor's grip on it tightened. "Why are you being so harsh on yourself?" Loki just looked at him blankly, unresponsive. "It's like you refuse to be happy. Of course it wouldn't kill you if we simply moved on! Do little pleasures mean nothing to you?"
"Why are you so set on thinking I enjoy being treated as a lady?!" Loki knew he was entering dangerous territory by even allowing the thought in consideration but he needed to know. Did Thor hear about it from the palace staff after all?
Thor smirked knowingly, took Loki's right hand in his left and brought it up to his lips to kiss it gently, all the while watching his reaction closely. Loki allowed it uncertainly.
"There," murmured Thor into his skin and let his hand fall back down. "You always get this soft look in your eyes."
Loki struggled to breathe. He doubted Thor was bluffing to get him to confess, that just seemed so unlike him. And while he wasn't directly aware of it, he knew that on some level - though it was of small consequence now - he enjoyed the idea of courtesy and his eyes could have betrayed his emotions... But if it were the truth, what would it mean?
"Why do you even care?" How could Thor possibly be so attentive? Loki knew enough about psychology to know that people's attention was generally directed either by their interest or expectations. They heard or saw only what they wanted. What could possibly make Thor pay so much attention to Loki's lady-like manners? Feeling the need to protect him was one thing, but doing him favors, giving him flowers...
"Because I love it about you."
Loki's thoughts came to a screeching halt. His heart cried out in joy, so pure, so earnest that it hurt. He felt tears in the corners of his eyes, as cold logic silenced his wishes.
"No," he said and laughed a little, though there was nothing to laugh at. "You don't." There was nothing loveable about his weakness. It was shameful and wrong. If Thor ever loved someone, then he loved handsome and strong warriors like himself or beautiful proper ladies. Loki always hoped that he could fit among the former.
The look Thor gave him was dark, almost frightening. Loki hurried with an explanation, before Thor had time to say anything.
"That's alright; I understand perfectly what's going on. You're being sweet because you don't want me to think you don't love everything about me. After all, that's how all the ballads go, right?" Loki shook his head. "You want to pretend that our love is picture-perfect. It can't be. And that's okay. Some things are better ignored or forgotten altogether, despite what the stories may claim. There's no need to trouble ourselves with it, since it doesn't stand in our way at all." ...right? Loki tried to smile reassuringly. If only Thor gave him the chance to hide his flaws instead of constantly dragging them back to the surface. Thenhe could get them out of their way.
Loki's arguments sounded so logical that for a second, Thor doubted his own intentions. It was only Loki's confident smile what reassured him that he wasn't wrong. It looked nothing like the soft smiles he grew to love.
"I wasn't hollowly flattering you. I'm not doing this because I feel I should," he said. "And I couldn't ignore it even if I tried."
"You're just saying that!" Loki insisted. "We can simply walk away and forget; it wouldn't be wrong, I promise!" He was growing desperate. It was taking so much of his energy to keep arguing, when there was still a part of him that wished he could simply accept Thor's words as truth. But he knew that it wasn't the truth, it couldn't be. If he allowed Thor in, it would only hurt ten times worse if it made Thor turn away from him.
"You don't understand," said Thor softly. "And I can't say I blame you, I hardly understand it myself, but... We lived side by side for hundreds of years. The fact that for the first time in centuries I feel that I should hold you and kiss you and that it would be right, though it hardly occurred to me ever before, must mean that something changed."
In answer there was only silence. Loki didn't say anything, he only gave Thor a significant look.
Slowly the implications dawned on Thor. "You always loved me," he whispered in horror. His heart ached, as he imagined what it must have been like, hiding it for who knows how long while he himself was completely oblivious.
"Let's just say it wasn't any recent change for me," said Loki with a bitter smile. He knew he always felt something for Thor, but determining exactly what was beyond him. It seemed to change constantly, as he was continuously battling it, suppressing it, forgetting about it, only to have it reawaken later.
Thor mentally scolded himself for not realizing it. It was always so easy to think that everyone else felt exactly the same way as him.
"So what changed?" asked Loki. "Why do you love me?"
"You really don't know?" It seemed so strange. "You didn't wonder about what happened that made me return your affection?"
"You said I'm attractive," Loki's voice was empty. "I had other things to think about at the time, but since you said it shortly after you saw my true form, I assumed... They say people don't realize what they have until they lose it. I thought it was something like that, since you saw how hideous I really am and realized how much you appreciate... this." He gestured towards himself, meaning the work of illusion that was his accustomed Aesir look.
The logic definitely sounded plausible. Loki could be partially right and they wouldn't even realize it, because it the end, neither of them could claim they understood love. But there was still something else tugging at Thor's heart that told him this wasn't it.
"You thought I love you because of your looks," he chuckled grimly. "And here I was, trying so hard to show you that this wasn't physical."
"Why do you love me?" repeated Loki.
Thor sighed. It was hard to put into words. He never considered himself the type to talk about feelings, but he knew Loki needed to hear it. "Something definitely changed. You were always so smart and confident that I never realized that you might need me, not this way. It was only after it happened. As I watched you cry, I knew I never again wanted to see you suffer like that and I decided that I will be your guardian. And knowing that you need me, knowing that I could be your knight in shining armor, grew into... this." He shrugged, lost for words.
"How am I supposed to believe that?" said Loki softly, looking away. "You spend centuries laughing at me that I'm weak. Pathetic. Soft. Where was this affection then?"
Thor paused, shocked and saddened. "That was different. I wouldn't laugh at you if I didn't think you could take it. We make fun of Hogun all the time, because he never smiles, but that doesn't mean that it would be wrong if he did." He paused and swallowed heavily. The realization hurt. "Were you hiding these feelings because we teased you about them?"
Loki looked back at him. Silent tears found their way to his eyes.
"Oh, Loki," whispered Thor and stepped forward, crossing the short distance that separated them. "If you hadn't been hiding it... If I had known..." They haven't wasted too much time, their lives were long, but knowing they were living right next to each other and never took the opportunity, even though they both yearned for it in their heart of hearts... "I would have kissed you centuries ago."
Centuries upon centuries that he had spent hating himself for something that was never a sin. All the fear he endured as he fought to conceal that, which would have brought Thor closer, only because he was scared it would push him further away. They even might have never found this love; all because Odin needed to teach him a lesson.
"No," said Loki weakly. "It wasn't your fault." Then his voice broke and he began sobbing, as Thor's arms enveloped him soothingly, protecting him from the world and from himself. It felt as if Thor's warmth was finally reaching inside of him as well, but he knew it wasn't going to last, so he clung to the feeling as tightly as his fingers to Thor's clothes.
For a short while, Thor stood frozen. This was the first time that Loki openly cried in front of him. Before he always looked away or acted as if he didn't see Thor at all. Now he finally wasn't hiding or holding back anymore. Smiling to himself, Thor carefully weaved the flower in Loki's hair as he caressed him. The silver-white petals shone beautifully against Loki's dark hair.
When he finally quieted down, Loki sighed heavily. He couldn't shut out the voice of rationality as it stood up to oppose his hopes and dreams. After centuries of listening to it, he couldn't simply disregard it. "I know exactly how this works. You're going to grow tired of me and you'll leave me, like a toy that used to be interesting once upon a time. Familiarity is good, but it takes something fresh and exciting to kindle a spark of interest and once the exotic becomes familiar..."
Thor shook his head. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You are impossible." He chuckled. "Will I ever get through to you? You are like a labyrinth..."
"In the depths of which dwells a terrible monster," breathed Loki, so quietly that it was almost inaudible.
Thor heard him only because they were so close to each other. "See?" he exclaimed. "That's exactly what I'm talking about! You just keep making yourself so difficult!"
Loki buried his face in Thor's shoulder and after a short pause mumbled: "Sorry. I guess I can't help it."
Thor laughed again. Then he spoke more softly: "I'll never leave you. You aren't my exotic mistress; we are brothers. I will love you and guard you as long as you need and wish me to. You are part of my life and that's not going to change." He was gaining more confidence with each word. "Do you know what they say about the Norns?"
"Of course," said Loki quietly, slightly confused about where Thor was going with this. Very few Aesir actually believed in the Norns, though all knew of them. It wasn't a religion, more like a mythology or old legends. Something they could believe in when everything else failed. The Norns were said to be three immortal women who sat at the roots of Yggdrasil spinning the threads of fate.
"Just imagine," said Thor in an excited whisper, his eyes shining. "Our threads must be so entangled that there's no separating them."
Loki laughed softly. "How about the next time we feel like going out for an adventure we go and find the nornir and make a few very strong knots on our threads so we'd know for sure?"
"Oh, definitely," agreed Thor eagerly. Then he paused, thoughtfully, smirking to himself. "Did you mean that as a metaphor...?"
Loki burst out laughing, feeling relieved and relaxed. "I love you," he said between giggles. "But I'm not asking you to marry me." He brushed his fingers over Thor's cheek playfully. "Not yet."
Thor's hand caught his fingers and squeezed them lightly. "Alright," he said with a chuckle. "Just remember that I love you too."