Chapter 30: Happy to be Alive

After Nightshade spoke to Countess Carvain she immediately set out to look for her friends. She didn't feel tired at all. They had all regrouped in the Great Hall and were relieved to see her.

"Thank the Nine!" Elyon rushed over to hug her. "Are you feeling alright? Do you need anything?"

"No, I feel fine, thanks," she smiled. "I'm glad you're all good too."

"Yes, it was quite a miracle that we all got out of that alive," Jauffre authoritatively said, then added, "thank goodness."

Nightshade looked over at the others. "Where's Ashen?"

"He's gone to get in contact with Lyze to let her know about Crow."

It took a while for her to remember their connection. "What made you decide to tell him?"

Crow was looking rather weak and nervous sitting in a chair. "I was trying to convince him in the Oblivion gate to go back for you guys."

"Oh. How about you, Ice? How do you feel?"

"Fine," he mumbled from his stance next to Crow, "just a bit sore."

She took this as odd but continued on to Martin and Baurus. Baurus looked a bit beat up but Martin beamed. "I'm so happy you're awake."

"Thanks, I'm glad you didn't die either. So what's the next plan?"

"Well," Jauffre cleared his throat, "we can't face Mehrunes Dagon without the Amulet of Kings to light the Dragonfires. Now that we have the Great Sigil Stone safe up at Cloud Ruler Temple, you have everything you need to follow Mankar Camoran to Paradise and get it back. Then we can light the Dragonfires and everything will be back to normal again."

"Ok, then, let's get going," Ice started to head for the door but Baurus held him back. "What's with the sudden hurry?"

"We should get this over and done with as soon as possible."

"Well, Countess Carvain has invited us to celebrate with the town," Nightshade looked at him suspiciously.

"Ugh, what the heck? Doesn't she know that Mehrunes Dagon is growing stronger by the day? He could attack at any moment!"

With sudden confidence Nightshade shook her head. "I don't think so." They all stared at her, so she went on. "Mehrunes Dagon may be the Prince of Destruction, but he isn't just about going around smashing things up. He has a sense of pride and wants to fight against a worthy opponent. With the Amulet of Kings we'd have a fighting chance, so he'd get more satisfaction out of crushing us directly."

Elyon looked slightly amazed. "What makes you so sure?"

"I don't know, that's just what I feel. Any immortal would be in it for the fight, not for the result, because they have the rest of eternity to try again."

"She's got a point," Crow agreed, and Baurus, Martin, and Jauffre all nodded. Ice mumbled something under his breath but said no more.

"All right, then. We might as well go to the celebration and unwind for a night before pressing on. But, until then, the Countess was nice and drunk enough to let us stay in the castle." Jauffre rubbed his hands together. "This should be a fun night."

Nightshade would've agreed if Ice didn't slam the castle door on his way out.

The celebration was slow to start that evening. Most people wanted to rest and sleep, but as alcohol was being passed out among families more and more people got in the mood. They started to set up tables for dinner outside because the sky was clear and there was promise of stars that night. After that they used their tables as centers for sub parties within the larger one, with people playing instruments and singing and performing tricks so that by the time the sun went down the streets of Bruma really did become a festival.

And it was a festival celebrating life, as Countess Narina Carvain had intended. As everyone got drunk families told stories of their lost ancestors. Parents remembered their lost children with funny anecdotes, and soldiers told tales of valor as they falsely described the last moments of their friends lives to soften the family's sorrow. At the end of each story a toast was granted to keep the cheerfulness lasting as long as it could and to remember the Heroes of Bruma who would outlive them all in lore.

None of the Band of Heroes, including Jauffre, entered the revelries until they were well under way, and even when they did they felt awkward. However, the happy drunk people of Bruma weren't afraid to take them under their wings and show them, and soon they had split up. Nightshade, Martin, and Ice were left to socialize with a group of joyous men singing sailor songs near the castle.

When Nightshade was being distracted by one of them, Martin nudged Ice with his elbow. He was slightly tipsy. "Hey, do you think you can do me a favor?"

"What?"

"Can you be my wingman?"

Ice looked nervous. "What do you mean?"

"Can you help me tell a girl I like her?"

"Umm, sure. Who are you after?"

"Nightshade. See, I want to take her up to the roof of the castle to talk to her and look at the stars. I need someone to make sure no one disturbs us."

Ice turned pale. "Why do you want to do that?"

"Because I like her? Because I want to spend a few moments alone with her? Jeez what's the problem? You've barely had anything to drink and you've been acting like a grumpy bear ever since the battle." He giggled after his last statement and repeated, "Grumpy bear."

"Well, yeah, I don't know if you noticed but we almost died very painful deaths out there."

"So? You should be used to it by now."

Ice grew distant. "Yeah…"

"Look, do you think it's a bad idea to like Nightshade? Do you think she'll reject me? I really value your opinion, Ice, you're like my best friend, after Baurus."

He looked pitifully at the future emperor, goggling up at him while leaning his shoulder against a castle wall, and said quietly, "No, there's nothing wrong with her. Do what you like and I'm sure it'll work out."

"Really? So you'll guard the door?"

"No," Ice turned away, "I think I'm going to get a drink."

Nightshade listened to an old bearded Nord tell about how he almost lost an eye to an imp. She smiled mostly because of the alcohol, but she didn't feel drunk at all. Her head was clear and her eyes were sharp.

She was absorbing every word the man said until, down the street at another table, she saw Crow being approached by Lyze and Ashen. They both looked sternly at him, Lyze slightly in front of Ashen, while Crow still looked nervous and slightly ashamed. They had an intense stare-down in the middle of the street until Lyze suddenly hugged him and exclaimed, "My son!" which caught Crow completely by surprise.

"Well, it looks like even Crow gets a happy ending," Martin slid next to Nightshade, for the old man had left her to tell his story to someone else because she wasn't listening. She looked surprised to notice him. "Oh, yeah, well, he deserves it after all he went through."

"Do you admire him?"

She was slightly taken aback by the question but she didn't have to think about the answer. "Of course I do. He and Elyon have both taught me a lot especially about combat. None of this would've been possible without them." And then she added, without thinking, "I see them as the parents I never had."

An awkward silence followed as Martin nodded. Nightshade couldn't see that he was relieved. He blurted, "Do you want to come up with me to the roof of the castle?"

"Right now?"

"Yeah. I want to see the stars without all these lanterns in the way and I think I'm sober enough not to fall over the edge."

She laughed softly. "Ok, if you want to."

He grinned, took her hand, and led her through the people to the castle, where they climbed a bunch of staircases before reaching a trap door that lead to the top of a tower. Normally, it would've been guarded, but the guard who was supposed to guard it was down below drunk out of his skull.

They went to the edge of the tower and looked down at the lights and people below. "Wow, they look like ants," Nightshade said.

"Yeah, but they aren't as small as the stars." Martin looked up.

He was right. The stars were more beautiful above the lights. There were more of them and they shone brighter. They seemed to be watching the pair in silent vigil, waiting for the two moons to block their view.

"What do you think?" Martin asked.

"They do look amazing tonight. How did you know we could get up here?"

"I went exploring around, you know, felt restless. I mean, you were out a whole day and we got sleep then. It wasn't very good sleep, though."

"Oh," a slight uneasiness settled on her. It was becoming apparent that this wasn't about stargazing.

He sighed and looked down at her hands. "Nightshade, I realized something great while battling the Daedra. I've felt it for a while now, but only now does it burn inside me like a fire. Being near death has shown me not to be afraid of life and that we should cherish what we have now while we still can."

Nightshade thought, What is he talking about?

And then he suddenly grabbed her around the waist, no hesitation, and kissed her square on the lips with all the passion he could muster. Her eyes grew wide with shock at the contact. When he stopped he whispered, "I think I love you."

Nightshade stared into space, trying to piece together what had just happened. When she realized he was waiting for a response, she raised her eyebrows and said quietly, "Woah."

She didn't know how to feel. Did she like Martin? It had never crossed her mind. She knew she certainly didn't want to hurt him, and he was going to be emperor, but at the same time she could feel the power within her rise with indignation. How could he treat her like this? To admit she liked him too would be to submit to him. The sudden urge to punch him in the face vibrated through her nerves and she clutched a fist.

No, no, she could control it. She didn't want him to know about the power, didn't want him to get hurt by it. That's all it aimed to do. But to hurt his feelings would hurt her, too. She needed to be tactical.

Martin waited for a response, every second losing a bit of hope. He didn't notice her clench her fist, but when she bit her lip he didn't know how to feel.

"Martin, umm, that was a…pleasant surprise, but I just feel that, maybe right now isn't the right time for us."

"Why not?"

"Well, we're in the middle of a huge war that could determine the fate of the world with a demon god bent on destroying everything. I kind of feel that being together isn't what we should be focused on."

He thought about this. "So do you feel the same about me?"

"Umm, yeah, I think I do," she hesitated, "I just want to wait until this is all over before I commit myself."

"Oh, I see." His tone grew a bit dark. "So in a few days then?"

"If all goes well, yes."

"Ok," he smiled sadly. "I can wait."

The matter was then dropped. Nightshade looked down on the people who had started to calm down while Martin looked up at the sky, neither of them knowing the other had a secret that needed to be told.

Ice didn't know what was wrong with him. He could no longer pinpoint all his feelings from the event of seeing Nightshade getting beat up. It wasn't just the recurring feeling of helplessness he got when he was scared. It wasn't just how tired he was from running around Oblivion gates trying to save the world. It was more, and he didn't want to face the truth, so instead he drank malt after malt with the Nords of Bruma, trying to fake being happy.

At some point the world wouldn't stop spinning, so Ice had to sit down next to a High Elf girl a bit older than himself. He looked at her. "Hello there, beautiful, fancy a drink?"

"Sure," she was quite pleasing to Ice's eye but he started to feel sick and not from the alcohol. He handed her a mug of malt from down the table, neither of them caring if it was full or not. "Say, aren't you one of the Heroes?"

"Yeah."

"Wow, you're all so amazing," she slurred. "The way you just go into gates and stuff. How d'you do it?"

As Ice tried to lamely describe an Oblivion gate to her, a strange thought came to his mind. Pretend he was talking Nightshade. Replace the elf's golden skin with her black, give her her flaming red hair, her deep eyes, her small smile. Ice suddenly frowned because he had truly fooled himself into believing it was Nightshade and a warm feeling began to grow inside of him.

What if the elf was Nightshade sitting next to him? What if it was her he was flirting with, and she would take it as a joke because it was and playfully punch him in the shoulder before leaning in affectionately and kissing him? What if he was in love with his best friend?

The elf was staring at him bewilderingly, for he had stopped talking and was staring blankly into the distance. "Hey, Hero, you were saying?"

"Nightshade," he mumbled.

"Huh?"

He turned and saw the High Elf once again. "I need to go, my people need me."

He jumped up and, with determination despite the fact he was drunk, walked up to the tower. He knew which tower because he was with Martin when they found it. He was the one who actually suggested watching the stars but as a joke. When he finally reached it he slowly opened the hatch and peered through to see Nightshade from behind getting kissed by Martin.

It hit him like a lightning bolt. He slid back down into the tower in heartbreak. For a moment he sat on the stairs, stupefied that Martin actually got that far, and then ran away in hopes of drowning his memory in alcohol.

The rest of the night was a blur of revelry that very few people remembered that following morning. Nightshade and Martin had left the tower after a brief period of awkward silence, when he softly announced he was going to bed. They parted with a good night hug, and Nightshade went off into the streets.

It wasn't long before she woke up. Night had turned into early morning, the stars fading. She had curled up under a tree near the church and slept a dreamless deep sleep. Stumbling around with a slight hangover she noticed Ice sitting alone on the stone steps, a bottle in his hand and mumbling incoherently to himself.

"How are you still awake?" Nightshade rubbed her eyes.

"Fools have survived worse nights," he slurred darkly, "and I one of... the larger." At the last words his eyes grew wide at nothing in particular and he took a tired swig from his bottle.

"What?"

"I was taught at a very early age gold was the answer to happiness," he spoke slowly, trying to choose his words wisely, "which has, thus, led me to be a miserable tramp."

"By the Nine," she hissed under her breath, "come on, I'll take you to your room in the castle."

"No!" Ice flailed wildly on the steps like a beached slaughterfish. "I won't be taken traitor!"

"No one says you're a traitor."

"You're right, you're the traitor!"

She stepped back. "What?"

"You! Traitor! Talking Dremora! Conspiring! Keep letting you go!" There was a spark in his dull eyes. "Something weird happened in that gate yesterday. I'm only one who sees!"

For a moment Nightshade pulled her hand back, but she stopped herself from slapping him. "You're just drunk."

"No," he shook his head and stood up, and for the first time he was eye level to her, "Heartbroken, Deadly, heartbroken." He pounded his chest where his heart was, and then fell at her feet unconscious.

Nightshade sighed and sat next to him, the anger having passed. Aware he couldn't hear her, she spoke in the calmness of the early morning. "You saved my life, Ice. There's no one I'd rather end the world with than you."