The girl had been dropped, and lay broken on the deck. She reminded me of a doll, limbs splayed out at unnatural angles. Fifteen more girls, between the ages of nine and sixteen were in a holding cell, and safe, for now, or so I hoped. Jeremy, my FBI handler, said that you never know what you might be capable of until lives are on the line. I shot Luc between the eyes while he was sleeping, with his own gun, and then tossed it overboard. I guess I'm no better than him, but at least I'm alive and so are the girls! I hid his body in a crate to buy myself some time. I needed to make it to the radio before we hit international waters! I was desperate! With Luc gone, there was the Captain and a skeleton crew of five men to deal with. I loaded my gun with a fresh clip and put an extra clip in my pocket. Fear prickled on my skin. It raised the hair on my back and put a giant knot in my throat. I have never been so alone, and without back up of any kind in my life! I wish I spoke Russian better. And then the girl on the deck whimpered… In the end, I wounded the Captain and killed two members of his crew, before I ran and hid with the mortally wounded little girl in my arms. At least she didn't die while being tortured or alone. In her last dying seconds, she opened her big green eyes and smiled at me while squeezing my fingers in her tiny hand; a moment in time that will haunt me forever.
That was fourteen days ago. Today, there is combat of a different kind to endure. Dov and I are here to testify before a panel of the International Commission on Human Trafficking, The United Cross-border Task Force, and The Canadian Justice Department. The room is hot, the wooden seats are hard, my freshly starched and pressed dress uniform itches, and I wish there had been time to talk to Holly before we were sequestered. The press is all over this! I am a murderer and a cheater, not the hero I am being made out to be. The worst part is, I know that Holly will discover the story of my betrayal written all over Luc's body, in the forensic evidence report from the FBI before we ever get a chance to speak. I try to tell myself that there had been no other way. While I was gone, I had to lock Holly away in a safe corner of my mind, because if I hadn't I could not have done what I did. I couldn't think about her at all. Many young girls, and maybe I would have died if I took her, and my love for her into consideration. And while this may be true, it still makes me tired, and sick just thinking about it.
Dov and I had been on this case for months when we hit a dead end. Luc Dufort came to town, and with Sal out of the picture, he was wheeling and dealing on Victor's behalf like he owned the place. Luc did not trust us and wouldn't let us get close to him. In-fact Luc trusted no one he hadn't known for years, or who hadn't served in the French Foreign Legion along side him in Iraq. Rumor had it that Luc would be going to Bangkok to make a deal with a resort in Thailand to supply young, Caucasian, girls to service the Japanese businessmen who were their main clientele. This was huge! One of us needed to go with him. Dov and I decided that the easiest, fastest way for one of us to get close to Luc, was for me to get into his pants, no matter how distasteful we both found the idea to be. I knew he thought I was hot. So, one night Dov and I had a knock down, drag out fight in the recording studio behind Club Venus, in front of him. He intervened, playing my knight in shining armor, as I later called him much to his amusement and pleasure. I became his girlfriend and went home with him from then on. Thank God I had never stopped taking birth control, even after being with Holly for almost a year! Luc was a man who was all about power and control. He loved to flaunt our new relationship and throw it in Dov's face whenever possible. This was good, because it gave me a chance to slip information to Dov on a regular basis. He also liked having sex with me as often as possible, like a dog marking his territory. I can't say I enjoyed it, it meant nothing to me, I was just going through the motions. The only saving grace was, once I had resigned myself to having sex with him, I discovered he was a skillful, and somewhat considerate lover. The best part was, he became talkative and sleepy afterward, giving me more useful information than we had been able to glean in the entire months prior. He would tell me stories of his exploits, in hopes of impressing me, and then drift off into a deep sleep, sometimes in mid-sentence. I used that knowledge to wear him out before I killed him. I shot him through a pillow, not only to muffle the sound of the gun, but because I couldn't look at his face and pull the trigger. I don't know how or if he made me, but I knew as soon as we boarded the ship, the game was up. He was only using me for his pleasure until we reached a suitable destination where he could make me disappear. I also knew, he didn't think I suspected a thing. He didn't know that I also speak Italian fluently, and had picked up quite a bit of Russian over the past year.
Going to Bangkok and Tokyo, Sal had put me in a short, black, human hair wig, and bought me a new wardrobe the minute we landed. He wanted to impress the client, and so we went on a ten thousand dollar shopping spree to give us both a complete makeover. Everything seemed to go well, until we arrived back in San Francisco. Luc met with one of our Japanese contacts in the back garden of a bar, and we were on our way out when my heart stopped and my world fell apart. Holly. I had no idea what she was doing there, I just knew I needed to touch her! I "forgot" my credit card at the bar as I paid for our drinks, and had to go back for it as Luc retrieved the car. She was entering the restroom as I came back inside. I followed, and kissed her for one eternal heart stopping, knee buckling, life affirming moment that set off the whole nine yards of fireworks in my head, and made me realize that I needed to get back to my own life because she was what I lived for.
The next day, Luc made a deal with his client to personally escort a group of fifteen young women to an oilrig anchored off the coast of Fiji. They negotiated in Spanish, another language he didn't know I speak fluently. He laughed as the client called them shark bait, and arranged for a "special treat" to keep the Captain happy and quiet. We were supposed to be meeting Dov back at the Venus Recording Studio in Toronto in two days, so I was surprised when Luc asked me to come along. I knew that I could not allow these girls to be broken and slaughtered as planned! I tried to alert my contact at the FBI in San Francisco, to raid the ship while it was still in port, but my message went unanswered. I think this may be when Luc caught me. Something subtle shifted in the way he looked at me. And then I overheard him making plans for my demise with the Italian First Mate. It took almost twenty-four hours after I killed him, shot the Captain, and hit the ship's panic button, for the US Navy to arrive. I heard the fire fight from my sanctuary, and prayed that they were the good guys, not pirates.
After nine grueling days of testimony, they let us go with the promise to return if we are needed. I testified to it all in minute detail, with the exception of seeing and kissing Holly. I wondered how much of it had made the news. Chris picked us up in front of the courthouse, and whisked us off to the Penny to celebrate as the returning and conquering heroes! I excused myself after just one Jack and Coke. I was exhausted, drained completely both emotionally and physically. All I wanted was to be able to curl up into a little ball and sleep for the next month, but I knew what I had to do.
My legs started shaking as I got in the elevator. I trudged down the hall to find myself here. I am leaning heavily on the door jam, the wool jacket of my dress uniform trailing on the floor. I know I have a key, and I remember what she said as we embraced on the tarmac, but I takes every ounce of love and courage I have ever possessed to raise my hand and knock on her door. I know that she must hate me by now, but I still need to respect and honor her enough to tell her everything myself. Silence. The hall is so still I can hear myself breathing, and then footsteps and the unlocking of the deadbolt. Suddenly, my mouth is dry, I don't know what to say. I brace myself and will my feet not to run. I close my eyes and pray to whatever benevolent power there might be in the universe to give me strength. The door opens and I hope whatever I can do to convince her to still have me is enough.