three - grieving

Present

Cleo

I sat there staring at my cup of tea that Bill made for me as soon as I woke up. I sighed and looked up at him who was busy typing on his laptop then I focused my attention to his little apartment. "Not you get lonely?" I whispered and he looked up with confusion then swallowed his spit before speaking.

"I am hardly here to really notice how lonely it gets." Bill answered and I nodded with a sigh. "Work is very much my life and I am fine with that."

"Oh." I replied as I kept looking around then my eyes set on a picture of him and a woman. "So, who is that good looking lady?" I pointed to that picture and his eyes gazed to it then went back to his laptop.

"She was my wife." He answered softly and I smiled a little but then realized he said 'was.'

"Was?" I whispered and he looked up as he took his glasses off.

"She died in a car accident a few years back and was pregnant with our first child." Bill whispered and I moved uncomfortably in my chair. "Sadly the baby died too at impact."

"That's rough." I said with a frown on my face and looked at my cup of tea.

"It was and I struggled but look at me." He said with a smile on his face as I looked back up. "I am here trying to make a difference for kids that no longer or ever had families." I was about to reply but a phone rang and Bill answered it quickly getting up to go outside to talk. I sat there feeling sad again. I picked up my iPhone and turned the screen on to see a picture of me and Mama.

"I love you." I whispered as I traced her beautiful face with my finger on the screen. I looked up at the door and looked back to where Bill was who was still talking. I quickly got up with my iPhone and took this as my chance to disappear. I ran out the front door and ran as fast as I could towards the beach. I finally collapsed on the sand and focused my breathing to the waves going up to the shore then going back down. My phone beeped and there was a text from an unknown number.

Please come to this address so we can sort this out.. If you won't come, I will contact the police so please make the right choice. -Bill

I sighed and realized I can't hide from this but at least I can ignore it right? I stood up and realized how close I was to the address. I knew what house he was sending me too and I felt angry at him. I got to the door hearing Bill talking to the three people I never wanted to see again. I decided to sit on the steps and rested my head on my knee. "Hiding out?" A young girl sat next to me and I looked at her. "Can't blame you.." I nodded and took notice how she looked Mexican.

"You look nothing like them." I whispered more to myself than to her and she laughed a little.

"I am adopted, that's why." She answered in a bit of a sassy way and smiled at me. "I am Mariana by the way. You must be the one and only Cleo Brianna right?"

"Wrong." I answered her as I tried my hardest not to get angry at her. "It's Lacey."

"Okay, sorry." Mariana replied softly as she put her hands up. "Lacey." I sighed as I put my head back on my knees as she sat there staring at me. "I think we should go in.." I looked back at her as she got up and offered my hand to me. I took it and got up. She opened the door and we walked in silently.

"Mariana?" Stef's voice was heard as she got closer to us then her smile widen as she saw me. "Cl-Lacey!" She sounded surprise as I looked down at my feet. "Come, come. Lena made lunch." We followed her to another part of the two store-y home which was their kitchen where Bill was with Lena.

"Look who finally came to her senses." Bill greeted me and I look at him with annoyance. "Thanks Mariana." Bill patted Mariana's back as she walked away leaving me alone with the three of them.

"Come on, sit down." Lena sat as she pointed to all the chairs in the kitchen. I took the furthest one away from everybody in silence. "You must be hungry, I know Bill doesn't have much of a variety of breakfast foods, right?" She waited for me to answer her as she put everything that was made on my plate. "So dig in." She placed the plate in front of me with a knife and a fork.

"I don't eat meat." I muttered under my breath pushing the plate away with so much force that it flew onto Stef's lap. I heard a sigh come from Bill and saw shock in the other two's faces. I looked down at my lap and wanted to cry right there in front of them but held my composure.

"I could make you something else?" Lena whispered as Stef got up to change her clothes. "That doesn't have meat? How about mac n cheese?"

"No." I replied back firmly looking straight into her big brown eyes. "I don't want anything." I looked back at Bill. "I think it's about time to visit my Mother right?" There was silence between the two of them and they looked at me with confusion.

"Lace, honey." Lena started it off softly but Bill stopped her as he came closer towards me kneeling down in front of me.

"She is dead, remember?" Bill said as he looked at me with worry as Stef came back in.

"No, she isn't." I insisted as I got up to grab my iPhone from the bench. I dialed the number as the three of them watched instead of trying to stop me. The phone kept ringing until her voice came which I thought was her. "He-"

"Hello, I couldn't make it the phone right now because I am most likely spending time with my baby girl. Please leave your message after the beep. Love you Lacey!" I looked at their faces who looked at me with sincerity. I tried again and again and again until Bill grabbed my iPhone. I stared at him as the reality hit me hard from being hidden in the back of my mind.

"I am so sorry, Lace." Bill whispered as he placed my iPhone in his pocket. "She is gone." I fell to the ground with a blank face as Bill looked over at Stef and Lena not knowing what to do to help me.

Stef

I decided to take a risk and slowly walk over to my little girl who was just sitting there with a blank face. I got on the floor and crawled over to her. "Everything is going to seem so confusing.. It's going to be confusing for a long time and it won't be easy." I saw that Lena and Mike decided to walk out side to give us our moment. "You were kidnapped when you were a baby by the lady you call your Mama."

"I wasn't." She whispered as she shook her head looking down at the floor. "She is my Mama."

"Of course she was." I agreed to the last thing she said. I put my finger on her chin and gently pushed her head to look at me. "Of course she was your Mama, I would never say she wasn't even if I so badly want to say she wasn't. I can't deny those years. But, Lacey you were once ours." She moved her head away from my grip and I sighed.

"My Mama isn't a kidnapper." She muttered under her breath still not looking into my eyes. She was stubborn but at the same time, I can't really blame her for not believing this. It's going to take some time for this shock to go and she just needs time to grieve for the loss of the person that was her Mama. We sat on the floor in silence then suddenly she stood up.

"Lacey?" I whispered as she was looking for something in the kitchen. "Lace? Honey, what are you looking for?" She ignored me as she opened doors in cabinets frantically. "Lacey, stop!" I grabbed her arm and she looked at me with widen eyes. "Sweets, what's wrong?"

"What's wrong?" She whispered then did an sarcastic laugh as she pulled her arm away from my grip. She stopped and shook her head like she was telling herself to hold back. "I want gummy bears."

"Gummy bears?" Lena said as she walked in with Bill trailing in behind her. I shrugged my shoulders and looked back at Lacey trying to figure out why she wanted gummy bears. She took that chance to continue doing what she was doing.

"We don't have gummy bears, Lacey." I finally spoke and she stopped then looked around the kitchen. She looked over at me with disappointment in her face.

"Every household should always have gummy bears for emergencies just like this one." She whispered almost in a robotic way which kind of scared me to be honest. Her grieving or coping strategies aren't very on point.

Cleo

Past

Mama and I sat in our small backyard leaning on a tree sharing a bag of gummy bears after a rough day. "Gummy bears always cheered me up after a rough day." Mama whispered as she dug into the bag for blue ones. "Did you want to talk about your first day in year two, cutie?" I scrunched my nose at her as she handed me my blue ones.

"No one likes me.." I whispered to her looking at my beautiful Mama who frowned at me.

"That isn't true!" She exclaimed as she poked my side with a smile. "I love you with all my heart and soul." I opened my mouth but closed it again. "That counts right, boo?"

"Yeah, Mama it does.." I trailed off as I looked away with a sigh. "But I want friends too.. I try to do all the right things but it is never good enough." I frowned at Mama who looked sad too.

"It isn't you, boo." Mama whispered as she tucked some of my blond strains of hair behind my ear. "It's them. You are plenty good enough and you are one awesome kid that deserves better if they won't make the effort." She wrapped her arm around my small body and kissed my forehead as I ate my gummy bears slowly. "Mama never had many friends either."

"Yeah?" I whispered and she nodded.

"But the ones I did find are the ones I kept."

"Like the gummy bears, right?" I joked and we both started to chuckle. She agreed and held the bag in front of us.

"Every household should always have gummy bears for emergencies just like this one." Mama added with a wink and a smile. I cheered up after that believing I will find a friend like I found a friend in my Mama and the gummy bears.