Act 1 – Chapter Two: A Little Crash
The next day, I'm worried enough about seeing Hisao in class that I put off getting up for another ten minutes. Unfortunately, this is enough to make me late. No matter. Mutou-sensei is understanding enough of my circumstances to grant me leeway even on tardiness, so nothing is said when I turn up ten minutes late to class. As I take my seat I notice Hisao looking at me, the only one in the room to even bother, but despite my embarrassment I keep my nerve, and maintain a stoic expression until I sit down. No sooner have I done so than Mutou tells the class we are to be working in groups once again. Normally this would be my chance to leave, but I look across at the teacher and catch his eye. He gives me a brief nod, but even so I feel it would be a waste of time to just go now, so I remain. Instead of working with a group I can simply attempt the assigned problems by myself.
I do look up on occasion though, to see how everyone else is doing. People's reactions give me a clue on how hard the work may be. Some are sitting with their heads down, deep in thought, but across the row from me one boy looks prepared to throw his pen in frustration, while another pair at the front corner of the class are simply staring at the wall, doodling absent-mindedly, as though they can't be bothered to even attempt the problems. As I observe people, I overhear snippets of a conversation between Hisao and Misha. That is to say, I hear snippets of Hisao, since Misha's every word can likely be heard from the very next room. Hisao seems concerned for me, wondering why I so often work alone, or leave at the very mention of group tasks. I am genuinely unsure whether to be flattered that he would care despite not knowing me at all, or if I should feel hurt that he would wish me treated as a fragile package to be nurtured by those around her. Misha's response is as I expected it to be. She seems to be telling Hisao why I can't work with her or Shizune, but she isn't giving him the full details. I suppose it really comes down to Lilly and Shizune. Which would make me guilty by association, though guilty of what I can never tell.
By the time the bell rings for lunch I have finished my work, and begin to review my notes from the previous class. There's not much for me to catch up on, since I tend to work in the evenings to make up for the time I spend outside the classroom. Everyone else begins talking, taking out lunchboxes, rearranging desks, and generally acting rather loud. I ignore them, and they ignore me. Except for one person. I notice Hisao watching me, and suddenly I can no longer concentrate. As he watches I find myself unable to even turn a single page. It doesn't matter though, since soon Lilly will arrive. Before she does, however, Hisao walks up to me.
I freeze, worried about what he will say. I make no sign that I have noticed him, but still he speaks to me.
"Um, hey there, Hanako."
I look up at him and see him smiling, very nervously. I still feel nervous, but am able to unfreeze long enough to reply, "H... Hisao?"
"Hey... I just wanted to apologise for yesterday. I didn't mean to startle you or anything. I'm just new here and thought I should get to know my classmates."
His words are enough to make me smile. I can understand how he feels, but unlike him I have never had the urge to get to know everyone. Openness among people is all well and good, but in return for baring themselves, others expect to know more about you as well. I simply couldn't face it. Hisao's naïve innocence is charming though.
I notice him looking at my scars again, but this time I can't feel any fear. Hisao strikes me as someone who genuinely doesn't care about my deformity. He can't help but notice, and can't help but stare, but that's the same reaction I get from everybody. He's different to others, though, in that my scars don't repulse him. He looks at them and doesn't recoil in horror, doesn't turn away or treat me badly because of how I look. He doesn't stare. Instead he seems to treat them as a point of interest, but nothing to get worked up about. It's hard to describe, but with Hisao I don't feel as nervous as I did before. What I've seen, and what I feel I noticed when he wasn't aware, suggests to me that he isn't so shallow as to judge me based on my scars. It makes me happy, but to be honest, it also scares me a little.
"T... that's okay. It... it was my fault," I stammer.
"Nah, that wasn't anyone's 'fault', it just kind of happened." Hisao doesn't blame me. I wish I could feel the same way. After everything I almost feel embarrassed at myself, so it feels odd that Hisao can just ignore what happened in the library and move on so easily. It's another way we're different, I guess. I have a hard time moving on from things. Evidently, he doesn't.
"So, are you waiting for someone?" Hisao asks. "I saw you looking at the door before..."
"Y... yes. Lilly."
"Oh, you mean Lilly the blind girl?" Hisao's response jars me. Maybe I was quick to judge him as being so lenient, given the way he describes Lilly. I nod in reply, annoyed at the way he so casually commented on my friend's condition. But then again, he did treat me kindly despite my appearance. It is hard coming here at first, something everyone at Yamaku can surely agree with. Since everyone has some sort of disability, and most of us don't come from places where such traits are considered normal, it is very easy to slip into the habit of referring to people by their condition. I was never able to get over that, in all my self-consciousness. Being new, maybe I can cut Hisao some slack.
Perhaps he realised his faux pas, as he continues. "She seems like a nice girl. Are you two friends?"
I accept the unspoken apology on Lilly's behalf, and reply, "Y... yes." I begin to feel the same sense of nervousness I felt in the library yesterday. The conversation is getting somewhat awkward, and frankly I start to feel naked to his words. While on the one hand I am happy to be talking to Hisao, without any open prejudice on his part, I also feel uncomfortable being alone. I could use some support, and instinctively I look over my shoulder to the door to see if Lilly has arrived yet.
Clearly Hisao noticed my rather obvious reaction. "I hope I'm not disturbing you right now..."
"N... no, that's not it," I comment. "It's just easier if Lilly doesn't come here..." I know that Hisao won't be satisfied with that answer, but like my words to Lilly last night, they are no less true, for all the relevance (or lack of) to the conversation. I know how Shizune is likely to react to Lilly's presence, and if possible I'd rather not be caught up in that. Before I can explain, however, Hisao comes up with his own conclusion.
"Oh, because it's hard to get around the classroom?"
"Not... really." I look across at Shizune, hoping that Hisao will get the point. It's not my place to tell him for definite the nature of Shizune's and Lilly's feud, but I consider that his conversation with Misha earlier may have given at least a hint of the situation between them.
"Shizune?" he queries. I nod in reply. "What about her? Don't they get along?" I shake my head. With any luck he'll realise that I can't talk about it. It's not that I don't want to, but rather, I can't really make any sort of comment on it. It's not my business, after all. Fortunately, Hisao seems to recognise this, and moves on from the topic. He even notices the door open before I do.
"Oh, she's here now."
I quickly turn and see Lilly at the front of the classroom. Glad to finally be able to leave without causing offence, I walk across to her. I don't mean that I don't want to continue speaking with Hisao. It's nice that he's making some effort, and it's nice that I can actually talk to someone other than Lilly or Yuuko for once. But I have my limits, and there seems to be so very little that I can talk about these days. Ever since the incident, I've not been much of a conversationalist.
"Lilly..." I say to her.
"Ah, Hanako. Good morning. Is the president here?" It's clear who she's referring to, something even Hisao can easily pick up on.
"Y... yes." I glance across once more at Shizune, even though I'm aware Lilly can't see me do so. It's more for Hisao's benefit than hers, though. Lilly seems eager to be off, in any case. The sooner we leave, the less chance of a confrontation. I've seen them argue in the past, with Misha acting as an unwilling conduit. It's never a pretty sight. They clash enough during official business, what with Lilly being her class representative and Shizune being student council president. With the festival coming up, there's likely to be more reason for them to butt heads, and as far as I'm concerned we're all better off out of it.
Apparently Lilly feels the same. "I suppose we'd best be off, then," she says, with a sigh and a raised eyebrow that aren't lost on Hisao. He looks across at Shizune again, then back to Lilly, but to my relief he doesn't press the subject. I wonder what he thinks of the situation? Every school has its cliques and groups, after all. I'd imagine things were much the same at his previous school, but it's not something a newcomer would expect at Yamaku. It threw me a little too when I first arrived, but I've since had time to grow used to it. Of course, I wouldn't be counted as part of any such clique. Perhaps Lilly and myself could be considered one all on our own.
"Hey, Lilly," says Hisao. "How are things? I'm sorry I made you run off yesterday." Of course, Lilly and Hisao must have spoken after I fled the library the previous evening. She would have no doubt asked him what had happened before trying to find me. It's only when Lilly replies that I remember she had no way of knowing he was here as well.
"Oh my, is that Hisao? I didn't realize you were here..." She looks slightly embarrassed. It's not often I do this, but I feel almost obliged to come to her rescue. Usually it's the other way around.
"S-sorry Lilly. I thought you realized..."
Even then, she recovers quickly. "No, it's alright, Hanako. Hisao, please don't worry about yesterday. It was just a misunderstanding."
Hisao seems almost unsure of himself with this. As though he's been caught flat-footed in the discussion. "If... you say so. I'm still working this place out."
"Well then, I think you'll find most people here a lot more forgiving than elsewhere." It's the same thing Lilly has said to me so often, but I've never been quite able to take her words on board. Again, I think of cliques and groups within Yamaku, and how out-of-place I am with any of them. "If you are feeling a little confused, please don't be afraid to ask questions."
"Sure. I'll remember that." Hisao, on the other hand, follows her meaning easily.
"Um... Lilly..." As fascinating as all this interaction is, I still feel uneasy around everyone else, and in the corner of my eye I notice Shizune surreptitiously glancing every few seconds. It's simply a matter of time before she finds some excuse to come over and drag Misha along for yet another verbal spar.
Lilly nods, recognising my voice and meaning even if she can't see what I see. "I'm sorry Hisao," she says, "but we must be off." Even I can see she hasn't fully recovered from Hisao bringing up the events of yesterday, and my own discomfort must be obvious to anyone looking. But Hisao clearly doesn't want to be on his own with Shizune and Misha – something I can certainly understand.
"Mind if I accompany you two?" I'm not entirely sure what to think, so I look across to Lilly. A hint of a smile is present on her lips, a slight humming sound escaping her mouth.
"I'm sure that we could accommodate you, can't we, Hanako?"
Damn her. Leaving the decision down to me. I know that she's doing this for a very good reason, attempting to give me more self-assertion and confidence. But I know that my problem isn't a lack of confidence in general. Rather, I feel almost resentful at times, of the way I appear to everyone else. How they change their own behaviour to accommodate me. It isn't enough that they see me as different, they have to draw attention to that fact without even meaning to, and it doesn't help me in dealing with the issues that surround my own self. Nevertheless, I'm in that scenario now, having to make this choice. Hisao seems like a good person, and everything he's done so far screams of effort and a genuine attempt to see me as someone normal. In the end, the chance to actually make a friend, unconditionally, wins out over my usual fears and worries.
"S... sure."
Lilly smiles at me, almost as if I'd passed some kind of test. Knowing her, perhaps it was. A test of my own ability to make an important decision. A test of confidence. If only she could move on and let me show my true self without needing these silly games. But Lilly will always be Lilly.
"Well then," she says, "shall we go?"
I still have a look on my face, like a rabbit caught in headlights, but there's no way Lilly could pick up on that without either myself or Hisao saying anything. He doesn't, and I certainly won't, so the matter is settled. We quickly leave, before Shizune can accost us. I see her watching us as we pass through the open doorway, but she makes no attempt to stop us. A narrow escape, it seems.
Lilly takes her usual position in the corridor, walking by the wall so her cane can tap against it and alert her to her rough position. I still feel uneasy, enough that I find myself unconsciously staying close to Lilly, almost hugging her as we walk. It would be easy for her to make comment, but she says nothing. Turning the corner, I suddenly witness a pink blob speeding towards us. Before I can focus, the blur of colour hit Hisao with full force, knocking him to the ground.
"Ouch," I hear from the floor. It's not certain who said it, but I let out a small high-pitched scream before I can fully observe the scene before me.
Emi. Of course. Dressed in her track kit, I've seen her cause more than a few accidents inside Yamaku's hallways, to the point that it's a small miracle no-one has ever been seriously hurt. Looking at Hisao, though, he seems to be breathing much more rapidly. He stares for a few seconds at her running blades, thrown by her speed despite her lack of legs – most people have the same reaction (I certainly did, the first time I saw her run). As Emi begins gets up, Hisao winces a little, still on the floor. It looks like he's in pain. Before I can say anything, though I'm unsure of what to say exactly, Emi starts to speak.
"Aw, man... hey, are you alright? I'm sorry about that, really! I wasn't looking where I was going, and you just came out of nowhere. Sorry... sorry!"
Emi has a way of speaking that borders on hyperactive. She's the complete opposite of me, feisty and bubbly, with a fondness for life that makes her an instant joy to be around. I've never quite been able to talk to her much, but in conversation she usually makes up for that with few problems. I certainly like her, to be sure, but we could never really be friends. We're just too different. She is nice though, and she seems truly apologetic. The look on her face is almost like a puppy dog, eyes wide and a slight frown gently marring her features. Apparently Hisao has already picked up on that.
"It's okay, don't worry about it... ouch..."
I'm not the only one to have noticed Hisao is hurting. Lilly is puzzled, wondering why I stopped so suddenly, unsure of what is going on. She hasn't quite put two and two together based on what she heard yet. But Emi's puppy dog look has been replaced by one of concern, turning more serious when Hisao rubs his chest and frowns.
"Hey, should I get a nurse?" Her voice has risen to an even higher pitch than usual, which is quite an achievement. Hisao stares at her for a few seconds before replying. I also stare, but at Hisao, who rubs his chest again. I can't speak, though I'm as worried as Emi. Upon witnessing how serious things could be, I have simply frozen out of fear. I still have no idea what Hisao's problem could be that brought him to Yamaku, but seeing the way his hand is touching his chest and the pain he is clearly in gives me a few ideas.
"Err... no need, I'm fine", he says, downplaying the problem. He pulls himself to a sitting position, feeling his chest again, and sighs. Emi echoes my own concern.
"You sure you're okay? I hit you pretty hard."
"It's okay," comes the reply. "I said I was fine, and nothing's broken. No harm done."
Emi seems convinced, but I'm not. Hisao has to have some reason for being here, and there's nothing outwardly wrong with him. Clearly his problem is something to do with his chest, which would mean he isn't alright, not by a long shot. But I find myself unable to say anything.
"That's good!" Emi is relieved at Hisao's apparent sudden recovery. "I was..."
Before Emi can finish speaking, Lilly has finally realized something is wrong. "Hisao, what happened?"
"Someone just bumped into me, nothing serious. Just winded." I feel somewhat annoyed at his determination to deny anything is the matter.
"Er, sorry," says Emi, returning to the previous puppy dog look. "I was just going to get some stuff, and I was in kind of a hurry."
Lilly recognises the voice. "That 'someone' here is Emi, isn't it?" Emi coughs and looks rather sheepish.
"Hi, Lilly, Hanako."
"Do please try to be more careful," Lilly tells her. "You might be sturdy enough to endure these sorts of accidents, but there are people who aren't."
A big understatement at this school. Especially given the figure still sitting on the ground in front of me. By this point I feel almost ready to speak again, but with Lilly giving Emi the usual lecture there's not much call for me to interject. Emi blushes a little and starts to fidget, embarrassed at what has happened. I look at Hisao to see if he's alright now, and notice a smile on his face as he watches Emi's reaction to Lilly's stern telling-off.
"I know that! I – I, um, I was just... Aaah! I gotta go! Teacher'll have my head, I promised to help with printouts but I went running instead! Sorry, but I've gotta change and everything!"
Emi starts to babble again at high speed, running off at a speed not so much slower than her previous blob-like state. I look to see Lilly's reaction, but of course she can't see. She does frown, however, noticing how quickly Emi's voice fades away down the corridor. Hisao is still on the floor, but pulls himself to his feet.
"Does that kind of thing happen often around here?"
Lilly takes the stand on this one. "There are more rules in Yamaku than usual for running in corridors... but that rarely stops Emi, it seems." She shakes her head briefly, but there is a clear smile on her face. I'm sure Hisao doesn't need to be told why the rules are so strict for running here. But again, Emi doesn't seem to be one to follow them in general. This is hardly her first offence, after all. "I don't think there's anything we can do to stop her, I'm afraid. Shall we be off, then?"
Lilly continues walking, back the way we were originally headed, and I follow behind her. Hisao pauses briefly, but soon hurries in my wake. We reach the tea room with no further incident.