Act 2 – Chapter Three: The Hatter, the Hare, and the Mouse

When I arrive at breakfast this morning, Lilly is already present. I usually try to get to breakfast early, to avoid the stares, but today I decided to turn up a bit later than normal. Maybe it's a sign of my new-found resolve to open myself up a bit more. I wonder what my therapist will say when I see her this weekend? Our session last weekend was cancelled because of the festival, but we have another meeting scheduled for Sunday, not that I ever look forward to them, but there's not much that can be done about it.

"H-hi, Lilly," I say quietly as I approach with some food, trying not to disturb her too much. She looks quite deep in thought. It's still not as late as it could be, and the cafeteria is still pretty quiet.

"Ah, is that Hanako?"

"Y... yes. Are y-you okay?"

"I'm fine," she replies, smiling. "It's nice to find you here this late." It's not much later, but she still notices. Her watch is one of those that actually tells you the time.

"I... I decided t-to be a bit... later..." I stammer. "I s-slept in a little."

"That's quite alright, Hanako. Actually, I wanted to catch you before you went to class this morning."

"O-oh?"

"I met Hisao here this morning. It seems he couldn't sleep and decided to eat early."

What did he say to her about yesterday, I wonder? For that matter, I wonder why he didn't decide to go running, if he was up that early? I guess Emi would have been targeting him, I've seen her speaking to him a few times since she bumped into him in the corridor and knocked him down. Not to mention the looks she's given him in the corridor, whether he noticed or not. Given his heart, I suspect the Head Nurse asked her to keep an eye on him.

"I was wondering, Hanako, if you'd be up for a little tea party tonight, in my room? It's been quite a while since the last time..."

I'm certainly up for that, tea parties with Lilly are always nice. But I'm also certain that she has more than that in mind... "S-sure..."

"That's good to hear. I also wanted to ask, if you said yes... How would you feel about inviting Hisao along?"

She must have brought it up with him before, after dropping that comment about seeing him earlier. I can't refuse now. Then again, I'm not sure I want to say no. I am a bit annoyed at Lilly's obvious attempts to play matchmaker, though. Still, it might be nice to have Hisao along for an evening tea party.

"Um... I g-guess... that would b-be okay... with m-me..."

"Excellent. I'll let him know then." You say that, Lilly, but you've obviously already asked him, and he's clearly already said yes. I can't blame Lilly for the little white lie though, so I let it slide and begin to eat my breakfast. Who knows, maybe this evening will be rather enjoyable...

The day carries on as normal. I turn up to classes, though I don't get a chance to speak to Hisao at any point. He doesn't join us in the tea room for lunch today either, being dragged away by Emi to eat on the roof with herself and Rin. My guess is that she wants to monitor what he's eating, since I saw the Nurse giving him funny looks in the corridors over the past few days. If it helps his condition though, I have no complaints. I keep my head down and work on the day's problems, eat with Lilly, make my way back to my dorm room after the lectures finish, and read some more. The sun is already low in the sky, casting an orange glow on Yamaku, when I change into my nightgown, join a pyjama-clad Lilly in her room, and sit down to prepare the tea and wait for Hisao.

It's not very long before he arrives, a knock on the door signalling his presence.

"Is that you, Hisao?" Lilly calls. "The door is open, you can come in."

The door opens rather slowly as a familiar face peers around the corner. I watch him as he takes in the quaint, antiquated look of the room, gazing at every piece of furniture and every defining aspect of Lilly's decorative style, before turning to the pair of us. I am fully conscious of how my scars are that bit more visible in my nightgown, even when I bought them specifically to keep as much of my body hidden as possible. I'm also quite shy at Hisao seeing me in this and nothing more, adding to my sudden need to be hidden. Old habits kick in and I tense up, shoulders forward and hands hidden between my legs, my head pointing down even though my eyes look up at Hisao's face. I smile briefly, just a shadow of a thing, pleased that he could come after all despite my insecurities.

"There's no point in you standing in the doorway, Hisao." Sometimes I wonder if Lilly really is blind, or just a very good actress, but that's not fair to her. To cope with her lack of sight she has trained her other senses remarkably well. Especially if she could tell that Hisao hadn't come into the room properly yet. Maybe she guessed from not hearing the door close? She speaks again as Hisao enters.

"My my, I'm afraid this really is a small room for the three of us. Would you like to take a seat?"

Hisao walks over to the low table and sits on the floor with Lilly and I. As he approaches I see his eyes dart towards Lilly, pointing downwards... Does he think I didn't notice just what he was looking at? I feel bad for my friend, guilty at my smile, but I manage to stifle the giggle at Hisao's natural male tendencies before he notices me watching him.

"Well now, how about some tea. Hanako, could you please pour?" It would be my pleasure, Lilly.

"S... sure. Hi... sao... would... would you... would you like..." I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel so much more nervous now than I have at any point since my very first meeting with Hisao, back in the library that afternoon. I still feel exposed in my flimsy nightgown, even if it is too big for me. It's harder to interact here with Hisao too, in a more casual environment yet with Lilly present (possibly scrutinising my every move in her own attempts to help me). And in the back of my mind, I know that soon enough I'm going to withdraw even more than usual, a particular date approaching fast. Hisao hasn't been here for that in previous years, and I don't know yet what he'll make of it. It worries me...

He comes to my rescue here, though. "I would love some tea. Do you need a hand?"

"N... no, I'm fine..." It's true, I'm okay with pouring the tea. I'm just stammering even more than I normally do. I am grateful to him. "Thank you."

I can see Lilly smiling with her head in my direction, even though I try not to make eye contact with her. For Hisao's benefit, of course, rather than Lilly's.

"Been a tiring day?" he asks me.

"Y... yeah." If I'd been able to speak to him earlier then he'd already know, especially given my anticipation of this evening building up during the day and making me focus less on other equally important tasks. I actually struggled for once with the problems set in class today! I put this to the back of my mind, and pour the tea without incident. Almost without incident.

I gently clip the edge of a cup with the teapot, a 'cling' sound clearly audible despite the subtleness of the collision. In my nervousness I can't help but gasp slightly, even though my rational mind knows there's nothing to be worried over. Maybe I really want to impress Hisao at this point. I don't know why, but there's something about him that keeps driving me to get closer, to open myself up to him as I've never done with anyone but Lilly before.

"It's okay, Hanako. There's no need to be nervous." Lilly's words are soothing and calm me down just a little. I'm still timid in my actions and attitude, but I continue pouring and manage to prepare three cups of tea for us without further hassle.

"Thank you, Hanako."

"Yeah, thanks."

"Y-you're welcome..." I reply to them both. As we all sip our tea, Hisao lets out a relaxed breath.

"This is nice, it's so different from any tea I had before..."

"Looks like you picked the right one, Hanako," Lilly responds to Hisao's comment. "You've done well, even if it was a bold move."

I smile again at Hisao, deliberately and with much more emotion than earlier. "I'm glad you like it..." I sip my own tea, feeling happier and more relaxed myself. When Lilly told me what she had planned this morning, I thought of a plan of sorts, confronting her with it at lunch while Hisao wasn't around. I asked if I could choose the tea we served based on how I saw Hisao, and what I felt he would like best. It was indeed a bold move, and Lilly knew that (well, I hope she did at least). I'm pleased that I made the right choice.

"So, Hisao, are you enjoying yourself?" Lilly's change of topic hardly bothers me. I'm simply content to discover I know Hisao a bit better than I previously thought I did.

"Yeah, it's relaxing. Almost like I'm not in the school any more. Do you do this often?"

"Quite often, but not as often as we take tea in the school building." That's a regular occurrence, only stopping when either Lilly or myself are busy or when something else comes up, whereas these evening tea parties might happen once a week, or even less, depending on circumstances.

Hisao moves to take another sip of tea, but quickly brings his cup back down from his lips. Looking inside briefly I can see that it's empty. "That was delicious," he says. "Thank you, Hanako, Lilly."

"You're welcome," I reply without a single stammer.

"Yes, you're most welcome, Hisao," says Lilly. "It's nice to have a third person here."

"Well," he replies to us both, "any time you need someone to fill that position, I'm always available. Always." As he finishes speaking, Lilly moves her hand to her mouth in an attempt to hide a large yawn. She fails miserably to conceal it, but I don't blame her. I feel just the same way.

"Pardon me," she says. "I think I'm a little tired."

"I think we're all a little tired," I concur.

"My my, how astute tonight, Hanako." I think Lilly is being playful in her teasing, but at the same time I'm happy she's noticing that I can take the initiative sometimes. This is as far as I go in tonight's exchanges though, at least for now. Baby steps, after all. The best way to change for the better is to do so over time, in moderation. I think I read that in a book somewhere. "We really should head to bed," Lilly continues. "We all have class tomorrow."

"Yeah," Hisao agrees. "I should go."

"Thank you for your presence, Hisao," says Lilly.

My own sentiments match those of Lilly perfectly. "Th... thanks. You'll come again?"

"Not even a whole army could stop me.." I smile at this, but again I'm reminded of that weird Kenji guy.

"I'm impressed by your determination, Hisao," Lilly says. Surely she knows what Kenji comes out with more than I do? I've met the man once, whereas she shares classes with him every day. Hisao's determination is still pretty impressive though.

"Either way," he says, "you're right. We'd best get going." Hisao stands and starts to walk to the door. As he approaches, I respond in kind, following him slightly. He must notice, as he stops and turns to look at me before he opens the door. "Are you coming with me?"

I blush, brighter than I could imagine possible, my entire face the same colour for the first time in ages. What does he think I'm trying to do, follow him all the way home? In a manner of speaking, that is. "No... I... not... this room... isn't..."

"It's okay, I was only joking." He smiles at me, brushing off the thought that I was actually stalking him.

"Oh... okay... good night..." I'm a little relieved, and my face turns a bit less red. My hot cheeks feel slightly less warm now.

"Good night, Hanako. Good night, Hisao." I can fully understand her wanting us to leave soon. As we all agreed, we're all feeling pretty tired by now.

"Night all." Hisao turns around again and leaves, holding the door open for me to pass through. I may be annoyed when people treat me like a glass vase wrapped in paper and cotton, but being smothering is one thing and being a gentleman is another. I whisper my thanks as the door to Lilly's room closes after us.

I'm just about to head down the hall and enter my own room when Hisao stops again and looks me right in the eyes. "Hey, Hanako, you know, you don't have to be nervous around me or anything. I mean, we're friends, right?"

If only it was as easy as that for me to stop being nervous. Something else I read a while ago was that habits take ten weeks of constant development to form, and I've had much more than ten weeks of keeping everyone I meet at bay. I don't want to be nervous around Hisao, but I can't be fixed overnight. I'm not so certain I can be fixed over months, either. Lord knows my various therapists have all tried. What he says about us being friends, though, that's new. It's something I can feel too, and I don't disagree with him, but it's a strange situation for me, to have another friend. However, I am glad. It's not been long, but yes, he's correct.

"R-right. We're... friends."

"If you ever want to hang out or anything, just let me know. We still need to have that chess rematch, remember?"

He remembered that? I could hardly forget, given how much I've been poring over the pages I copied from that chess book Yuuko lent me. I didn't think Hisao would be as eager, though. No matter, I'll beat him next time anyway. "S-sure... b-but I don't think you'll win..."

He smiles, matching my own. "It wouldn't be any fun if it was easy."

I chuckle, just barely, but I also feel a yawn coming on, so I stifle my laugh as quickly as it begins. "G-good night, Hisao..." With that, I walk across to my own door and disappear. I reach my bed, draw back the duvet and lie down, and fall asleep before I even hit the pillow...