"So there's this girl I like, and I'm not sure how to ask her out."
"Shut the fuck up Peter, no one cares." Tony retorted as he sat down to dig into his plate of lasagna. Steve quickly pushed the plate away and glared pointedly at Tony.
"Be nice," he said.
"So what is your lady's name? What is she like? How long have you been courting her?" Loki asked, ignoring the iron man's comment. He leaned forward in his chair, gaze intently set on the teenager still wearing most of his spiderman suit. Tony, who was sitting next to him, gave a frustrated sigh but reclaimed his plate of food. Tony did not want to hear about the teenager's love life which was most likely nonexistent and filled with enough hormones to power a small country.
"Gwen. She's just so pretty and-"
Bla bla bla, Tony just rolled his eyes and stopped listening. Ugh, he liked and hated Peter at the same time. He enjoyed the kid's intelligence, a little bit of his humor, and his ability to fight. Well, he liked Peter. The only issue he had with him was the simple fact that he was a teenager. To Tony, that meant constant angst and mood swings, and ugh it was just terrible. He rather have a strictly business relationship with the kid; anything personal would be too painful. So when Peter swung by to say hello after kicking some criminal's ass and was invited in for lunch, Tony cringed.
"-how adorable. Don't you think, Tony?" Loki's voice came right beside his ear and Tony startled. He looked up into the frost giant's expecting green eyes.
"What?" Tony asked, completely lost.
"His 'crush', as you Midgardians say, on Gwen."
"She's so pretty! I think I'm falling in love with her," Peter sighed, sounding very much like a hopeless romantic.
"No kid, you just want to get laid. You're horny as hell." Tony snarked.
"Tony!" Steve shrieked, gasping and glaring once again. "That is not appropriate table talk."
"Like you can speak, Tony." Bruce snickered from his corner of the room.
"Hey, at least I never mislabeled it. I wasn't 'in love' with any of my one night stands."
"At least show the boy some mercy. If he starts pursuing her, it will be his first courtship." Loki mused.
The iron man threw his hands up in the air in mock surrender. "Fine!"
"So, can you guys give me any advice?" Peter eagerly asked, wringing his hands and finishing off his plate of food. "What to say, what to wear, what if she says no?"
"She won't," Loki reassured. "In Asgard, typically the way to a maiden's heart is through brawn and strength. However, I've won many a partner over with intellect and simply doing what I want."
"Yeah, I'm not that experienced with this...subject area," Bruce piped up. "But know you have to be yourself."
"It's so cliché," Tony drawled.
"But true." Loki finished. "Simply ask her to attend a cinema with you."
"Do I...bring a lot of roses?" Peter asked.
"Oh hell no," Tony almost chuckled. "No, well, not if you're going to a movie. But buy her ticket and popcorn. Make sure you shower before you meet her, smile, and don't make any dick jokes."
"Thanks. I'll try not to."
"Good. Well, end of conversation, let's move on." Tony sighed and attacked his remaining food.
They spent a moment simply eating their plates of lasagna and simply looking at each other. Peter couldn't stop giggling, Tony couldn't stop rolling his eyes, and Loki just looked highly amused. Steve also wore the frost giant's expression and decided to open his mouth again.
"Peter," Steve began with a polite smile. "Do you have anything else you're doing today?"
"No, I'm free. What's up?"
"Want to maybe hang out here? Watch a few movies?"
"You should come more often," Loki mused before turning to Tony. "Can we keep him?"
"Absolutely not!" Tony snarked. "We are not taking in strays."
"I actually have a home. Thanks for asking though," the spider man replied. "But sure. What d'you guys want to watch?"
"Sex and violence. Mostly violent sex though." Tony said as he winked at Loki, scooted up from the table, and put his empty plate away. Steve and Bruce took his lead, leaving only Loki at the table with Peter to finish up.
"Tony," the captain began. "I don't think that would be age appropriate for-"
BOOM!
Before the captain could finish his sentence the whole wall leading out to the balcony was blown apart. Dust and debris scattered everywhere within seconds and everyone was thrown back. Reacting quickly, Steve grabbed Bruce, propelling them across the room and safely away. Tony opted for grabbing Loki who grabbed onto Peter from across the table. They rolled out of the way just in time as a bolt of lightning shot straight through the gaping hole made by the destroyed wall.
Shards of glass had been blown everywhere and they all shielded their face in case more would come their way. After a few heartbeats, nothing else happened. Steve cautiously got up and helped Bruce to his feet. The captain quickly the scientist and noted that his skin a little too green. He grimaced and grabbed him by the arm.
"What the hell was that?!" Tony yelled, also standing up and offering Loki a hand. The iron man totally ignored the teenager who eagerly reached out and expected Tony to help him up. Tony turned quickly to Loki. "Are you okay?"
"I'm wonderful, thank you." Peter drawled sarcastically as he heaved himself off the glass covered floor. "Glad to see your boyfriend is doing fine too."
"Now is not the time," Steve said urgently. "I'm taking Bruce to the basement now. Tony, suit up. And Peter-"
"Oh that will not be necessary." Loki interrupted cooly. "Handle Banner."
"Are you sure?"
"No harm will be done to us. Thor would not dare to try." Loki said confidently and waved him off. Steve stood there for a moment, a brow cocked at the frost giant's odd behavior but eventually just nodded and ran to the elevator with a shaking Bruce.
The remaining three watched the pair leave silently before Tony spoke up. "JARVIS, I need you to prepare the-"
"Stop that. It's not necessary." Loki started to make his way towards the kitchen. The frost giant quickly grabbed a few large knives from the drawers and stuffed a few under his shirt. Another went into his jeans pocket which was concealed by the long white shirt he wore.
"And that's necessary?" Tony started, a little too harsh in his tone. He softened his voice, "Lokes, I think my suit is a little more effective."
"You need to stay out of this as it is not your fight. It is between Thor and I." Loki stated haughtily.
"But he has all of his Asgardian mojo! And you..well, I hate to hurt your feelings princess, but you fighting him is not going to go well. The odds are not in your favor."
"I may be without magic but I am not weak."
"No, but you can get hurt. Like seriously hurt and I can't let you-"
"Enough." Loki hissed, coming out of the kitchen and into the dining area once again. He stood as far away from the shattered windows as he could but within reach of Tony and the teenager silently watching their squabble.
"Fine. You're so full of shit Lokes." Tony huffed. "Know that I'll step in if things get too heated."
"Thank you." Loki simply said before straightening his posture to his full height, appearing as regal as he could in jeans and an oversized shirt. The stance he took on reminded Tony of the first time Loki stepped into the tower, the day during the invasion where the frost giant had tried to mind control him. From the outside it looked one hundred percent arrogant, cold, and calculating. It looked as if he was fine. But Tony inwardly sighed because he knew Loki was definitely not feeling all up to order. As he said before, the frost giant was so full of shit. Underneath the mask, the god of lies was really torn to pieces about Thor.
Tony was about to say something else when a bulky figure slammed onto the edge of the balcony on the other side of the broken glass. Shit.
A/N: Not proud of this chapter and my muse died which is why it took forever to write I'm sorry. If I don't update again within a week please spam me pictures of leonardo dicaprio ok? Thanks for the follows and reviews