"I am not sure it would be wise for you to view the video, sir." JARVIS said smoothly as Tony thumbed through the most recent news on Loki. The iron man simply rolled his eyes; the title of the article mentioned skinny dipping and he was sure the video would be innocent enough. It's not like Tony hasn't seen a naked man before. Tony was a man himself, thank you very much JARVIS, so Tony could handle some peen. A little bit of peen. Loki's...dick.
He kinda wanted to see the video.
"Oh shush, I have to see it Jarv. It's for investigative purposes." he bullshitted, hoping the AI would press play. "Plus I can look at any clues that'll lead us to to the direction of where the hell he's headed. I'm so tired of flying around blind."
At that moment the screen door to the balcony opened and the captain stepped through. Tony leaned back in the chair provided on the five-star hotel balcony and set his tablet on the table in front of him. Steve switched it to hologram mode and shifted through the many browsers that were open before settling on the video. He made a disgusted face.
"I'm pretty sure I taught him better than that. Of all the things I taught him, I was hoping some self respect would be the one thing he'd never forget." Steve took the other seat at the table with crossed arms. Tony couldn't help but laugh because the soldier looked like an upset mother.
"Lokes is a prince, y'know. Or would he be king of Yo-yo Hymen? The whole kill your real dad thing." Tony poured his friend some wine before taking a sip of his own glass. One bottle wouldn't hurt anyone. "Either way, he's had plenty of charm school."
"Sometimes I just don't know." Steve ran a hand through his hair. He didn't touch the drink. "So do we have a location where this took place?"
There a moment's pause, both men waiting for JARVIS to respond.
"Yo, JARVIS, where he at?" Tony quipped after a few more beats of silence. "We need to know sometime this year."
"Sorry sir," the AI said, almost hesitantly. "It appears to be from central Colorado."
"Shit, we're too far south. Why'd you suggest New Mexico, JARVIS? I know Thor's girlfriend lives here but still you screwed up," Tony cursed, now wanting to get the fuck out of the state. "He's gone now I bet. Probably in the next state over."
Steve fiddled with the tablet until he pulled up a map of the United States. He added a new point on the map, right in the middle of Colorado. "Tony, we should head out to Utah. He's probably going straight across, all the way to California."
"Hmm, Cali. Sun's nice there, but I think it'll burn his skin. So fucking pale," Tony nodded before shifting back to the tab with the video he wanted to see. "The article said he went into the bushes towards a street. No one is fucking specific so I have to look at this to see if I can get any street signs. Think you can handle it, Capsicle? Apparently JARVIS thinks it's a little too graphic even for me." Tony snarked.
"I'm sure I can handle a split second of Loki's butt."
"Sir..." JARVIS began but Tony was getting a little annoyed with his AI.
"Why are you being so unhelpful, JARV? Do I need to give you an update or something? Cause' you've been too quiet, too insistent on us not looking at certain information, and you advised us come out to New Mexico which is partly my fault because I should have known though so freaking obvious, Loki is heading straight across the map west! What is going on?"
"My apologies sir." the AI replied, almost stiffly.
"Fine. Just please, get over the mood you're having and actually help us. I need to find Loki, ok? Play the video."
"Sir, as I was trying to say earlier," JARVIS chirped. "Is that all access to the video has been restricted. You are not permitted to view."
"Excuse me? On who's orders?" Tony narrowed his eyes. What the hell? There was only one person who could restrict his own things without his permission and what reason would she have to restrict something Loki-related?
"Pepper Potts has-"
"Override it. But hold on with the video for a second. Why did Pepper block that?"
"I am not permitted to speak of Miss Pott's-"
"Override. What's going on?"
Steve watched Tony closely, hoping the iron man didn't flip the table. He looked like a combination of annoyed, pissed, and betrayed. Not really a pleasant mix of emotions. JARVIS didn't sound too good himself. Though he was not real, Steve swore he could hear a nervous pinch in the AI's voice. Shit.
"Sir, Loki has asked me not to disclose any of this."
"Too late then, huh?" Oh Tony was pissed now. "So you've been working with Rudolph the whole time? What else have you been doing behind my back, JARV? Give any weapons to terrorist groups lately? Let stray cats into my house?"
"Loki is currently en route to the Malibu mansion with Miss Potts and Natasha Romanoff. Miss Potts had restricted the video in belief that you would not search for any information until the morning. She had viewed the video approximately two minutes twenty seconds before her command and stated that it left 'too much evidence guys, Tony will figure out where you went Loki'."
"JARVIS, you little shit." Tony nearly jumped out of his chair and into the room to begin packing his small bag. Steve followed him with the tablet still open. "Blondie, go get your things, we're checking out and we're going to take an all-night flight over to Cali."
"I'll go downstairs and check out then. Meet me in the lobby." Steve said before sprinting off and out of the room.
Tony didn't waste a moment to turn back to the video once Steve left. He didn't really need to watch it anymore now that JARVIS admitted his treason...he just wanted to see Loki naked even though he was pretty annoyed. Why did it take him so long to figure out what was going on? All of this had happened right under Tony's nose! He had to pay more attention.
But for now...the video. Sampling the buffet, he said to himself. He was not being creepy or a horndog. Nope.
"Play this fucking video right now or else I'm donating you to Girl Scouts. Consider yourself lucky that I don't have you given to Boy Scouts, cause I'm sure treason equals death by snot nosed brats."
"My apologies sir," the AI said and without further ado, Tony was met with a news broadcast. For a minute it was nothing but a reporter and mayor but then it happened. The "it" being Loki's body. Oh Tony saw it all right. It was a fine piece of booty and Tony would definitely climb him like a tree. Though he'd grown a little soft from lounging around the tower all day, Loki still had plenty of lean muscle. He was still fit, had beautiful legs, and clear skin.
Tony was about to zoom in when he was interrupted with a call from none other than Nick Fury. Tony was obliged to take this one, he had bypassed the last ten by the one-eyed pirate.
"Yes, my dear, how may I be of service to you?" he answered with a sigh when the director's face filled a new window. Fury was already glaring at him.
"So you finally pick up, huh?" Fury nearly yelled. "Stark, Loki needs to be captured as soon as possible. These shenanigans are getting way out of hand!"
"Well maybe if you weren't trying to babysit me and would quit calling me, I could do my job!" Tony retorted. "I'm trying to get a lead, okay?"
"Stark, can you move your ass a little faster?"
"Can't you just check street surveillance or use one of your satellite thingies and leave me alone?"
"Obviously that method is not working." the man lowered his brows more to make the glare more intense. Tony didn't even blink. He wasn't intimidated at all.
"Whatever. Look, nice conversation we're having, but I gotta' go. Cap and I are heading out to look for him, okay?"
"Where are you heading?" Fury asked without missing a beat.
"We think he's heading back around to Tennessee. We found some evidence that he has unfinished business over there to take care of." Tony lied, face straight and unfaltering. Fury nodded and cut the line without another word.
A/N: If you like The Great Gatsby you should check out my AU I posted. /shameless self promo/