Fantastic Fellatio

By Tokumei-Chan

Hello darlings. Is your lover feeling a little down? What a shame. How about we go over some tips to improve your man's mood the next time YOU'RE feeling a little … "down." Did you know that the act of fellatio goes back to ancient times? That's right, lovers. Cleopatra herself was once rumored to have given the ol' suckaroo to over thirty of her soldiers all in the same night! It's an act so old that it's depicted in pre-historic cave paintings – so how is it that in all these thousands of years the human race hasn't established itself as a group of distinguished cock-suckers? Because most you poor unfortunate souls are doing it wrong!

Now that we're done with our little history lesson, I think it's time you ladies – or gentlemen ;) - learned to do it RIGHT. Now, this extends a little farther than just giving a good blow. You've got to set the mood correctly! Remember, my dears – oral sex is NOT the same as the other stuff you and your boy-toy do when the lights go out. There doesn't need to be any romance. No candles. No rose petals. The best way to discover that your cock is in someone's mouth – is exactly that. To DISCOVER it. That's right, surprise him!

Say, for example, you get a phone call from your guy saying that he's having a rough morning at work. Wouldn't it be just SO lovely for him to find you hot and wanting under his desk when he got back from his lunch break? Get simpler than that! It shouldn't even matter what he's doing, let him talk about whatever he wants. When you get bored (which you will) shut him up by dropping to your knees and kissing at his groin through his pants.

Now that you know WHEN to do it, I think it's time you learned HOW. Just like the rest of the body – the penis' most essential point is the head. You can stimulate this with your lips, tongue, teeth (lightly), or pretty much ANYTHING else. Seriously, rub it against his dick and make it feel good – he won't care much what it is. Wrap your lips around it and give a good hard suck. Don't just stay there, though! Move your head back and forth against the shaft of his dick, to make sure he can feel that pleasure everywhere else! Also, lovers, it is absolutely IMPERTIVE that you not forget the existence of his testicles. With every lick you take they're filling more and more with his hot salty cum, so don't forget to give them an appreciative massage to let them know they're doing a good job. After all, you DO want that cum, right? I should hope so. I certainly think I'D enjoy a mouthful of spunk, but to each his own, I suppose.

If you DON'T want to swallow it, savor it, or share it with a friend – try not to be so damn rude about spitting it! How would you feel if someone got one taste of YOUR fluids and gagged all over the place? You'd feel disgusting. Dirty, even. So don't make HIM feel like that. Let him bask in the afterglow, it's a wonderful thing.

For those of you watching your weight – the serving size of most semen is one tablespoon, and is made up of twenty calories. So make sure to count that in your diet ;)

Until next time, you naughty little things!

-Tokumei

"It's really not that bad, dear." Mikoto commented lightly, as she finished her read-through of her son's newest magazine.

Itachi frowned at his mother, and looked anywhere but at the flushed blush on her cheeks – first the coffee table, then the carpet, then the bulletin board next to the door. Oh, Sasuke had made honor-roll again? That was nice.

"Are you saying the magazine as a whole was acceptable, or are you so stunned from the last page that you've forgotten the rest?"

At this, the woman offered a soft laugh. She stood from her chair, and moved to sit next to her eldest child on the couch, kissing his cheek affectionately. "This monthly spat of paranoia really is quite adorable, Itachi. It's not that bad. Not nearly as terrible as you made it out to be. And yes, I'm only talking about the Tokumei panel, because I'm sure you already know that the rest is flawless."

Her son smiled. "Of course everything that I actually have the authority to control is perfect. Maybe that's what bothers me so much about it… I have no way of telling this woman what she can and can't say! What if she-"

"What makes you assume it's a woman?"

Itachi and Mikoto both looked up to see Sasuke stepping into the room, looking thoroughly delectable. He had been out with his friends Naruto and Sakura, practicing some sort of new sport that Itachi couldn't quite grasp. He thought it involved trying to climb trees with minimal usage of the hands. Whatever it was, Sasuke was sweating through his fitted-tee at the chest and armpits, creating a musk so deliciously manly and primal that the elder Uchiha son found himself repeating the mantra 'He's my brother. He's my brother. He's my brother.' Over and over again in his mind.

An almost cruel smirk was now spreading across the teen's face. Seemingly as if he knew what was happening in his brother's mind and delighted in it. Itachi gulped in horror of that thought, and turned to his mother as she began to question him.

"Oh right, Tokumei could be a man, Itachi! After all, the articles never get really specific about anything vaginal…"

"I don't assume it's a girl because of the article topics. I assume she's a woman because she's such a bitch."

This was for some reason very amusing to Sasuke, as he entered the room fully, flopping himself out across his mother and brother on the couch. The matriarch of the Uchiha clan had always been very close to her sons. She always thought that men were meant to be firm and disciplinary, while women should be sweet and approachable. That was how she and Fugaku had raised the boys, and it had really helped Itachi not be so uncomfortable after one day blurting out that he also approved most of men when they were "firm" and that the mere thought of such an image encouraged him to become "firm" as well.

Still, out of all the Uchihas – Sasuke was by far the closest to everyone. His relationship with Itachi was… complex but close. He adored his mother, and had great respect for his father. It was not entirely uncalled for that he'd decide to sprawl across the others when he got home. But with all that sweat, everywhere? Ew!

"Sasuke, get up off of my couch!" Mikoto squealed, laughing a little as she attempted to bat the child off of her, and he hugged his arms around Itachi's waist in what appeared to be an attempt not to get shoved to the ground by his mother.

"Ah! Mom! Stop! You'll make me fall into the table!" Sasuke yelped out, pressing himself closer to their bodies, and giggling to himself as he realized that he was strong enough to disallow his mother from physically moving him.

"Go take a shower, you're filthy!" Mikoto countered, now moving her hands to the back of Sasuke's knees, and tickling him relentlessly. He squirmed more, and grabbed tighter to Itachi, then twisted around so that he was away from his mother's prodding hands and seated entirely on his brother's lap.

Itachi went stone still, as Sasuke wiggled around. His darling otouto pretended not to notice the change, and continued to struggle against Mikoto's tickling. He gasped out a desperate whimper as she managed to get a firm hold on one of his feet, and Itachi just about turned into a puddle on the floor.

This was sick.

The elder Uchiha son rose with a start, somehow knocking both his brother and his mother onto the carpet in a laughing heap. He rolled his eyes at them, as Sasuke bounced up, and returned to the couch, deliberately slinging himself over the arm-rest so that a sweaty armpit was pressed against the fabric.

Those two were clearly having quite a bit of fun. Meanwhile, Itachi was about two steps away from his bedroom – meaning two steps, a locked door, and a blanket over the head away from an emotional breakdown.

He was sexually attracted to his brother.

Fuck.

XxBxExLxOxVxExDxX

"Whoa! Guys! You can'tjust lurk in my room like that! What the hell?" Sasuke whisper-yelled to his friends, as he saw them lazily strewn about his bed. "Why are so many of you here anyway? I only invited Shika!"

One by one, Naruto, Ino, Sakura, Neji, Gaara, Sai, and Shikamaru looked up and noticed that their host had finally come to his bedroom. The last three were the only ones mannerly enough not to help themselves into the blankets, and they sat on the floor in the far corner, next to Sasuke's dresser.

"Well obviously we're all here to see how well 'plan Itachi' is going for you," Ino stated, blowing a large pink bubble with her gum, before sucking it back into her mouth with a loud crack. "You did tell us not to bother you all day because you devoted it to attracting his attention, didn't you?"

Sasuke frowned, and moved towards his bed, wordlessly shoving Naruto off so that he had room to snuggle in between Neji and Sakura. "I didn't have to do much. I played outside with Naruto and Sakura for a while, and worked up a sweat. Made my shirt cling like plastic-wrap. He couldn't keep his eyes off of me," Sasuke stated proudly, leaning against his brunet friend's shoulder as he released a yawn. "Then, he ran off to his room. I guess he's brooding. Meanwhile, I somehow got stuck playing Monopoly with my mother, and just when I was about to win, Dad came home and Mom insisted we start over so that he could play."

"Aw, fun! How come you didn't call us down! I whip serious ass at Monopoly! I could have wiped the floor up against three Uchihas, you guys are too frugal for your own good. You do have to buy the properties if you want to collect the rent you know!"

Sasuke was too tired to think of an insult for Naruto, so he chose his second most used approach and ignored the blond entirely, choosing instead to nuzzle closer to Neji, and try to imagine that the room wasn't full of gossipy teenagers and he could sleep.

"Sasuke, you're getting very close…" Gaara commented, looking up from a conversation he'd been having with Sai and Shikamaru and darkly eyeing the Uchiha's proximity to the Hyuuga.

"Mm… don't mind me, Subaku. We're just cuddling," Sasuke reassured, with a smirk. "Trust me, I recall what it feels like when we're doing something more robust – this is definitely not it."

Gaara glared, but managed a slight upturn of the lips when Sakura whomped Sasuke on the head for his rude comment.

"Don't tease Gaara like that, Sasuke! You know how possessive he is!" She whisper-screeched in mock fury, trying to hold in a laugh when Sasuke asked if Gaara would like to grope him in order to assure that he was truly un-aroused.

Naruto stuck a finger in his mouth and made a gagging noise, pretending to be disgusted by such blatant homosexuality. No one believed his disgust, though. It was well known that although now Naruto had been dating Hinata Hyuuga for nearly three months – when he was still single he wasn't exactly opposed to receiving a blow job from another boy. Hell, it was rumored that on occasion he'd even given a couple embarrassed licks in return!

"Sakura-Chan, I need to get you back home by midnight…" It was Sai who said it, and Sasuke almost wanted to smile at him. Sai was a quiet boy, and didn't have the best of a mouth when he put it to use – but one thing was certain. He was completely devoted to making sure that he and Sakura had the perfect relationship. This was nice to Sakura, because she was the type of woman that doesn't need an excuse to be doted on. She happily kissed her friends goodbye, and allowed her boyfriend to help her out of Sasuke's second story window and down the cherry blossom tree that conveniently grew right outside of it.

"It is getting a bit late…" Ino murmured, looking towards Shikamaru in hopes that her boyfriend would also offer her chivalrous assistance in escaping the bedroom. He nodded to her.

"If you're tired, you should go." Shika stated in monotone – although it clearly translated as 'Climb down the damn tree by yourself.'

She left in quite a huff.

Sasuke rolled over on his back, and spread his legs out, taking advantage of the space on the bed without the girls. This also, thankfully, helped Gaara not to feel so tense about his closeness with Neji – so conversation came easier afterwards.

"So, Teme! What's all this about you and Itachi? I mean I get the seduction part, but Shikamaru said you're using the Tokumei articles for it?" Naruto tilted his head to the side in confusion. It was almost cute, except that one- he wasn't Itachi. Two- he was an idiot. Three- he wasn't Itachi.

"Yeah… about that… that's kind of why I only invited Shikamaru."

"Explain." Neji said in deadpan, looking at Sasuke suspiciously.

The Uchiha, forever flirtatious, grinned at his ex-boyfriend seductively. "Is that a request, or an order?"

"Sasuke's Tokumei." Shikamaru stated simply, not keeping his eyes open long enough to feel the impact of the glare his best friend was sending him for ruining the fun.

"Scandalous," Neji commented with a smirk. "Although I will admit that one of the scenarios in the Terrific Tongue article hit a little close to home. Now I feel like I should have known."

"Excuse me, love, but would you mind not talking about Uchiha's tongue while you're in bed with him in front of me."

Neji sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Gaara, how many times do I have to tell you that I am not going to cheat on you with Sasuke. He did break up with me, you know."

"That's right, Subaku. I've moved on to a different long-haired over-ambitious sadist. I have no further interest in yours, I promise."

Naruto finally straightened up his head, and frowned. "Honestly, Gaara – why do you even come here with Neji? Him and Sasuke are like this all the time!"

"Being in a relationship with a sadist requires a fair level of masochism." Gaara answered, letting out a hopeless sigh.

"Okay, that's it. I'm sick of all your annoying questions, and lazy dozing, and snappy attitudes. All of you are officially kicked out of my room. See you tomorrow. Good riddance."

One hurt expression, one shrug, and two smirks later, Sasuke was alone. With the new-found quiet of his home, it was easy to hear Itachi's gentle breath through the wall. Although, perhaps gentle wasn't the word…

Itachi's breathing was desperate and ragged, and it didn't take much of a guess for Sasuke to imagine what he was doing. He sat next to the wall that connected their rooms and tried to suppress a groan, as he heard his own name on his brother's lips. He felt a shiver go down his spine, and knew that he'd soon be mimicking his brother's actions – probably with similar thoughts.

Neji's words were ringing in Sasuke's ears as he slipped his shorts off and began to touch himself.

Scandalous, indeed.

A/N: I am SO sorry that this chapter took so long! I have no idea why I didn't update this sooner! You guys could have reminded me or something o.O

Anyway, How did you like the chapter? Hopefully you enjoyed. Please let me know what you thought with a Review!

I love you all SO much for reading.

Until next time,

-Beloved