"Good morning, Tachi-Nii," Sasuke said brightly, grinning at his elder brother as the man dragged into the kitchen and sat down in his routine chair. The Uchiha's had a square dining table in their kitchen, and a formal dining room to the side. They had breakfast in the kitchen most days, and Itachi always sat across from his father, between his brother and mother.
This particular morning, Fugaku was glaring daggers at his eldest son from over his Sunday paper. Clearly, he'd read the latest issue of Akatsuki Magazine.
"Morning, Sasuke. Mother, Father." Itachi sighed tiredly and sunk farther into his seat – not even bothering to serve himself the remaining omelet on the center plate, or any of the toast or sausages.
"Fantastic fellatio, Itachi?" Fugaku question with a harsh tone.
Sasuke giggled. "Nice, dad! I didn't know you were serving blow jobs for breakfast, but if that's the case – I'll take two!"
"You will go to your room, and you will remain there for the next hour." Mikoto said softly before her husband had the chance to offer a more horrid punishment for Sasuke's inappropriate statement. Itachi was half trying not to run away from his furious father, and half trying not to laugh out loud.
Sasuke pouted and trudged off to his room. Itachi was quite certain that were either of his parents to check on Sasuke in ten minutes, they'd find his window open, and the tree overly abused.
"Mikoto you're too easy on him. I got a call from his math teacher again, yesterday. She said Sasuke's been taking rather a lot of notes, even during periods of class when they should be doing practice problems."
The Uchiha matriarch sighed. "He's still acing all of his language and literature based courses, Fugaku. I think it's good that Sasuke's a writer. We've never had one in the family before, and with Itachi being a major editor, he already has guaranteed publicity if he needs it."
"Honestly, mother. I doubt that Sasuke's writing would ever be featured in Akatsuki. From what I've seen he does mostly romantic poetry, and there's no room for that in an informational publication."
"Yet you find space for porn at the back of every issue!" Fugaku yelled angrily, and thumped his fist down on the table, shaking the silverware and almost knocking over Mikoto's glass of orange juice.
Itachi took a deep calming breath.
"Father, I have already explained to you that the Tokumei panel effects sales too much to be dropped. I was certain that when you agreed to butt out of my career choices as long as I paid you adequate rent for continued usage of my bedroom here, the implication was clear. Your decision to allow me to walk a path separate from yours does not mean that you are then permitted to dictate my every move like some sort of GPS device."
As expected, Fugaku stormed out of the kitchen in a huff. Itachi merely rolled his eyes and grabbed Sasuke's still half-full plate, deciding to finish off his foolish brother's food before starting on his own.
The doorbell rang.
"I'll get it, Itachi. You keep eating."
Mikoto rose from the table, and placed a small kiss on her son's forehead before stepping into the living room and opening the door. Itachi could practically hear the warm smile that he knew was on her face as she greeted their guests.
"Well hello there, kids! Great to see you. Sasuke's been grounded for the next hour, but feel free to wait downstairs or come back."
Itachi rolled his eyes. Those brats would, of course, wait here and wreak havoc on the entire first floor. Sasuke's group of friends was the most insane clique of high-schoolers that Itachi had ever come across, and that was saying something , considering that his friends in school had included a cross-dresser, an albino, a sadist, and two people so addicted to body art that it was a sin. One was obsessed with tattoos and had managed to overlap his skin so many times that he looked like his entire body was covered in blue ink, and the other just didn't seem know when to stop getting piercings. Sasuke's friends really weren't that odd individually. It was when you got them all together that it seemed an apocalypse was near.
They entered the kitchen as a collective force. Four of them on the three remaining chairs (the two girls lapping up) One shuffling through the cabinets and refrigerator shamelessly, and one passing a skillet to another – who was turning the stove on.
"Hey, Itachi!" The blonde one said, tossing a bag of cheddar cheese and a loaf of bread over to the read head, who began setting up several cheese sandwiches, then passing them off to a long-haired brunet so they could be grilled.
"Hello, Naruto and company. How are you all this morning?" Itachi asked politely, although he couldn't care less.
"Hungry!" The girls answered in unison, and Naruto nodded along in agreement, still digging around through the fridge.
"Hey, where do you guys keep the tomatoes?"
Itachi shrugged. "Otouto hides them."
"I'll get them," The long haired brunet offered. That kid had always irked Itachi. He had no idea why. Sasuke claimed that Neji Hyuuga was his best friend, and yet at one point… there had been something very fishy about it. Why did Neji know where Sasuke's stash of food was if Itachi himself didn't?
"Could you get up for a second, Sai?" Neji asked, and Sai rose from his seat. Neji took the chair, and moved it over a few feet, then stood on it and pressed up one of the ceiling boards. "Gimmie a hand, Koi?"
Itachi's eyes narrowed as he watched the redhead climb up onto the chair. So. Those two were lovers. Meaning that Hyuuga was gay. Itachi did not approve of this new development. He was impressed with his brother's cunning, though – when he saw the two boys pulling a mini-fridge out of the ceiling. How the hell did Sasuke get the damn thing up there?
They managed to pull the fridge down and set it onto the counter. When they opened it, Itachi saw that his little brother had secretly stored several bottles of ketchup – a few jars of tomato sauce, some tomato paste, at least ten fresh tomatoes, and endless cans of tomato soup.
By the time they'd finished raiding the kitchen, (spaghetti, grilled cheese sandwiches, and chicken nuggets) Sasuke was racing down the steps. He froze for a moment at he spun into the kitchen – having smelled the spaghetti already and expecting to reprimand Itachi for making it without him. If he was mad at his brother then – his fury that his friends had raided his personal stash was immeasurable.
Itachi found it quite … endearing … the way his darling adorable baby brother screeched and ranted.
"- and Neji! You fucking know better!" Sasuke continued, bellowing away at his traitorous companions. "Twice in one weekend, I lick ketchup off of-" Gaara sneezed loudly, having gotten too close to some lemon zest, which he was allergic to – and Sasuke was drowned out for a moment, preventing Itachi from hearing the end of that sentence. "And you don't get the fucking idea that maybe I like the damn stuff and keep it hidden away for a reason?"
Neji smirked. "Like what, Sasuke-Chan? Tomatoes, or my-" Apparently having taken a sudden interest in smoothies, Naruto turned the blender on at that exact moment, and Itachi was seriously starting to get irritated. Much as he was loathe to admit, he found himself inexplicably intrigued by his little brother's late night trysts with the Hyuuga boy.
"You see, Neji, this is why I never let you-" Shikamaru's chair scraped loudly against the marble kitchen floor as he stood to accept a banana smoothie from Naruto. "-because you're such a fucking bastard!"
"Oh, is that the reason?" Neji asked, looking very deliberately at Itachi – which, now that Itachi noticed, everyone was doing. It was clear that whatever Sasuke had not allowed Neji to do, he was the reason for it... but he had no idea what it was. Stupid chairs and blenders and allergies!
The argument awkwardly died down, with the teens still stealing strange glances at Sasuke or Itachi every couple of seconds. Itachi was uncomfortable with it, but Sasuke was waiting for Naruto to attempt tension diffusion. It wouldn't be long now...
"So," The blond began, grinning cruelly at Sasuke. "Who's tried out those new tips from the Tokumei article?"
"I read it before it was published, actually – but have no plans on trying anything from it."
Itachi's glance snapped up at Shikamaru and raised an eyebrow, clearly not knowing that exclusive viewings of passages from his magazine were being given out before the publish date. "Gaara's cousin is dating your employee Konan's best friend. So we've all got instant access with enough bribery. Hope you don't mind."
Itachi didn't mind, and (thank god) accepted this explanation as true. It was true. Konan was friends with Deidara, who was dating Sasori, who was related to Gaara. However – that didn't have a damn thing to do with the reason for why Sasuke's friends read the Tokumei panel before it's publication.
"How about you, Itachi-San?" Sakura asked with a daring grin. "Get any fantastic fellatio recently?"
Sasuke watched with a smirk as his brother went red as a tomato – but then again, tomatoes always were his favorite food.
A/N: Sorry that this update took so long D:
I've been working on other crap (as you've probably seen, I guess...)
If you're following my other stories, look for an update of Hematite and Room 234 later this week.
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-Beloved