A/N: I thought the last chapter was a bit too short, so I've decided to add on this random mini chapter to clip onto the end of it :)
"You think Fun Felching Is a bit too robust?"
Shikamaru shrugged. "I think that when Itachi hunts Tokumei down with murderous intent, he might be surprised enough at what he finds to spare your life... Perhaps."
"I'd better save that one for later, then. Ravenous Rimming, Astronomical Anal, or Marvelous Massage, then?"
Sikamaru stared at Sasuke as if the answer should be obvious. "Tell me, Sasuke. How opposed are you to the idea Itachi turning to a life of homicide? You seem quite keen on your existence meeting an untimely end."
Sasuke merely grinned, and his fingers began clicking away at his laptop keyboard. "Can you Wikipedia a history of anilingus for me, please?" He asked, turning towards his best friend and motioning to the desktop computer that the Nara was half playing spider solitaire on, half napping in front of.
Shikamaru sighed and rolled his eyes, wondering how long it would take before Itachi's head blew up. Perhaps he'd at least learn to give a good rim job just before he died, though. He closed out of his game and opened up Google Chrome, knowing better than to muck around with internet explorer when Sasuke was in such an impatient mood.
"Nothing on history, just lecturing about all the STD's and other health risks come with the attractive bits."
Sasuke smirked at that. "Fear not, sweet maiden," Shikamaru had no idea who the fuck Sasuke thought he was calling a sweet maiden, but it damn sure must not have been anyone in this room! Sasuke continued. "We homosexuals have accepted the possibilities of sexual infections and diseases with open arms. We're like... Like the Justice League! Fighting STD's and STI's hand to hand, tongue to tongue, cock to arse, or some times, hand in arse, cock to tongue, or even on occasion, hand to cock, tongue to ar-"
"Super heroes. Got it. Anyway, Wikipedia doesn't have anything on rimming history, even if you do cross reference it with the justice league. So what are you gonna use for your opening?"
If anything, Sasuke's smirk only widened. "My own personal history, of course. Two in the morning is the perfect time to call Neji right? Pass me my phone, Shika."
The Nara obediently passed over the mobile device, saying a silent prayer to himself that whoever ended up murdering Sasuke understood his lack of involvement in this whole scandal and didn't see fit to pin any blame on him as well.
Friday was a night that Gaara Subaku always spent with his boyfriend. Their parents were used to the frequent sleepovers and never questioned it, even though Gaara knew that on some nights the Hyuuga estate must have been vibrating with the deliciously loud sounds his lover made in the throws of pleasure. Maybe they just thought he was wanking... Wanking with Gaara in the room... To thoughts of Gaara ... Thoughts of Gaara fucking him harder ... Okay, so his family probably did know what was going on, but they didn't show it.
Not three minutes ago, Neji had been letting out one last shuddering moan of release. He was now happily entangled with Gaara's limbs, enjoying an hour of post-coital bliss before they had another round.
But the phone rang. Stupid electronics... Gaara snapped it up from the end table and glared at the caller ID before answering it. "What?" he hissed.
"Gaara! How sweet of you to answer Neji's phone for him. I was just calling to ask your boyfriend a few questions about his arse hole in relation to our tongues. Could you pass him the ph-" Gaara smashed his thumb so hard against the screen of Neji's phone where it said end call that he almost broke it.
"Who was that?" Neji asked in a lazy tone, pushing some of his hair out of his face as it threatened to warrant him an audition for the new Grudge film.
"No one." Gaara snapped back, and Neji snorted.
"No one meaning wrong number calling, or no one meaning Sasuke said something sexual?"
Gaara refused to answer, which was better understood than an actual answer, to Neji. He chuckled and pulled his lover's body on top of his. Gaara raised a nonexistent eyebrow at the gesture, knowing that missionary wasn't deep enough for Neji's liking.
"I'm yours, Gaara." Neji said, and alas Gaara understood. It wasn't about sex, it was about his right to hover over Neji in such a dominant way, whenever he wanted. Neji was his. Neji's body was his. He grinned.
"That, you are."
And they kissed, and it seemed to last for hours, although later, judging from the time it took to get from Shikamaru's home to the Hyuuga estate, they would calculate that it had actually been roughly seventeen minutes. Then Sasuke opened the door with an obnoxious grin, jingling his keys to the house at Gaara tauntingly, as if still having keys also gave him a right to burst into Neji's bedroom at will. Which, to Sasuke, it probably did.
"Things between you two getting heated up, then?" Sasuke asked, casually plopping himself down on the bed. "Great," The Uchiha continued, not waiting for an answer as Gaara glared at him with hatred and Neji ignored him completely, kissing at Gaara's neck as if they were still alone.
"Anyways, Gaara I'd like for you to perform anilingus on Neji tonight, if you don't mind."
Gaara didn't mind, but also didn't want to be told by Sasuke. He opened his mouth to say so, but was interrupted.
"I'm sure you'll enjoy it, he's quite responsive and has a very sensitive perineum."
Gaara almost childishly blurted out that he'd already noted that for himself, thank you very much, and did not need Sasuke telling him how to please his lover, god dammit! But he didn't. It would be pointless anyway.
"Neji, while Gaara's rimming you, please fill out this survey," Sasuke produced a sheet of paper seemingly out of nowhere. "And rate him from one to ten on the following subjects." Sasuke handed him another paper. "Then when he's done please write a brief paragraph on the pros and cons of receiving oral sex from Gaara in relation to from me. Just send it over in the mail when you're done, Itachi's weird friends are gonna be over this weekend and I'm avoiding the house so I might not get it if you just drop it off. Remember, anilingus! I've already done an article on fellatio! After that, I consent any penetration that may be inspired... okay, I think that's all."
Gaara, scandalized, did not hesitate to promptly shove Sasuke off of the bed and point at the door, giving the Uchiha a menacing glare. Since he was already done anyway, the raven saw no issue in complying to Gaara's wishes and exiting the bedroom.
However, when Sasuke got his mail that Sunday, he noted with satisfaction that Neji had completed the survey anyhow. He walked down the block to Sai's house and read over it. Lovely, he pulled out his laptop, sitting boldly on Sai's porch and not much caring who was home, then opened up Microsoft and promptly began typing up his latest Tokumei article, almost laughing aloud when Itachi called him.
"Nii-San?"
"Sasuke what are you doing right now? I thought I just heard you at the house..."
Sasuke smirked. "Writing up an article for a magazine an acquaintance of mine is involved with. You?"
Itachi was so hurried that he barely heard what his brother had said to him. "My friends are ... Deidara put that down! ... just leaving, so feel free to come home any time."
Sasuke giggled girlishly as he continued typing whilst listening to Itachi fuss at his comrades. "Okie dokie, Aniki. I'll be home by dinner. Let me just finish this up."
Itachi hung up as Sasuke looked over what he'd written so far. He shook his head at his brother's stupidity and continued describing rim jobs to the best of his ability. When he finished, he pressed send, and got back into the house just in time to hear the AOL man telling Itachi he had a new message. Sasuke plopped down on the couch and counted to thirty, then grinned as Itachi's audible ranting about what is and is not appropriate reached a new level of profanity.
A/N: Don't be lazy! Review this one too! xD
Love you for reading
-Beoved