I hate being alone in the dark. In fact, as much as I crave independence I hate being alone for too long. It's my dirty little secret not even Holly knows, although if I told her she would probably smile, say something comforting, and look right through me like she always knew. And maybe she does. I wish that things were different, that we hadn't fought, that I could learn for once in my life not to fly off the handle first and think about it later. We rarely fight, and even more rarely do we disagree about anything important. The stupid part is that this could have been so simple if I didn't hear my mother's voice in my head whispering about all of my failures in life.
The heat of summer hit the city like a brick wall. Tempers rose along with the escalating temperatures, and rolling blackouts that were keeping the TPD on high alert. Chris and I were riding together in a cruiser whose attempt at air conditioning was pitiful at best. By the time we arrived on the scene of the double domestic homicide, my nasty polyester uniform and Kevlar vest were creating my own personal sauna, making my whole body sweat and itch. The forensic team was on the scene, already at work. The man lay on the front steps of the split level ranch wearing nothing but a pair of plaid boxer shorts, an ankle holster and sandals with black socks, holding the gaping knife wound in his side, and his pistol still clutched in his other hand. The woman was on the floor of the kitchen where the argument apparently began. The portable battery operated lights set up to illuminate the scene, were making it even hotter if that were even possible. Holly stood in the middle of it all, looking maddeningly cool and put together in her black linen slacks with her hair tucked up in a slick little bun at the nape of her neck.
"Hey Lunchbox! What have you got for us today?" I called to her with a smirk, walking closer.
"Well Officer," She looked up smiling back at me, "It seems that this lovely couple began to fight over the use of the refrigerator when the power went out. Our evidence points to him throwing beer bottles at her when she stabbed him with this kitchen knife." She held up the nine-inch bloody chef's knife in its evidence bag. "And then he shot her before making his way to the front door as he bled out. The neighbors called it in when they heard the shots fired"
"Nice." I grumbled. "I hate people."
"Hey! Careful!" Holly reached out to grab our newest rookie by the arm before he could walk directly through the trail of blood leading from the kitchen to the front door and contaminate the crime scene.
"See what I mean…" I said pointing to him.
Holly snorted back a laugh and smirked at me.
I was just about to give him a piece of my mind when I heard Traci calling softly for me.
"Gail!" She called again, "I need you to get over here! There is something you should see…"
That sinking feeling began in my gut as I followed her voice around the corner to a closet under the stairs leading down to the basement. The eyes looking out from the steel dog cage were dark and wild; her hair was long, reddish blonde and matted to her head. My heart beat loudly in my throat as I knelt down to speak to her. The girl looked terrified and backed away, pressing herself into the farthest corner of the cage blinking in the light of Traci's torch. I looked up at Traci and wondered what to say.
"I don't think she speaks much English." Traci said quietly with those dark motherly eyes she gets, "I sent Chris to get some bolt cutters to cut the lock. Do you think you can talk to her?"
I nodded and looked back at the girl.
"Can you get her some water or something cold to drink?" I asked Traci, wishing for an ice-cold beer or something stronger myself.
"Ok." Traci gave me another look. "CPS should be here soon too."
"Great." I muttered, "I'm going to need to call Yuri as soon as possible." I stated as firmly as I could manage around the embarrassing lump that was forming in my throat.
Although I had not officially accepted a position with the International Commission on Human Trafficking, I have been acting as the liaison between Ontario Law Enforcement agencies, the ICHT, and other cross border law enforcement agencies from around the world.
"I thought you might." Traci knelt down beside me.
The girl in the corner whimpered.
"Quel est votre nom?" I began in French.
She shook her head
I asked for her name again in German, and finally in Russian.
"Ivona", Came the barely audible whisper.
The bright eyes closed as the girl hid her face in her arms.
"Ok Ivona, we're gonna get you out of here soon!" I replied in what I hoped was a soothing voice.
Just then Chris appeared with bolt cutters and two cold bottles of water. Ivona shrank even farther back in fear.
"Here you go Gail!" He said handing me the water. "CPS and an ambulance are on their way. They should be here soon."
"Thanks Chris!" I stood back as he cut the lock.
The medics arrived moments later to take Ivona to the hospital. I motioned for them to wait for me as I found Holly inspecting the woman's body in the kitchen. She got up and stepped into the back hall with me for a moment.
"Hi." I said looking around briefly before taking her into my arms. "Sorry, I'm all sweaty."
"Hi." She replied, kissing me quickly on the lips. "Mmmm… you taste good anyway…"
I laughed quietly and shook my head in disbelief.
"As you know, we found a girl being held captive under the stairs, and I need to go with her to the hospital." I said softly.
"Ok…" Holly leaned her amazingly cool forehead against my damp, sweaty one.
Our schedules had been conflicting for over a week, and tonight would be our first evening off together in some time.
"I miss you." I whispered, "I'll try not to come home too late."
"I miss you too!" She whispered back "I'll be waiting."
She kissed me quickly again and slapped me lightly on the butt as I turned to go.
It had been a grueling day and all I wanted to do was to drink and forget, but watching a movie in our cool, dark livingroom with Holly was the next best thing. Maybe if I was lucky, she would take all of my attention in the best possible way and I would actually be able to sleep tonight. Our Chinese take out had just arrived when Yuri called me back from Prague. As I told him about finding Ivona, Holly began to fidget. When he asked me if I could meet him in Vienna in a week to help set up an international task force, Holly got up suddenly and left the room.
She was on the back deck looking out over the trees when I found her. Her arms were braced on the railing, her head hanging between them with her hair falling down around her face.
"Holly?" I said softly, creeping up behind her.
"Mmm hum…" She answered without turning around.
"What's up Holly? Are you ok?" I asked, standing there awkwardly, not quite knowing what to do.
"Of course." She answered after a moment.
She stood up and adjusted her glasses before turning to face me.
"Of course I am." She said again, and smiled tentatively but wouldn't look directly at me.
"So… do you want to come inside and watch this movie with me?" I was beginning to feel something like nervous friction blossoming in my chest. "Or… we could just watch an episode of Doctor Who…?"
She sighed heavily, adjusted her glasses again and sagged a little, "You know Gail, it's been a long day. I think I'm just going to go to bed."
She turned and walked inside without another word.
"Okay…" I said to no one.
Ivona was sitting at my desk when I arrived at the station the following morning, sipping tea and happily chatting with Chloe in Romanian. Sometimes I forget that Chloe speaks more languages than I do. Ivona looked much better today after spending the night at the hospital and getting some clean clothes, and a shower. I don't speak Romanian, but I can understand quite a bit of it being a romance language and all. I can't believe they are talking about that stupid movie Frozen! Ugh! If Chloe bursts into song I swear I'm going to barf. What is she five?
"Hey Princess! Why are you in my chair?" I frowned at her.
Chloe got up out of my chair saying something to Ivona about my being a grouch.
"I heard that!" I scowled at her, making Ivona giggle. "Yeah, thanks a lot."
I shot Chloe the look of death and rolled my eyes at her again.
As it turned out Ivona is older than she looks. I felt my gut clench and a white-hot rage begin to flow through my veins as she began to tell her full story.
She is seventeen years old from Sibiu, Romania, and she has been in Toronto for almost three months. Hospital records show that she is also now eight weeks pregnant. When her father was killed in a factory accident, her uncle sent her to the United States with a man who said she would be employed as a nanny while going to school. After arriving in Detroit and being subjected to a number of medical tests and examinations, she was sold to a couple in Toronto. Soon it became clear that she was to become impregnated by the man and bear their child.
As we questioned her further, she was sad because didn't know the answers to many of our questions. It seems that she spent most of her time here held in a cage, where she was let out three times a day to use the restroom, bathe, and exercise under supervision, however; she has been taken to a private clinic to see a doctor several times. Having been shuttled back and forth in the trunk of her captor's car she couldn't remember many details of her visits, but she knew she could see a large, red brick building and hear seagulls from the parking garage of the cement block building where the clinic was. At least that was something.
Although she was medically inseminated and not simply raped, it made me want to cry just the same. As she described being shackled to a gurney and having medical procedures done to her, I could feel all of my blood drain from my body. There have been worse cases, and I know I've seen and heard worse stories, but the room suddenly became too hot and the walls started closing in. Chloe looked up sharply with concern in her big brown eyes. I stood up abruptly with the weak excuse of calling Yuri and made a dash for the women's locker room, barely making it in time before emptying the contents of my stomach out into a toilet and leaning my aching head against the cool metal of the stall. I sat for a moment, shaking and sweating, fighting the urge to crumple into a ball on the floor as silent tears ran down my face.
Get it together Gail! You're a police officer for Christ's sake!
Finally, I pulled myself up, staggered to the sink to splash cold water on my face, and shut my eyes against the torrent in my head. Cold, sharp, phantom footsteps of wingtip shoes on wooden stairs and hard cement floors echoed, coming closer, I pushed them back with a snarl. Looking up into the mirror, I found Traci leaning against the door jam, watching me with big, soft eyes.
"What." I practically spat at her.
"You know Gail," She began softly, "It's alright if you need someone else to take this one."
"I'm fine!" I said with somewhat more force than I intended.
"Gail…" She gave me that don't bullshit me motherly look.
I sighed and turned to face her. "I don't know Traci. I'm not some pathetic little girl who can't handle herself."
"Gail…" She said again, taking a step forward with her hands outstretched like approaching a wild animal, "Nobody here thinks that you are."
"How do you know that Traci?" I just stared at her.
"Because I do. I'm your friend, Gail. And I've watched you open up and change into the person you are today." She smiled at me. "I know you've been through some terrible things in the past few years. But having those experiences gives you the insight and compassion that makes you a better cop."
I sighed again and stood up straighter, "You know why I have to do this, don't you."
"Alright," She smiled at me again, "Now why don't you go call Yuri and start tracking down Ivona's uncle, while I take Chloe and Ivona for a ride to see if we can't find that fake clinic."
Holly was banging pots and pans around the kitchen when I got home, not really doing anything but going through the motions of cleaning up an imaginary mess, and making a whole lot of noise. All I wanted to do was drag her into the peace and quiet our room and curl up into the safety of her arms, but I could see that she was far too agitated for that.
"Hey…" I said softly, dropping my bag onto one of the chairs at our kitchen counter.
She whorled around to scowl at me, water flying from the tea kettle in her hand.
"Why didn't you tell me?" She accused.
"Ok… tell you what?" I replied cautiously, honestly not knowing what she was talking about.
"Come on Gail! Don't play all innocent with me." She countered, "I know you are about to go running off on some crazy international undercover mission to God-knows-where for some crazy indeterminate amount of time, and you didn't even have the guts to mention it to me."
"Whoa! Holly…" I took a step closer, trying to calm the impending storm.
"No! No, not this time!" She raved on in a very unHolly-like way, "You, you can't just disappear for months… again and expect… NO!... I know you hate confrontation, but you can't lie to me about these things and hope it will all be ok! Do I really mean that little to you…?" She slammed the kettle down on the stove making the burner grids jump and clatter.
I stood there in shock, just looking at her, not knowing what to say.
"You never think do you! You just go ahead and put yourself in harms way… And yes, I know you're a fucking Police Officer Gail! But…" She threw the kettle across the room where it bounced off the stonework of the back of our fireplace with a bang. She glared at me with unshed tears in her eyes.
I could feel the hurt and anger building in my head, making me see red and lash back out at her before I could stop myself.
"Is that what you think Holly? After all this time? You think I'm a thoughtless, lying, selfish bitch?" I said in a deadly, calm voice. "Because if that's what you think, I don't even know why you're still here. I never thought you would be just like all the rest of them, but you are, aren't you."
I could see the anger leave her eyes as the color drained from her face. I don't know why I couldn't stop when all I wanted to do was to take her in my arms and tell each other we would be ok.
"I don't need this shit Holly. Not from you. If that's really what you think, I think you should just go." I glared at her.
"Gail…" Her lower lip trembled as she adjusted her glasses and took a tentative step toward me.
"You know what?" I raged on, "It's your house too. So I'll make it easy for you!"
I picked up my bag and stormed out the door without looking back even though I could feel myself crumbling inside.
I drove without thinking out to the lake. The sun was setting as I dropped down onto the hot sand and sat there, knees tucked under my chin until it was too dark to see. When I returned home, the power was out again, and she was gone. I tried to call but her phone went straight to voicemail, so I pulled a cold beer out of our refrigerator and waited. As sat in the sweltering darkness I realized it was impossible to drink or even breathe with the giant elephant that had suddenly taken up residence on my chest.