Footsteps echo off the linoleum floors and hard metal surfaces of my lab. I look up to find Traci standing in my doorway holding a folder, with a bemused expression on her face.
"Holly. Hey. What are you doing here?" She asks, coming in to set the folder on my desk.
"Well this does happen to be my office…" I smile up at her.
She shoots me the very same "don't give me any of that nonsense" look I've seen her use on both Leo and Gail.
"It is well after midnight. I could ask the same of you." I say attempting to deflect.
"Ok, well, I am trying to clear that double domestic homicide and human trafficking case off my desk so I can hand that girl, Ivona, the one we found, off to CPS as quickly as possible, because I promised my son that I would spend the next three days, with him. And Steve said that he would take us out to breakfast and then to the arcade to play laser tag. So I thought I would come down here and drop off the witness statements and additional evidence myself, on my way home." She looks sharply at me, "What's your excuse? I thought you and Gail had the night off together. In fact, I'm pretty sure that Steve will be calling you in the morning to see if you can get Gail out of bed, so you guys can come with us."
I sigh and swivel in my chair to face her.
"Gail doesn't want to see me right now." I say shaking my head sadly.
"I sincerely doubt that." Traci gives me knowing look.
"We a fight, so I thought I'd come here and try to get something useful done where at least I can be cool while we both cool off." I sighed again heavily and felt my shoulders sag a little.
"You know Holly, when Gail is hurting she has the tendency to simply lash out." Traci looks at me with wide sympathetic eyes.
"I know. And I shouldn't have freaked out at her." I shift my gaze to my hands. My fingers play mindlessly with the arm of my chair. "It's just after everything that's happened this year, I can't stand the thought of her disappearing on an other under cover mission. You know, putting herself in danger for God knows how long."
"Wait. What?" She says.
I look up to find Traci looking concerned.
"Gail never said anything about going away again. She was freaking out pretty badly after hearing Ivona's story. She hates to admit it, but I know the whole abduction thing still affects her. She was having such a hard time, Oliver and I sent her home." She continued.
"She was? She did? You did?" I could feel my heart sinking in my chest.
"Yeah. Isn't that what you were fighting about?" Traci cocks her head inquisitively.
"No, not exactly. Listen, I need to go home!" I say, springing from my chair.
"You're welcome... Any time…" I hear Traci grumble as I practically sprint past her.
With the exception of the occasional lantern the city is dark and strangely quiet as I make my way home. I can hear the sound of laughter as I turn the corner into our neighborhood. Someone has opened up a fireplug. Both children and adults dance in its cooling spray in the flickering light of torches set in front yards to illuminate the scene. As I stop at the intersection of our street, kids dart through the headlights of my car, chasing each other, playing cops and robbers with water guns. I smile and wave as they pass by wondering what Gail is doing right now. Thunder rumbles softly in the distance promising rain, and with any luck, a break from this heat wave.
The house is dark and quiet too. Setting my keys on the table in the front hall I find an electric lantern and click it on as I kick off my shoes. Carrying it with me, I make my way into the silent cavern of our dimly lit living room. There are more electric lanterns lit on the mantle and candles burning in the fireplace. The air is thick and oppressive. I am beginning to worry about where she is, when I see her standing on our back deck looking out over the yard at the trees. There is something about the way she is holding herself that makes me want to cry.
"Gail…?" I call her name quietly stepping through the sliding glass doors, but get no response.
"Gail, " I say, softly stepping up to stand beside her, "Traci found me at the lab. She told me about… you were having a bad day."
Her face could be made of marble as she keeps staring out into the distance. The air is so still I can feel the weight of the sky bearing down on us.
"I'm sorry. " I say quietly, "After all that we've been through, I get so afraid of losing you sometimes. You have no idea how helpless it made me feel when you were missing and then when I thought you were dead…" I let my voice trail off, the overwhelming rising tide of feelings threatening to drown me. Inhaling deeply, my breath catches in my chest. I try to hold it back, but it all comes out in a heated rush, "I get so frustrated when I think you could be far away on a dangerous case and there is nothing I can do. I'm not angry with you Gail, even though it came out that way... I never was."
We stand there for a while. I can feel the pressure building behind my eyes as heat prickles on my skin.
"It could have been me." She finally says in a barely audible voice.
I hold my breath and wait for her to continue. A cool breeze ruffles her hair and the thunder rumbles closer, lightning flashes orange in distant clouds.
"To be helpless and alone while some psycho does science experiments…" She licks her lips, "She has never even had a boyfriend, and now she's pregnant with the child of a guy she hates…"
I hear her voice break just a little.
"Oh honey…" I reach out to touch her arm, but she pulls away.
"She was supposed to have come here for a better life." Unshed diamond tears sparkle in her eyes, but don't fall.
"You tell me Holly, what am I supposed to do with that?" She turns to face me now. Her eyes are like stone, giving nothing away. "And then you freak out about me going to Prague to do my job. I would never try to stop you from doing you your job, Holly."
"I didn't want to stop you from doing your job. I know how much it means to you, and I want more than anything for you to succeed!" I feel my shoulders sag a little as I say this.
"But…" Gail says, giving me a hard look.
"Ok, well…" I can feel my heart speed up and the pressure building behind my eyes, "How would you feel if I were to go undercover and go away for months at a time without you knowing anything except I might be in danger?" I can feel myself starting to word-vomit, as I tend to do when I am upset, "I mean, you hated it when I went to that conference in Vancouver last month over a long weekend…"
"That was different!" She says sharply.
"You're right. That was different. You knew exactly where I was, and what I was doing. I didn't have to make life or death decisions that put me in an intimate relationship with someone else!" I heard her sharp intake of breath, and I knew I wasn't being fair, but I couldn't stop myself.
"Thanks Holly! I thought you said that that didn't matter. That you were just glad I came home alive!" Her tone was harsh, but her eyes glimmered with a wounded vulnerability.
"Look. I love you and I don't want to fight anymore. But you need to see that this year has taken a toll on both of us." I can feel the tears beginning to well up in my eyes. I look away because I can't say this and look at her. "I just need some time for things to be normal. I love you so much, but there are times that I'm not sure that that's enough."
Thunder rumbles closer and a cool breeze begins to pick up.
"Please," She says in a tiny voice that breaks my heart, "Please Holly, I need you."
I feel her reach out and tug at my hand. I still can't look at her. She edges closer, touching my waist with soft tentative fingertips. Her cheek comes to rest on my bare shoulder and I realize that she must be crying.
"Oh honey," I sigh, turning to cup her chin in my hands.
Lightning flashes overhead, illuminating the despair written in her eyes for one indelible second. Fat, cool raindrops fall, but all I can hear is the beating of my own heart. The sky opens up. Our lips meet in a desperate searing kiss, mixing our tears with pure clear, soothing rain. Our tongues battle, our teeth clash as we are magnetically drawn together. Rough hands force my tank top and bra up over my head, tearing my glasses from my face at the same time. I don't care! I am too busy unbuttoning her shorts and peeling them down her legs, as she removes her own shirt. My slacks are undone with such force, I 'm surprised they don't rip in the process. I pull her back to me, slamming our bodies and our lips back together as I part her legs and thrust two fingers directly inside of her. Her knees buckle with a strangled cry. She wraps one leg around my waist giving me greater access, allowing a third finger to slip inside as she thrust insistently against the heel of my hand. Biting me hard on the neck, she pulls back just long enough to push me to the ground and mount me again. Splitting me open with her fingers, I fell a cry of my own ripped from somewhere deep inside. Our bodies slide frenziedly against each other. There is nothing sweet, or gentle about our passion, only burning, aching fire so sharp and hot not even the cold rain can quench it. She is panting hard now, riding my thigh and my fingers. Thrusting hard into me with fingers of her own, she whimpers loudly, and untamed sounds escape her throat. She leans forward to bite my nipple and muffle her feral scream as she cums. I strain harder, not quite there yet. Her eyes glitter wildly as she makes her way down my body to thrust her savage, insistent tongue between my legs. She roughly splays my legs wider apart, giving herself more room to slip more fingers inside of me. I can feel all of the tension of the past building to a crescendo as she finally fills me with her entire hand, while baring down hard on my clit with her tongue. My entire world implodes again and again in wave after wave, tearing me apart and somehow putting me back together. There is nothing but her, her eyes, her lips, her skin, as she gently pulls her hand away and holds me, my body sharply cumming again as she runs gentle fingers softly between my legs.
"Gail…" I finally manage to catch my breath and whisper. Pulling her on top of me, I hold on tight as she clings to me.
"Please Holly, I… I can't lose you!" She murmurs into my neck.
"I love you." I say, kissing her with tender care this time.
The torrent of rain has let up some, but drizzle still mists the air. I realize not only are we both cold and shivering, but the power has come back on.
I roll her off of me and sit up.
"Come on Gail, help me find my glasses so we can go inside and take this to bed." I smile at her.
"Ok." She reaches over to squeeze my hand.
This may be far from everything, but I feel like it's maybe, at the very least a promise that we can move forward together.