"Konan, just kill me."
Konan had seen her boss in some terrible moods, but this had to be the worst by far. His head was banging against his desk more often than not, and every time he looked at his computer screen, his skin turned a sickly shade of lime. He was now seated beside his office window with his face mashed up against the glass, looking out at the street as if he'd be glad at that moment to have an office on a higher floor with a larger window.
"Itachi-San, you always overreact. I'll admit Tokumei might have been a little more robust in her choices for this months topic, but-"
"A little more robust?" Itachi asked, shooting out of his chair furiously. "This is a magazine that targets women! What the hell is a woman going to do learning to give a rim job?"
Konan blushed, and looked pointedly at the wall next to Itachi instead of Itachi himself. "Honestly, sir … Tokumei is so... er- detailed with the description that I doubt anyone will much care about whether or not it applies to their personal life."
Itachi groaned. Lovely. A bunch of smut-crazy fangirls would become addicted to an informational magazine. Why the hell had this chick picked his magazine to publish her whoreish articles in anyway? Where the hell did she get an idea like that?
"Konan, you've got to cut the article. We'll lose our decent clients if it gets published the way it is."
"Honestly, Itachi-San, I don't think that's the case. This is, by far, one of the best article's Tokumei-Chan has written. It would be horrible not to publish it."
Itachi, if possible, only fumed farther at the words that were meant to be encouraging. "Email this Tokumei woman and tell her that I demand a meeting face to face."
Konan nodded, and went to compose an email to Tokumei's personal address, explaining as tactfully as possible that Itachi had some mild concerns with the most recent article and would like to meet for lunch at her easiest convenience. Within the next ten minutes, she had a reply.
Konan,
It's very considerate of you to care so much for Itachi and for your job, and that is not unappreciated. However, I think that you and your boss are misunderstanding the positions that you play in this little game. Mr. Uchiha's demand to meet me in person is neither rational nor necessary. If he does not publish the article exactly as I wrote it, he can rid himself of my services henceforth.
Thank you for understanding,
-Tokumei
Fuck. Itachi would be all kinds of pissed to see that. It was bad enough that they had mutual friends without realizing it … what with their shared friendship with Deidara and Sasori... she was afraid of what would happen when Itachi picked up on that. He hated working with people who knew him personally, and Deidara wouldn't understand the word 'secret' if it were spelled out with a clay dictionary. Ugh. This job was just too hard – unless Konan could call in some favors … She smiled slightly at her new plan, and returned to Itachi's office.
"She'll meet with you later today for lunch, Itachi-San."
Itachi nodded, clearly pleased by this news, and Konan slipped out of the building, hoping to get this ploy set in motion as quickly as possible.
XxBxExLxOxVxExDxX
"Konan made Sasori do what?" Sasuke asked in near hysterics as he sat down to lunch with his friends.
Gaara smirked, glad that if there was one thing he and Sasuke enjoyed together it was the misfortune of other people. "Made him cash in on some favor and find her an actress to play Tokumei-Chan, since apparently the real Tokumei said something that could have risked Konan her job."
Sasuke snorted and rolled his eyes. "Oh? And what happens when this actress agrees to edit the article and I don't?"
Gaara shrugged, casually amused as he munched at his sandwich before frowning down at it and smiling when Neji automatically passed him the salt shaker without needing to be asked. "I expect that then Konan and the actress would lose their jobs in that case, but the actress will probably be given strict instructions to be as much of an arse as possible."
Sasuke grinned, not without noticing the obvious jab at his personality. He stood, without his tray, and walked boldly up to a table of girls whose giggling immediately transformed to embarrassed blushing and aversion of eyes as he approached. He offered a heart warming expression and held out a hand. "Would a couple of you lovely ladies come on a little date with me this afternoon?" Sasuke asked in what he knew to be his most charming voice.
And so, it was that when Itachi was sitting down at what was apparently a Soul Food Bistro (as if that made any sense) he was bombarded by a hoard of teenage girls – and his brother. Sasuke was glad to know that Itachi had come here. It was his brother's usual place to go when stressed, and apparently that didn't change just because he was meeting someone.
The actress was dressed in an offensively sultry manor when she entered, and Sasuke rolled his eyes. Even if Tokumei was a woman, she would never dress like that. He pouted at her, and his fan-girls didn't fail to realize that.
"Is something wrong, Sasuke-Kun?"
"Is that woman bothering you, Sasuke-Kun?"
"What should we do?"
"What do you need, Sasuke-Kun? Please feel better!"
He frowned theatrically at the woman and looked back towards the crazy teenagers that he had come to love and hate depending on the moment, right now – he rather appreciated them. "She broke my heart," he said in what he knew was a very deeply hurt tone.
That was all it took. Four simple words, and the fan-girls pounced like a puma. Like thirty puma's actually. Sasuke took a casual seat across from his brother, wondering if Itachi would gather that he actually was meeting Tokumei for lunch as Konan had promised.
Itachi was, of course, just as dense as usual. It was a mystery to Sasuke how this man had the highest IQ in Konoha. Perhaps book-smarts just weren't everything in the real world.
"Fancy seeing you here, Nii-San! You should be at work, shouldn't you?" Sasuke asked as the place quieted, his fan-girls clearly having deduced that the woman who'd broken his heart had to be removed from his presence and questioned to death elsewhere.
Itachi frowned. "I'm meeting someone. Why aren't you at school?"
Sasuke shrugged with a grin. "Someone seemed to be given a false impression about whether or not I agreed to date them. I'd have felt bad just standing them up."
Itachi nodded along as if this made perfect sense, and Sasuke seriously thought he might have to take out a tape measure just to see how thick Itachi was.
At just that moment, Naruto burst in. "Sasuke! Those girls are outsi-" He broke off mid-sentence, and noticed Itachi.
Please don't be stupid, please don't be stupid, please don't be stupid.
Naruto clearly was ignoring Sasuke's inner mantra. "Oh! Sasuke did you tell Itachi that y-"
"No! I didn't!" Sasuke snapped, cutting Naruto off furiously. It was too late, Itachi wasn't fooled. He raised an aggressively curious eyebrow at Sasuke, and as Gaara and Neji entered the restaurant, they heard their raven haired best friend tell one of the most insane lies in the universe.
"I'm … uh … I'm transsexual. I know I was born in this body, but I just … feel like I should have been a woman. I'm going to start taking estrogen after I speak to Mum and Dad about it."
Itachi stared at him, wide eyed, and Sasuke tried to ignore Neji's painfully amused smirk, and Gaara's cackling. Naruto had fainted, thank god. He knew this was a far reach, but it had to be a lie that was insane enough for Itachi to feel uncomfortable checking up on it's likelihood.
"Sasuke … I … I didn't know. This must be so hard for you..." Itachi reached his hand across the table and held Sasuke's in his.
Oh lord, now he had to deal with Itachi when he felt like being a supportive big brother … fuck. Sasuke didn't know if he could keep a straight face through all of this, but he would if he had to.
"No, no, it's not hard. I'm still the same person. I'm still your brother. I'll just … I'll just be your sister some day." Oh god why the hell had he blurted out this of all lies?
Itachi sighed. "I'm so sorry, Sasuke. I'd always just assumed that you were flamboyantly gay..."
I am! I'm flamboyantly gay, and openly in love with you! Ugh! Sasuke told his mind to shut up, and just nodded along. "Well, I do like men, just … as a woman." Did that make sense? Nope. Probably not at all. At least Itachi wasn't a tranny, so he couldn't prove that Sasuke was doing it wrong.
Heaving a tired sigh, Sasuke made a silent vow to make Konan's life a living hell from that point on.
A/N: Don't kill me, I promise there's reason behind this insanity - and no, Sasuke's not going to change at all.
Please review!
I love you a lot!
-Beloved