Sorry it's taken me so long to post this! This chapter has been especially difficult for me to write given everything that has happened with Gail and Holly in season 5. Thank you for reading and for all of your comments, PMs, reviews and tweets!
Special thanks to my twitter buddies Gem_X, Scoot, Weed, Saz, Chambers11, for all of your encouragement and help! And also to Officer Lunchbox, and Jeshmira for cheerleading this fandom! And, of course undying gratitude to Aliyah O'Brien and Charlotte Sullivan for bringing Gail and Holly to life in the first place!
Grey. Wrapped in a shroud of ethereal cotton that muffles the sounds of morning and mutes the vibrance of the day to a monochrome stasis, the world is grey. Grey moisture drips like slow permeating peace from our eves and fills our room with a humid sweet smelling calm that clings to my skin. I awake to the blue-grey of early morning, like the blue of her eyes, but I am naked and alone on deliciously cool sheets absorbing the soft grey mist that drifts past our open bedroom window. Last night we made love in a lightning storm as the heat wave broke and electricity danced across our skin. Contained in our own circuit, we stumbled to our bed, wet and slick with necessity, and melancholy, and rain. Where within that moment we made love again more carefully this time. Each caress, each look, each touch a promise and a prayer that we might survive this. And I know I have to let her go, lest the planetary forces spinning out of our control destroy us.
I stretch and yawn, lazy with the sleep-filled head of morning and the murmur of soft rain upon our roof. I love the simplicity of the pull and strain on the long muscles of my body from the ends of my fingers to the tips of my toes, stretched out like a bow the instant before the release of the arrow, that then gives way to lying limp and languid beneath cool sheets on a mountain of soft pillows. And there she is, leaning in the doorway watching me for just a moment longer than necessary, coffee clutched in her hands. I taste it pleasantly on her mouth before she hands me a cup of my own.
"Hey," She says, nuzzling my ear sweetly as she sits on the edge of the bed, one leg tucked under her, one hand on my sternum. "Good morning Holly."
Her eyes are a darker blue grey of morning sky, substantial, brooding.
"Hi." I scoot back to sit up more, and push over making room.
She gets up to place her mug on the bedside table and drops her cut-off sweats to the floor before climbing back into bed. I sip my coffee cautiously before placing it beside hers and pulling her into my arms. She cuddles in closer, her spiky brush of wild, still sleep tousled hair tickling my nose and my chin as she burrows into my chest and hides herself in my hair like a small animal or a child.
"I know this is stupid, but things have been weird since we've been back, and I know you've been right here, but I've missed you." She murmurs in a voice so soft I can barely make out her words. "So much!"
I sigh because I know exactly what she means. Today is a rare gift, a day where we are both off duty at the same time, with nothing to do and nowhere to be.
Things have been crazy and tense since we came home from the conference in London and our time in Paris. It has been almost three months and I know the pressure she is feeling, not only from The International Commission on Human Trafficking, but from her mother as well. For her to make a decision is enormous. It looms in the shadows and stalks her our every waking moment, even in broad daylight. While Elaine would love the prestige of having Gail work for the ICHT, she has done everything in her power to keep Gail here with the Toronto PD. The liaison position to international law enforcement Gail is unofficially inhabiting right now is a creation of Elaine's aimed at doing just that. Between that and her regular duties, we have had scarce little time to simply just be together. And still there is the fall-out of everything else that has happened this past year alone. What we need is the luxury of time, something I'm not sure we will be afforded.
"Gail," I bring my hands up to cup her chin and raise her eyes to mine, "Gail look at me." I whisper.
As she looks up the ominous dark blue grey of earlier has shifted to deep blue thunderheads like last night's storm.
"I just love you so…" I capture her lips in mine again. I mean to tell her that she should go to Europe, I mean to say it will be alright, I mean to force her to follow her dreams, but looking into her eyes all I can say is, "No matter where you go, no matter what you do, I will always love you."
Her hands come up to skim my jaw, holding my face like I am the most precious thing on earth. "I love you too." She says, her voice hushed, her eyes trusting. "Why does that sound like you are trying to say goodbye?"
"I'm not." I promise, stroking her cheeks with my thumbs. She leans into me and puts her head on my shoulder.
"Ok." She replies and I can hear the uncertainty in her voice.
"Never goodbye." I whisper.
"Ok." She says again, looking up at me through her eyelashes.
I sigh, "It's just I know how much this job with the Commission would mean to you, to be able to be your own person without the expectations or added pressure of being a Peck. You did that while you were undercover, and in spite of whatever strain it put on us, I need you to know, I am so very proud of you Gail!"
Her arms wrap around me as she pushes her face deeper into my neck. She makes a little noise that could be a whimper as she holds me tighter still. I draw mindless patterns on her back and in her hair, wishing we could be like this forever.
"Come with me?" She breathes, so softly I barely hear it.
"I already said I would." I whisper into her hair. "As long as you are sure…"
"I can't… I don't… I…" She stutters to a halt, closes her eyes briefly and continues, "I just want to spend the rest of my life with you." She sighs, "And I can't promise it will be easy, and I don't know where life will take us, but I do know that I never want to be apart from you for an extended time with no contact ever again!"
"Ok." I state a little bit more bravely, "So… Europe then."
"Listen," She says, looking into my eyes now, "Why don't I talk with Yuri and Tattianna when I get to Prague, and find out exactly what the position they are offering is, and then we can decide from there."
"Gail, you know this is huge." I can't help but smile at her.
"I know." She smiles back, "But somehow you have forced me to become a better person. And I know, together we can do anything!"