Chapter 13
-0-0-0-
I'm completely shocked to see him here with his...date. Not because I assumed he didn't date; on the contrary, actually. Guys like Edward Cullen can't not date. I never for one minute assumed he'd spent the past seven years celibate, mourning the loss of the summer fling he'd knocked up. I'm not dumb. Not anymore.
My shock has more to do with my reaction to seeing him. My hands start sweating, and my stomach rolls in waves as I watch them together. His hand on her hip hurts my heart and I hate him for that. I hate that I care who he touches. I hate that he still matters to me.
He finally notices me when Leggy Blond moves toward their table. A look of confusion clouds his face as he stares at me, and confusion quickly turns to horror. He's finally recognized me, and I wonder briefly if maybe my overdone makeup and hair threw him off. I watch as his color drains, and his hand falls limply to his side.
The shocked look on my face must finally register with Rose, because she chooses that moment to call my name.
"Birdie?" She glances at Alice in confusion, then sits up straight and turns to look behind her. "What's wrong?"
With the three of us staring at him, Edward has no choice but to play the role of a gentlemen and come say hello. He pulls Leggy Blond's chair out for her and waits until she slides seductively into her seat before he bends down to whisper in her ear. He nods toward our table and she gives him a tight lipped smile.
"Bella?" Rose snaps. "What the hell is going-"
"Hi, Bella," Edward's voice sounds hoarse, and he clears his throat before starting again. "What're you doing here?"
He's standing beside our table, hands folded neatly in the pockets of his pants, the picture of complete ease. I can read him well enough these days to know he's anything but.
He looks amazing, I'll give him that. I'm used to seeing him in a suit, which, admittedly, is a pretty incredible thing. But the jeans he's wearing fit him perfectly, and his cotton shirt makes him look young, like the boy I remember. I'm suddenly so overcome with nostalgia for him that it hurts to breathe.
Rose and Alice are looking back and forth between the two of us with wide, curious eyes. Rose flicks her head in his direction and mouths You know him?
I tug lightly at the low cut top I'm wearing, all too aware of how the ample cleavage I'm not used to sharing is currently spilling out the front. I press my cold hand to my flushed neck and leave it there; a shield of sorts.
"Edward," I smile politely, like this absurd situation is completely normal for me. "What a surprise."
Rose lets forth an audible gasp, but Alice remains confused, looking back and forth between the three of us.
"Edward...?" she smiles sweetly, waiting for him to finish the introduction. This is going nowhere, fast. I have no idea how he'll describe himself to Alice: My baby daddy? Former fling? Ex-boyfriend? I intervene before he has the chance.
"Edward," I say, looking at him directly for the first time. "These are my friends Rose and Alice. And this is...um, this is my brother's childhood friend, Edward Cullen."
The connection registers with Alice and she slaps her hand to her mouth, covering her sharp intake of breath.
Edward extends his hand politely and shakes both of theirs. "Nice to meet you both," he says. Then to Rose, "I've heard a lot about you."
"Likewise," she says, sourly.
Edward's smile falters and I almost feel bad for him. Almost. "Bella," he says. "Can I talk to you privately?"
Alice and Rose gape at me as I drop my napkin on the table and rise to meet him. "Okay," I say, leading us back toward the front of the restaurant. The bar area is fairly crowded, but it's quiet and there are several empty bar-top tables off to one side. I steer us toward them.
Stopping at the table, I turn to face Edward, raising my eyebrows expectantly. With my heels we're much closer in height, and I can almost look him directly in the eye.
"You look amazing," he says quietly.
"Oh, gross, Edward," I scoff. "You're on a date. You can't hit on me while your date's waiting back at the table."
"I'm not-," he starts, then stops and tugs harshly at his hair.
He tries again. "She's just...fuck. It's...It's not like that, okay?" He looks at me helplessly, as if he's waiting for me to excuse him or give him my blessing.
I laugh somewhat crazily. "It's absolutely none of my business, Edward. Who you're here with? It has nothing to do with me."
"It does," he says quietly. "I don't want you to hate me."
"I couldn't care less," I lie. "You don't owe me anything. We're not together. We're not—we're nothing."
I shrug casually and smile at him when I'm done, because if I don't, I'll cry.
"If we're finished here, I'd like to get back to my table," I say. "It's Rose's birthday."
His cheeks are red and he blinks a few times before giving me a sullen nod.
"Great." I squeeze his shoulder. "I'll see you around, okay?"
Turning on my heel, I walk back to my table and leave Edward standing alone.
-0-0-0-
"Bella," Alice breathes when I return to our table. "Ava looks just like him."
I slide back into my chair and smile to let them know I'm okay. "Tell me about it," I mutter. Over Rose's shoulder, Leggy Blond scrolls through her phone with exaggerated interest. It's only a few moments before Edward walks back through the room and takes his seat across from her. I try not to look.
"Birdie?" Rose says softly. "Do you want to leave?"
It's taking everything I have to sit in this room, watching him as if we're strangers. I feel terrible for ruining Rose's birthday, but I nod my head miserably. "So much," I whisper.
Rose and Alice spring into action. Before I can even second guess myself, our bill is paid, our bags are grabbed, and we're heading toward the door.
I don't look back.
-0-0-0-
I pick Ava up early the next morning, around eight. She's surprisingly calm and sweet—despite my mother's indulgences—and she's exactly what I need. I still feel horrible about the way we ended up celebrating Rose's birthday last night—eating powdered donuts and watching bad television from the comfort of my couch—and all I want is to spend the day alone with my girl with my brain set to 'off'.
We stop by the grocery store on our way home to get the ingredients for homemade pizza. It's Ava's favorite and Emmett's too, and I'm hoping I can use it as leverage so that he and Rose will join us for dinner later. It's the least I can do.
I'm unloading groceries while Ava sits perched on the kitchen counter eating a banana. "Did you have fun last night, Bug?" I ask her.
"Oh yeah," she answers, mouth full. Opening the refrigerator door, I begin moving items around to make room for today's purchases. If I'm crafty, I can squeeze several meals out of everything we have.
"What about you?" She swallows and tears off another huge bite. "Did you have fun with Auntie Rose and Alice?"
A loaded question, that one, but I answer her honestly. "I did." While the night took a weird turn, I was still happy to be spending time with my friends.
"What'd you do?" she quizzes. She'd never admit it, but I think it makes her sad when I do things things without her. I know we need time away from each other on occasion, but it makes me sad too.
I nudge the fridge door with my hip and it slaps shut behind me. "We went to a fancy restaurant and ate sushi," I say, dramatically.
Her tiny nose wrinkles up in confusion. "Sushi?" she says. "What's that?"
"It's raw fish, Bug." I tickle her neck and she squeals. "It can't be macaroni and cheese all the time around here."
My phone chirps from its place in my purse on the counter, and I grab it without even thinking about who it might be.
There's one text, from Edward, and it's short and to the point.
Can we talk?
I rub my eyes tiredly and consider his question. The amount of work it takes to have a relationship with Edward—even a simple friendship—is enough to completely exhaust me.
I opt for casual nonchalance. Sure. What's up?
Slipping my phone into my back pocket, I focus my attention back on Ava. "So what'll it be tonight? Cheese or pepperoni?" I ask.
Her little face screws up in disgust. "Cheese only! I'm a vegetarian, remember?"
I fight to control my smile and lift her from the counter, setting her back on her feet. "Oh, right. That hotdog you had yesterday made me wonder if you'd changed your mind."
"It's one of my exceptions," she says, shrugging. "I allow myself five."
"I see," I say, the picture of complete seriousness. "Why don't you go unpack your bags and I'll call Uncle Emmett and tell him our plans."
She tosses her banana peel in the trash and skips off to her bedroom. The moment she's gone, my phone is back in my hand and I'm scrolling through the lock screen to check for new texts. I'm not proud of my eagerness.
Sure enough, my screen lights up with Edward's message. Last night felt weird. I feel like I need to explain...
Last night did feel weird, I'll give him that, but Edward doesn't technically owe me any explanations. I'm not his girlfriend. I'm not even his casual hook-up or fling. We're so much more and so much less, and the confusion surrounding our...friendship is more than I can make sense of.
No explanation needed. It's a small town...we're likely to run into each other. You don't have to explain anything.
I chip the polish off my thumbnail with my teeth as I debate sending my message. I'm desperate for Edward to see that I've changed, moved on, grown up, and his actions no longer affect me the way that they used to. It's pathetic, even to me, how quickly I've opened myself up to him.
Pressing send, I shove my phone in a drawer where I won't be tempted to check it and pick up the home phone to call my brother. I've got a pizza date to plan.
-0-0-0-
I'm surprised to see Edward seated in his usual booth during my shift at the diner on Monday. It's cubed steak night, and he's not usually around for that. I used to wonder how he spent his evenings when he wasn't eating at the diner, but after seeing him out with Leggy Blond this weekend, I've decided I'd probably rather not know.
There's an awkward tension between us as I approach his table. Things have rarely been completely smooth, but it's always been the tense result of him pushing too hard and me attempting to maintain some distance between us, for the sake of my daughter and myself. Today's awkwardness is new—the result of him feeling guilty, I'd guess, and me feeling annoyed about how there's not technically anything for him to feel guilty about.
Our greeting is just as stilted as the air around us. "Hello," I say, with the same type of casual indifference I normally give my customers. "What can I get you today?"
He's annoyed. I can tell as soon as I see his face. There are several missed text messages on my phone that I'd intentionally left unopened over the weekend and, after seeing the scowl on his face, I'm wondering if I took my attempted indifference too far by ignoring him.
His menu is unopened, and he stares at me with scrutiny, chewing with concentrated effort on his bottom lip. "It's going to be like that, huh?" he says.
My careful facade slips momentarily, but I manage to pull it back together. The picture of indifference, I shrug my shoulders. "Like what?"
He leans back in his seat and looks at me through narrowed eyes for longer than I'm comfortable with, and I fidget under his intense gaze. I recognize the look of heated determination the moment it moves across his face.
"This is such bullshit, Bella!" he slaps a hand down loudly on the sticky formica top. "Stop playing games with me!"
All the progress that we've made as friends, and all the maturity I thought I'd gained in his absence leaves the room on the tails of the woosh that falls from my gaping mouth.
"Games?" I question. Then again, louder. "Games! Are you kidding me, Edward Cullen? I am not playing games!"
His cheeks glow pink and his fist stays balled on the tabletop. "This back and forth shit is driving me crazy. One day you're normal, and the next you act like we've never even met!"
It takes a strong effort on my part to remember that I am, in fact, working. It is not a good idea for me to cause a scene.
"Oh, please," I cry, rolling my eyes in exasperation. "There's no back and forth here, Edward." I wave my hand between the two of us. "You're pissed that I wasn't falling all over myself when I saw you wining and dining your latest bimbo."
He glares at me, and the sharp curves in his jaw twitch and jump. I'm not done yet, though.
"Well guess what?" I continue, too far gone to care. "You can fuck all of Texas for all I care! Just don't come crying to me when you've knocked up some other poor, stupid girl and left her—alone—to raise a child you want nothing to do with!"
I realize I've taken it too far as soon as the words leave my mouth. I've completely contradicted myself by turning this tirade personal and hitting below the belt. I'm bigger than this, and I'm not out to retaliate or to make Edward suffer for his past indiscretions. Despite my confused feelings toward him, I'm sickened to think I've intentionally hurt him.
"I'm sorry," I whisper, tears pushing at the corners of my lids. "I didn't mean that."
Edward's face is flushed an unhealthy shade of red, and his lips are pressed tightly into a straight line. It's his eyes that are my undoing, though. They're wide and remorseful and wounded. My own release the tears they've been holding back, and they spill freely down my cheeks.
I lay my hand on Edward's arm as he slides out of the booth and grabs his jacket off the back of the bench seat. "Please, wait..." I beg, and for once I don't hate the way it feels to ask him to stay.
He shrugs gently from my grip and walks out the diner door without a second glance.
Thanks for reading.