Author's Note: Thanks for all the encouraging reviews. I'm glad people are enjoying this. There are just some things you HAVE to do with a kidfic or it doesn't make sense, like for example the obligatory shopping trip. But I hope to have enough originality in there to keep people entertained. Thanks again!

Ch 5

"Morning, Teal'c," Jack greeted casually. "Good old fashioned team breakfast, huh?"

Teal'c looked at the two small children and his eyes widened only slightly. "Apparently. Am I to take it that these children are Daniel Jackson and Samantha Carter?"

"Yup, got it in one!" he said. "Guys, say hi to Uncle Teal'c."

"Hi Uncle Teal'c," they chorused eagerly, grinning at him hugely.

"You will explain this more thoroughly later, O'Neill," Teal'c said pointedly before moving to the back of the breakfast line.

It wasn't a request.

Jack nodded and appreciated Teal'c's instant understanding of the situation.

The children were staring up at Teal'c with their mouths slightly open, clearly in awe of his massive size. Teal'c looked down at them calmly, waiting patiently. Daniel found his voice first. "You must be the strongest person on Earth!" he said in an awed almost-whisper.

"Can we climb you?" Sam asked promptly, bolstered by Daniel's braveness.

Jack laughed, particularly when Teal'c looked puzzled. "Why would you wish to climb me?"

"Ah, no climbing until after breakfast," Jack interrupted, nudging the kids into line behind Teal'c.

The possibility of breakfast provided sufficient distraction… for now, at least.

Negotiating the breakfast line wasn't easy. He repeatedly pulled each child's hands back as they reached for things like doughnuts and other sugary breakfast items. When Teal'c finally got tired of listening to the children's objections, which got more and more whiny the further down the line they went, he said, "O'Neill, would it not be easier to let them choose their own breakfasts?"

"Yeah but they've already had coffee with about a pound of sugar in it," Jack said. "Any more and they'll be flying around the room."

He finally brought them over to their usual table and set their breakfasts in front of them hopefully. Each child climbed onto a chair sullenly, staring at their plates skeptically.

"These eggs are too yellow," Sam announced, poking at them with her fork.

Daniel picked up a piece of bacon and cautiously sniffed it before nibbling it. "Ew!" he spit it out and wiped his hand on his napkin. Sam's bacon promptly got shoved off her plate as well after observing Daniel's fate.

As breakfast went on, Jack ignored them as long as he could, hoping they'd be hungry enough to try eating it if he just left them to it. After a few cautious tastes, pokes, and trades back and forth between the two of them, however, Jack had to give up. Daniel had eaten a buttered biscuit and Sam had finished her juice - which admittedly contained sugar - but that was about all they'd eaten.

"Okay," Jack finally relented. "What will you eat?"

"Waffles!" Daniel said immediately.

"Don't suppose there's a chance you want them without syrup," Jack muttered. "Sam, do you want waffles too?"

She nodded. "And a doughnut!"

"Me too!"

"Eat the waffles, and Sam eat your biscuit, and then you can share a doughnut afterwards," Jack said firmly.

They looked at each other and decided it was a fair deal. "Okay," they agreed.

"Promise?" Jack asked.

Daniel nodded eagerly. "Yes, sir," Sam said, nodding eagerly as well.

Rolling his eyes, Jack went to fetch them new plates.

Teal'c, finding himself suddenly alone at the table with the two small children, slid Daniel's untouched eggs onto his own plate and watched as Sam obediently ate her biscuit.

She was staring at him as she ate. Teal'c returned the stare calmly while he ate the eggs, wondering what she was doing. "Are you cataloging my features for future reference?" he finally asked.

She giggled. "I dunno, maybe. What does that mean?"

"I was questioning your motives in staring at me."

"Oh. I was just thinking," she said, as O'Neill came back with two new plates and a bottle of syrup. "If you're more than a hundred, you musta been lying last night Colonel, because no way is Uncle Teal'c older than you!"

The marines at the next table, who hadn't exactly been trying to hide the fact that they were watching SG-1 in amusement, all burst out laughing.

"Very funny," Jack told her. "Just for that, smartass, Daniel gets the syrup first."

"Umm, you said 'ass,'" Daniel said as Jack poured syrup onto the boy's waffles for him and Sam giggled. "Oops! I just said it too!" Daniel squeaked sheepishly, looking amazed at his own accidental bravery… and even more amazed when none of the adults around seemed to care that he'd said it. Neat!

"I am in fact over a hundred years old, Samantha," Teal'c said, after giving the marines a stern look until they turned away from them. "I am many decades older than O'Neill."

"Really?"

"Truly," Teal'c confirmed.

"Woooow," she said in awe, staring at Teal'c in admiration as Jack poured syrup onto her waffles for her.

He sat back down, keeping the syrup and their doughnut carefully with him, and resumed eating his own breakfast. Sam picked up her fork after a few moments and frowned at her plate, turning to Jack. "I need you to cut up my waffles for me," she stated. "Sir," she added quickly with a sweet smile after she remembered her father's rules.

"Oh for cryin out loud, Carter," he muttered, grabbing her plate and his knife quickly and shooting a scowl at the marines, who were laughing heartily again. "You're trying to kill me, aren't you?"

"But I like you! I wouldn't kill you!" she sounded appalled.

"I like you too," Daniel said sincerely, as the marines laughed some more.

"Great," he said, sliding the plate back over to the little girl. "Daniel, do you need me to cut up your waffles too?" he demanded.

Daniel shook his head with a grin, flipped his top waffle over onto the one underneath it so both syrup sides touched each other, picked the whole thing up with both hands, and started eating it like a sandwich. Jack groaned - the kid was getting syrup all over his hands and face - but let him get on with it by himself.

"An interesting tactic, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c commented, passing the child a mountain of napkins.

"Thanks, Uncle Teal'c!" Daniel said happily with a syrupy grin.

Jack shook his head and watched as the kids worked their way steadily through their breakfasts, downing two more cups of coffee himself. He had a feeling he would need a central line of the stuff to keep up with these two. Speaking of which, reinforcements would always be good to have…

"Hey, T? We have to go get these kids some stuff to wear and a few things to keep them busy with. You coming with?"

"You wish me to accompany you to a children's store?" he asked, after contemplating the request for a few moments. He watched the kids dubiously - Sam had taken a piece of toast off her first, largely untouched plate, eaten it so that the part that remained looked like a pistol, and was pretending to shoot Daniel with it. Daniel was dying so dramatically - and loudly - that several other people in the commissary were looking over like they thought Jack might be hurting the boy.

"I will pass, O'Neill," Teal'c concluded.

"Oh, come on, Teal'c, it'll be fun," Jack tried.

"I cannot accompany you this morning anyway, O'Neill. I have agreed to teach a hand to hand combat seminar for the latest SGC recruits. It lasts until three o'clock this afternoon."

"Fine. But you're helping me after that," Jack stated.

"Don't you want to play with us?" Daniel asked Teal'c, sounding hurt.

He and Sam both turned huge, sad puppy dog eyes on Teal'c, who studied them and said finally, "Of course I wish to play with you. But first I must perform my prearranged duties to the SGC."

"Huh?" Sam asked.

"He has to work," Jack translated.

"I shall 'play' with you both later, if you wish," Teal'c promised.

The kids beamed at him, clearly envisioning Teal'c being able to swing them around and roughhouse with them to their hearts' content.

"Oh! Okay! Hey, Colonel? Are we just going to buy boring clothes or are we getting toys too?" Sam wanted to know next.

"We'll get some toys. Otherwise you'll probably be trying to dismantle the dialing computer by noon," Jack said.

"The what?" Sam asked interestedly.

"Never mind. Yes, we'll get some toys."

"Yaaaaaaaaaay!" Sam and Daniel chorused.

A passing nurse smiled at them. "They are so cute!" she gushed.

"Yeah, they're peachy," Jack agreed dryly, pulling Daniel's plate away from him - he was finished with the waffles, and looking around for other things to dip into the syrup still on his plate. "Hey, since they're just so adorable and all, why don't you take them back to the infirmary with you, and you can help the doc get them all un-sticky for their big trip?" he tried hopefully with a winning smile.

The nurse looked at the two syrup-covered children and shook her head quickly. "Um, well, sir, the thing is, I haven't actually had breakfast yet and…"

"Yeah, yeah," Jack waved her away.

She scurried off quickly. Sam leaned over the table towards Jack and patted his forearm with a sticky hand. "Can we have our doughnut now? We finished all our waffles, sir!"

He cut the doughnut in half, handed a piece to each kid, and tried to scrub the syrup out of his arm hair with a wet napkin while they devoured the doughnuts.

They were nearly finished when Janet and General Hammond joined them. "Good morning, SG-1," Hammond greeted.

"Uncle George!" Sam exclaimed happily, scrambling to her feet on her chair and trying to jump into the General's arms, completely unafraid of falling even though he was a good three feet away.

Jack got up quickly and intercepted her mid-flight. "I don't think Uncle George wants his clean dress uniform to be sticky all day, Sam," he pointed out, setting her back in her chair.

"I forgot. Sorry, Uncle George."

"That's okay, Sammy," Hammond said, patting her carefully on the top of the head - one of the few non-sticky places on her.

"Colonel, what on earth have you been giving these children?" Fraiser demanded, surveying the plates on the table.

Jack shifted uncomfortably in his seat, while Daniel piped up helpfully, "We had waffles and doughnuts, Dr. Janet. And juice."

"All sugar," Janet concluded unhappily. "Sir, really, they are small children, do you have any idea…"

"Hey, I tried!" Jack interrupted defensively, avoiding the General's eyes, as he was being scowled at by both the General and Fraiser. "They wouldn't eat anything else. It's not like there's a huge variety around here that DOESN'T have sugar in it, you know!"

"The eggs were too yellow," Sam complained.

"And the bacon tasted like feet," Daniel added.

"We did eat our biscuits, Dr. Janet," Sam said.

"Still, all that sugar on top of coffee…"

"Coffee?" Hammond asked sharply. "Colonel, I thought it was perfectly safe to leave my goddaughter with you but if you can't even follow the most basic…"

"She's fine, General!" Jack objected defensively. "Aren't you, Sam?"

Sam nodded, quickly finishing her doughnut before Janet could take it away. "The Colonel is taking us to buy toys, Uncle George!" she informed him happily, mouth full of doughnut.

"Is he now?" Hammond asked, eyeing Jack.

"And clothes," Jack added.

"Oh yeah," Sam remembered, swallowing the last of her doughnut in time to declare loudly, "Well, that's good I guess, cuz I'm not wearing any underwears!"

"Me neither, I don't have any underwear on either!" Daniel added.

The marines and several other people around them laughed again at the loud declarations.

"You guys are going to kill me," Jack said, getting to his feet. "Come on, we're going. Don't touch anything," he added, grabbing them under the armpits to set them on their feet without touching their sticky arms or hands.

He steered them out of the commissary with a head on top of each of their heads, keeping them at arm's reach so they couldn't touch him, each other, or anyone else, and took them to SG-1's locker room. Using several washcloths and a lot of soap and water, he scrubbed at their arms, hands, and faces until they weren't sticky anymore - it took a long time. The spaces between their little fingers was particularly hard to reach and clean.

Finally satisfied that they wouldn't get his truck all sticky, he stood up and tossed the wash cloths into the hamper. He changed into his civilian clothes while they played tag with each other around the benches in the middle of the room, then led the way to the surface, and his truck. He put them in the backseat and buckled them in securely, and started the truck.

"Where are we going?" Daniel asked immediately as they left the parking lot.

"Good question," Jack said under his breath. His first instinct was Toysrus, but he couldn't remember them having many clothes there, and he only wanted to make one stop if possible. "We'll go to Target first. They have clothes and some toys there. If you're really good there, we might go to another toy store too after that," he decided.

"We'll be good!" Daniel promised.

"Yeah, we'll be good!" Sam echoed, swinging her legs eagerly in the backseat. Jack shot her a look in the mirror as he felt the drumming of little feet against the back of his seat and sighed - she was just excited, and full of sugar. She wasn't even really trying to kick his seat. "Colonel? How long does it take to get there?"

"About fifteen minutes," he answered.

"How long is that?" she persisted.

"I don't know, why don't you count and see?" he suggested, feeling tired already.

"Okay," she agreed happily, starting to count. Out loud. Daniel joined in eagerly. Jack listened, gripping the steering wheel tighter and tighter the longer the counting continued. He had shot himself in the foot here. He didn't think she'd be able to count that high - Daniel had dropped out in the mid-thirties, but Sam was still going strong. And, had he thought she'd been able, he still wouldn't have thought she would keep counting for so long, sure she'd get bored and move onto something else.

Daniel was busying himself looking out the window and describing everything he was seeing in great detail - apparently talking to himself out loud, because he wasn't requiring a response from Jack or Sam.

The chattering from the backseat was so loud and distracting that Jack ran a stop sign at an empty intersection as they neared the store. He realized what he'd done when it was too late, and looked around nervously. Sure enough, just his luck, flashing lights soon appeared in his rear-view mirror. As he pulled over, he turned to the kids, imagining all sorts of trouble if they started telling the officer they weren't related to him, didn't really know him, etc. "I have to talk to this police man for a while, so you both have to be quiet, okay?"

Eyes wide, they both nodded. "I'll let you both pick out a special toy at the store if you're really, really, really quiet. Whoever can be quiet the longest gets the best toy," he said quickly as he rolled down his window.

They looked at each other, mouths clamped closed, and didn't say anything.

Hoping this would be over fast, Jack pulled out his wallet, and had his military ID ready to show to the officer when he approached.

"Good morning. Do you know why I pulled you over, sir?"

"I ran the stop sign back there. Sorry, I was distracted."

The officer nodded as he copied Jack's information down. "Well, Colonel, I'm going to have to write you a ticket."

"Fine," Jack said quickly.

The officer looked at him, surprised he wasn't being given any grief over the ticket, and caught sight of the children in the backseat. "Whoa! What have we here?" he peered into the backseat. The kids waved at him nervously but didn't say anything. "Sir, how old are those children?"

"Four," Jack answered.

"They are clearly well under the weight limit. They should be in car seats."

"Car seats? They're four!"

"I'm aware, sir, but the current law states that any child under seventy pounds must be restrained in the appropriate system for a child of that size. I myself have a five year old. She sits in a booster seat."

"You're kidding," Jack stated in disbelief. "I had no idea…"

"Then these must not be your children," the officer said.

"Niece and nephew," Jack said quickly. "Look, I'm sorry, officer. Their visit was totally unexpected, sort of an emergency, you know? They didn't bring any luggage or anything - that's why we're going shopping so early actually, they don't even have any clothes with them. I didn't know they needed to be in special seats - when my son was a child, he only had to be in a carseat until he was about two and a half, I think. It was a long time ago."

"I understand, sir, but I'm afraid this is a zero-tolerance policy law. I will have to write you two more tickets. Were you going to the Target up the road?"

"Yes."

"Good. Then I trust you will get the proper restraining systems while you're there, and install them properly before you leave the parking lot?"

"Yes," Jack groaned, as the officer wrote two more tickets.

"Good. Then since you've been so cooperative I will let it go at that."

"Thanks," Jack said through clenched teeth, struggling to keep the sarcasm out of his voice.

He didn't say anything else as the officer finished up, handed him three tickets, and left. Jack took a few deep breaths and started driving again.

"Did either of you know you had to be in a car seat?" Jack asked after a few moments. Neither child answered. "You both win the contest," he said. "You can talk again."

"I didn't know!" Daniel said immediately.

"Me either," Sam promised.

"That was scary," Daniel observed.

"What do we win?" Sam asked.

"Car seats," Jack said dryly.

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