Edward bounced his flesh foot nervously, arms crossed in front of his chest. Waiting to be seen by a doctor was almost the worst part; the anxiety was killing him. He just couldn't deny that something had to be up if he was this sick, and while he was a little afraid to find out what the problem was, if he had to learn, he wanted to do so now.

But life didn't work that way.

Crossing his legs, Ed at least tried to be still, overly aware of Roy's eyes on him. He'd told the man he didn't have to come, but Roy had insisted…which was kind of nice, except for the fact that he was pretty sure it was just because Roy thought he would run away if he didn't stay. And the fact that whatever was ailing Edward might be embarrassing.

It took all his control not to groan aloud. He'd go insane before he ever got back there—

"Mr. Elric? The doctor is ready to see you," a nurse called out.

Never mind. He stood, palms sweaty with nerves. Ed tried for a bored expression, following her back to the doctor's office with Roy following him.

He walked in the door, immediately taking the doctor in. He was small, skinny, and looked vaguely nervous. Edward wasn't sure he trusted the man, but hey, he had to have gotten that shiny degree hanging on the wall for some reason.

He sat down opposite the doctor, and waited for him to speak.

"Hello, Mr. Elric—"

"Ed's fine, thanks."

"Ed, then. My name's Dr. Stevenson. What brings you in here today?"

Edward sighed, fidgeting. "I've been really sick—like, puking sick—lately. Just in the mornings. Sometimes I get a stomachache or I get really tired afterwards, but by afternoon I'm fine."

"And," Roy butted in, "he told me this has been going on for two weeks."

Ed glared at the man, but his irritated gaze quickly shifted to Dr. Stevenson, who was laughing. Fucking laughing.

"I'm sorry," he said hotly, "but could you explain what's so funny about me throwing up a lung every morning?"

"My apologies," the doctor responded, getting himself under control. "It's just unusual. You see, I get reports of these symptoms every so often, but they all come from women. Pregnant women."

Edward swore the world stopped turning for a moment. Thoughts rushed through his head, puzzle pieces connecting at the cue of that one word. He hitched in a breath, but couldn't seem to let it out.

As if from far away, he heard Dr. Stevenson continue. "But of course, you couldn't be pregnant."

Still, he couldn't inhale. It took Roy slapping him gently on the shoulder and shouting his name before Ed managed to gasp for air. "Oh fuck," he whispered. "That little bitch!"

"Ed, what are you talking about?" That was Roy. Oh, hell, Roy.

"A few weeks ago," he whispered, eyes wide but mostly unseeing. He was trapped in his memories—how was this happening…? "When that lady was trying to make her husband a woman? And I went out to stop her…I ended up in the transmutation circle, and she activated it."

He shouldn't have been surprised that Roy's response was anger. "That wasn't in your report! Does that mean…?"

"I still have a dick," Ed continued. "So I thought I was fine. But she told me not to be so sure…shit, what if it changed me, just on the inside? It did hurt… what if I'm pregnant!?" he wailed, the control he had suddenly failing.

"Ed," Roy said calmly, though his face was in his hands, "You still would've had to have sex…with a guy…and be the bottom in order to become pregnant."

Actually, all that had to happen was some guy's jizz ending up in Edward's…extra parts, if he had them. Which was painfully possible, considering his recent activities. Which would mean Roy was the father.

The room began to spin, and blackness took over for a moment. Ed felt Roy catch him as he began to fall forward, and jerked back into consciousness. "Yeah," he murmured faintly, "something vaguely similar might have happened."

He felt the man beside him tense up in realization. "Holy fucking shit," Roy breathed.

Meanwhile, Dr. Stevenson looked thoroughly uncomfortable with the whole situation. "Uhm, well, in these…unique circumstances, I think it would be best if I brought in an expert," he decided breathily, before speeding out the door.

Edward groaned. "Pregnant," he stated, in as calm a voice as he could manage. "I'm…pregnant."

"You don't know that," Roy insisted, though his tone was riddled with doubt. "Let's see what the specialist thinks."

And right on time, another doctor, this one wide and with excitable eyes, came bounding into the little room. "Name's Dr. Ted Tibman, but you can just call me Ted. Now, explain what I was just told."

And so Ed went through the whole thing again, doctoring only the bit about how he had become pregnant. Briefly, he considered confessing to Roy, telling him what he had done…but aside from embarrassing, the thought was, quite simply, impossible. How do you begin to explain that you stole someone's man milk to use as lube, and then ended up pregnant even though you're a guy?

No. He just…couldn't. Not right now.

When Edward was finished, the doctor sat there shaking his head, an amazed smile on his face. "You know, I think you're pregnant."

Though Ed had come to the same conclusion, hearing it from a professional made it terrifyingly final. He dared not look up at Roy, though he could hear the man's labored breathing as he tried to make sense of a nonsensical event.

Ted went on, his smile dropping away as he saw Edward's face. "I'm sorry. I'm just excited because of the singularity of the situation. I understand this must be…beyond stressful for you."

"Yeah, just a little," Ed breathed. His hands found their way to his abdomen…it seemed like it had to be a joke. There was no way a baby could be growing underneath his hands, his male hands, male body.

"Of course, I'll be with you every step of the way—unless you prefer someone else."

"No, no, you're fine…" Edward didn't really care who was going to be head doctor on this crazy case, as long as someone with some degree of understanding was there.

"Excellent. Then, to start off, I'm going to have to ask…when do you think this might have happened?"

Ed tried to keep a blush off his face. "Just over two weeks ago."

Roy finally spoke up. "You seem awfully sure."

Okay, there was no way he could keep his face its normal shade now. "It was, uhm, a…one-time thing," Edward muttered awkwardly.

"I see," the doctor stated. "Well then, I've caught you early, which is good. Why don't we draw up a schedule—tentative, of course—of when you should come in?"

But Ed's head was spinning again, and he felt like he was going to be sick. Somehow Roy picked up on this. "Here, Ed, why don't you go wait in the car. I'll figure this stuff out; you need a few moments to absorb."

Edward shook his head weakly. "But I need to know this stuff. What good is it going to do if you know when I'm supposed to come in and I don't?"

"Plenty, considering I'll be bringing you in."

That was almost more of a shock than the baby. Almost. "What?"

Roy looked at him and smiled gently, which was just about the last thing Ed expected. "Look, I'm not about to make you go through this by yourself. You think I'm so much more of a dick than I actually am—it's a little insulting. Ted's here for you, and so am I."

Edward wasn't sure whether he wanted to call BS, laugh, be happy, or start crying. He settled for nodding and walking out.

The car sounded rather comfortable right about then.

When Roy came out, he was carrying a thick stack of papers. "Symptoms to watch out for, along with the doctor's appointments, and a summary of what normally happens during each stage of the pregnancy. I figured I should get as much information as I could."

"Thank you," Ed whispered, his voice heavy with sincerity.

The car was silent for a few long minutes, before Roy got to the very topic Edward wanted to avoid most. "Listen…I'm going to need to know, so we can notify him. Who's the father?"