Jane turned off the TV and leaned her head back against the couch. First game after the holidays was over, and Jane couldn't even play. Instead she had watched the girls lose against Atlanta, on home ice. It didn't come as a surprise when coach Landers had called her to his office the day before and told her she had been suspended three games by the league. That was the rule and she had known it from the second she dropped her gloves against Sarah.
However, being suspended and missing out a few games was actually a small relief. After the fights with Maura, and the news about the leave, Jane was angry, frustrated and sad, and everything in between, and being suspended gave her time to let out her feelings. She could stay at home and do whatever the hell she wanted instead of constantly being reminded of the huge mess she had once again created.
The game had ended in a loss and a huge injury on Jane's line mate, Jessie. Without talking to anyone, Jane could tell it was serious and feared Jessie would be out for a long time. Another punch in the gut. Just when she had started to get to know her line, they were broken up. When the knock on the door came shortly after the game had ended, Jane only found the will to look towards it. She was not in the mood for any company. Seconds ticked by in silence before another knock.
"Jane, come on. I know you're home" Danielle's voice came from the outside.
Jane still refused to move and just stared at the black screen. If she just held out, Danielle would probably give up after a few tries. Just as she took a slow, deep breath, her phone started ringing on the table. Danielle, her sneaky friend, and Jane sighed.
"I can hear your phone, Jane! Come on!"
"Fuck" Jane mumbled and quickly rejected the call. She slowly got up and walked over to the door and opened it. Without looking at Danielle, she returned back to her couch and sunk down in her usual corner.
"Why aren't you at the game?" Danielle asked as she stepped inside.
"I'm suspended, remember?"
Danielle closed the door before she shook off her jacket. "Yeah, so? Doesn't mean you shouldn't be there."
"I didn't wanna go."
"You're sulking" Danielle stated and walked over to the couch. She looked at Jane who was putting her feet up on the table and staring at them. "You're suspended, deal with it, but you should've been there, Jane. You're still part of the team, it's your job to support them no matter what."
"Don't. Okay? Just don't" Jane replied with a glare.
Danielle rolled her eyes and sat down in the other end of the couch. She looked at Jane while weighing her options, let it go or push her luck? It was a pretty easy decision, she never let anything go with Jane. "So what are you most upset about; the suspension or the leave?" Just like she thought, she got an angry stare back. "Oh, and by the way, I still don't know what went down on that dinner party. Care to fill me in?"
"How long have you known me, Dani?"
"About… 9-10 years."
"Then how come you don't know when to leave me the fuck alone?!" Jane raised her voice as she got up. "I don't wanna talk."
The sound of Jane's feet against the floor as she stomped over to the kitchen, made Danielle smile for some reason. She turned around and was completely unaffected by the raised voice. "Yeah, we've known each other for almost 10 years. So why haven't you learned that I don't give up on you? I know you're pissed about it, I know you're sad about the whole Maura thing too, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna stop caring about you. You're not gonna talk to anyone else about it, so why do you keep putting on this stupid mask in front of me?"
Jane opened the fridge and stared at the things in there. "Cause I don't want to talk" she replied firmly and grabbed a new bottle of beer.
Danielle groaned and got up. "We can do this all night, Jane. It's Saturday, I can stay here until Monday if I have to. So why can't you just tell me what happened?"
"Cause I fucking listened to you!" Jane yelled and slammed the door to the fridge so hard it sounded like something shattered in there. "Because YOU were the one who kept telling me things I wanted to hear, she likes you, she knows, she's fucking attracted to you and just wants to know if you are attracted to her." Jane spat out the words as she walked back towards Danielle. "You planted all these things in my head and you made me believe it! You knew about Sarah, you knew why I left Denver, you knew just how bad that ruined me! So why the fuck did you keep encouraging me to get involved with her, to make a new mess? This is my home! This is my city! And now Boston is Denver and just when I was starting to tell her what I wanted, fucking Ryan pops up out of nowhere, in her house, wondering who the hell I am. And I ruined their relationship because I fucking listened to you! Now she's pissed at me, she's probably not gonna talk to me again, and I'm back to being the guilty one who fucked up everything! That's why!" Jane was shaking and out of breath as she was all up in Danielle's face and screaming.
Danielle stared back into Jane's almost black eyes and swallowed. "Fine. You wanna blame me, go ahead!" she muttered through clenched teeth, struggling to keep her cool. "But do you think I would've said those things, and pushed you on if I had known about this guy? You really think I want to see you miserable?!"
"That's not the point!" Jane barked back. "I told you from the beginning that I didn't want to get involved like that again. I didn't want to be in that mess again. And what do you know? I got involved and I'm back in the fucking mess because YOU told me to go for it!" Jane was a step closer, so close that Danielle was forced into the back of the couch.
"So now what? Are you gonna hit me?" Danielle asked and held out her hands. "Would it make you feel better? Cause I'm open… I'm not gonna move." She waited, watched Jane's rapid breathing and actually hoped she would do something. "Come on" she urged and gave Jane's shoulder a shove. "Let it out. Hit me, shove me, whatever makes you feel better." When Jane didn't respond, Danielle gave her another shove, stronger this time, while she kept talking to her. "What? You can fight your ex, but not your best friend? You blame me for this and you still can't do anything but yell at me?"
"Fuck off" Jane mumbled as the shoving continued. She stumbled back as one shove was harder than the other. Thousand thoughts went through her head. She had never felt so many different things at once. Danielle kept coming after her, and Jane finally had enough. She grabbed Danielle's shirt with one fist and pushed her backwards. "I will fucking hit you if you don't back off!" she snarled.
It only took a second for Danielle to get the right grip and position her leg behind Jane's and drop her to the floor. Jane lost the grip on the bottle of beer in her right hand and landed on her back with a thud. Broken glass and the stench of beer all around them, Danielle planted her knee on Jane's chest and pinned down her arms. They stared at each other, Danielle waiting for Jane to fight back or actually surrender, but Jane had no will to fight and didn't move. "No, you won't hit me, so will you just listen to me instead?" Danielle started and sighed. "You didn't know about that asshole, or that she was engaged. Because she didn't tell you. SHE lied to you, she ruined her own relationship! I have no fucking idea what happened during that dinner, but I know she kissed you after the Denver game. So why do you blame yourself for their relationship crashing? You didn't even know there was a relationship to crash. And I'm sorry if I pushed you too far, maybe I should've listened to you." Danielle stopped to breathe and shake her head. "But I love you, Jane. You're the most important person in my life, and I just want you to be happy. Trust me, I really thought a 29-year-old doctor would be more mature than this."
Jane lay there and stared up at Danielle, still breathing rapidly. They had had their share of fights like normal people, but this was new. Never had she been so close to physically hurt one of her friends. Danielle removed her knee from Jane's chest and was immediately pushed aside when Jane sat up. Jane got up, ignoring the puddle of beer she placed her hand in on the floor, or the tiny shards of glass that stung against her skin. She wiped her hand on her thigh and went over to the fridge to get a new beer before going back to the couch.
Danielle still saw anger on Jane's face and didn't move until Jane was safely back on the couch and out of her sight. Then she got up and grabbed some paper from the kitchen and started mopping up the spilled beer, all along hoping it was the only thing that was broken. After most of the broken glass was picked up and disposed of, she grabbed a beer from the fridge and walked back into the living room. She stopped a few feet from the couch and decided to not be as pushy as she usually was. Jane was sitting in the middle of the couch, emptying her bottle in a slow and steady rhythm. Danielle couldn't remember the last time the silence had been so disturbing between them. Hell, she couldn't even remember the last time they had been silent for so long. She twisted off the bottle cap and flicked it towards the sink when Jane spoke.
"I showed up drunk at her door after that dinner. That's how he found out. I stood there, trying to explain to her what I really feel, and then he shows up…"
It was all a low mumble and Danielle carefully stepped closer to make sure she actually heard what Jane said. She wasn't sure what to say, what to do and just stood there. Jane silenced and lifted her bottle to her lips. Danielle sighed silently as she processed the news. She was starting to wish she had gone to this dinner as Jane's plus one.
"And… I almost fucked her out in the hallway during dinner…"
Again Danielle sighed silently and ran a hand over her face. "Almost?" she asked without showing any signs of emotions. If Jane was talking, then she needed to be neutral.
"Yeah. Heather walked in on us before things got too hot." Jane's head fell back against the couch as she scoffed. "It was that fucking dress. You should've seen it" she grunted.
"Oh, I did" Danielle said and smiled for herself. "There were pictures on the website a couple of days ago. I saw it… "
Jane slowly turned around and looked at her friend before she sighed out of frustration. "I mean, what the hell did she expect when she showed up in that fucking dress?" She placed her empty bottle on the table. "She knew I would be there, she knew I… she must've known how I felt, right?" Both hands ran through her hair while she looked down at the floor and shook her head.
Danielle took it as a sign that it was safe to approach and went over to Jane and sat down next to her. "She knew." She placed a comforting hand on Jane's back with all her senses on alert in case it was the wrong move.
"So why the hell did she show up in a dress like that, while her fucking fiancé is back home?! I was staring before she even said a word, and then she accidentally sits down right across the table from me? She must've known what she was doing… what it looked like to me." The anger went over to frustration and sadness as Jane put her feet back up on the table and sunk even lower in the couch.
Danielle offered Jane her beer and copied Jane's movements. "Who initiated things out in the hallway?" she asked.
"I guess I did…"
"But she didn't stop you?"
Jane shook her head. "Nope, not until Heather ruined the moment."
"Sounds like she wanted something that night…" Danielle turned her head and saw Jane closing her eyes.
"Heather ran out of there right away, and Maura got hysterical and begged me to go after Heather to explain and make sure she wouldn't say anything. I knew Heather wouldn't say anything to anyone, but I went anyway." Jane opened her eyes again and stared up at the ceiling. "Then Maura came over and apologized to Heather and heard for herself that Heather wouldn't say anything. And that's the last time I saw her… at least at the party." She took a deep breath and shook her head. "This is such a mess…"
Danielle nodded shortly as Jane slowly lowered her head down on her shoulder. She had a bunch of things she could say. She wanted to convince Jane that Maura was just as much to blame. She wanted to try to explain her thoughts, how she understood why Jane blamed her, but also why Jane should blame Maura instead. However, with Jane's state of mind in that moment, it just seemed pointless. Danielle knew Jane was irrational at times, that she needed to mope and get it out of her system before anything could get through her defense.
The apartment was quiet except for the occasional sounds from the world outside, and Danielle eventually leaned her head against Jane's. "I'm sorry. I hate it when we fight…"
"Yeah, me too…" Jane whispered and smiled. "Especially over a chick…"
The snort came with no warning whatsoever.
Perry Out For The Season
The Boston Daredevils have recalled 18-year old rookie Nicole Taylor after Jessie Perry was injured in last night's game. Perry crashed against the goalpost, fracturing her tibia and will be out rest of the season.
Taylor was drafted number six overall in last year's draft and has been described as a playmaker with a very good hockey IQ by coach Landers. He couldn't give any information on whether Taylor would take Perry's place on the second line alongside Jane Rizzoli and Vicky Draper, but that it was a possibility.
She will join the team for practice today, her first one since the training camp in late August. It will be exciting to see how coach Landers choose to solve the puzzle right now, with Perry out and Rizzoli still suspended for the next two games after her fight in the last game before Christmas.
Nicole Taylor experienced her biggest day when she was drafted by Boston Daredevils in early July the previous summer. For a young girl from a small town in Idaho it was huge to come to Boston to show what she could do along with several other rookies and prospects. She knew it was almost impossible to get a spot on the team right away, and she was prepared to spend time on their farmer team. She had done pretty well there the first four months, at least she thought so herself, and when that phone call came late at night after Boston's first game of the new year, she was thrilled and surprised at the same time.
It wasn't until she entered the locker room Nicole got nervous. Even though she had gone through training camp with many of the players before the season, it was strange coming into a room that was theirs. She felt slightly out of place in the beginning, not knowing where to sit down or what to do. Then Heather noticed her and introduced her, again, to the team and found her a spot. Nicole noticed one thing right away; her idol, the one player she had admired for so long, wasn't there. Jane Rizzoli was late to practice and came lurking into the room right before Nicole was about to head to the ice. Nicole looked at her, about to man up and introduce herself, but something about Jane made her stop. She didn't look like the normal joking Jane who always had a snarky comment or a teasing smirk. She was slouched on the bench, looking sad and defeated. Not a sight Nicole had ever seen before. So she stepped out and went over to the ice instead.
Nicole looked down at the Devils logo on her practice jersey and smiled while she skated around in a sea of other players. It was still surreal. After a few minutes Jane finally joined them on the ice and she immediately started on the same rounds as Nicole, but with a much higher tempo. She still seemed like she was a completely different place in her mind. Nicole watched Jane pass her two times before she decided to be brave. She picked up some speed and caught up with Jane, skating alongside her a few seconds until Jane noticed her. Then she took off again, doing a tight turn around the goal and raced down the length of the rink and around the other goal. When she reached the ice in front of the benches, she stopped. Jane was still looking at her and she waited until Jane stopped in front of her.
"New girl, right?" Jane asked. "You trying to impress me or something?" The voice was dull, lifeless, and Nicole had problems figuring out if Jane was teasing her or simply annoyed.
"New girl, yes. I'm Nicole Taylor. But not trying to impress" she smiled softly. "Just trying to get your attention."
Jane looked at her, from top to bottom, before she chuckled briefly. "Okay, you got it. Welcome to the team, I'm Jane Rizzoli."
Nicole had no way of controlling her grin. "Oh, I know who you are! I'm probably your biggest fan!"
Jane was obviously surprised by the look of her big eyes. "Seriously? Wow…"
"Yeah, I've followed you since you were drafted. I think you're a really amazing player. I love how ambitious you are, and not letting anything get in your way. I still can't believe I'm here right now, but I hope I one day will become half the player you are." She realized she had probably said too much, but controlling her mouth was not her strength. She anxiously watched as Jane seemed to digest it all.
"Damn…" Jane mumbled. "Now I really have to perform" she smiled. "But thanks…"
Nicole grinned, happy with the response. "You're welcome" she teased back.
Seattle Cruises over Boston
Despite Nicole Taylor's debut and an early goal from Amy Wallace, Boston couldn't handle Heather Thompson's old team Seattle this time. The Devils seemed to stumble already at the starting line and could never get the rhythm back in their play. Seattle got an easy 5-1 win in Boston.
Taylor got her debut on the second line alongside Vicky Draper and Amy Wallace, who had been moved up from the third line because of Jane Rizzoli's suspension, but the trio didn't seem to have that important chemistry. We have seen coach Landers mix up the lines during practices since Taylor was called up, but none of the pairings had more chemistry than Draper, Taylor and Rizzoli. Especially the latter two. Rizzoli and Taylor seemed to connect right away on the ice, but they have to wait one more game to be able to show it.
The Devils are headed to Maine for their next game before Rizzoli is back in action against, Atlanta on home ice.
Sulking after a loss wasn't different up in the big league than what Nicole was used to on the farmer team. They were all pissed and upset, no one wanted to talk. Nicole wiped a towel over her face when Jane entered the locker room and headed straight for her.
"Hey, nice job tonight" Jane smiled and sat down next to Nicole.
"Yeah, right…" Nicole scoffed.
Jane held out a puck with white tape covering the sides, the date scribbled down in black. "I mean it, you did a good job. And congrats, it was your first game."
Nicole looked up and accepted the puck from her very first WNHL game. "Thanks. I wish it would say point instead of game on this one though. Or goal."
"It'll come." Jane leaned a bit closer. "It's not like you had the best working conditions out there tonight" she whispered and let her eyes trail to Wallace.
Nicole saw it and it brought a smile to her face. "No kidding…" she whispered back. Several times throughout the game, Wallace had frustrated Nicole. She was used to being the playmaker, she was used to be the one with the assists, the great passes, but that was impossible when someone else hogged the puck whenever they could. Nicole remembered the beginning of the season with the news on Jane and Wallace's fight, and it made her wonder if Wallace was trying to prove something now that she had been given the chance in her old spot again.
"Hang in there, I'll be taking my spot back soon" Jane smiled and got up. "I'll see you tomorrow."
Even though she got along well with Jane and they quickly became friends, Nicole still saw glimpse of that sad and lost person from the first meeting. Jane didn't seem to be 'the life of the party' like so many of her teammates had described her before. She often worked out all by herself, or stayed behind after practice. Nicole didn't want to intrude either, so she didn't say anything or offer to stay behind with her. It probably was a reason for Jane's loner attitude.
When the team returned back to Boston after their game against Maine, Nicole was so frustrated and asked Jane if they could meet. After loading off the equipment at the rink, Nicole headed to the bar where Jane had said she'd be waiting. She saw the brunette right away and sank down in the booth. "I am so, so, so freaking happy that you're allowed to play again now…" she sighed.
"What happened?" Jane asked and pushed a bottle of Coke towards Nicole.
"You're… not really too fond of Wallace, right?" Even though she knew the answer, Nicole felt like she had to tread lightly anyway.
Jane laughed. "If you claim to be my biggest fan, then you should know the answer to that."
"Right… just had to check" she smiled and wrapped her hands around the cold bottle. "So I guess it's safe to vent… I can't stand that girl!" It came out as a frustrated whine. "She's fucking selfish! It's like she's trying to prove something to coach and she actually thinks it will work to basically play solo whenever our line is on."
Jane smiled and looked down at the table. "Welcome to my world…" she mumbled.
"But the worst part is… she doesn't even see that she totally fucks up everything for us! Whenever she tries to go all fancy and do all sorts of complicated shit, she loses the puck. I counted at least ten times tonight where she should've sent the puck to one of us, but instead she tried to weasel herself out of trouble. Please tell me that this is not what coach is looking for?" Once again Nicole knew the answer, but she still looked at Jane to have her confirm it.
"If it was, do you think she would be on the third line? No, don't worry. I can promise you he's not impressed. And I know exactly how you feel. It's awful right?"
"It's painful! I felt like ripping out my own hair would be better…"
Jane laughed again just as the waiter came over with a bowl of nuts. She nodded as a thank you before she grabbed a pistachio nut and opened it. "Yup. I know that feeling too."
Nicole slowly shook her head and exhaled deeply, she could almost feel the frustration and anger leaving her body. She took a sip of her bottle before reaching for the bowl of pistachios. "Sorry for dragging your ass out here just to hear me rant about this but… I didn't know what else to do. I'm afraid I would hurt myself if I attacked the punching bag."
"No problem" Jane replied and opened another pistachio. "I had a feeling it was about her when you called."
They sat there for a few minutes eating pistachios and chatting about the game. Jane had only seen half of the game on tv, but still had some situations she complimented Nicole on.
Nicole was quickly up on cloud nine again. Receiving compliments from your personal hero wasn't something that happened every day. She soaked up all the small things Jane mentioned about her game, the improvements, what she had done right and whatever tips Jane had. Nicole listened right up until Jane grabbed one pistachio that barely had a crack in it. She tried to open it, but quickly gave up and put it aside before she reached for a new one. "Dude, what are you doing?" Nicole interrupted and grabbed Jane's wrist.
"What?" Jane asked confused.
"You know how much that one nut costs? That's like 10 cents right there! And probably twice or triple that here."
Jane burst out laughing when Nicole slowly let go of her wrist. "What?" she repeated. "You're weird…"
Nicole reached for the unopened nut on the table and held it up. "I might be weird, but I'm also broke, so this one does not get thrown away."
Jane snapped the nut from Nicole and put it down. "I can totally afford it" she grinned, but reached for the bottle opener on the side of the table. "But fine, I'll humor you with this one."
"Thank you" Nicole smiled. She watched as Jane smashed the bottle opener on top of the nut, trying not to squeeze her fingers. It still stayed intact and Jane cursed under her breath. The opener wasn't that big either and Jane had trouble managing it and at the same time trying to get enough power to crack the nut. "You need help?" Nicole offered after the second time.
"From a teenager, no thank you" Jane replied with a sarcastic twist. She tried one more time, this time laying the opener on the nut and holding it there with two fingers before she closed her fist and slammed it down.
Nicole burst out laughing when the nut was crushed into several dozen small pieces and exploded all over the table.
Jane looked up at her with a not so amused expression while she brushed pieces off her shoulder. "That was way better than throwing it away…"
"It certainly was funnier…"
Ignoring the evil glare from Jane, Nicole reached out and grabbed the biggest piece and threw it in her mouth. She smiled triumphantly while she chewed.
It's Good to Be a Devil!
At least for Nicole Taylor who scored her first goal in her third game for Boston. Atlanta visited tonight, but had to leave empty handed as Boston won 3-0. Having Jane Rizzoli on her right side was obviously the right choice for Taylor. Rizzoli handed her a beautiful no-look, backhand pass from the goal line, and Taylor had no problem getting it into the net. She followed up with an assist on Rizzoli's goal later in the game.
Coach Landers said he never really doubted where Taylor would play after she had her first practice with the team.
"It was clear the second I paired Taylor with Rizzoli in practice. They clicked right away and everyone could see the chemistry between them. I'm pretty sure Taylor would've had her first point in her first game if Rizzoli hadn't been suspended. We are all very excited to see what this duo can do from now."
Us too, coach. It was fun to watch how well they played together after such a short time, even the main person was a bit surprised.
"I honestly didn't think it would pay off this fast to play with Rizzoli. I was just as surprised as you when I saw my shot go in. But Jane gave me a perfect pass, even though she didn't know I was there at all. She took a chance because it was where she would've positioned herself. That shows just how similar our thinking is, and that is rare to find."
Anyone who watched the game will probably nod their head and agree with Taylor. It was evident all through the game that Taylor is just as fearless as Rizzoli, and they certainly have the same style of playing. We can't wait to see how this double threat will turn out.
The sand trickled between her toes as she lifted her feet, leaving a tingling urge to rub them. She resisted and just dug her feet back in the sand. The sun had done a good job the last ten days, removing the cold winter that seemed to have gathered in a thick layer on her skin, but it could not help with the storm on the inside. She was tired of thinking, exhausted by the questions that kept haunting her and bothering her. She could never find an answer that satisfied her mind and her heart. Ever since January started 15 days ago, she had ignored all kinds of media. She didn't read the newspaper, she never watched TV and she didn't go online other than to check her e-mail and book tickets. It was a way to shield herself from everything while she tried to get back up on her feet, until she had come to some sort of agreement with herself. The problem was her mind and her heart, they were completely on opposite sides.
She eventually stood up, grabbed her shoes and walked barefoot along the beach back to the hotel. She spent the rest of the evening watching the sun set in the Pacific Ocean, flashbacks playing on the giant black screen the sun left behind.
Maura didn't even have a chance to move before Ryan had pushed her inside and closed the door. He held her elbow and looked at her. Maura threw a glance into the living room where friends and colleagues of Ryan were gathered, all engaged in loud conversations.
"Maura… can you please explain who that was and why she was here now?" His voice was low and polite, obviously not wanting to attract any kind of attention.
"She is one of the players" Maura replied, voice unsteady. "The newest one." She knew it was not the answer he was looking for but she had to try.
"Not the correct answer, Maura. Why was she here?"
"Can we please talk about this tomorrow? It's New Year's Eve, it's not the right time." Maura looked up into his eyes and was about to beg him to let it go for the night.
"No, we cannot talk about this tomorrow" Ryan mumbled and headed for the stairs, his hand still holding on to Maura's arm. He faked a smile as one of his friends saw them and smirked, thinking they were sneaking off to be alone. Ryan hurried up to the bedroom, closed the door behind them and finally released Maura's arm. "What is going on? And why do I have a feeling I'm not gonna like the answer?"
Maura clasped her hands in front of her and stepped away from him. "I… I don't know." She silenced and stopped with her back against him.
"She seemed angry and sad. She said you hadn't told her about me." The lawyer in Ryan emerged as he went over the facts. "What happened between you two that wouldn't have happened if she had known about me?"
"We have a house full of guests, Ryan. This can wait-"
"No! It can't wait. I'm not gonna go downstairs and pretend I want to kiss you at midnight. I am not going to sleep next to you before I know what's going on, before I know if you are sleeping with that girl or not."
"I'm not sleeping with her!"
"So why does it sound like you are?" Ryan crossed his arms over his chest while he kept staring at Maura across the room. The silence that followed made him think. "You want to" he scoffed.
Maura knew she should say something, but she couldn't even agree with herself on what to say. She had not expected these turns of events.
Ryan grew more and more confident for each second that passed. "You want to" he more or less stated. "You want to sleep with her."
"I don't know!" Maura blurted out and turned around. "I don't know. I'm confused."
"Is that why we haven't had sex in three weeks? Because you've been confused about who you want in your bed? Is that it?"
"You've been counting?!" Maura countered.
Ryan laughed briefly. "You don't have any right to go there, Maura." Silence settled again and he took a deep breath before his arms fell down along his sides. "I think we're done here." His hand was on the doorknob when Maura hurried over.
"No, Ryan, wait. We are engaged, we have to be able to talk about this."
"Really? Fine, if that's what you want." He placed his hands on his hips. "Then tell me what happened between you and… I don't even know her name."
"Jane" Maura offered.
"I wasn't asking!" he shouted.
Maura flinched from the voice and took a step back. She had never been genuinely scared of him, he wasn't the type to ever physically hurt anyone, just with words. "We just kissed" she explained weakly.
"When? When was the last time?"
She closed her eyes and tried not to shake her head. "Tonight."
"Ah, fucking hell…"
Maura opened her eyes to see Ryan pacing around with his hands behind his neck.
He suddenly stopped and looked at her. "She didn't know about me" he scoffed. "She thought you two had something, didn't she?"
Maura simply nodded and looked away.
"Well, she was right about one thing; she doesn't know you, and neither do I." This time he managed to open the door before Maura reacted.
"Ryan…"
"No" he stopped her. "Don't ask me to stay. How could I when I can't trust you? You spend more time with her and the team than with me. You are gone most of the time because of the road trips. Oh god… I don't even wanna know what happens when you're away with her."
"Nothing" Maura said.
"So just here in Boston then?" He watched her, waited for anything, an explanation, an excuse, confirmation, but Maura was just staring back at him. He shook his head before he stepped outside. "I'll pick up my things in a few days."