Cadets III
by Starsinger
Jim talks to Admiral Barnett about those damn kids that won't stop…Oh, never mind. Still don't own them.
Jim rubbed the sides of his head, trying to rid himself of the oncoming headache he could feel building up just behind his eyes. "Cadet Shatner almost started a war with the Klingons?" Barnett asked.
The day before had started out well enough. They'd stopped by a planet on the border with Klingon space. They had met up with the USS Joshua where Kris McDaniel had come on board to brief the cadets on Klingon etiquette. She was the closest thing the Federation had on an expert on Klingons, short of a Klingon anyway.
"Ladies, if a Klingon latches on to you and starts reading something that sounds suspiciously like poetry, unless you're into pain, I suggest you get away. Yes, you can inflict harm on the Klingon, even kill him if he won't get the hint, but be obvious about your attempts to get away first. His companions will live with it. Guys, most females don't travel with the ships, so you should be safe. They don't read poetry, you do."
The problem came when Shatner had had a little too much to drink. One of his fellow cadets had discovered that Klingon's could be very passionate lovers, and was willing to give it a try. One of the Klingons, after a little flirting, opened a book and started reading Shakespeare. She started tossing balls at him. No one really wanted to get hurt, yet, and the spark in the man's eyes meant he appreciated the attention. Soon, he grabbed her by the hair and gave a full-throated kiss. She didn't disagree and found herself being carried off, with promises to have her back tomorrow, to a nearby home.
Stanley Shatner had drunk a little too much Blood Wine, and he really appreciated it. So much that he picked up the balls and started tossing them at random Klingons. When the Klingon realized who it was tossing the balls, he ignored him. Unfortunately, Stan couldn't leave well enough alone. He started reading Shakespeare. Stanley was terrible at reading Shakespeare. The Klingons actually thought it was quite funny, until he started singing.
Klingons love Klingon Opera, and will often start singing at the tops of their lungs at random moments. So, they started singing as well. "Did I mention that he was drunk?" Jim asked. "He walked up to one of the Klingons and punched him in the nuts," Barnett winced as he went on. "It took three hours to get him away from the Klingons. He suffered more broken bones than the girl that went with the other Klingon. She hasn't stopped smiling, by the way, and I had a LOT of apologizing to do."
Barnett's palm went to his face before he sighed, "You avoided war?"
"Yes, and Stanley has been invited to come to Qo'noS and present himself to the Klingon Chancellor," Barnett stared. "Well, what he did was the Klingon equivalent of Chutzpah, and Klingons like Chutzpah."