Jane struggled the rest of the week. Having Maura back was not how Jane had thought it would be like and whenever she saw the doctor, she was reminded of everything. Leaving all personal issues at home wasn't Jane's style, but she had agreed to do it and even if she herself knew she couldn't do it, she wasn't gonna let it show. So whenever Maura was in the same room as her, Jane did her best to keep her eyes on something else. She never let her eyes linger on the doctor, no stolen glances, no matter how much she wanted to. It worked well the first three-four days, but for each day, new questions occupied Jane's thoughts and it slowly drove her mad. She had still so much to ask Maura, so much to get an explanation to and on day five she realized her 'subtle staring' had returned.
They had just arrived in New Orleans and Jane had been keeping an eye on Maura the whole flight. She tracked Maura all the way from the gate to baggage claim and took the opportunity that presented itself there. Maura always found the least crowded place by the conveyer belt and this time Jane walked over to her and stopped right beside her. Maura simply gave her a look and a small smile.
"Why were you really in LA?" Jane asked low while she watched the suitcases and bags go by.
Maura was silent and searched for her suitcase with no luck.
"You knew we had a game there, you know our schedule" Jane continued.
"I didn't leave because of you, Jane. If that's what you were thinking." Maura tugged softly at her jacket and sighed. "I needed to distance myself for a while."
"And no better way to distance yourself than on the other side of the country" Jane mumbled. She put her hands in her pocket and studied a bright yellow suitcase covered in cartoons. She shook her head.
"My relationship had just ended. A good friend of mine lives in California, I thought it was a good idea with a change of scenery."
Jane was torn between being a good sport about it all, and make some sort of comment about the sexy boots and the leather jacket from the mentioned trip to LA. A mental picture that was still clear as day in Jane's mind. And a wonderment about who that lucky friend was that had met Maura for dinner that night, still unanswered.
"I thought we agreed to not let this affect our work?" Maura asked. She leaned a bit forward and spotted her suitcase further down on the belt.
"I still have questions" Jane replied and shrugged. She never saw the doctor's suitcase approaching. "Like why you never told me about him…"
Maura grabbed her suitcase and swung it off the belt. She reached for the handle and extended it before she looked at Jane. "I am not going through this here, Jane" she warned. And with the click of her heels, she disappeared from Jane's side.
Jane silently groaned and closed her eyes. This wasn't going to be easy at all.
The bus that were taking them to their hotel was waiting outside the airport and Jane boarded and found a place by the windows where she could casually watch Maura who was standing outside with some of the training staff. Because of her position, Maura couldn't see Jane, and Jane sunk down in the seat and rested her head against the glass. It had been 32 days since their last kiss and first fight and Jane was starting to feel it. She knew she was falling for Maura, no matter the circumstances, but she would never say it out loud, not even to herself. She just couldn't ignore the fact that she missed it all. The sideways glances, the lips… she wanted all that and it frustrated her so much now that she knew Maura was single, available, free to do whatever she wanted.
Jane almost jumped in her seat when someone threw themselves in the seat next to her.
"Thanks for waiting…" Nicole sighed and looked at Jane.
"Sorry" Jane smiled. "My mind was in a totally different place."
Nicole smiled and turned her attention to the small group of people outside the window. "In the gutter I guess…"
Jane did a quick eye roll but couldn't help the chuckle. "I understand your reasons for thinking that, but no." She sighed and looked out the window again. "Not the gutter this time…"
Nicole leaned back in her seat and grinned. "'I understand your reasons…' dude, you even sound like her now." She only got a silent glare back. "Okay, so… what's on your mind now?"
"Just too many questions with no answers. Why she didn't tell me, why she was in LA, if she still…" Jane trailed off and leaned her head back, staring up at nothing.
"Is that what you're the most curious about, if she still wants you?" Nicole made sure to keep her voice low even though the bus was rather empty. She barely saw the short nod from Jane. "So maybe you should ask her. Better to find out, right? No matter what she says."
"But I don't do this kind of stuff. I don't ask someone if they like me or whatever. I… take action instead."
"I totally understand you. But perhaps this is a situation that calls for a different approach? She already knows you want her. The grown up road might be a good choice."
"Are you saying I'm childish? Cause I can pull out the age card again."
Nicole giggled and shook her head. "No… no need for that." She noticed movements outside the bus and saw several of their team mates get in. Jane saw the same and they shared a look. Nicole knew what it meant and she nodded. "But just be honest, try it. It can't hurt."
Jane pretended like she didn't hear it and forced her eyes back to the world outside.
She felt pretty good about herself as she stood outside the locker room and watched as the media hovered around Nicole. So she hadn't scored that night, but Jane felt good about her effort anyway. And with Nicole's two goals, the media wasn't that interested in Jane. She rolled up the sleeves on her jersey while she listened to Nicole fighting off the reporters.
"We've been better at going to the net and it pays off. It's pretty logical really. If we can take away the goalie's view, we have a better chance at getting that shot through."
"This was your eight game with the Devils, what have you done since you were called up to make sure you'd stay on the team?"
Jane chuckled at the question and she could even see Nicole do an internal eye roll. It was such a silly question, and they had made fun of it so many times.
"I haven't done anything different really. I just work hard every day and do my best all the time, no matter where I play."
Nicole spotted Jane and gave her an almost invisible smirk. Jane saw it of course and thought it was because of the question until she felt the presence of another person next to her. She turned her head but quickly looked away when she saw the blonde waves near her shoulder.
"What about games on the road, how do you deal with the mental challenges?"
"I try to make the little things mean more. It is weird to put on that white jersey cause you know you're not home. The fans won't cheer when you enter the ice and there's no horn or goal song when you score. So I try to enjoy that collective sigh that goes through the crowd when we score. It makes our celebration so much louder and more powerful. You know you've put some doubt in the other team and that is tough."
Jane completely spaced out as she felt Maura move slightly and their arms brushed for just a split second.
"It is interesting to see how grown up she appears when she is being interviewed" Maura commented. "It's like she's turning into someone else."
"Yeah" Jane mumbled and turned to Maura. She noticed the hands in the pockets, thumbs lazily hanging on the outside and Jane knew it was an image that would stay with her for a long time. Their eyes locked as Maura turned and smiled at her, but Jane tore her eyes away after a second. Even when she was towering over the doctor, Jane didn't feel confident or strong. Instead she felt like a simple blow of air from Maura could knock her down, and she would fall to the ground with a total lack of elegancy or finesse. In that moment it made sense to Jane that that was what the phrase 'falling for someone' meant. Feeling like you're way above the ground, and a simple breath could take you down.
Jane
Hey… are you busy? I could use your help and expertise right now…
Danielle
Hey! What's up?
Jane
I… need help. To stop me from going crazy. And probably do something I really really shouldn't do.
Danielle
Then how can I help?
Jane
By being your obnoxious and always so damn reasonable self. No offence!
Danielle
Lol! None taken! Those words are pretty much a compliment coming from you anyways. Is this about who I think it is?
Jane
Yeah… the hot ass doctor that keeps following me around the country. Kinda…
Danielle
You're struggling with the whole "being professional" thing.
Jane
Yup! I can't stop thinking about all these things I want to say to her. And all the questions. It's driving me so close to the edge now. And it's much better to cave on facebook than face to face…
Danielle
Of course… So you haven't talked yet?
Jane
No… She told me to leave all that behind, and I'm seriously trying. But… you know me…
Danielle
Yeah I do. So you're probably gonna burst out into a series of angry and bitter speeches about this and that unless I can convince you to deal with it another way.
Jane
See? This is why I always come to you for advice!
Danielle
Always? Try once in a blue moon…
Jane
Usually….
Danielle
When I force you…
Jane
Fine. So what's your solution now?
Danielle
Well, you could simply ask her if you two can talk. And take it from there. Say you're trying to leave your feelings at home but it's kinda difficult with her around all the time. And there are some questions that keep bothering you.
Jane
I'm gonna sound like a stupid fool in love…
Danielle
You're not a fool. The rest is kinda fitting though.
Jane
Just so you know, I'm counting to ten and trying REALLY hard not to punch something with your name or face on it right now. And since I'm in a hotel room with nothing but my phone, I really don't want to do that!
Danielle
Lol! I figured. But seriously… you know I'm right.
Jane
Maybe… So I should just ask her about everything?
Danielle
Yes. But you have to honest with her, and NOT get angry or anything based on her answers. Be an adult about it, show her you can handle this the right way. She might not tell you what you want to hear, be prepared for that.
Jane
Okay…