Chapter 3

The next couple of days found Jarrod and Maggie settling in to their new home just fine. Maggie was feeling a bit stronger without stairs to deal with, and even Jarrod appreciated that amenity. Two days after they moved in, Jarrod needed to go into town to meet with representatives from the army about selling some cattle. After the meeting, he spent a little time visiting with Sheriff Madden to catch up on what was happening around Stockton. Then he even spent an hour or two playing poker and drinking at the saloon.

Maggie was happy to let him cut loose for a while. It gave her time to catch up on the book she was trying to read and to walk about the house, planning a flower garden and a vegetable garden for next year. She was visiting with the horses in the barn when she heard someone ride up. Thinking it was Jarrod, she went out toward the front of the house. But she saw Heath dismounting and tethering his horse.

"Heath!" she called.

Heath turned and greeted her with a smile. "Afternoon!"

Soon they were together. Maggie pushed her hair out of her eyes. "It's good to see you. What brings you by?"

"Nick's been anxious to hear about Jarrod's meeting with the men from the army," Heath said.

"Well, he's not home yet," Maggie said. "I told him to take the time to see some friends and play a little poker."

Heath laughed. "Maggie, Barkley men don't play 'a little' poker."

"Well, he still ought to be back any time now. Would you like to come in for a cup of coffee?"

"Thank you, I will. I'd rather talk to Jarrod and not have to face Nick without any information about that meeting."

Maggie led Heath inside and quickly poured him a cup of coffee in the kitchen. She handed it to him and motioned him to sit down on the sofa. He decided he'd sooner sit at the kitchen table, and they sat there together.

"So, how are you feeling?" Heath asked.

"Oh, pretty well," Maggie said. "I'm getting ready for this baby to be born, but I know I still have three months or so to go. How is everybody at the ranch?"

"Just fine. We do miss you both. I think mother misses your company during the day."

"I miss hers. Tell her to please come by whenever she wants."

"I think she knows that. She just didn't want to barge in too soon."

"There's no such thing, not where any of you are concerned."

Heath smiled. "You know, you're so much like my mother, I'd swear you were born a Barkley."

Maggie laughed. "Maybe that's why Jarrod chose me!"

Heath sipped his coffee. "You know, I don't suppose Jarrod's ever told you much about me, about my background."

"Well, I know you had a different mother, and that you came here not quite five years ago."

"I was born illegitimate. I didn't even know Tom Barkley was my father until right before I came here, when my own mother died. To this day, I can't believe this family took me in the way it did – me, mad as a boy can get and ready to take them all on if they denied me."

He paused. Maggie said, "They didn't deny you."

"Well, it was a rocky start, but I'm kind of amazed how well it turned out, and how fast it happened. Nick and me, we're two of a kind in a way, so as you can imagine, we butted heads a lot at first, but now – I can't imagine my life without him in it. And my mother – I call her my mother because she is in every sense except I wasn't born to her – she and Jarrod were the first to accept me. It's a warm and loving family, Maggie. I want to make sure you know that."

Maggie thought she understood what he was getting at, but she didn't know how to get through the opening he was making. "I do know that."

"I don't know how to bring this up, but I just want to. Jarrod means the world to me. You know that."

Maggie nodded. "I know."

"And so do you. You mean the world to all of us. Well, I just – " He didn't know how to continue.

Maggie smiled. "I think I understand, Heath. None of us knows what lies ahead, not really. I hope I can be part of this family for the rest of my life."

"You will be," Heath said. "That's the kind of family they are – we are. Once a Barkley, always a Barkley."

They heard a horse riding up just then. Heath got up and looked out of the window.

"That's Jarrod," he said. "He's gone to put Jingo up, so I guess he'll be a few minutes. Would you mind if I went to talk to him in the barn?"

"No, not at all," Maggie said. "Stop in and say good-bye before you go though?"

Heath finished his coffee and smiled. "I will."

Heath took himself outside, not hurrying. Jarrod would have to dismount and see to Jingo and Heath didn't want to rush right in on him in the barn. But when he got there –

Jarrod was on his knees, behind Jingo's stall, doubled over and fumbling for pills. Heath hurried to kneel in front of him. "Jarrod – do you need help?"

Jarrod shook his head, taking a pill and putting the bottle away inside his jacket. "Angina," he said. "First one in days. It'll pass."

Heath looked up at Jingo. Jarrod hadn't even gotten the cinch of the saddle undone. The attack must have hit him as soon as he dismounted, or even before. "You want me to see to Jingo for you?"

"No!" Jarrod shouted.

Heath was startled.

Shouting made Jarrod double over more. Heath just stayed with him, saying nothing.

Jarrod tried to breathe more evenly, waiting for the attack to pass, but this time was different. Before, he could always settle into it, let it work itself away, but now – God, why? – he couldn't let himself ease up. All could feel right now was pain – and anger.

Anger about the pain. Anger about the disabling pain and about Heath thinking he had to take care of his horse for him. Anger about being found on his knees on the floor, not even able to stand up.

Anger was turning into rage. It wasn't helping his pain, but he couldn't stop it from happening.

As Heath watched, he heard Jarrod begin to make almost animalistic sounds under his breath. Every time he tried to exhale, it seemed the sounds got deeper and angrier. This was different from that night in the alley. That night he seemed to just go with the pain until it went away. Now he seemed to be fighting it for all he was worth, but he was losing to it. It was just getting worse.

"Jarrod," Heath said, "try to relax – "

"Leave me alone, Heath!" Jarrod growled. "I'm tired of this! I've had it up to my eyeballs with this!"

"Jarrod, the more you fight it, the more you hurt."

"Don't preach to me, Heath!"

Heath stayed quiet then. He only now realized he had his hands on Jarrod's shoulders. He took them away, but he did not get up until Jarrod began to struggle to his feet.

And then Jarrod lost it. Still hunching over, he saw the stands the saddles were kept on – one was empty, the other held Candy's saddle. Jarrod threw himself toward them and shoved them over with a roar, and then he started looking for anything else he could ravage. He saw the tack for Candy and Clara on the wall, and he tore it down. He started to turn on the horses.

Heath wasn't going to let him go after the horses – they would win that battle and he might end up with a hoof in the head. Heath grabbed him and shouted, "Stop it, Jarrod! Get hold of yourself!"

Jarrod growled, but then he began to let go. As he went limp, Heath steered him to a bale of hay and sat him down on it. As soon as Jarrod was down, Heath looked over his shoulder. Maggie wasn't there. She apparently hadn't heard the rampage.

Jarrod eased up, closing his eyes. After a minute or two, he said, "I'm sorry, Heath."

"Is this the first time you've exploded?" Heath asked.

"This much, yeah," Jarrod said, still not opening his eyes.

"What brought this on? Trouble in town?"

"No. Just the opposite. I guess having a few days when everything went well just – I don't know. This angina pain hit and all of a sudden, I couldn't stand it anymore."

Heath knelt down in front of him. "Bout time you got mad at it."

"Doesn't pay," Jarrod said, shaking his head. "Makes it worse."

"Is it easing off now?"

"Yeah. I let it have its way, and it seems to go easier. I'm sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry to me about."

Jarrod began to breathe better and to straighten up.

"Doing better?"

Jarrod nodded. "Thanks."

Heath decided to change the subject. "The army meeting went okay?"

"Went fine," Jarrod said, finally looking up. "Everything went fine. I even won a hundred dollars playing poker."

Heath squeezed his brother's shoulder. "Why don't you take it easy there for a minute while I put this tack back up and get Jingo unsaddled?"

"I can do it," Jarrod said.

"I know you can, but if we take too long in here, Maggie's gonna come out, and I don't think you want her to see the results of your rampage. The horses are getting a bit unhappy, too."

"All right," Jarrod said. "Thanks."

Heath got up and began to get everything back in order, but suddenly he found himself trembling as he did it. He never liked seeing Jarrod explode – Jarrod kept the lid on so tight most of the time that when it blew, it really blew. But now – with the angina and everything else -

Heath got himself together before he finished getting everything else together. Jarrod stood up as Heath finished unsaddling and unbridling Jingo.

"I'll let Jingo cool down and come back out in a bit to groom him," Jarrod said.

"All right," Heath said. "I told Maggie I'd come back in and say good-bye."

Jarrod nodded.

"What should I tell Nick about the army?"

"Twenty dollars a head, five hundred head, in 45 days in Modesto."

"That's darned good. Saves us a longer drive, too."

Jarrod nodded. "It's pretty much what Nick wanted."

Heath managed a smile. "Life is always easier when Nick gets what he wants."

He did his best to get a smile out of his brother. Jarrod finally gave him one.