Butterflies sting. They land, grasp, and turn with flutters of pain until I can no longer bear the intensity. I vomit before leaving the sanctuary of my house, more pallid than usual. I dont look for anyone when I arrive. Jess and Ang are standing close to the cafeteria. They don't see me and I don't blame them.
Third period weighs on me until I'm there in the class, sitting, watching, admiring in his dark frames with dark, burnished hair. The blue shirt he wears, I have determined is his favorite, lends credence to his skin, his shape. He's a remarkable creature of God, or the Devil. From which? I can't decide. When everyone else packs, I linger until they're gone. He finds me in the emptiness, and the knowledge we both possess congests the void, and when I approach the door, close it, then turn to him, he's already stepping to me. The black paper conceals our secrets. The lock will guard them.
I can barely breathe through the stiff air compelling me to meet him half-way. His fingers brush my arm to my shoulder to my neck. I sigh. He solidifies against me, his lips meeting my cheek, breath hot. "I've thought about this moment," he says in my ear, "over and over again."
He presses to me again, along my jaw, my chin. Fingers knit in my hair. Hot breath fans over my face, and when I reach for his arms to feel the hard-soft display of masculinity he bears, I wither. I fall to ruin among the empire we're erecting. The woman I've always wanted to be can no longer survive in this known yet arcane world, but he anchors all possibilities to his kiss against flesh. Unspoken promises and hushed tidings when words can no longer express marry my skin when his nose brushes against mine. There is fire lingering. Heartbreak pending.
He breathes my name and ignites our effigy with his mouth, marking, claiming, and leaving carelessness in his wake where his lips find mine. All is lost. Abandon hope. Abandon reason. Give way to the sins we will commit and perish us in fire, for nothing is such as we and will never rest again.