A/N:Chapter 14.
Never Give In
Chapter 14
Cory and Topanga
Topanga woke up with a startled gasp. She looked quickly to the body in bed beside her. Good; Cory was still asleep. She breathed in deeply and slowly trying to get a grip on what she was feeling. This was not the first time that she woke up in the middle of the night and she was fairly certain it was not the last. Topanga knew, without a hint of doubt, that there were going to be countless more sleepless night. The moonlight from the window still made her skin look pale and ghostly. Which was fitting because she felt more ghost than human for the past months. The hallway light from the ajar door was her only source of artificial lighting. She used to be able to switch of the lights at home, she can't anymore.
Like she did every night she slowly moved out of bed and threaded the hallways to the room across the hallways. The door like her and Cory's room was also ajar. She slowly sneaked a peek into the room, her eyes zoning on to her little boy sleeping soundly with a faceless bear.
Beary the bear bear, was found months ago, and Auggie had insisted on having it for safekeeping. Auggie was clutching onto the bear, his face peaceful, something that was hard to come across in the Matthews household. Topanga felt her heart relax a little before she left the room. Auggie was safe. That was all she could have asked for. Well not all that she could asked for. She wanted her Riley back. Topanga reached for the door beside his. It was the only bedroom door in the hallway that was shut fully. She took a moment to gather her courage before holding the knob of the door. She pushed in and paused at the altar.
The room had not been lived for in months. She had come in every once in awhile with the intention of cleaning and tidying things up but more often than not it ended with Cory finding her in pieces and comforting her to bed. She used to be able to go to bed soundly but now it was impossible.
She waited. A moment passed before her grief started seeping in. A soft whimper escaped her lips before the tears fell freely. Topanga walked in sitting in the middle of Riley's room. The moonlight casted a porcelain glow on her skin.
"Mommy," A quiet voice called out to her. Topanga's eyes lifted from the stack of papers in front of her to the little figure clutching a blanket at the foot of the hallway. Cory was away with Shawn and she was alone at home with her daughter, whom she thought was asleep. It was nearing midnight and her little four year old was awake, she found it concerning.
"Yes?" Topanga said is she moved closer to Riley.
"I had a bad dream," Riley said as her mom picked her up. Riley had placed her head of Topanga's shoulder as Topanga carried her to back to her room.
"Do you want to tell me about it? Sometimes talking helps," Topanga said comfortingly.
"No, I just don't want to be alone right now," Riley replied.
"You are never alone," Topanga promised. Instead of bringing her back to bed, Topanga sat at bay window area. There was a full moon tonight. And as she hummed a lullaby for her daughter, she could not help but feel at peace. Her life was sometimes chaotic and she knew she would be busy tomorrow with the amount of paperwork she has. But she would suffer through all that if it meant that her daughter got to sleep soundly.
"Do you see the moon," Topanga said softly.
"It's pretty," RIley replied her voice laced with sleep. Topanga knew that in a matter of moments she would be in slumber.
"Well there is only one moon in the night sky. So wherever you see the moon, another person in the world maybe seeing it too," Topanga said.
"Really?" Riley voiced her wonderment.
"Really," Topanga confirmed.
"So daddy's watching the same moon?" Riley asked.
"Yes," Topanga replied, "And if you are ever away from me or daddy, just look at the moon. We will be watching the same one."
Topanga prided herself in being a strong woman. She hated the looks of pity she received from her coworkers and quiet whisperings of how she is handling things. She had to be strong because she still has a husband and son to care for. You don't get to stop being a mother even when your own daughter is missing. There are people who still need you, sometimes you need to put aside your emotions and work on someone else's. But for tonight she will allow the grief and pain to drown her. She will allow the void and emptiness to consume her. Tears fell freely. She would do anything, anything to get Riley back.
A soft familiar embrace wrapped around her. It made the night less lonely.
Cory had awoken just minutes after her to find his wife's side empty. Now like clockwork he checked on Auggie before seeking Topanga out. He stopped short when he saw Riley's bedroom door open. His heart clammed at the sight of his other half in their daughter's room weeping. He took a seat beside her and wrapped his arms around her, letting her know that he was here, and that she did not need to go through this alone. Because they choose to go through life together; both the good and the bad times.
They sat there in silence, lost in thought. Cory thought about how the past few months had been such a roller coaster. How it felt like they were still plunging down to a deep abyss and there was no lighthouse casting light or life jacket to hold on to. He hated the way his colleagues tread on eggshells around him, or when his student, Riley's friends, sometimes looked at the seat that she used to occupy.
How Riley's group of friends slowly disintegrate and he could not do anything but watch. Sure he had spotted then slowly rebuilding and he was so proud of them for that. So proud and so envious because even keeping his family afloat was difficult.
"We missed her birthday," Topanga finally said breaking the silence.
"I know," Cory held her a little tighter and placed a kiss on her forehead. On her birthday, he, Topanga and Auggie curled up on the couches watching home movies. They had unplugged their phones and laptops and just sat holding one another. They watched videos of a younger and happier version of who they used to be were on screen.
Suffice to say Christmas was also different this year. They had still open their doors to the family and tried to make it a happy moment for Auggie but the fact that one of their own was missing was something they could not ignore. It ended with a rather solemn Eric raising his glass to Riley.
"I dreamed that she was dead somewhere," Topanga confessed, offering a broken part of herself to her husband. His arms were tighter around her, anchoring her to the world, to their family. He had his fair share of nightmares about his little girl. Ones where he did not dare to speak to anyone, because vocalizing it would make it more real.
And because he was not able to speak about certain things had put some distance between him and Topanga. In the earlier months they held on to each other like a lifeline. But somewhere along the line they started to hold back and it made things a lot more difficult. They still held it together for Auggie's sake but it was never the same.
The fact that Topanga was brave enough to speak about it gave Cory the courage he needed. Conversations had gotten better and they realised that they don't need to go through this alone.
"We raised a good one," Cory said, "A beautiful, strong one. I'm not giving up on her."
And neither are you. The silent declaration rang in the air. They watched until night began to set and the colours of dawn started appearing. Topanga slowly detangled herself from her husband and stood up. Hand in hand they walked away from the room pausing at the doorway.
"She'll come back," Topanga stated.
"I know she will," Cory said.
And that is chapter 14. So like I said I'm gonna update faster now as compared to before because I am trying to finish this story before the year ends. We have about 3 more chapters left. I'm trying to wrap things up and the chapters following this should have answer some of what you guy and gals have been wondering about. I am going to write a continuation; that has always been in my stratosphere, I do have some ideas but I think I will need to do a brief outline before I really start on it. The continuation should be out sometime next year. So I hope you like this chapter. Thank you for all the comments, it makes me sort of know where I stand in creating this story (if that makes any sense cos right now I think I'm just writing words. It's really late where I am and after I post this I'm probably going to bed.) So I hope you enjoyed this and till the next chapter :)