Chapter 29

CPOV

Ana lies still if I didn't see her breathing I would think she is dead. Her hair has lost its radiance. "Anastasia." It's all I can manage to say. The rest of the words are stuck in my throat.

She opens her eyes but doesn't move. "Ana," I say her name again. This time she wakes up and quickly gets out of bed.

She stands unsteadily on her feet, "What are you doing here?" Her voice sounds confused but laced with anger. That's when I get a good look at her. She's just in her bra and panties and she is skin and bones, literally. I can see her rib cage and her shoulders. She turns around to put on a cardigan and I see every bone of her spine. It's been five days since I last saw her and I know she hasn't left this place since then and she hasn't eaten either.

"My God, Ana." She is a shell of the woman I last saw. Her face is gaunt and her eyes are sunken in. Her skin that once glowed is now chalky and dry. She wraps the cardigan tightly around her body letting me know I no longer have permission to see her so intimately.

"Why are you here?" She asks me acidly.

"I was worried about you." I reply honestly.

"I am no longer any concern of yours. There's no need to worry. I'm fine." I'm not convinced and I can tell she isn't either.

"Are you?" I ask in earnest.

She looks up at me and tears well in her eyes. "It doesn't matter." She slowly shakes her head resigned to that truth.

I walk towards her, "Oh, baby." I reach out to hold her in my arms.

As if she was shocked with electricity, she jumps back. "No. Don't touch me. I can't have you near me. You need to go, Christian."

The words are on the tip of my tongue. I want to tell her I love her and I didn't mean what I said. But I can't. So the only thing I can express is, "Ana."

She shakes her head in order to harden herself, and with somber resolve she simply says, "Goodbye, Christian."

The realization of what I have done to the woman I love hits me hard. I leave her apartment without a word. I don't recall the drive from her apartment to Escala. I get into my cold and solitary apartment and head straight for my office. I sit at my desk with my head in my hands and for the first time since I can remember, I weep. The cathartic sobs wrack my body. I've destroyed the only woman I ever loved and who loved me despite all I am.

I sit there and recall a quote from one of my favorite books of my youth, 'Great Expectations.'

"The agony is exquisite, is it not? A broken heart.

You think you will die. But you just keep living.

Day after day, after terrible day."

I wonder who I am like most Estella or Mrs. Havisham? Am I both the broken-hearted and the heart-breaker? All I know is I fully deserve this agony I feel.

It's early Saturday morning, around 2 am. I'm still awake because I know if I sleep I will dream of her. The suffering on her face haunts me. Quietly there is a knock on the door which startles me. I look up and it's Taylor. He looks like he hasn't slept in days.

"Sir. I apologize for disturbing you but I thought you would want to know right away. We have a location on Miss Williams." I look up at him silently urging him to continue. "Welch and a team are headed there now."

I move to get up from my seat, "I'm going there now. Send the location to my car." I go to leave my office and Taylor steps in front of me blocking the doorway.

"Sir, I can't let you do that. You've been drinking." He nods over to the empty bottle of Pappy Van Winkle's on my desk.

"Taylor, I have to go." This is the woman who took the most important thing in my life from me. Anastasia may not be dead but in her eyes I am and that's just as bad.

"Sir, I hope I am not overstepping my bounds when I say this, but you… you've had a long day. Allow me to drive." I nod knowing he is right. I am in no condition to drive.

We arrive to a run-down building in South Park. I can see Welch's car parked in front.

I'm out of the car quickly and head inside. I run up towards the commotion I hear. Opening the door to the small, sparse apartment I see Leila restrained and on a chair. I step in and Welch approaches me. "Sir, she was quite violent when she was apprehended so she had to be restrained." I look over and see two police officers standing near her. They are no doubt part of Welch's vast pool of connections.

"I just want to know why. Why did you do it, Leila?" I thought we parted on good terms. I thought she moved on and was happy.

"It's not fair. I loved you first but you denied me. I found love again and the universe took him away from me. If I can't have love I don't want you to either."

"Mr. Grey," Welch explains, "from the information we gathered, her husband was killed by a drunk driver a few months ago. Shortly after his death her family and friends reported they saw and spoke with her less and less until they stopped hearing from her altogether."

"Do you know why she started stalking Ana? How she got into her apartment and mine without anyone noticing?"

"No, Sir. Not yet. Because she is a danger to herself and others, she is being sent to Fairfax Hospital for treatment. Once there I hope she can connect the dots for us."

Taylor steps forward, "Sir, we are having all the security upgraded at Escala to prevent any future breaches."

"Thank you, Taylor."

"Mr. Grey everything is under control here. Ms. Williams will be taken to the hospital and she won't be allowed visitors for a few days. Why don't you go home and get some rest?" Welch suggests.

I pause for a second. Because of this woman here, I hurt the person I love most. Can I just give up control like that? I hear Taylor clear his throat and I decide that I no longer want to give her any power over me. I turn towards the door and walk out. Now I have to make things right.