Disclaimer: I do not own the rights for the characters. I thank L. J. Smith for creating this beautiful books, Julie Plec for creating the show and TheCW for showing it.

So chapter 5 ;D. You might know some parts (Actually only one..) if you know what I mean. I only have one hint: Sneek Peak!

Oh,you can hear me cry
See my dreams all die
From where you're standing
On your own.
It's so quiet here
And I feel so cold
This house no longer
Feels like home.

-Ben Cooks So Cold

01/07/2012, 4:30pm, living room

I put my bike in our driveway and recognized something weird. There was already a bike. The bike of my aunt. What was she doing here? Wasn't she supposed to be at work?

I unlocked the front door, put my shoes into the closet and walked into the living room.

And there they were sitting. My aunt and my cousin. The people, who fought for so long about what was the right thing to do for and about me and they were sitting there completely calmly and in harmony.

'' So Elena, how was school today?''

So that's was what this was all about. School. I only was back from the hospital for one week but they all expected me to go straight back to school. Okay, so my psychologist said it would be the best and that I should try to get used to my normal life again. And they listened. But what was normal about my life. I lived together with my 23 years old cousin in a big house that somehow belonged to me. He and my aunt decided everything for me. So my life wasn't quite normal.

But I had to go back to school. That's what I wanted. Or what should that all have been worth if I didn't at least try to do things, normal 16 years-old do.

'' So we talked to Dr. Fell.''

What they talked to Dr. Fell. If you asked me I would say she was always high on something, which would be easy for her because she can prescribe it herself. Besides being high, she also was my psychologist, who always had the weirdest ideas. So what did she recommend them this time? Planting some flowers to channel energy? Some new super drugs, which fixed everything, from depression to a cold?

I didn't want to test anything new again. I was done with that. And so I couldn't sit still on my chair anymore and moved around nervously.

'' She told us she's worried about you. She thinks you aren't improving much and-''

'' I am improving! What the hell is she telling you? That I'm still suicidal, because I don't want to talk to Chester, the totally unfunny teddybear? Or if I refused to impress my feelings by forming something with plasticine. Or because-''

'' Elena shut up and calm down!''

My cousin looked at me strictly. Okay, maybe the last few words were a bit too loud. Even louder as planned, but despite that I just couldn't like Dr. Fell.

'' So Dr. Fell meant'', Matt started to speak again, '' that you're isolating yourself too much. You're not playing basketball anymore. You don't meet your friends. You're literally just leaving the house to go to school or to Dr. Fell. And then you're not leaving it voluntarily.''

So basketball was not an option for me. And I would hang out with friends, if I still had any. I only had Bonnie. But she didn't have time for me.

Jenna looked at me concerned.

'' So she told us, that it might be a good idea to change the scenery. And before you stop me here and say no, just let me finish first please.

Matt can't leave, because of college. That would be too difficult. I can't leave because of your cousin. It wouldn't be fair to her or Alaric. So we thought about sending you to your great aunt Esther in Scotland.''

Great aunt Esther, seriously. She owns about 500 goats, doesn't have a TV, no internet and lives in a village with an average age of 75 years. I would really rather die than go there. I was just about to say something when Matt started to speak.

'' We know you don't really like her or her place. So we looked for something different. And we found it. There's a boarding school about 750 miles away from here. You could come home in your holidays and-''

'' No way. Forget about it. I'm not leaving!''

I looked at them furious. How could they? How could they just send me away?

'' This is my house. You can't force me to leave,''

'' And because of that the school isn't that far. And furthermore we won't discuss this. We've already signed you up. School starts in September. You just have to pick your subjects.''

And so I landed here. Which was the best thing anyone could do to me.

23/11/12, 6:47pm, Damon's pool

The water was amazingly cold. It was a great idea of Damon to rather swim than do our essay.

I smiled at him.

"Elena, why are you smiling?"

Why was I smiling. I was enjoying spending time with him. But that, I didn't want him to know.

"I was only thinking that it isn't really often, that it is this hot in November."

Hopefully he wouldn't ask anymore. Otherwise I would have to think of something new.

"Really? You were thinking about that?." He looked at me curiously. "And that makes you smiling?"

Not only that, I was thinking.

"Yeah. What else should make me smile here?"

"I know some-"

Suddenly my phone started to ring in a terrible volume, so that I couldn't understand Damon's last words.

I jumped out of the pool, grabbed a towel and took my phone. It showed Caroline's name. What did she want again? She knew I was with Damon and I promised to tell her everything later at practice and-shit, practice.I looked at the clock. Practice started 5 minutes ago-

I picked up-

"Hey Caroline. I know I'm late. We didn't recognize how late it was getting. Tell Rebekah I'm on my way. Ciao See you soon."

"Typically you. See you."

I hung up.

Faster than ever before I put on my clothes and put I my stuff in my bag.

And while doing that, I forgot about Damon.

"Ehm Elena? I'm still here. Why are you in such a hurry?"

"Damon do you know what time it is? It's 6:50 pm. Practice started 5 minutes ago!"

I looked around to make sure I had all my stuff and when I turned around to leave, Damon got out of the pool and was now standing directly in front of me.

"Until you're back in your room, picked up your cheerleading stuff and you're in the gym, practice will be nearly over. Why won't you stay a bit longer, we eat something and then go back to school together?

Was he being serious? I should just skip practice?

One of the few things I really liked doing and had fun?

"No. When I hurry a bit now, I might be able to be there in the middle. Ciao. I have to go."

"But Elena-"

I just looked at him furiously. He just didn't understand what cheerleading meant to me.

"No, Damon. I'm leaving now."

I went away and left Damon back confused and maybe a bit hurt.

I always could depend on cheerleading.

But not on him. People might leave someday.

24/06/2012, 4:56pm, Dr. Fell's praxis

'' So Elena, why did you try to kill you?''

Wow, she really didn't talk around the subject.

But it was a good question. Why did I try to kill me? I didn't really want to die, I just wanted the pain to be gone.

'' My parents and my brother died in a car accident.''

'' And you didn't want to live without them?''

No that wasn't it. I still had a lot of things to live for.

'' No that wasn't the reason. I just couldn't deal with all the pain anymore, so I took these painkillers. I didn't want to kill me.''

'' Aha.''

She wrote something in her notebook

But what was Aha supposed to mean. Did she already know everything about me? What did she mean with Aha. But before I could overthink these three letters any more she asked: '' How did they die?''

Yeah, about that I only knew what Jenna told me. I wasn't in the car with them. And the police thought I was too much in a shock than to tell me anything.

'' They were in the car on their way to pick me up at my basketball match. When they drove over Wickery Bridge, there was a drunk driver, who crashed into them. The car got off the bridge into the river and the three of them immediately died.''

Tears were streaming down my face. That was the first time I told someone how they died. Before it was either Matt or Jenna who told it to someone.

'' And do you feel guilty about it? Because they were only there to pick you up?''

Did I feel guilty. Yes I felt guilty as hell. It was all my fault. Hadn't I been so stubborn and demanded to play, they wouldn't never have had to pick me up and they would never have driven over that damn bridge.

I started to sob. My whole body shook. Dr. Fell gave me a tissue.

It took a long time for me to calm down again. After that she didn't ask anymore about their deaths.

Only about stuff you would normally tell. School, hobbies.. stuff like that.

And then one hour was over and I went back to my hospital room.

Okay two chapters in one day, I'm proud ;D
But I have to tell you, I won't be able to upload as frequently anymore. One to two chapters a day are a lot of work which I just can't do at the moment. I'll be still uploading two to three chapters a week which I think is also a lot. I hope you understand ;D

So to the story:

I know school normally doesn't start in September in the US, but I'm European and here (at least in Germany ) that's normal. So I didn't really think about it when I wrote it and now it would be difficult to change all the dates...

I hope that little fact doesn't bother you too much :D

I also decided to let you take part in the story and let you decide a few things from time to time ;)

So for the beginning I would like you to make some suggestion in which town I should let Elena live (Because the boarding school is in Mystic Falls) and a towm where Damon's family should life. And I would like them to be as far away from eachother as possible ;D

You can also always suggest songs I can use as chapter headlines and also if you would like to have a character named (of course only TVD names, but also from to books) specially.

Again thanks for all the love. You donÄt know how much that means to me.

R&R as always.

Love PrincessNeens

And follow me on twitter if you like my story: PrincessNeens