Chapter 31

APOV

It's Friday, and for some reason I let Kate talk me into going to the Grey's masquerade ball tomorrow. She promised me Christian isn't going to be there. Apparently, he is going to be in New York for business. We have the physical space between us but unfortunately, he is still in my heart and that's where I need the distance.

After lunch on Friday, I'm reading the new manuscript from Louis Granger when I hear the ping of an incoming email. It's from Christian.

To: Anastasia Steele

From: Christian Grey

Anastasia,

I hope this email finds you well. I am sorry for emailing you at work but you have blocked my number and I can't otherwise get through to you.

I shall be returning from New York Sunday evening and I hope you allow me to speak with you to explain what happened. I only ask for a few minutes of your time. Please call or text me. I know you have my number.

Sincerely,

Christian T. Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings

He must really think I am stupid. I may be naive but you can damn well be sure I am not going to fall for something like this again.

Considering everything, the afternoon passes by relatively quickly. After work, I take a cab to Macy's to hopefully get a dress for tonight. Luckily for me, it's pay day. It doesn't take me long to pick out my dress and shoes. I get a black Betsy & Adam embellished halter gown and black Betsey Johnson Gina sandals. On my way home, I pass a little boutique I've never before noticed. In the window was a black feather masquerade mask that would be perfect for tomorrow. I ended up getting it and a matching black feather clutch.

Kate is coming to my apartment tomorrow to help me do my makeup and hair. Then I am going to ride with Elliot and her to the ball. I know Christian isn't going to be there but I am still very nervous about seeing his family since he dumped me. But, I guess there's no backing out now - I'd rather walk on broken glass than break a promise to Kate. I love her but I would not want to get on her bad side.

I have to admit, Kate did a fantastic job with my makeup and hair. I hardly recognize myself. I definitely don't look like the sad, empty person I feel like.

The ball is very glamorous and beautiful and if it were another day or another time I would be dazzled by it all. I try to smile and put on a happy face. Men, who are perfectly fine catches, ask me to dance but I refuse. My body may be here but my spirit is definitely not. I wonder what Christian is doing in New York. He's probably charmed a woman there only to leave her in the morning. I need a break and to get away from it all.

"Kate, I'm going to go for a walk to get some fresh air," I say as I stand up from the table.

"Do you want me to go with you, Ana?"

"No. I think I need the alone time for a little while. I'll be back." She looks at me with doubt but nods her head.

I walk away from the party so now the sounds of music and excited conversations are only in the distance. The air is cool and as I breathe it in, I feel the tears subside. Come on, Ana. Get over this. Move on. But, I can't shake the feeling that I should have never come here.

"Miss Steele?" I turn around to see a staff member with a small box on a tray.

"Yes?"

"Miss Steele, I've been asked to deliver this to you." He stands still as I move to pick up the box.

"Um, thank you."

"You're welcome, Ma'am."

I open the envelope that accompanies the box. It's a hand-written letter. And as soon as I read the first line I immediately recognize it from the letter that Captain Wentworth wrote to Anne.

You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. For you alone, I think and plan.

There is only one person who would give this to me. But that can't be possible. It's not possible. I open the box, it's from Tiffany. Inside is a beautiful necklace with a diamond key pendant and a heart shape bow.

"Only you hold the key to my heart."

I turn around in shock. Even with a mask, I recognize him. "Christian, what are you doing here?"

"Anastasia, you look beautiful tonight."

"Answer my question." Be strong, Ana! I will myself to be strong.

"You wouldn't return my calls, texts, or emails. I need to talk to you."

My voice cracks as my resolve begins to dwindle. Seeing him here in the flesh, this beautiful man whom I love makes all the emotions flood back to me. "Why do you insist on pouring salt in my wounds?"

He steps closer to me. "Ana, I didn't want to hurt you in the first place. You don't know how sorry I am for doing that to you."

"Then why did you do it? This whole thing has been fucked up. Can't you see that?"

"I did it to protect you. I love you, Anastasia."

I wanted to hear those words so badly. But now they hurt me even more. "You have a funny way of showing it. So, what was so horrible you had to protect me?"

He stops and looks down at me. He doesn't want to tell me. "Ana…"

"Christian, if you mean what you say then you will tell me. You will tell me everything. Or there is nothing between us."

"I'll tell you. But not here. Come with me." He reaches for my hand.

"No." I quickly pull my hand away. "Where do you want me to go with you?"

"Nowhere bad, I promise. Please." Wordlessly I follow him as he leads me into the house and up the stairs to a room. He opens the door and I immediately know it's his childhood bedroom. He lets me in first as he turns on the light then motions for me to sit down on the bed. I look around his room. It looks as if he just left it yesterday with posters on the wall and mementos on a corkboard.

"Christian, why did you bring me up here?"

"I feel comfortable here. I can relax. And, in order for me to tell you why I had to protect you, I need to start at the beginning."

"The beginning?"

"Yes. It all started the summer I turned 15." He sits down on the bed next to me, removes his mask, loosens his tie, and breathes deeply.