Disclaimer: I do not own the rights for the characters. I thank L. J. Smith for creating this beautiful books, Julie Plec for creating the show and TheCW for showing it.

Sorry guys. I know it's been longer than planned. I just had a lot to do right now. I hope this will be worth the wait and I promise to update the next chapter sooner. I normally have a lot time next week so maybe even 3 chapters then :D

You've got the words to
change a nation but
you're biting your tongue.

You've spent a lifetime
stuck in silence afraid
you'll say something wrong.

If no one ever hears it, how
we gonna learn your song?

-Emeli Sandé Read all about it

24/11/2012, 7:39 am, my room at boarding school

I haven't slept one second in the last night.

And that was only because of him. I couldn't let it happen, that he started to mean something to me. I really just couldn't let that happen.

Because the worst pain was losing someone you loved. And that already did happen.

And I didn't know if I'd survived that a second time. So it was better not to have any deeper relationships.

I still had some left, but I couldn't let that number raise. And because of that I just couldn't let him in.

Because of this sleepless night, I decided that I have to reduce our contact to a minimum. So only when I had to, because of the literature project. No second longer. Otherwise it would end badly. And probably even worse for me.

But I had to meet him for the sake of this damn project. Because one of the things which still mattered were my grades and I wouldn't let them suffer because of him.

But now I had yoga. And hopefully I could clear my mind there and forget about Damon.

24/11/2012, 1:12 pm, cafeteria

I got a salad and walked to my usual table. But unfortunately there was Damon. And I wanted to stay away from him.

I was standing directly in front of my seat. Damon smiled at me. He waited for me to sit down. That was so him. He was always so nice and polite and concerned about me. Trying to help me.

But I didn't want anyone to help me.

So I threw my hair over my shoulder and walked away. I headed directly to Ben McKittrick's table. He was the biggest womanizer in school. I had to send April Young away to sit next to him. But one look at her was enough and she got up and walked away.

Ben was worth the little effort I had to make. He wanted me for a while now and so I was sitting on his lap after a few minutes.

When I looked back to my usual table my eyes met Damon's. He looked really disappointed. When he realized I looked at him, he shook his head, got up and walked away.

He could think what he wanted about me. That would just make it easier for me to stay away and move on.

The only thing I hadn't expected was Caroline's reaction. She caught up with me after lunch break.

'' Damn Elena. What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you always making this shit?''

I looked at her without a clue what she was talking about.

'' What do you mean Care? What did I do that you think is so bad?''

'' You're really not getting it, do you? You're acting like an ass. Damon is always nice and treats you well. And what do you do? You ignore him and push him away. Why are you doing that? I always accepted all the guys you slept with and I even protected you. But I thought that when you'd find the right guy, you would stop with that. But it seems like I was wrong. You treat Damon like the last shit. I always thought that it was just a mask you used. But now I get it. You are just like that. You are just the egoistical bitch everyone said you were. And you know what? I'm done with you!''

And with that she walked away. I hadn't even realized that she had been screaming, but how everyone now looked at me, the all probably heard everything.

And then I noticed the tears streaming down my face.

Damn. Everyone was starring at me and I was crying. Could this day even get worse?

I started to run. I was nearly at my room when I remembered that it was also Caroline's room. So I decided to head to the girls bathroom.

When I was there I looked trough my purse in need of a tissue. But instead of that I suddenly had something else in my hand.

Painkillers.

Desperation overcame me and I broke down.

Please not again. I let someone in and now that someone left.

I couldn't make it this time. It was just too much for me.

My knees gave in and I slid down the wall.

I was shaking and sobbing and I still had the painkillers in my hand.

I looked at them. I knew they would help, they had before. But I also knew that I didn't want them. I knew what they did to me. And I promised myself and would never get so down again. But I just couldn't handle it right now.

Caroline was the only one I had here. She was always the one that supported me. She was my anchor and without her, this school would be hell.

I had no idea what I should do.

Should I forget her and try to find a new friend? But who would want to be my friend? Half of the school only thought about me as someone to sleep with and the other thought just the same as Caroline and wanted nothing to do with me.

I could also open up to her. But what if that didn't change anything. Then I would only be hurt more.

And then I did the only thing I could think about in that situation. I called Dr. Fell.

After two ringings she picked up.

'' Hey Elena. I didn't think you would call. But what can I do for you?''

'' I-... I just can't handle this anymore. It's just to much. She said she's done with me and now I don't know what to do. And I have this painkillers but I don't want to take them but it just hurts to much and-..'' I couldn't talk anymore. I just sobbed again.

'' Elena, first of all calm down. Breathe in and out deeply. And then tell me what exactly happened. I didn't really understand that much.''

And then I told her everything. I told her about Caroline and Damon. And that I was afraid to let them in because I was afraid I would loose them. And because of exactly that fear I tried to isolate me from Damon which caused that Caroline did exactly what I was afraid of.

'' Okay Elena. The first thing you do now is to throw that pills into the toilet and flush.''

And I did like I was told. I really didn't want them anymore.

'' And now Elena, I think there are only two solution. Either you isolate yourself totally so noone could hurt or leave you ever again. Or you just have to open up to them and tell them. I prefer the second one, but it's your choice. So think about it.''

'' Thank you Dr. Fell. I will.''

'' You're welcome. But next time call me before you sit in the bathroom, crying, with pills in yours hands. ''

'' I will. Bye and thank you again.''

'' Bye.''

And with that we ended the call.

And I had to make a choice.

30/07/2012, 3:57 pm, living room

'' Elena, you really have to decide on you subjects now!''

Since they told me about boarding school, that was the most important thing for them. Choosing my subjects. They gave me a brochure about the possibilities and explained to me how I had to choose. I wasn't that complicated. At least one creative subject, one kind of sport, one social science and one kind of science as main subjects. Then one more main subject I could choose freely and minors, which I could change every now and then.

They've explained it to me already like 50 times, because they thought I didn't choose because I didn't know how.

But that I understood. I just didn't understand, why I should go to this school at all. And because of that, I wasn't really interested in choosing subjects.

'' If you want it or not you're going. And if you don't choose until tomorrow we will. And then you'll like it even less.''

As if that was possible. But if I told that Matt now, he would just get more upset.

He already looked at me like I don't know what. And my aunt didn't even have the nerves for that anymore. She just shook her head and left. She was tired of arguing with me.

After she left Matt spoke again.

'' Elena, the boarding school really doesn't look that bad and the subjects sound interesting.''

I looked at him, with a look which was supposed to scare him, make at least his knees shaking, but nothing. He just looked back at me with his typical concerned look I got used to.

'' You know we wouldn't send you there, if we didn't think it was for your own good, don't you?''

Now he looked at me caringly. And he smiled.

'' Okay. I'll look into the brochure.''

And I really did. And like he said, the subjects sounded interesting.

Seriously, the whole school didn't sound that bad.

And the choices were heaven.

After an hour or even more i was finished.

Main subjects:

Science: Biology (because I'd already had that)

Sport: Cheerleading (because that always looked cool in movies)

Social Science: Literature (because I loved books)

Creative subject: Design (because I wanted to try something new)

Other: Math (because I was good at it)

Minors:

Yoga (because I had to learn how to relax)

Theatre (because there I could be someone else)

Cooking (because I couldn't could even if my life depended on it)

Drawing (because my brother loved it)

I gave the list to my aunt.

'' No basketball? I thought you would start again.''

'' No, no basketball. I did what you wanted so don't argue now please.''

'' Okay, okay. I'm glad you chose. And your subjects really look great. And by the way. We're gonna visit the school in two weeks so you can look around. Maybe even make some friend already. So it would be great if you could already pack a bit of the stuff you wanna take, so when can already take them there then, okay?''

And with that, I was bad-tempered again.

Talking about moving away was one thing. But packing made it real.

And I still wasn't ready for that. I still didn't want to leave.

Okay that was it. I know there was no Delena in it. But I promise, it will be coming ;)

What do you think about her break down?

About the last part. I konw it wasn't interesting. But my point was to show all the subjects Elena has, so it wouldn't be confusing later. I hope you like my choice.

I'm already working on translating the next chapter. I only have two more written until now, but I will then continue to write the story because of you ;D

Thank you for reading and following, favoriting and reviewing.

You can still suggest towns (read the last chapter for that) and always songs if you want one in the story.

R&R as always.

Love PrincessNeens

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