Chapter 32

CPOV

Well, it's now or never. "The summer I turned fifteen my mother had me help one of her friends with some yard work. To make a long story short, she seduced me. She was into BDSM and for six years I was in a relationship with her. I was her submissive."

"Your mother's friend seduced you when you were only fifteen?"

"Yes. I was in a relationship with her until I was 21."

"Did your mother know?"

"Of course not."

"What's a submissive?"

"It's someone who submits their own free will to another person, a Dominant. They submit to the Dominant in all things."

"Like tying people up and stuff?"

"It's more than sex. As a submissive, all I wanted was to make her happy."

"Why did you stop being her submissive then?"

"Her husband found out but then I grew past it. I didn't want to be a submissive anymore. I wanted to be a Dominant."

"So you became a Dominant?"

"Yes."

"Did you have submissives?"

"Yes."

"Did you tie them up and stuff?"

"Yes."

"Do you still have submissives?"

"No. You're the only one I want."

"Do you still speak with her? The woman who seduced you?"

"Not anymore. I used to though. We were friends and business partners."

"What happened?"

"She wanted to have more control in my life and I didn't want that. She got angry and things were said."

"Is your mother still friends with her?"

"Yes."

"Do you feel bad that this all happened under your mother's nose and she has no idea?"

"Of course. I would never want to hurt my mother. But my past is my burden to bear."

"How does all this have to do with what happened between us?" She is nothing if not bright. I give her a smile.

"A former submissive of mine threatened to kill you. The only way I could protect you until we found her was to make everyone believe we weren't together so you were no longer a threat to her."

"Christian, do you know how crazy this sounds? It's like a soap opera."

"I know. And I could never do enough to tell you how sorry I am."

"Where is she now?"

"She's at a psychiatric hospital."

"So you didn't mean those things you said to me?"

"No. I never wanted to hurt you. I didn't know what else to do."

"What is it that you want?"

"Anastasia, I love you. I didn't even know I could love anyone until you."

"How do you know? What if you just feel this way because we're no longer together?"

I smirk at her. "I didn't plan on it but I think I was in love with you from the very beginning. When we were in L.A. and we were in the limo leaving the last bar you fell asleep in my arms and it felt right like that's where you belong. I tried to fight it but I never had a chance."

"Christian, this is all so overwhelming. I don't even know what to think or do here. This whole thing is so fucked up."

"Let's start over. Even if you want to start as friends again. I will do whatever it takes. I just need you in my life."

"I love you, Christian. But I am so scared of getting hurt again. My heart says one thing and my brain says another."

"Don't over think things. We can take it one day at a time. Dance with me tonight? That's all I ask." I caress her cheek and her breath hitches.

I can tell she's not sure what to do but finally relents and says, "OK."

APOV

I don't know if doing this with Christian is the right thing to do. But I know that being without him was too painful. He's opened up to me, now I just need to figure out what I want to do with this information. He said he loves me. Is that true? Could we even start over or has there been too much damage done?

We get out to the back patio which is dimly lit by a couple of scattered paper lanterns. We can hear the music from here, it's To Make You Feel My Love, and it's just the two of us. "Ana, dance with me?"

"Here? Not on the dance floor?" I ask him.

"This way I can hold you in my arms and have you all to myself." We dance in each other's embrace for what seems like an eternity. In my ear, he quietly sings,

"I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.

Nothing that I wouldn't do.

Go to the ends of the Earth for you,

To make you feel my love.'

I look up at him and he leans down and gives me a gentle kiss. "Ana, stay with me tonight."

"Christian, I don't know if that's a good idea. I don't want to rush into anything."

"No, to sleep. I just want to hold you all night long. I've missed holding you and having you near me."

I could be making a huge mistake but I can't deny the pull I have to him. "Well, I have been a little chilly at night as well so I guess I could do that." We decide to leave the party since it's almost over anyway. We walk up to the SUV and Taylor is holding the door open for me.

"Good evening, Miss Steele." Taylor greets me with a nod.

I give him a smile, "Thank you, Taylor." Christian and I climb in the back seat. I ignore my seatbelt and cuddle next to Christian. He kisses the top of my head and softly rubs my back and I fall asleep. I've missed him. I've missed his smell.

"Baby, we're home." He quietly croons to me. He takes my mask and clutch into one hand and holds my hand with the other. He doesn't let go of me even when we're in the elevator.

"Are you thirsty, Ana?" I shake my head. I see him smile and hold back a laugh. We get to his bedroom and he turns me so my back is facing him.

Slowly and deliberately, he removes the pins from my hair and then gives me a quick scalp massage. "Do you need me to unzip your dress?"

I don't know why but suddenly I feel shy around him, even after all the things we've done together. I blush, "yes, please." He unzips the back of my dress and softly kisses my shoulders.

He hands me one of his t-shirts, "Here you can wear this if you want." I take the shirt and put it on. Then, I head to the bathroom where I use his toothbrush to brush my teeth. He comes into the bathroom and snickers when he sees me. Christian opens a cabinet and takes out a bottle of baby oil. "Here, I don't know if you need this to remove your makeup or not. Unfortunately, I don't have anything better so I hope this is OK."

"Oh, no, it's fine, thank you." He quickly brushes his teeth once I've finished and leaves the bathroom. When I walk back into the bedroom, he is wearing pajama pants and a t-shirt and is lying on the bed. He pulls back the duvet and pats the mattress next to him. I get on the bed and snuggle up next to him. I've missed this - really missed this. He puts his arm around my shoulders.