Author's Note;

Let me first say thank you to my reviewers, followers and readers for all the support they've shown. And this fic earned 10 follows in just the first chapter! I am in hysterics. You guys are awesome.

I had TREMENDOUS fun writing the third chapter. You will soon seen why ;)

Here I'd also like to introduce you to an OC whom you will love–unlike TCSB's Loken, because this one isn't creepily after Holly– and who is also in real life an FF buddy of mine. (I did not ask his permission to use him in a fanfic. Is that a bad thing?)

Bleh.

Woo. This author does not own Artemis Fowl or related characters.

Lez get on with it!

—•:;—

CHAPTER THREE: CONTACT

.

What's the worse fear you've ever known?

His own footsteps thundered in his ears as he crossed the cold, damp, echoing basement. He reached a flight of steep stairs leading down, and nearly missed the second step. It sent a shudder and a momentary shockwave through his entire being, but he was soon back at running as fast as humanly possible.

Spiders? Creepy-crawlies? The monster under your bed?

Caleb rushed to a halt at a brick wall. Dead end. The scribbles painfully etched into each black brick seemed to ring with mocking laughter.

The thing was nearing. The thing was drawing closer, it was just starting to descend the steps now...

What did you imagine that monster to look like?

He couldn't see it. But the aura of lost dreams and cruel nightmares that surrounded it had a wide and almost magnetic radius, threatening with each of its leaps to drag the sanity from his mind and plunge him into Ethos. The land of crumbling ashes, of lost hope. The last place he wanted to be.

Tell me.

Caleb clenched a white-knuckled fist. He was at doom's door with no chance of escape. The walls screamed back at him, giggled, laughed.

And then his banging right hand found a switch.

Tell me, Caleb.

But it had found him, and it tapped him on the shoulder and instinct made him turn.

I'd love to know.

The boy screamed and hit the switch.

•

"I can only imagine the workload your fairy police has," stated Artemis casually, sitting down on one of the plush chairs around the coffee table. "It took you four months to take action."

Holly didn't feel threatened enough to draw her gun, but she still neared with caution and a scowl on her face.

"Four months? Is that how long it's been going, Fowl?"

Artemis shrugged. "I'm surprised you took heed of the signal at all. While it was definitely stronger than most human signals, I had my doubts about ever contacting the fairy folk that way. Now that you're here, at least I can be assured of your existence."

Holly shook her head. "I'm not talking about some telephone signal, Mud Man, I'm talking about the other way you got us hooked again."

Artemis's face registered genuine surprise, but it didn't last long and he computed her words fast. Clearly this fairy wasn't sent to investigate his signal; though that had been his intention. No, the People seemed to have another reason for recklessly turning up at his door.

Got us hooked again?

As far as he knew, this was the first time he'd met a member of the fairy race. He had come to a conclusion that perhaps his fascination with a mythical people who lived below the Earth's surface was perhaps without proper evidence; the signal he had broadcasted four months previously aimed at the Earth's inner mantle had been nothing but the testing of a hypotheses. Obviously now the fairy folk were real, unless he was facing a very clever hoax at the moment.

"Don't play dumb," said the fairy, crossing her arms. "You know as well as I do that you're the one behind the shipments, so–"

"Shipments?" inquired Artemis, interested.

"Yes, Fowl, the goblin weaponry. I don't know if your intentions are to get your revenge or to poke your nose into our affairs again–"

"Goblins? My, this is interesting," Artemis raised an eyebrow. "And what do you mean by again?"

Foaly cut back into Holly's ear. "He's playing dumb," he snorted.

"Of course he is," muttered Holly. "I know you've got your memories back, Artemis."

This was apparently the strangest thing she could've said, because Fowl reacted with a deep frown.

"Fairy, please. Not only is your first-name-basis unconvincing, but I am also inclined to believe that you have got the wrong person. I neither know what you are talking about nor do you have any clue as to my meaning. Let me make several things clear here." He steepled his fingers and met her eyes. "Four months ago, I broadcasted a stronger-than-human wireless signal aimed at the Earth's upper mantle in order to intercept any communication networks your hidden civilization may have. A side-project, nothing more, as I believed my theories about your existence were a little far-fetched. I was somehow unable to intercept anything, and I supposed I could try again later. I did not however expect one of your kind to turn up at my door. With entirely different reasons, as it turns out."

Holly rolled her eyes. "We don't have the wrong person, Fowl."

"Fairy, please. At least enlighten me on why these accusations point my way," Artemis seemed perfectly calm with an undertone of mild excitement. Of course it would excite him. If he wasn't already behind it, he would no doubt try to learn a lesson from it. That or he was telling the truth and he hadn't got his memories back, and the opportunity to exploit a new race for the first time was what he found exciting.

"Because the shipments were traced back to a human supplier," Holly literally pointed a finger at him. "And we've learnt from previous experience that you're the only Mud Man capable o–"

Artemis stood up, picked up a glass of water and walked over to the windscreen window.

Holly scowled and followed him. "Look, Fowl, don't act as if you can't remember. You've obviously cheated the mind-wipe–"

"This is a lot to take in at once, Major." Artemis grinned slightly, his piercing blue eyes directed at the blinking city lights below. "Can I call you Major?"

Holly almost laughed. "It's not like you to give yourself away, Fowl."

"I am not giving myself away. I am simply able to read your name tag–" He paused and cast a glance at it. "Short, is it? As I was saying, I am able to read and understand your language, if with a little difficulty, because I have put extensive effort into it in the past. I don't remember why," he frowned. "But let's not sway from the topic, shall we? What were you saying about a mind-wipe?"

"D'Arvit, Holly," said Foaly in her earpiece. "He's obviously playing. Not even Fowl can conclude so much that fast."

Holly almost groaned. "Deal with this yourself," she muttered, before looking back at the Mud Man. "Are you honestly telling me that you don't remember?"

Artemis shrugged. "I don't. But you talk to me as if we've conversed before, and you've hinted at a memory-loss on my part multiple times. Tell me, Major, were you responsible for this so-called mind wipe?"

Holly raised an eyebrow. "You really don't remember, do you? It was the LEP. Commander Root? You can't recall any of it?"

"None," Artemis gazed back the city lights, a thoughtful look on his features. Holly had never before seen him look this...harmless. Alright, knowing his reputation she would never call it harmless, but he certainly didn't look like he was scheming something wicked. He didn't look like the boy who'd held her for ransom. Then again six years was a long time, and a lot had changed for him. "Does the LEP have special methods of interrogation?"

And then Holly remembered, and almost slapped her forehead. The Mesmer. She could've just used the Mesmer this whole time!

Noticing her hesitation, Artemis smirked. "And I'm guessing these special methods require exact eye contact. The story fits."

Holly was too busy cursing herself to catch this, but Foaly did. "The story fits?" He repeated. "Holly, ask him what he means."

"Right, alright. What do you mean?"

"I mean that your story of a mind-wipe is supported by a bit of evidence I know of." Artemis craned his neck to peer at the hotel's driveway, a long way down, but his speech remained focused. "You see, six years previously, I woke up one day to find mirrored contacts in my eyes. Imagine my surprise when I found that Butler and Juliet had the same contacts implanted in theirs. And it seems I had ordered the contacts myself." He finished his glass of water, and looked at her coolly. "No doubt to cheat your interrogation methods. From which we can also divulge another important fact."

Holly was starting to get a little annoyed by the return of his smug tones, but some part of her freely admitted that this was indeed getting interesting. "And what is that, Fowl?"

"I cheated your interrogation. Which means I have hidden some sort of clue, some sort of proof that will give me my memories back," Artemis turned to the direction of the corridor, because the door was being opened on the other end. Holly spun around, mentally slapping herself. She'd forgotten to burn in the lock and now Butler would...

"Hello, Artemis Fowl," said Opal Koboi, walking through the corridor and into the room in a kit of black boots and a characteristic smirk. "Remember me?"

Holly immediately drew her gun–

But the world had already shut down and she felt her lifeless frame crumple to the floor, and the last sounds she heard were waves of static from her earpiece and the malicious, annoying chuckling of the last pixie she wanted to meet again.

••

He could not remember the last time he'd been so transfixed.

No, actually he could. It was that time in the Academy when they had unveiled the collection of the new era LEP weapons. He had been a mere cadet-in-training at the time, so even glimpsing the fantastic arsenal of guns and grappling hooks had made his mouth water. Longing for the day he'd get to wield one, to feel one. Longing for the great career he had no idea would actually come.

She had temporarily evacuated her position as Wing Commander and taken to assisting with the more mundane affairs of the ordinary LEP, like breaking up goblin gang fights and going after lethal curry-smugglers. But Vinyayà had adapted to this job quite well over the past couple of months during which her own division had been inactive. Right now she hit several moving targets at once in what was set as the highest difficulty level of the senior shooting range, and shooting with a gun wasn't even something she normally did. As far as he was aware, for the past fifty years she'd only ever shot something with the blasters of a shuttle. Which was also an enviable skill, but this sort of adaptability...

A rude tap on the shoulder from Foaly interrupted his daze, and Root's immediate reflex was a shout.

"What do you want, centaur?"

Foaly reared back, hands raised in peace. "Hey, you know I wouldn't disturb unless something was up!"

Root growled, but refrained from shouting again. He found it a difficult task. "Yes, Foaly? And this had better be really important."

Foaly gulped. He didn't know whether he should or shouldn't be glad he was about to deliver bad news. Either way he was going to receive an earful.

"We just lost contact with Holly."

"What?" shouted Root, turning several shades redder than was his normal angry colour. "Explain to me–"

"I don't know if it was somehow Fowl's doing," admitted Foaly. "She muted me off several times, but I'd be able to establish communications again if it was her. I traced the hacker to an external party. It came from Haven's market district. Unless he's already more into our affairs than we think, it can't have been Fowl."

Root scowled. "How hard have you tried?"

"Everything."

"It clearly isn't good enough. We could have another Fowl situation in our hands. I want you packing up your best techies and off to the market district this instant. And take a squad with you."

Foaly nodded, albeit a little nervously. But he had to do this. If anything, for Holly's sake.

"Got it, Julius. Whom do I call?"

"Me," snapped Root. "We need to use our best. And don't call me Julius."

•••

Nine miles across the Atlantic. 7:30 a.m.

Holly Short woke up to the gentle rocking of waves and the slow, soft breathing in her ear. Her eyes blinked awake, and she groaned, twisting her back as if it would put a stop to the aching in her limbs.

Turning had been a mistake, because now her face was inches apart from a certain bare-chested Mud Boy's.

Mud Man's.

Holly would have screamed had she not been a professional. As it was, she was professional enough to remember just exactly how they had got here and in this extremely uncomfortable position, possibly drugged, upon a crumpled blanket on the wooden floor of what was clearly a yacht or boat of some sort.

She stared at him closely for a second. Yes, still out cold. It would be no use shaking him awake if the effects of the drug were still strong; however, she decided she would try just that once she had disentangled herself from the filthy sheets. Koboi's hospitality had its limits.

Slowly forcing herself to her feet, Holly stretched every throbbing muscle in her body before coming to the apt realization that if his clothes had been taken–

Holly looked down at herself to find her suit gone and a flimsy buttoned Hawaiian shirt with a pair of shorts in its place. A scowl crept onto her features. Koboi.

Wasting no time, Holly proceeded to shake Fowl back to the land of the living.

Artemis woke up with a cough, nearly choked and finally recovered, blinking and taking in his surroundings. His assessing ended with a puzzled look in Holly's direction.

"The pixie–" She attempted, but was cut off.

"What on Earth are you wearing?"

The elf glared at him. "Take a look at yourself."

Artemis did, and raised an eyebrow. "She certainly does have a sense of humor."

"What?"

"I seem to be in a pair of ridiculous floral beach shorts." He threw the blanket off his frame, and frowned. "Well. This is a problem, isn't it? You have been stripped of your equipment and I of my revolver and phone, which were both inside my trouser pockets. Not to mention the fact that I still haven't the slightest idea what is happening, and am tempted to conclude that this is all just some frivolous dream."

But Holly had started laughing. Despite the absurdity and confusion of the situation, the elf chose to sit back down on the floor and cover her face with her hands while her shoulders rocked with silent laughter.

Artemis sighed. "I fail to see what's funny."

But Holly wasn't done, and she continued laughing for a good thirty seconds more before she finally recovered her professionalism and, still with a grin on her face, explained, "You look ridiculous."

Artemis resisted the urge to facepalm. "Major Short, if I may point out, you don't look very flattering either. Besides, we have more important things to be concerned with."

"Yes, but I never thought I'd see the day," Holly's grin widened. "Beach shorts."

Artemis was half tempted to just pull the sheets over himself again. "So we have known each other before."

"And they're pink."

"Fairy..."

A knock on the door alerted them both, and Holly was immediately on her feet again, her fists clenched by her sides.

The door swung open and a taller elf in equally unappealing beach shorts peered into the room. Artemis stood up and almost straightened his tie before he realized he didn't have one on. Holly shoved him behind an arm and took up a fighting pose. The newcomer blinked.

"Eh...coconut water?" he offered meekly, and only now did they notice the tray in his hands.

Holly cautiously lowered her fists. "What?"

"R-Room service," stuttered the terrified elf. "I mean, if you don't want..."

Holly noticed the look on her human counterpart's face. "Can you speak in English?"

"Yes," replied the elf, switching languages. "Er...you don't want? That's fine, fine. Thank you." He had shut the door and left before Holly could question him further.

The human and elf shared a baffled glance.

"Curioser and curioser," muttered Artemis. "Perhaps...this pixie is trying to lower our guard. What reason does she have? Did I know her before the mindwipe?"

Holly nodded briefly. "She's an enemy. You and I foiled her plan to take over Haven."

A pause. "Your city, I presume. I have come across references..." He furrowed his brow. "Though, just like I cannot comprehend how I can read your letters, I do not remember when or where. So this is her shot at revenge."

Holly shrugged. "Yes. You're taking this well."

"I am no ordinary person. I suppose now that these shipments you turned up questioning me about were actually her doing. In fact her plan was to get us both in the same place for the purpose of exacting her revenge."

"I don't know. Possible. Koboi was behind these kind of shipments before, and at first we suspected you; but she has been in hiding since her first plan failed, and Commander Root thought...maybe using goblin weaponry again would draw attention to yourself. We thought that's what you wanted."

"I would have you know, Major Short, that I do not deal in weaponry," Artemis felt slightly uncomfortable with having no cufflinks to adjust, so he simply looked towards the door for his next statement. "If Koboi has really been in hiding, then this time round her plans will be better laid out than before."

Holly furrowed her brow. "This is unlike you, Fowl."

"How so?"

"You're trusting me too easily. You aren't questioning if this is a conspiracy. It's almost as if you have your memories back."

Artemis grinned that vampire grin of his. "If it's been six years, perhaps I am a changed person."

Holly snorted. "Really now?"

"I trust you. At least outwardly. I will continue to have my doubts until I receive my memories back and unless said memories clear these doubts, but I don't suppose now is a good time to be choosy with the more believable allies. Like you. It is unlikely I will survive an alien situation on my own unless it only involves thinking."

"In other words you need a bodyguard."

"Until Butler finds me, yes."

Holly rolled her eyes. "Fine, I'm up for the post. What's your plan, boss?"

The Mud Man's blue gaze drifted over to the door again.

"We venture."

.

Artemis and Holly were greeted with a sight they least expected on-board the magnificent triple-decked yacht.

A party.

There was no sign of Koboi or any associated megalomaniacs; but there were plenty of bikini-clad female fairies and males in beach shorts and swim trunks walking around and laughing on board all three of the decks, and colourful streamers glittered on the floor beneath tables of buffet-style food and drinks. There was loud music playing from various speakers attached to the cabins, and even the odd sight of a tall Mud Man and a female elf in a Hawaiian shirt (compared to her party-going counterparts)did nothing to distract most.

Most.

"Hey, gorgeous!" called a voice from the yacht railing. They paid no heed the first time, dismissing it as an address to someone else, but eventually couldn't ignore it because the caller, a skinny female elf in a two-piece bathing suit, suddenly appeared right before them, beaming up at Artemis.

"And you must be?" she inquired curiously, squinting up at him. Most of her attention, however, seemed to be focused on his pectorals.

Artemis gave Holly an uneasy side glance, which the elf completely misinterpreted and grinned at.

"You are extremely awkward, Fowl."

Artemis rolled his eyes. "I meant to say–"

The other female grabbed him by the hand. "I don't think it matters you're a Mud Man," she said cheerfully. "If it mattered you wouldn't be here. Come on, I know a bunch of girls who'd faint for those abs. And eyes. The combination, really."

Holly nearly exploded into laughter, much to the obvious disapproval of her human counterpart, who, deciding to have his revenge by giving her a tough time, did nothing as the newcomer dragged him along across the crowd.

The elf snapped out of it and scowled, then hurriedly followed them through the throngs of revelers. She was shorter than the average elf, for Frond's sake. She could get stepped on if she wasn't careful enough.

Holly emerged on the other end to find a group of six ecstatic females all trying to chat Mud Man up at the same time. If they all had one thing in common besides the bikinis, it was seven layers of lip gloss. She briefly recalled the crowd at the hotel. Yeah, some fairy women were no different.

Artemis, for his part, looked both unimpressed and exasperated, as if he had a lot of better things to do at the moment. Well, they both definitely did and their lives could very well depend on it.

He then spotted Holly and came up with a plan she did not like.

"Excuse me, ah, Tiara, was it?" he started politely, addressing the first elf. "Your friends are defenitely a pretty lot but ah–"

He was interrupted by said pretty fairies' screams at the compliment, but he pressed on.

"I hate to break it to you but I already have a girlfriend."

The mood seemed to darken instantly, and several serious eyes followed his gaze.

Holly couldn't believe he was doing this.

"Sorry, babe," he approached her, looking convincingly apologetic. "Please don't get mad at me."

She was going to kill him.

.

They had walked around and across the entire yacht, even managed to enter the secured cabins and control room, but Artemis and Holly had found nothing. No clues, no hints of Koboi– it was almost as if she had just dropped them off on this party boat and magicked herself away. Artemis almost snorted at the thought. Magicked herself away. He wished he knew more about what he was dealing with.

On their walks, Holly had told him a bit more about his forgotten past; every one of the pieces fit in. His father's sudden appearance at Helsinki hospital, his mother's unexplained recovery, Butler's accelerated aging, Jon Spiro's comments on various news channels that Fowl had driven him insane– somehow, the explanation of his adventures with the members of a different civilization was the most believable one.

The fairies on-board the yacht did not look like Koboi had hired them for her plans. Even the captain and security personnel had appeared quite normal. But if there was one thing that they found hard to ignore, it was that practically nobody aboard seemed concerned that an elf was walking alongside a Mud Man who was too tall to stand up in the cabins without having to hunch against the roof. In fact, this had been what Artemis had tried to convey to his elfin counterpart during their unfortunate encounter with the female elf earlier, but now she saw the unsettling reality of the situation for herself. Yes, nobody cared he was human. No, that was not a good thing.

They passed below one of the upper decks, and a couple more girls intently stared at him.

"D'Arvit, Fowl," grunted Holly, shoving her hands into her pockets. "Can you stop attracting so much of attention?"

Artemis shrugged, but resisted the urge to grin. "I am a Mud Man aboard a fairy yacht. Of course I keep attracting attention."

"Yeah, I noticed that too, and it seems to have nothing to do with your species."

"On the other hand I am an eligible billionaire."

"They don't know that," Holly spared a moment to glare at the fairies who were looking at him, which cast their glances away immediately. "I think our problem would be somewhat sorted if you wore a shirt or something."

Artemis snorted. "I'd love to put on a shirt, Major. Did you spot any booths I could win one from?"

Holly rolled her eyes and looked towards the sunset instead. It was only just starting, but the sky was already beautiful. "You're the genius. Figure something out."

There was a brief moment in which he made no response, and Holly frowned and turned to ask him if something was wrong, but then she noted the are you stupid look on his face and scowled.

"No."

"It would save us a lot of trouble."

"Absolutely not. Fate gave you a pair of pink shorts and be happy with it."

Artemis sighed. "Very well. By the way, that crowd is still staring."

Holly clenched her fists. Her dignity was more important than their cover. Right?

"Fine," she said, rubbing her temples tiredly. "I'll give you my shirt. Starting tomorrow, if we're still on this accursed party boat by then."

"Hopefully not," agreed Artemis. "I refuse to suffer this tasteless music any longer."

"The music is what gets you?"

"Whyever not? I have been aboard cruise ships before, Major, and there's usually a touch of class in the music they play."

"Forget I asked. I'm not surprised, really," Holly turned back to the picturesque sunset, and as soon as she did, a thought occurred to her. "Hey, Fowl, can I ask you something?"

"Whether or not I'll answer is the real question," said Artemis unconcernedly, but she completely ignored this tone. He had the talent of getting under people's skins, and such responses facilitated it.

"Why'd you do it?" she blurted, a little quickly.

"Try being a little more specific?"

"All of it," said Holly, to her embarrassment, somewhat weakly. "Your environmentalist projects and this whole conservation thing. The alternative energy plans and everything...why?"

Artemis chuckled. "Let me guess. I was such a monster when we first met that you're completely surprised I would do something noble."

Holly snorted. "To put it bluntly, yes."

"I took it up as a challenge. This is perhaps the most competitive market that actually benefits more than the company on top." He followed her gaze to the colours in the sky. "It was the perfect field for me. Challenging, profitable and one that will ensure the world remembers my name long after I am gone."

"So it has nothing to do with the environment."

"As a matter of fact, it does," Artemis steepled his fingers. "Global warming is a real issue, Major. How can I be assured that people will remember my name till the end of time if the Earth is going to die in a couple of hundred years more?"

Holly blinked, computing this statement for a brief moment, before it struck her and she almost immediately punched him in the arm.

"You are such a–" she started, but noticed that he was holding back a chuckle.

Holly scowled. "That was a joke, wasn't it?"

"Obviously, unless your sense of humor isn't intelligent."

The elf shook her head. "Any more of this and I swear I'm going to chuck you overboard."

"Butler wouldn't be very pleased."

"Who said he was going to see the body, Fowl?"

Artemis actually laughed. He looked good, doing that. And this joking thing was new, but it definitely suited him. Heck, thought Holly. A lot can change in six years.

Then she realized what she had actually thought.

D'Arvit, what the hell? Did you honestly just think Artemis Fowl looks good?

She coughed to cover up her colouring cheeks. Perhaps, given the backdrop of sunset, he wouldn't notice it anyway.

Wake up. He's a Mud Man. A very sneaky, annoying one whose front teeth deserve to be knocked out. He doesn't look good. You're only thinking that because he's doing something for the planet.

Holly convinced herself that this reasoning made a lot of sense, and was soon back to her professional self after a temporary lapse in coherent thought.

"We need to get off this boat," she said. "It doesn't seem very dangerous, but I'd rather not stick around in one of Opal's venues."

"Not right now," replied Artemis, hands in the pockets of his floral beach shorts. "We'll have to wait till the decks are empty. We'll then proceed to the communications room that we came across earlier and find out exactly where we are, how long it will take us to get to shore or another vessel, and get a message across to your peers in Haven. If Opal Koboi is as bad a threat as you claim, help will arrive shortly."

Holly nodded. "Good plan," she said, before remembering that one never complimented Artemis Fowl.

Artemis grinned. "Tell me about it."

••

A/N; This fanfic won't have as much romance as most of my fics, but fear not. I doth enjoy tormenting Artemis and Co., so rest assured you WILL find the sort of things you found in this chapter *winkwink*. And yes, Root/Vinyayà is a legitimate ship.

I would love to hear your opinions. And I'm evil, so no update until you review.

*is rubbing palms in villainous delight*