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Chapter 18: Doubts

A few weeks later, Tooth had settled in nicely at the Tooth palace, learning how things were done and how it work quite fast. Her and Jack had gone to her funeral, however Tooth suddenly fled the scene unable to handle the sadness of the scene and the crushing guilt knowing that what they buried next to her deceased mother was nothing but an illusion, put there to avoid panic and ease the minds of the grieving.

Jack visited her whenever his job as the spirit winter allowed him to, to help her cope with her new situation and keep her company, for which she was grateful. However, some small part of her refused to believe that this was really happening, that this was real. Her being, a feathered hybrid humming bird lady, living in a huge palace. commanding tiny little fairy helpers, in order to fulfill her role as a guardian of memories. It all seems so unreal, but it was almost too realistic to just be a dream.

Some part of her desperately wanted to wake up in her own bed, realizing this was all just a really strange dream. However, knowing that if this really is just a dream and she woke up, she would never see Jack again. The thought of losing him again, even if this is just a dream, is far too much to bear.

Tooth shook her head in an attempt to rid her mind of those depressing thoughts, but to no avail. She let out a sigh at her failed attempt and called for her second in command, a little fairy named Baby Tooth, telling her to take over for her so she could rest a bit in her chambers. Baby Tooth gave her a determined salute, earning a slight chuckle from Tooth.

As she entered her bedroom, she was about to walk past the mirror she had been avoiding since day one. She avoided it because if she saw her new appearance, in her mind, it would make it permanent. Even if she did one day wake up, realizing this really was just a dream, that appearance would be all she would ever see in a mirror.

As she walked past it, she couldn't help herself and cast a quick glance at it, hoping to see her old self staring back at her. However, what she saw made her freeze and finally turn her complete gaze towards the offending mirror. Eyes wide she gazed upon the reflection, until suddenly she saw tears rolling down on the cheeks of her reflection. She quickly backed away from the mirror, furiously trying to wipe away the tears that stubbornly remained.

When she backed up against a wall, her knees gave in and she slit down the wall, curling up into a ball and wept for what felt like hours. She suddenly felt cold, familiar arms wrap around her pulling her into a cold, yet somehow warm embrace. She clung to the familiar form of her lover, crying her heart out as he gently stoked her feathered head, trying to soothe her.

They remained like that for a while until Tooth exhausted herself from crying and fell asleep in his arms yet still clinging to him like her life depended on it. Jack let out a sigh, having a hunch as of why she broke down like that as he experienced something similar himself when he was brought back. He only hoped he would be able to help her through this. He gently shifted her in his arms so he could carry her to her bed. He lay down next to her, held her in tight embrace and returned to stroke her feathers, hopefully keeping her dreams peaceful. He remained by her side, keeping watch and never letting go.

When Tooth woke the next morning, she felt slightly confused as she had no idea where she was or how she had gotten there. As awareness slowly returned, she tried to get up only to feel something cold around her. She almost panicked, but immediately calmed down as she heard the soothing voice "calm down Tooth, it's just me! You know I would never hurt you." He cupped her cheek and had her turn to face him, looking her straight into the eyes with determination "NEVER!" he said in a slightly firm but loving tone.

As Tooth didn't respond, Jack moved to get up with a heavy sigh, feeling out of place and unwanted there in her bed. However, he only managed to sit when he suddenly felt Tooth embrace him from behind, her unspoken request clear as a day, 'please don't leave me'. He turned in her arms so he could return it, once again stroking her feathers as he spoke "you want to talk about it?" she nodded and tightened her hold "this isn't a dream, is it?"

"Do you want it to be?" Jack asked, feeling slightly hurt that she thought it to be. "I don't know… I like it here, it's beautiful and my fairies are so kind and nice to me… and you're here, alive. But, I miss home and my dad… he seemed so lost without me, so broken when I saw him at the funeral and I don't like it… I want him to smile like he used to" she paused breaking out of their embrace to wipe the tears that had fallen during her rant, avoid his gaze "I just want to be normal… not looking like some mutant bird, all covered in feathers…"

Jack began in a soft tone "Tooth you are normal…" "NO! I'm a FREAK! Don't try and tell me otherwise because I know it's a lie" Jack gripped her firmly on her arms, regarding her with a sad and hurt expression "don't even say that! I know this isn't easy to accept… but… please don't ever call yourself a freak… yes, you look very different from before, but didn't you used to say that being different was a good thing?" he looked straight into her eyes "I have freakishly white hair, strangely patterned irises, I can hear the voice of the wind, fly and control some of the forces of nature…" he paused, his expression hurt. Tooth was about to say something, but was cut off as Jack continued.

"Am I a freak? Am I a monster? My season kills, but does that make ME a killer? It doesn't, does it? I'm still normal… I'm still me. So tell me, do you still think yourself a freak?" she didn't have anything to say to that. Jack sighed at her silence, let go of her arms and got off the bed heading towards the open window. "Wait!" her words made Jack stop in his tracks, already at the window. "I'm sorry… I didn't mean it like that… you're not a freak nor are you a monster or a killer… I'm just so confused and freaked out by all this. You're right… I know you are, but I just can't help but feel this way. You were born the way you are right now so you probably won't understand it."

The hurt and anger that flashed in his expression for a second, she immediately regretted her words when she saw it, realizing her mistake. "I'm sorry… I didn't…" he cut her off, his tone full of hurt "I won't understand? You think I won't understand, waking up one day after experiencing something horrible and nothing would ever be the same again? You're wrong… I do understand… I didn't always have my powers… heck, I didn't even know that I even had them… not until that one night when I was 13… I don't remember much, but I can tell you it was painful as the seals placed to conceal them finally broke… waking up the next morning and suddenly everything freezes if you get a bit too emotional?" he paused and said in a soft voice "I know exactly what it's like…"

He sighed before his expression changed and he looked at her with a soft smile on his face "it's okay, I'm not angry or hurt that you brought it up… or to be honest I would have been if it wasn't because of how confused and lost you're feeling right now… it's true that I was born different from everyone else… I was already the winter spirit, chained by a temporary mortal body. My appearance didn't change… I didn't need to… I was already who I needed to be. After all, didn't you notice that everyone in my family, but me all had brown eyes and hair? I was the only exception… so, yes I didn't change but that doesn't equal me not understanding what you are going through. Finally being able to see for the first time in my life, but at the price of being invisible to everyone else"

"I understand… I'm sorry" Jack just chuckled "don't be, I'm fine… sure it wasn't easy, especially being invisible to my family and you, but I got used to it." Tooth couldn't bring herself to even look at him, and couldn't help but feeling the pang of guilt for having brought this up, but there was one question that she knew she had to ask him despite knowing it might hurt him… but she had to… she needed an answer or it would plague her mind. "Jack? Do you still love me?" Jack looked at her with a serious expression "Yes, always have, always will… without a doubt" she managed a weak smile at that, but the doubts were still the "how can you still love me? I'm covered in feathers for crying out loud!"

Jack gave a slight chuckle at that "you're asking that? To a guy who was blind until a year ago?" he smiled at her softly "Tooth, I don't care about that… I like you for who you are, not what you look like. Heck I didn't even know what you looked like until I drowned and became immortal. I don't care that you are covered in feathers or have fairy wings on your back… to me you're the most beautiful thing in the world… I should know… seen most of it" he added with a smirk earning a laugh from Tooth.

He reached out his hand, a wide grin on his face "come on beautiful… I want to show you something" she took his hand with a smile, joining him in the sky heading out to an unknown destination.

A/N: I wanted to write a bit more on this, but changed my mind as it would ruin the mood of the chapter... so you have to wait for the next update for that...

anyways... i hope you liked it and see you again soon