Chapter 33

CPOV

Ana climbs into bed next to me and I can't help but feel this is where she belongs. I don't ever want to be without her. "So, Ana, what should we do that's not sex?"

She blushes but is still smiling. "I think we should talk to get to know each other."

"OK. What do you want to talk about?" I give her a kiss on her head. Her scent is intoxicating.

"Hmmm… What was your most embarrassing moment?"

I laugh. "I think you know considering you played a part in it." That weekend in L.A. seems so long ago after everything that has happened.

She looks at me perplexed. I raise my eyebrows at her and she finally gets it. She blushes once more. "Oh…"

"What was yours?" I ask her.

"Oh, when I was in 8th grade I had a crush on this boy in my math class named Brandon Hawkins. The teacher chose me to do a problem on the board and as I was up there finishing it my pants fell down. So there I was standing there in my underwear in front of the entire class. It was horrible!"

"So whatever happened to this Brandon Hawkins?"

"He started going out with Sue Alejandro who was a cheerleader. They were together all through high school and were even Homecoming King and Queen."

"He didn't know what he was missing but I'm glad for that. My turn to ask. What's your favorite book?"

She looks at me, "I can only pick one?" I nod. "That's tough. I think I'd have to pick 'The Velveteen Rabbit'. I loved that book when I was little. What about you?"

"Catcher in the Rye. This may come as a surprise to you but I really identified with Holden when I was younger."

She gives me a satirical smile. "My turn; What was the grossest thing you've ever eaten?"

"Balut, when I was in the Philippines. You?"

"Balut? I don't think I want to know. Mine is Spam. It was gross. Ray cooked it once for dinner when I was little."

"What is your favorite season?"

"That's a tough one. I'll say spring because after a long winter it's hopeful to see new flowers coming up from the ground. What's yours?"

"Summer so I can take my boat out on the sound." I grin at her. I'd like to take her out on the Grace.

"When was the last time you cried?"

I look at her deciding if I should tell her or not. I wonder if she will be surprised by my answer. "The other day when I visited you at your apartment and saw how much I hurt you." My voice cracks.

"Really?" I nod. "No. I don't like the idea of you crying. I'm sorry for that." She reaches up and gives me an affectionate kiss. Doesn't she realize I am the one who should apologize to her? I could spend the rest of my life telling her how sorry I am for what I did and it will never be long enough.

I don't want to talk about Ana crying because I know I was the cause of it. So I ask another question. "What's your favorite movie?"

"Man, these questions are tough. I'm going to say The Princess Bride."

"I have never seen that movie."

"Really? It's so good. I saw it when I was little and loved it right from the start. I think I can recite every line to this day. What's your favorite movie?"

"Gran Torino, if I can only pick one. My favorites change depending on how I feel."

"That is a good movie. Next question..." She pauses to think. "If we went to Hogwart's what house do you think I would be put in?"

"Hmm… well, you're kind and sweet, and loyal so I say Hufflepuff."

"I think you would be in Gryffindor. How do you know about Harry Potter anyway? I can't picture you reading those books."

"Mia loved them so I would go to the book signings and midnight releases with her."

"You're a sweet brother."

"If you could meet one famous person, dead or alive, who would it be?"

"Thomas Hardy. Then we could discuss Tess of the d'Urbervilles. You?"

"Adam Smith, if it weren't for him, I wouldn't be who I am today."

"I have no idea who that is." She pauses and studies my face before she asks the next question. "Why can't I touch you?" I sigh. I was hoping we could keep this light-hearted. I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to drag Ana down with my past. But, I also told her I would not keep secrets.

"This is hard for me to talk about. You know the Greys adopted me when I was four. Before that, I lived with my mother who was a crack addict and hooker. Her pimp used to beat the shit out of me purely for his entertainment. I was so scared of him I would try and hide anywhere I could. Then my mother overdosed and I was left with her dead body for four days before anyone discovered us." My voice wavers as I tell her. She looks into my eyes, and all I can see in her eyes is caring. But, I don't want her to feel sorry for me.

"Oh Christian…" She says nothing else instead she gently caresses my face.

"No, don't be upset. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me."

"Christian, it's heartache I feel for you, not pity. No child should ever go through that. It just proves what a strong person you are."

I shake my head, I don't want to talk about me anymore. "Tell me about your parents."

"Well, my father died when I was just a couple of days old so I was raised by my stepfather and my mom. That's until my mom and stepfather divorced so I stayed with Ray, my step dad."

"Why didn't you live with your mom?"

Ana shrugs. "She remarried and I wanted to give them time alone. And I missed Ray. We're not blood-related but we are very much alike."

"Are you sad your biological father died?"

"Sort of. He was always like this mythical creature I never knew. Whenever my mother spoke about him it was in the abstract, you know? I've seen pictures of him and I'm sad he died but I never knew him. He could have been the best father or he could have been the worst father. I'll never know."

"Are you tired?"

"No." She giggles.

"Miss Steele, you are what the French call a menteur."

"A what?"

"Menteur. It means liar."

She looks at me and feigns outrage. "Why, Mr. Grey, I never!" She places her hand on her chest like a proper southern belle but can't keep a straight face.

"I think your pants are on fire!" I lean down and kiss her. I didn't plan on it but it was as if there was a magnetic draw to her. I'm not sure how I am going to be able to resist having her so close to me and not touching her. Holding her here in my arms is where she belongs and nowhere else. "What do you want to do tomorrow?"

"I think it would be nice to just spend time with each other without any drama."

"That sounds good to me." I turn off the side lamp and cover Ana and me. We fall asleep in each other's arms - right where we belong.