Disclaimer: I do not own the rights for the characters. I thank L. J. Smith for creating this beautiful books, Julie Plec for creating the show and TheCW for showing it.

I know I promised to update more this week. But I stayed at a friends house for two days and couldn't write there ;(

I still try to upload 2-3 chapters (including this) until Sunday, because then I'm gonna be working for two weeks and I'm not sure if I'm gonna be able to write at all in this time.

And if you know

How do you get up from an all time low
I'm in pieces
It seems like peace is
The only thing I never know
How do you get up from an all time low
I can't even find a place to start
How do I choose between my head and heart
till it ceases I never know
How do you get up from an all time low

-The Wanted All time Low

24/11/2012, 5:37 pm, Damon's house

I was nervous. I was as nervous as never before. But there was no going back now. And I also didn't want to go back now. I really wanted to be honest with him.

'' So Damon. I think we should change our project order.''

He looked at me disbelievingly. I didn't expect it in an other way. I promised him the truth and he didn't see how our project order was related to that. But before he could say anything I continued.

'' I think it's time to come to our own opinion. In my case you could talk about own experience.''

I took a deep breath. Now was the time to come clear and I was ready for it. For all of it.

'' For me pain is a sign that you're still alive. And it's the scariest thing not to feel this pain again, because then you know it's over.''

He looked shocked. He was shocked. But, hey, it wasn't everyday that someone told you, that not feeling pain was scary. I didn't wait for him to say anything.

'' I know what I'm talking about. Losing someone you love causes a lot of pain. Losing three people at once is worth. But the worst part was really not to feel the pain anymore. If you don't feel pain, you feel nothing. And trust me, every bit of pain is worth the feeling of being loved or of had been loved and it's worth every bit of love you have to give. Worth the happiness, and the luck, even if this happy moments are rare, they are worth it. And I nearly lost everything I had left, just to realize this. Pain is worth the good things in life.''

Now he looked at me confused. He didn't really understand what I was talking about and I knew that. But I somehow wanted to prepare him of what was coming next. I wanted to prepare him for my tears, because I didn't know how he would handle them this time, when I told him about why I was crying. But I also told him this first, because I didn't know how to start. And I think he felt that, because he then said:

'' The first time we met I told you you should talk about it with someone. The next time I told you you should talk to me about it. So don't be afraid of telling me now. And I promise whatever it is I won't judge.''

He smiled at me. And his smile was everything I needed to encourage me. It was still the reason I was here. To see him happy again.

'' That's why I'm here. I just don't know where to start.''

Why was it so much more difficult to tell him than to tell Caroline? I had no idea.

'' Just start.''

'' Okay. You know I told you I had played basketball and that I just stopped?''

He nodded.

'' I lied. There was a reason I stopped. But I think I even have to start earlier in my life. So when I was around four or five my dad took me to a NBA game. Bobcats against Bulls. While every other little girl was only interested in the cheerleaders, I couldn't get my eyes off of the game. That might now be ironic because I'm a cheeleader now, but that's not the point. So I couldn't get my eyes off of the game and that was when I realized I wanted to play basketball. And after the game I told that to my dad. He told it to my mom. My parents always supported me in everything and they always took me serious, despite me being only five years old. So they looked up were I could play basketball and they always drove me to practice and games and everything. This is were I met my best friend Bonnie, but I'm not sure if we're still friends.''

I really didn't know that. After my parents death she always called and visited, but I never wanted to talk to here, because at the beginning I blamed her for the accident. Hadn't she convinced me to play at this game, my parents wouldn't have driven and wouldn't have had the accident. This was complete crap, but when I realized that she didn't call that often anymore and didn't visit at all. I saw her at school but she was always busy. And since I was here, we hadn't talked at all. I was deep in my thoughts about her, when I remembered Damon and why I was here. He was still sitting and looking at me, but didn't want to disturb my thoughts.

'' Okay so I love playing basketball and I became really good. But when I got older they thought I was independent enough and didn't come to that many games anymore. It didn't matter to me because I knew they still supported me. But then in June I had this one game. It was the same day as our family trip. The whole family was going so my parents told me I had to go too. But because they knew how much I love playing they told me I could play the first halftime and they would then pick me up. So I went to the game and they didn't come to pick me up. First I was angry because I thought about going back by bus and everything, but then I didn't care because so I could play. I didn't even care that they hadn't came, can you believe that? A game was more important to me than my own family.''

I had to stop for a bit. The tears had just started to flow and I had to concentrate not to start sobbing. After all that months I still couldn't get over the fact that I didn't care back then. But I tried to stay strong now. I still had a lot to tell Damon.

That's when I looked up at him. I wanted to know what he thought about me. What he thought at all. His expression was sad and sorry, but somehow also comforting and so I continued.

'' When my phone rang I was even angry, because I had to leave the court for a bit. But when it then was my aunt who called me, I knew something was wrong. And something really was wrong. Terribly wrong. To pick me up, my parents had to drive over a bridge, Wickery bridge. And on that day, a drunk person drove in the opposite direction and crashed into my family's car on that bridge. The car went over and into the water. And because we wanted to go directly to the family trip meeting point, everyone was in the car. My mom, my dad and my little brother. They were all dead immediately.''

I couldn't stay strong anymore and my silence tears turned into sobs and I was shaking. I couldn't talk anymore at the moment. Damon realized that and took me in a hug. He stroked my hair and whispered smoothing words. It felt comforting. And I felt safer than for a long time. But still I continued sobbing. It still happened every time I talked about their death. And this time it was mixed with relief, that I finally told Damon.

We sat there together for a while. Me in Damon's embrace, he consoling me. After a while my sobbing eased. But I still didn't continue to talk. Not even when I was completely calm. I just didn't want to leave the comfort of Damon's embrace. But when I was calm he freed me and looked at me.

'' I'm really sorry. I can't imagine loosing my parents and my little sister, but you have to know one thing, it wasn't your fault.''

Yeah, it wasn't my fault, I still felt a bit guilty, but not as much as I felt at the beginning.

'' I know that now. But I didn't at the beginning. And Damon, that's not the whole story. There's a lot more.''

24/11/2013, 2:58 am, my room (boarding school)

'' Daddy look, he did it again.''

I smiled at him with bright eyes. They all looked like they were flying. They could jump so high.

'' Yeah Elena, it's called a dunking.''

'' I think it looks like flying. Like superheroes do.''

He smiled at me and laughed.

'' Yep, just like superheroes. Honey do you want anything to drink or to eat?''

I thought about it. Maybe I was a bit hungry, but I didn't want to miss a second of the game.

'' No Daddy I'm fine. But can we come back next week? And can we take Mommy and Jeremy? I think they would like it, too.''

I liked spending time with my Dad alone. But I still missed my Mom and Jeremy. I always got the sweets he didn't want anymore. And I really loved them. And he wasn't that bad for a two year old boy.

'' Sorry sweetie. I don't think we can watch the next game. They gonna play in New York. But I promise you we'll watch another game sometime. And then we can also take Mommy and Jeremy. Maybe you can then explain the rules to him.''

That would be great. And I knew all the rules. Daddy explained them to me earlier because I ask him why they always stopped the game.

'' Daddy?''

'' Yes honey?''

'' I want to play basketball.''

I just decided that while watching. I also wanted to fly like them. And everyone in the arena cheered at them. That was so cool.

'' You're serious about it?''

'' Yes, they all look like they're having fun. Can I please?''

He smiled at me again.

'' I need to talk with your Mom about it, but I'll try my best.''

'' Thank you Daddy.''

I laughed, jumped at him and gave him a bear hug.

I woke up confused. That was the first time I dreamt something nice about them. And it was the memory I told Damon about earlier.

Normally when I thought about the good times with my parents, I always was sad afterwards, but this time felt different. I was happy. Happy about the time I had with them. Even if it was a short time.

So that was chapter 8 ;D;D

I know I'm not really good at writing emotional scenes. I hoped it still turned out somehow acceptable.

And sorry for only writing half of their conversation. I didn't want it to fill the whole chapter, but I also didn't want to leave something. So be patient, it's coming in the next one. :D

So someone told me it wouldn't be logical that they sent Elena away, because she'd isolated herself. First of all, it would be much easier if I could reply to you directly ;D. But I understand what's bothering you, so I try to explain it now:
At home Elena isolated herself by not leaving the house anymore, because in the house was evrything she had left of her family. By sending her away she was forced to leave the house and to meet new people. They also hoped that in an other environment she wouldn't be 'chased' by memories of her parents anymore and maybe could be happy/happier again. I think there's always a chance that if you send someone away it's getting worse. But there might also be a chance that it improves, so that was my logic about it. I don't know if in Elena's case it improved or if it got worse (at least at this point of the story), but it was worth trying.

I hope now you understand what I thought/still think while writing. ;D And also thank you for the note on the school start. Like I said I don't live in the USA and I only now that my cousins start school early in August.

Thank you again for all the support. I love you all. I would also love to talk with you about the story, if you want to or want to suggest anything. Just PM me or write me on twitter, I normally follow back all me followers, so you can also DM me ;)

R&R as always.

Love PrincessNeens

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