"Damn it, Alphonse, I really don't think someone as pregnant as me should be walking around blindfolded," Edward complained after stumbling up yet another flight of stairs.

"Oh, hush up, Brother, you're done with the stairs, just—turn, there's a corner—that's it."

"I wish you'd just tell me," Ed grumbled, crossing his arms on top of his baby bump as Al finally pulled him to a stop. "Surprises are so…" His brother removed his blindfold and the last word came out as a barely-there whisper. "Overrated…"

He was stunned, plain and simple. The whole team stood underneath a big, pastel pink and blue banner that read "Congratulations," surrounded by gifts and a table full of snacks. A baby shower. They threw him a baby shower.

Everyone was silent, waiting for him to say something. "Th-thank you," he managed to choke out, overwhelmed with emotion, and the spell was broken as the team laughed at his stuttering response to their effort.

"Well, we couldn't let you have a baby without a baby shower," Fuery insisted, smiling.

At this point, Edward was just shaking his head. "I can't believe you all."

Just then, there was a shout behind him. "Coming through!"

Ed whipped around to see Roy pushing a large, covered cart down the hall and towards them. What the…?

Havoc laid a hand on Edward's shoulder, pointing at Roy. "Now, just to let you know, that was actually me and Breda. The Colonel saw it, and didn't trust us to not break it on the way up, so we stuck him with the job of getting it all the way up here. But yeah, all us."

Confused, Ed watched as the duo walked forward, ripping the sheet off dramatically to reveal…a crib. Plain and white, filled with tiny blankets and decorated with pink bows.

"The bows were this idiot's idea," Breda coughed, seeing Edward's raised eyebrow.

"They were not!" Havoc argued. "You snuck them on there!"

"Guys, guys!" Ed held up his hands, laughing. "It's okay, I'm hoping for a girl…that's adorable. Thank you, really."

Immediately Havoc and Breda stopped arguing, puffing out their chests importantly while Roy just sat back and watched, shaking his head.

"C'mon, Brother, open up the rest of your presents!"

Edward turned back around, smiling hugely, and attacked the pile.

First off was a large box containing an impressive variety of baby clothes, suitable for both genders, from Hawkeye. "You didn't have to do all this, really," Ed said, staring as he continued to pull more and more outfits from the box.

But the Lieutenant only laughed. "Don't worry, most of it's hand me downs from my niece."

Edward wasn't the only one who went silent at that—who knew Hawkeye had a niece?

"Here, Ed, open mine next!" Fuery was bursting with excitement, and when Ed opened his gift, he found a neat row of pacifiers.

"Aw, thanks man, I'm sure I'm going to need this!" Edward was joking, but he did have to wince a little thinking of how loud a baby with his lungs would be in the middle of the night. He looked towards the last gift—from Falman—but hesitated when he saw the man's face. "What?"

"Well, it's just, a little odd, I guess," Falman chuckled nervously. "Just open it."

Curious, Ed did so, laughing aloud when he saw baby bottles and formula.

"I figured you wouldn't be feeding the baby the, uh, natural way, so…"

Edward waved the poor man off, still giggling. "You're right, thanks!" Although, another thought just occurred to him. "You know, I have no idea where I'm going to put all this stuff…"

Ed hadn't given thought to where he was going to raise the baby. Of course, he was living at Roy's place, but the future was up in the air—after all, he couldn't just bring a baby into the house without asking—

"You can have my study," Roy responded casually, interrupting his musings. The rest of the team raised their eyebrows. "I never use it anyway."

Not really thinking, Edward stepped forward and hugged Roy in wordless gratitude. Of course, he'd been hoping for something similar, but to have the man actually offer was wonderful. He laughed, pulling away in embarrassment as he realized he just cuddle up to his superior in front of everyone, and was surprised when Roy pulled him back and kissed his head.

Silence ensued for a brief moment before Havoc started clapping. "Gotta hand it to you, Colonel, I never thought you'd be a daddy."

Eyes widening, Edward blushed to his roots. Roy let go, holding his hands in the air. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, you've got it all wrong. I mean, yeah, we're together, but just recently!"

Even though he had never been in a more awkward situation, Ed took the time to realize he had never heard Roy so frazzled.

"Uh huh, yeah, sure—" Breda was interrupted by a loud crash of a door being thrown open.

"Roy-Boy, I always knew you were going to get some woman pregnant!" A loud, boisterous female voice came from down the hall.

Edward snorted at the name, looking at Roy, who had gone pale. "Roy-Boy?"

The man didn't answer, instead addressing the woman who came around the corner. "Madame Christmas…what are you doing here?"

The woman grinned. "Well, I'm here to see what lady you knocked up, of course!"

Ed couldn't decide if he was offended or not, but decided to butt in—only Roy got there first. "Alright, first, it wasn't me, I just happen to be dating someone who's pregnant. And second of all, that would be Edward here."

He raised his eyebrows as this Madame Christmas woman as she scanned him up and down. "How the hell did you get pregnant, sonny?"

"Long story," Ed muttered after a pause. "Who are you anyway?"

Madame Christmas stood a little taller. "I'm Roy-Boy's foster mother—and his aunt, to boot. I was under the impression he was finally starting a family, and came to congratulate him."

"Sorry to disappoint you," Roy cut in again, still seeming a little frazzled, "but I'm not the father. I mean, if Ed let's me I'll be a sort of adoptive father, but…"

"Hmm…" Madame Christmas looked down at Edward again, snorting at his red face. "Well, is my Roy-Boy going to be your baby's daddy, then?"

Ignoring the snickers behind him, Ed stumbled over his answer—what was it with this woman? She was so imposing! "Um, well, yeah, if he wants to…"

"In that case, here; you can have this." She handed him a teddy bear, whose paw was secured to a tiny rattle. Suddenly, Madame Christmas seemed a lot less intimidating.

"Thank you!" Edward said, grinning at her. "I guess this makes you the baby's grandmother?"

The woman laughed. "Don't get too cocky, kid." She turned to Roy. "Now, I have some place to be—" here she winked almost imperceptibly "—just wanted to drop by. Be good to that boy, you hear?"

Not waiting for an answer, Madame Christmas walked off.

"What…the hell just happened?" Alphonse asked.

"I dunno," Havoc answered, "but with her for a grandmother, you for an uncle, Ed for a mom, and the Colonel for a dad, this baby's going to be pretty messed up."

Pointless chapter is pointless. Why are my writing skills going away ;A;

Good news is we are at crunch time people. Hopefully the next chapter will be better *shame*