A/N: Just a short chapter (and sillier than most) for the moment, and then I'm working on another Georgiana chapter as we speak. Everyone is asking which Bennet sister absconded with Fitz. I try to narrow it down here, but there are still two possibilities.
"Good morning, Mrs. Bennet"
"Good morning, Mr. Bennet"
"Good morning, Girls"
"Good morning, Father"
"Mrs. Bennet, has our Lizzy changed her hair?"
"Not that I know of, Mr. Bennet but you never know with rich newlywed wives. They might get up to just about anything, and changing hairstyles would not be out of the ordinary."
"I see. How about hair color?"
"Some ladies will make their hair darker, yes"
"How about lighter? Is it the fashion to turn long luxurious stereotypically dark brunette curls that are impossible to tame with ordinary hairpins, into long, straight blonde hair, that a hurricane couldn't dislodge."
"Oh, how you vex me. Nobody could change their hair that much… or could they? You know the Abigails are quite skilled in town."
"Just so. Just so. One more question, Mrs. Bennet"
"I am at your disposal, Mr. Bennet"
"Is it the common practice in town… or Scotland for that matter… to get taller after the wedding?"
"Perhaps some type of high heal is involved"
"The lady in question is sitting down."
"Perhaps some kind of padding?"
"NO PADDING! WE WILL HAVE NO DISCUSSION OF PADDING AT MY BREAKFAST TABLE."
"Lace?"
"Yes, after the padding, lace seems a much safer topic"
"Unfortunately, Mr. Bennet, I really have nothing new to say about lace."
"Nothing to say about lace… Nothing to say about lace… my nerves are all a flutter"
"You've been waiting a long time to say that, haven't you my dear?"
"All my life"
"I'm glad I could accommodate you"
"Mrs. Bennet, may we return to the discussion of height and hair color, because I really feel our Lizzy may be ill."
"Why not ask her sir, she's right there."
"Quite right… quite right… So, Lizzy! What do you have to say for yourself? You can see you are vexing both of your parents exceedingly.
"I'm not Lizzy."
"NOT LIZZY!"
"Calm yourself my dear. Let Lizzy speak for herself."
"Pray continue, Lizzy"
"I'm not Lizzy. I'm Georgiana Darcy. Miss Elizabeth Bennet wrote me to tell me she's marrying my brother, Fitzwilliam Darcy over the anvil, and she suggested I come here and take up my role as a Bennet sister."
"Yes, Yes! Now it all makes sense."
"Was I in error sir? Should I have announced or introduced myself yesterday? I can see I violated normal rules of propriety by absconding with Miss Bennet's position in the household without your leave."
"AND WHY SHOULD YOU ANNOUNCE YOURSELF IN YOUR OWN HOME? I swear, Georgiana Bennet, you make no sense at all, and you vex me exceedingly. You're as nonsensical as your sister Lizzy. Do you climb trees too?"
"Not recently"
"Very well dear. We shall have to find you a husband. Do you know Mr. Bingley?"
"I'm afraid so, Mrs. Bennet. He will not suit."
"Mrs. Bennet. Why so formal? 'Mama' was always good enough for you before."
'"Yes, Mama"
"So... no, Mr. Bingley?"
"I'm afraid not Mama. He's a wet behind the ears pup."
"Yes, yes, everyone knows that"
"So tell me, how was your trip from town dear?"
"Quite lovely! I traveled with all the stolen Bingley coaches, my brother's coach, my cousin and my companion."
"Oh, tell us about them, dear"
"Well, I came from town with my cousin Aloysius Fitzwilliam. He's a colonel in the…"
Georgiana was rudely interrupted by the sound of two bodies hitting the floor, and the screeching of Mrs. Bennet, "HILL! HILL! Bring the salts for Lydia and Kitty."
A small hubbub ensued while the two youngest were revived, before breakfast could continue. Mrs. Bennet said, "Pray, continue dear."
"Well, as I was saying, I travelled from town with my cousin Aloysius Fitzwilliam. He's a col…"
Like a striking cobra, Mrs. Bennet's hand shot out to cover her mouth, and she said, "Not again, dear"
Georgiana tried to think of something accurate, but more innocuous, and said, "Yes, er… cousin. Col… er… He's the son of the Earl of Matlock…."
Georgiana was rudely interrupted by the sound of a body hitting the floor, and the calm and controlled voice of Mr. Bennet, saying, "Hill. Might we be troubled for some salts for Mrs. Bennet?"
A small hubbub ensued while the matron was revived, before breakfast could continue. Mr. Bennet said, "If you might continue young lady."
"Let's see… Col… oops… Ear… oops… Oh yes, now I remember. He absconded with your most beautiful daughter. He proposed most gallantly, and I'm at least half certain she accepted so they left for Scotland with my companion Mrs. Annesley as chaperone, to be married over the anvil in a fabulous dual ceremony (perhaps in a larger than usual blacksmith shop) with my brother and your daughter Elizabeth."
Georgiana was rudely interrupted by the sound of several bodies hitting the floor simultaneously,
"Oh, dear"