Jane showed up at Maura's doorstep the next morning, a white orchid in her hands. She was nervous and it showed. The Detective kept shuffling on her feet, her right hand delicately holding the flower. She looked down at it, wondering if she was doing right by bringing this along. But she just couldn't help herself. When she saw the flower, she immediately thought of Maura. She just had to get it.
Taking a deep breath, Jane tried to calm herself. She was only here to pick Maura up to take her to her car at the precinct, nothing else. Then why did this feel like a date? Shaking her head vigorously, Jane raised her hand to knock.
Maura opened five seconds later, a bright smile on her face.
"Jane! You're here." Jane smiled shyly, a blush adorning her cheeks.
"Told you I'd come." She saw Maura eye the orchid in her hand, a surprised look on her face. "Oh! Uhm, here. I saw this and I thought of you." She held out the orchid, awkwardly waiting for Maura to take it.
The honey blonde stared at the flower, tears shining in her eyes. Biting her lip to keep the tears from falling, Maura took the orchid. She smiled up at the other woman, stepping inside.
"Thank you. Please, come in." Jane did as she was told, taking the chance to look around.
She whistled in appreciation, seeing the many accessories surrounding her. Maura ducked her head in embarrassment. There were a lot of differences between their living arrangements, but Maura hadn't thought of it much. Not until now. When Jane was standing in the middle of the living room.
"It's nice Maur." The Doctor looked up from her flower, smiling softly at Jane.
"Thank you. I know it's very different than your apartment." Jane shook her head, effectively making Maura trail off.
"I was kind of expecting something like this. Although… maybe a bit more designer-y?"
"Excuse me?" Jane chuckled, walking over to where Maura was standing.
"I'm just…" The Detective trailed off, something on the ground catching her eye. She blinked a few times, to make sure that she wasn't hallucinating or anything.
"Jane?" Her eyes went back up to the Doctor.
"What the hell is that?" She kept her eyes focused on Maura as she pointed to the floor. Maura followed her finger, a smile lighting up her features when she saw what Jane was talking about.
"This is Bass! Come say hi." Jane's face was priceless.
Maura kneeled down next to Bass, petting his shell. The poor animal had retreated back into his shell the moment Jane walked up to them. Jane swallowed, frowning down at the creature Maura seemed so fond off. She slowly walked up to them, kneeling down in front of Maura, Bass in between them. Maura smiled encouragingly at her.
"Go ahead, you can pet him." Jane gave the honey blonde an incredulous look, before reaching out a tentative hand.
"You know this is totally weird right?" Jane's joke caused Maura to chuckle. The Detective softly petted Bass' shell, raising an eyebrow as she did so.
"Holy shit, it's like petting a dinosaur!" Jane's eyes lit up in excitement and she beamed at Maura. It was all it took for Maura to keep her mouth shut about Jane not having any idea of what petting a dinosaur would be like. Instead, she just gave the other woman an endearing smile.
The two straightened back up, Jane shoving her good hand in her jeans pocket. She looked up at Maura, not entirely sure what to say. It felt foreign, weird. Normally she never had any trouble striking up a conversation, but every time she was around Maura she felt like a love struck teenager all over again. Strange enough, it didn't bother her that much.
Maura went back to her orchid, looking around the room to find a fitting spot. She eventually chose to put it in front of her window, making sure the sunlight wouldn't be shining down on it. She smiled down at the flower, the meaning of it swarming through her head.
The flower symbolism associated with the orchid is love, beauty, refinement, many children, thoughtfulness and mature charm.
It made her blush. She was so wrapped up in her thoughts, she didn't hear Jane sneak up behind her. Only when she felt strong warm arms wrap around her waist, did she acknowledge Jane's presence. Leaning back into the Detective's embrace, she felt her breath on her neck.
"Do you like it?" Maura nodded, a smile on her lips. She placed her hands on Jane's, reveling in the feeling of safety that washed over her.
"I love it. Thank you." She felt Jane place a ghost of a kiss on the Doctor's cheek, before resting her head on Maura's shoulder.
"Do you uhh… want to go get your car?" Both women had been quiet for a moment, staring at the orchid and out the window. They didn't need to talk, they were content just standing there, Maura in Jane's embrace.
Maura looked up at Jane, leaning in to place a gentle kiss on Jane's lips. She was about to pull away, when Jane tightened her hold on Maura, deepening the kiss. A moan escaped the honey blonde's throat and she turned in Jane's embrace, her arms wounding around Jane's neck.
"Do you want to stay here today? After we get my car I mean." Maura's question hung in the air for a few seconds, before Jane answered.
"I would like that." Maura's smile made every hair on her body stand on end.
Jane made quick work of driving to the precinct and dropping Maura off, before following her home again. She could feel the nerves start in her stomach as they got closer to Maura's house. She bounced her leg up and down, her eyes glued to the car in front of her. That was when her mind started asking questions.
Was this a date? And if so, what was Maura expecting? How long did Maura expect her to stay? Would she like her to stay the night? Would they be able to spend the night together?
Jane had never been with a woman before. She had never liked a woman before Maura. And the thought of spending the night with the other woman made her a nervous wreck. She knew her way around men, knew what they liked. But she had no idea what it was like to have sex with another woman. Would it be the same as when she was just by herself? Or would it be completely different? And what if Jane was so nervous and clumsy that she couldn't please Maura in the way she deserved?
The Detective groaned, gritting her teeth together. All of these questions wasn't making her feel confident about herself. She bit her lip when she pulled next to Maura in the driveway. She watched Maura get out, watched her smile her way and watched her walk up to the front door. Jane just sat there frozen in her seat. She couldn't back out the moment she stepped over the threshold.
Maura watched her from her doorstep, wondering what was taking Jane so long. She was just about to walk over to her car, when Jane stepped out. She immediately noticed the frightened look on the Detective's face. Jane tried to hide it by smiling at her, but Maura was no fool.
"Are you okay Jane?" The smile faltered slightly, an apprehensive look entering Jane's eyes.
"Yeah, why?" Maura frowned. It was obvious Jane was lying. But why was she? Had she gone too far when she asked Jane to spend the day together at her place? The Detective had said yes hadn't she? So what had suddenly changed?
"Jane, I can tell you're lying. What is going on?" Jane's mouth dropped open, a shocked look in her eyes.
"Wh-What are you talking about? Why would I be lying?" Maura shrugged.
"I don't know. Did I do something? Are we moving too fast? Because you don't have to come in if you don't want to. I- If you feel pressured please know that that isn't my intention." Jane swallowed slowly. Maura had seen right through her lies.
She sighed, running her good hand through her hair.
"I've never done this before Maur." The confession caught Maura completely of guard and it took the other woman a few seconds to reply.
"What do you mean?"
"I've never dated a woman before."
Realization slapped Maura in the face and the honey blonde couldn't help but laugh. Jane frowned, wondering what was so funny.
"Oh Jane." It took Maura less than five seconds to embrace Jane and planting a sweet kiss on her lips. "Neither have I."
The nerves that had been building up the entire time seemed to disappear in an instant. Wrapping her arms around Maura, Jane rested her forehead against the honey blonde's.
"I'm sorry. I just… feel so… I feel like a teenager whenever I'm around you." Jane blushed a deep crimson as she said this. She had no idea why she was saying this to Maura, but she felt as if she could tell her anything.
"Is that a good thing?" Maura's eyes betrayed her confusion and in that moment she looked utterly adorable. Jane laughed silently.
"Yes. It means that I feel giddy and happy when I'm around you." Maura bit her lip. She didn't fight the blush that crept onto her neck.
"Let's go inside." Jane wordlessly let Maura guide her inside. They settled on the couch, some space between them.
They weren't sure what was appropriate, how close they could sit to each other. It definitely felt like the beginning of a new relationship. And it made Jane feel normal. Made her forget about everything that happened the last few weeks. It caused Jane to laugh softly, shaking her head. Maura cocked an eyebrow.
"What's so funny?"
"I'm just thinking of everything that happened these last few weeks. How we met and how I acted. God, I'm so sorry about that Maura. I was a plain bitch. I should never have treated you that way." What had started out as amusing, soon turned into sorrow.
Maura reached out a hand, shuffling closer to Jane in the process. "You don't have to be sorry Jane. I was the one who ran you over in the first place. You had every right to be angry with me. Maybe we wouldn't be here right now if you hadn't been." Jane looked up through her eyelashes, brown eyes filled with guilt.
"Still, I gave you a hard time."
"It's fine Jane, really. Don't-"
Jane interjected, amusement in her eyes. "Can you just let me apologize!?" Maura nodded, biting her lip. "Sorry." Jane laughed, loudly.
"I'm trying to apologize here and you're saying sorry?" Maura opened her mouth, but quickly closed it, smiling at Jane.
"So. I'm sorry for everything I did Maura. Especially after everything you went through. Can you forgive me?"
"Jane, I already told you, you didn't have to apologize." At Jane's look. "Yes, I forgive you." Jane squeezed the hand that was still holding hers, smiling gently at the other woman.
She only got worried when she saw Maura look down at her hands, a troubled look in her eyes. "Hey, everything okay?" Jane tried to catch Maura's eyes, but the honey blonde wouldn't let her.
"I have to tell you something Jane. I haven't been completely honest about the reason for my divorce and moving here." Jane shook her head, not understanding.
"What are you talking about?" Then to try and lighten the mood. "You didn't kill anyone did you?" Apparently this was the wrong thing to say. Maura burst into tears, burying her face in her hands. Jane was at a loss.
"Hey, it's okay. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound like a douche. I was just kidding." Jane rubbed circles on Maura's back, trying to get the other woman to calm down. It seemed to work somewhat. Maura wiped at her eyes, trying to get herself under control.
"It's not your fault Jane." She took a deep breath, keeping her eyes cast downwards. She was going to tell Jane everything. And hopefully the Detective wouldn't rush off. Although she wouldn't blame her if she did either. "I told you that I wasn't in love with Garrett, but that I stayed with him because of my mother." Jane nodded, unseen by Maura. "Mom fell in love with him the moment I introduced him. She told me he was the perfect guy for me and exactly the person she had always envisioned for me. They got along so well and I guess it kind of brought me and mom together as well. Garrett would come over to have dinner with us and it was the first time that I truly spend time with my mother." Jane swallowed the tears that were threatening to spill over.
"When he proposed I accepted and mom was over the moon. I remember that I had never seen her so happy. And we spend so much time together. We went looking for a dress together, she helped us make preparations for the wedding. It was all so nice. I finally felt what it was like to have a mother who cared and who was there." Maura took a deep breath before continuing. Jane could see she was having a hard time keeping her composure.
"So when it turned out I was pregnant" Jane contained a gasp. "I got to see a whole new side of my mom. She was so happy she was going to be a grandmother. And I stopped caring about the fact that I wasn't in love with Garrett, that I wasn't happy with him. I always wanted a child and that wish could finally come true. The months passed so quickly. There were never any complications and I was starting to feel something resembling happiness. But a few weeks before I was due something went wrong. Normally I could always feel him kick, he always let me know he was there. But I hadn't felt him in a couple of days. It didn't alarm me right away. It wasn't a rare occurrence. But maybe I should've done something sooner." Tears were streaming down Maura's face continuously. Her voice however, held this steadiness that caused chills to run all over Jane's body.
"I had to give birth to a dead baby." Jane's eyes widened in horror, the tears that she had been holding back all this time falling. Maura chuckled, the sound unnatural to Jane's ears. "And do you know what Garrett told me? That we could always try again. I was still in the hospital and he was already talking about trying again. That was the last straw. I filed for a divorce and I had to get away from him as far as possible."
It was quiet around them, the only sound being the sobs emitting from both of them. Jane couldn't take it any longer and threw her arms around Maura, pulling the distraught woman into her.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner." Jane shook her head, pressing kisses in Maura's hair.
"You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm glad you told me." Maura broke down completely then, clinging to Jane as if her life depended on it.
Jane felt a myriad of things. Sadness for Maura's loss. Anger for Garrett acting like a complete asshole. But most of all, she felt guilty. She knew she didn't know Maura when it happened, but there was a part of her that felt guilty for not having protected her. And right now, she felt guilty for not being the best in comforting people. She didn't know how to handle emotions. She saw them every day at work. But she didn't have to see those people outside of it ever again. But Maura was counting on her. And she wanted to make her feel better, to see that smile again, hear that laugh again.
Neither of them were sure how long they stayed in the same position, but Jane looked down at Maura when she saw the sun setting outside. The honey blonde had her eyes open, just staring in front of her, her eyes spaced out. Tucking a stray hair behind Maura's ear, Jane whispered.
"You feeling a bit better?" It took Maura a full minute to comprehend that someone was talking to her.
Her eyes traveled upwards in slow motion, focusing on Jane. She blinked a few times, suddenly remembering that she wasn't alone. Taking a deep breath, she sat up.
"No. But I'm glad I told you." Jane swallowed back the tears. The hurt in Maura's voice was so deep, it cut right through her heart.
"How about you go get cleaned up and I'll make us something to eat?" Maura seemed to hesitate at first, but at Jane's gentle warm smile, she stood up and left the room.
Jane stared after her, wondering how this woman coped with something like this. She wasn't sure if she could.