Weed, by Dr. Phil

"I bring to you in front of a live studio audience, Ash Lucario Ketchum, his mother Delia, his mentor Professor Oak, his estranged son Tyler, and his presumed romantic lovers, Pikachu and Gary Motherfucking Oak.

"Today we're gonna be talking about intervention. Ash has a veru serious case of Beemoviephilia, related to the more common Shrekphilia. This means he's dedicated his life to obsessively worship Bee Movie. This is a dangerous syndrome. This has lead Ash to hyperP0\okesexual behavior, delusions about this entire world being a "coma" that he presumes he's in, excessive drug use, and deep nihilistic quandaries. Let's take a look:"

"I'm Ash Ketchum. My mom always told me that my dad was a Lucario, and that's how I got my middle name. I would come to find out later that my real dad is Giovanni of Team Rocket. Not exactly an ideal fate."

Cut to Ash walking through a snowy Pallet Town with his smiling Pikachu.

"I discovered I was Pokesexual in Pokemon School. Professor Kukui's twerking booty got everyone else off, except for Lillie because she's a lesbian. Even I got off to it for awhile. And then I saw Bee Movie.

"I would realize afterward the Jerry Seinfeld is indeed Arceus's true form, and that Bee Movie is a metaphor for me coma. You see, I am eighteen years old, yet I am also still ten. Does that make any fuckign sense to you? DOES IT?"

Cut to Gary Oak in a room with a desk.

"What Ash fails to realize is that Space Jam is a better movie."

Cut to mom Delia and Mr. Mime. Mr. Mime was humping a broomstick again, so they had to cut away from that before the CHILDRENS AT HOME could see.

Cut instead to estranged son, Tyler.

"MUK!" Tyler cried, and Professor Oak placed his arm around this beautiful Muk to encourage him.

Cut now over to exgrilfriend Serena.

"Ash used to be great," Serena say. "But then he lost the fucking Kalos league. That was a pitty kiss at the end, by the way."

Cut to Amourshippers booing in the audience.

Cut to best friend Brock.

"Ash has always been like this," said Brock. "But he's my bro, so I just let him do him. Please go on a date with me, ladies..." he crai.

Cut back to Ash. He standing on the beach all cool like with his coat flipping in the breeze.

"What Brock fails to realize is that I'm in a coma," say Ash. "So te ladies will never go on a date with you. Also, my sexual orientation is half-gay, half Pokephilic, half ten years old. None of those things leads to my mind dating the type of woman Brock goes for. It's also why Bonnie will never find a keeper for Clemont."

Pan in to Dr. Phil with a stank look on his face.

"We'll be right back after these messages."

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