A/N: Hey gang, just back from Sydney so I'll drop two short chapters today. We're getting into the home stretch. Last weekend this story passed 50,000 views which is very exciting, and I want to personally thank everyone for reading, faving and reviewing. [End shameless bragging and pandering].
Elizabeth Bennet was starving to death… WAIT!... Can't start the chapter like that. Way too many death analogies leading previous chapters. No, this would not do at all... try again.
Lizzy Bennet was frustratingly hungry since breakfast had been mentioned four chapters back and then the story got sidetracked into bashing flowers, bashing heads, bashing Bingley's, and bashing in general that went way past its shelf life… NO! NO! NO! NO! Already been way too many references to bashing, whether of the rock or head variety for comfort, and to be candid, a few too many self-referencing fourth wall violations… try again.
Liz Bennet was a particularly hungry wolf after a week in the pirate cabin… WAIT! Once again, animals and pirates… Is there no meme this author won't beat to death… Death! DEATH! ARGHH….. AAAARERRREGGGGGHHHH!
[DEEP PAUSE]
[HHHAAAA]
[BREEEAAAATTTTHHHHH]
[HA]
In and Out. In and Out! Ahhh. Better.
Ok, Bucko try again.
Wait a minute! The whole premise is wrong. No wonder it didn't work. [Delete this rubbish before posting]
After nearly a week in the highwaymen's cabin in the woods, Lizzy Bennet really was neither as hungry as you might think, nor as dissatisfied with the situation.
Every morning, her own personal bear came to the room to escort her to breakfast, and the dialog went something like this.
"Good morning, Baby Bear. How are you this morning?"
…..
"You misunderstand my love. I didn't ask for a kiss. I asked how you were doing."
…..
"Once again, you're not attending, sir. I didn't ask for a hug or to be swung about the room, or yet another kiss. Can't you answer a simple question?"
…
…
"Well, I guess that answers it. I don't really need to know all the details of your current condition. This kissing actually has much to recommend…"
….
Well, now that you mention it there are no pressing issues preventing a little snuggling for just a few minutes…
That was pretty much it. This would go on for hours, and eventually they just ate the food that Anne left on the table.
As for Anne, she was an excellent chaperone, as long as you considered excellent and terrible to be synonyms. The problem with Anne is that Jolly Rogers didn't trust her. He didn't trust her a bit, and he was actually a little afraid of her. Every time he talked to her she said something he didn't understand (admittedly not that high of a bar), and he became a little paranoid that his ogre of a boss would stuff him like a parrot if he let any of his prisoners escape; and they had quite enough stuffed parrots, thank you very much. He was also afraid she might sketch him, because it had been said that her sketches always came true.
On the other hand, his real boss was preternaturally frightening, so he eventually became so worried he assigned his best man to guard the de Bourgh girl. Most of his men were also afraid of Anne for some reason, but not his best and most ruthless cutthroat. He was afraid of nobody and nothing, but he was a cautious man. If a job was to be done, it must be done well. He obviously couldn't properly guard her from a distance… these heiresses were tricky, so taking no chances he spent all day every day with her. No Sir! He was not a man to take chances. Anne de Bourgh was no way no how going to escape from Jimmy the Pirateman.
Surprisingly, Anne made a lot less fuss and effort to escape the company of the bloodthirsty highwayman than you might think. He was after all quite handsome, and he sat his horse well, and he had managed to mostly keep his hands to himself during their long ride to the cabin, so he was either a gentleman or somewhat timid; and Anne could work with either. No, Annie was not really all that dissatisfied with the delay, and the bear and the wolf seemed much too preoccupied to worry about all that much of anything. She still did have some time to talk to Lizzy, as there was a limit on how much actual snuggling could take place, regardless of how much romance story time dilation you applied.
Anne even tried to draw Lizzy's character again, but no matter how she started out, she always ended up with a hammer in her hand. All that changed was the victim. It was either amazingly accurate, or Annie wasn't able to change her first impressions. Liz seemed to have gotten over her inability to move past initial sketches though, so Annie had some hope she eventually would as well. Liz certainly didn't seem so fierce, so she must have it all wrong.
After a few more days, it finally became necessary for all the assorted animals, artists and cutthroats to sit down for a civilized breakfast in the breakfast room at the insistence of the Dread Pirate Rogers, who wanted to show that he was a gentleman, and gentlemen set a good table… Well, when you get right down to it, it was traditionally the lady of the house's job to set a good table, but Rogers was short on ladies at the moment, so he had to take up the yoke himself. It should also be noted, that just like Mrs. Bennet, you had to define set a fine table as sitting around whingeing (whining for Americans but this is a regency tale) about nerves and fluttering and spasms and such, while the servants did all of the actual work, but we all conveniently ignore the servants like NGPs, don't we. So, Jolly Roger decided that all of his guests were to meet his boss at breakfast for the all important big reveal.
Liz had made some Rose Water for Anne, and of course she still had her rock handy for her own scent, so on their seventh day in the cabin, they got coiffed, etc& and headed off to get a proper breakfast with their respective handsome suitors/captors/admirers/tormentors.
They all met in the foyer outside of the breakfast room before entering to join the others. Over the week, most of the party of intimates had acquired the habit of suffixing all greetings with parenthetical side thoughts that increased their own amusement without unduly affecting courtesy, except when they slipped and said the thoughts aloud.
"Good morning, Fitzwilliam" (Lovesick blockhead)
"Good morning, Anne" (Bad ass)
"Good morning, Annie" (Why is she so flushed)
"Good morning, Lizzy" (Wonder if she knows about Jimmy)
"Good morning Mr. Mason" (Yowser… he's red as a bee)
"Please call me Jimmy Miss Elizabeth. You know I hate formality." (She's onto me)
Upon entering the breakfast room, the party noticed that Jolly Rogers did in fact set a good table. They had scones and blueberries and cream and bacon and eggs and tea and sugar and biscuits and honey and…
"COFFEE!"
With such a spread, and a week of getting along mostly on smuggling and affection (which, while very nice, didn't offer much sustenance), our happy couple moved straight toward the sideboard. They were so engrossed in the feast before them, that they didn't notice who was sitting at the table. It took someone clearing their throat loudly to get their attention, and force them back towards civility.
"Lady Catherine! What are you doing here?" (Great, there goes all the fun in life)
"Aunt Catherine. What an unexpected surprise. (Gotta bribe Jimmy to take her back to Rosings… or maybe Australia or America. Wonder which is farther away?)
"JANE!"… "AUNT GARDINER!"
Lizzy lost all sense of decorum and forgot all about Baby Bear's Bad Aunt, and ran to the end of the table to hug and kiss and dance around with her two favorite non-bear people in the world.
"What are you doing here?" (And where are your menfolk?)
"We came for the wedding and were detained by these gentlemen." (Damn… looks like Anne beat me to Jimmy)
Elizabeth gave Jimmy a bit of the stink-eye, but he just shrugged his shoulders. While Jimmy was quite happy with his current guarding assignment, it never hurt to have a spare, and Madeline Gardiner was a fine looking woman. He supposed the young blonde one would do in a pinch as well, but either way, leaving them wandering around the countryside unsupervised seemed ill advised, so he had brought them along.
Jimmy wasn't quite as sanguine with this operation as he had been originally. A little bit of highwaymanery sounded like quite a lark in the beginning, but every day they were stuck in the forest more men showed up, and he was nowhere near as happy with the new recruits as his mates he'd been with the entire time. The new ruffians were quite a terrible looking lot, and didn't appear trustworthy in the least… and why did they need 40 men for this simple job. No, there was something afoot here and Jimmy wasn't all that sure whose side he would be on if things got unpleasant. Of course, in the meantime, guarding his Little Annie wasn't all that terrible of a job, despite the fact that he would get teased mercilessly in the bunkhouse if he ever let that name escape his lips, and he shuddered to think what would happen if she ever sketched him. He was a little superstitious, and thought if she drew him in a coffin or at a wedding, his fate would be sealed.
The tableau was nearly complete, when Liz noticed her Bear acting more like a Bull. He started snorting, and pawing his feet, and reaching for a weapon, or scratching his head looking for horns… because he was definitely ready to charge something and kill it. The bull's target was more orange than the traditional red, but still equally charge worthy.
"Miss Bingley. Wickham. What an unpleasant surprise!"