Disclaimer: I do not own the rights for the characters. I thank L. J. Smith for creating this beautiful books, Julie Plec for creating the show and TheCW for showing it.
Next chapter. I'm still listening to Birdy and waiting for her new album. I just didn't want to overhelm you with her songs. :)
Chapter 15 Same Love
And I can't change
Even if I tried
Even if I wanted to
My love, my love, my love
She keeps me warm
[…]
We have to change us
Whatever god you believe in
We come from the same one
Strip away the fear
Underneath it's all the same love
About time that we raised up
Love is patient,
love is kind
- Macklemore feat. Ryan Lewis Same Love
Sunday, 27/11/2012, 11:39 am, Damon's house
I had told Damon what happened with Finn back then. When I looked at him now, he just seemed as he wasn't here.
'' Damon?''
He didn't react at first. He just stared without really looking at anything, but after a few seconds he shook his head and was back.
'' Sorry. So I knew you didn't sleep with any of them, so this shouldn't shock me. But it does. I know Finn and I didn't think he would do something like that. But earlier you said you shouldn't have told him to tell everyone. I don't get it. You didn't and you still blame yourself for it.''
I knew what he meant. I didn't tell him that, but I never asked him to tell the truth either, so somehow it was also my fault.
'' I never stopped him to say it. It's also my fault.''
'' Elena, please stop blaming yourself for everything. Trust me it wasn't your fault. How about you just forget about Finn and every other guy? I know you didn't sleep with them, Caroline knows and clearly you know. So why worry about it?''
Yes why worry about it. Only the rest of school believed I did. They all believed I was a slut. Yep, there wasn't anything to worry about.
'' Damon, I know it shouldn't bother me anymore. Believe me I know that, but it isn't easy to forget it when you get reminded of it every day. It's not like all the others would forget about it or stop picking on me because of it. It's not that they try to be mean to me on purpose, at least the most aren't, they just think it's the truth. Even Caroline believed it at some point, before I talked with her. I told her a thousand times that I didn't sleep with anyone, but when you hear it daily you believe it some time. So Damon it's not easy. It shouldn't get to me anymore but it does. And trust me when I say I tried to change their minds and tell them the truth. But they can like me how much they want, they didn't believe me and I can understand them. Who would you believe? Some new girl, which is the only one who says this side of the story? Or the guys who a popular in school and which are clearly majority?''
He looked at me sadly. He understood that it wasn't easy for me. And I think he also understood that I couldn't change it and that it wouldn't change soon by itself. He looked defeated.
I was near crying again. I was just a emotional mess today. But I think I had the right to be so, after everything that happened to me today.
'' Damon, do you really think I want this? Do you think I like being called a slut? I hate it. I hate it more than everything else. But it's too late to change it. I can't change it anymore. I wish I could, but that ship has long since sailed. And now I have to accept, what I am for them. But I would do everything to change that.''
I broke down again. Like I said I was a mess. And this confession was just another thing I tried to lock inside of me. And Damon was again the one who made me come clean with it. Yes Damon, who else should be capable of it?
I was a sobbing mess again. And the only thing which could comfort me were Damon's arms. And that's were I found me. In Damon's embrace with no idea how I got there. He was caressing my back at whispered soothing words into my ear.
'' Elena, I promise you I will make it better okay? Do you believe me? I will make it better for you okay?''
I didn't know how he would do it. It was nearly impossible to change anything, but I felt safe with Damon. I trusted him with everything. So I also trusted him with this one and nodded in his neck.
Saturday, 08/10/2012, 7:46 pm, gym
Okay, now was the time. It was the first game of the season, and so it was my first game at all. It wasn't only the first basketball game I would see after the accident, it was also the first basketball game when I was a cheerleader.
After over a month of practice this was what I've worked for. Okay I loved it, but still I wanted the others to think that I was good at it.
That was still the main reason I did this. Loving it was just a nice side effect.
And this uniform was just perfect for the reputation I already got. It was not what I had planned but I had to accept it and just go with it.
'' Everything's good Elena. Don't be nervous, you're going to be great.''
Caroline tried to calm me down. She knew me better than I thought. But before I could worry about that anymore, it was time to go out there.
'' This year we have a lot of new faces in the squad. So just relax and enjoy the show.'' I heard the commentator announce and then the music set in. That was my signal.
I knew every single step by heart and I knew how to dance. I wouldn't have made it in the A-team otherwise.
When I was on the court it felt good, natural. But not because of the court, but because dancing felt so. I was so into the dance that I didn't notice how full it was until our performance was over.
When it was I looked around. Everyone seemed enthusiastic. They all clapped and shouted.
Standing in the middle of it felt amazing. But then I remembered I had to leave the court.
After the game started I stood at the sideline cheering for the team. The whole time there was a bright smile on my face.
Tuesday, 29/11/2012, 1:05 pm, cafeteria
The whole literature class Damon acted weird. He couldn't concentrate on our project. Okay, we were as good as finished but still, normally he took it serious. It seemed like he was nervous. And now on our way to lunch he still was like he walked on hot bricks.
I already asked him what was wrong, but he said he didn't know what I meant. And now the closer we got to the cafeteria, the more nervous and tensed he became.
What the hell was wrong with him?
We were nearly there when I couldn't bear the tension anymore.
'' Damon stop!'' I stopped walking and he turned around to look at me.
'' What Elena? I'm actually really hungry. Let's just go eating.''
'' Damon, don't do that. I know that something is up. You wouldn't be like that otherwise. And after everything we went through in the short time we know each other I really thought our trust was don't shut me out. Just tell me if something is wrong, please.''
'' Elena, I trust you. But you have to trust me if I tell you that I'm fine and that nothing at all is wrong, okay?''
I wasn't convinced. I knew that something was up, but he didn't want to tell me and I wouldn't push him. I wanted to trust him, but I just couldn't at this point. Instead of trust, I just had to let go this one and wait until he was ready to talk. Hopefully soon.
'' Okay.'' I nodded and continued our way to the cafeteria. I went straight to the counter and got a salad. When I was on my way to my usual table I noticed that Damon wasn't with me. Where did he go?
I was still looking for him when I nearly walked into Ben. Oh no. I didn't want to talk to him.
'' Elena, can I talk to you for a second?''
Oh god, he really wanted to talk.
'' Sure, let's sit down.''
So we sat down at the next free table and I put down my salad.
'' Okay, what do you want to talk about?''
I was a bit pissed. At first Damon didn't want to tell me what was wrong, now he mysteriously disappeared and now Ben wanted to talk with me.
'' I wanted to apologize.'' He looked at me guilty. For what did he want to apologize?
'' It was wrong of me to lie to everyone about sleeping with you when I clearly didn't and I'm sorry about that.''
Okay that took me by surprise. I never expected him to say that. Normally they've never regretted anything.
'' Just that you know, I already told a lot of people that I lied and I know all the others did too. But I also know that they are all sorry too and they're going to tell the truth to everyone at school. That was all I wanted to say. I hope you don't hate me forever.''
WHAT? They all wanted to tell everyone the truth. What changed their minds. There was never even one, who did it. And now all at once.
'' I don't know what to say to you. I really appreciate your apology, but I'm not sure if it changes everything.''
'' I know that Elena. I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry. I hope it will get better now. Bye.''
With that he went away and let me back stunning. I still couldn't believe what I heard.
'' Ehhm.''
What? When I looked up I saw Finn. Yep the one and only.
'' Elena, I want to talk.''
'' Finn I know what you're gonna say to me, but-''
'' Please Elena, just listen, okay?''
He waited for an answer, but when I nodded he went on.
'' I can't imagine what you went through because of me. I know I was the one with whom it all started. But Elena please believe me if I tell you that I never meant to hurt you with it. Back then I thought I would get to you by it, because you didn't sleep with me. But when I saw what I set off with it I regretted it. But I was too ashamed and maybe also too scared to do something about it and so I just let them believe it. I know I can't change the past anymore but I try and change the future for you. I'm gonna tell everyone that I didn't sleep with you, because you didn't want to. I'll also tell them that I don't believe that you slept with any of the others. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness but I hope I can at lead make things better for you. So Elena, what I wanted to say is that I'm truly sorry about how I handled things and what I did and that I regret everything I did.''
And again I was left stunning. I didn't expect such an apology. Why today? What had happened? I really didn't get it. What was wrong with those guys today. First Damon and now-
Damon. He promised he would make it better and now it was. I had no idea how he managed to do that, but it worked. Hopefully people would see me in a different light now.
I looked around for Damon and found him sitting at our usual table, grinning in my direction. He watched everything. Okay, now I felt bad for not trusting him. He had been nervous because he knew what would happen.
I went over to him and smiled. I sat down on my spot next to him and kissed him on the cheek, without thinking twice about it. I loved the way his skin felt under my lips. So perfect. But now was not the time for thoughts like that. After kissing his cheek I moved ,y lips to his ear and whispered
'' Thank you'' to him.
His eyes brightened and his smile grew bigger.
So I gave my story to a friend who begged me for weeks to let her read it. She liked it, but that's not the point. It's because of her I got the idea to make a YouTube playlist with the songs of my chapters. I try to post the link on my profile.
if you have a better version of Belong by Cary Brothers please send me the link! I couldn't find one.
Thanks to her for the idea. Also a big Thanks to Karen for always writing reviews, I really appreciate it a lot and it's because of people like you I actually write this story.
I know that you all want Delena right now. But please be a bit more patient, it will come at some point, it just takes time. There are some cute moments between them in near future.
Thank you all for the support.
R&R as always.
Love PrincessNeens
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