Disclaimer: I do not own the rights for the characters. I thank L. J. Smith for creating this beautiful books, Julie Plec for creating the show and TheCW for showing it.

Chapter 21 ;) I made it. Hope you like it :D

Chapter 21 – Things we lost in the Fire

We sat and made a list
Of all the things that we had
Down the backs of table tops
Ticket stubs and your diaries

I read them all one day
When loneliness came and you were away
Oh they told me nothing new,
But I love to read the words you used

These are the things, the things we lost
The things we lost in the fire fire fire
These are the things, the things we lost
The things we lost in the fire fire fire

- Bastille Things we lost in the Fire

Wednesday, 07/12/2012, 6:37 am, my room

Shit, I hadn't slept well after screwing up yesterday. I couldn't stop thinking about my stupidity not to kiss him. I had had no reason to freak out. I couldn't think about anything besides Damon and it would drive me crazy if I didn't at least try. I couldn't live that longer without trying.

Maybe I could fix it today, when I'll go to his house again. But wait, that wasn't sure yet. Maybe I had cheerleading again, or he had basketball?

I needed to figure that out first before I started to plan anything.

So the first thing I did, after I had gotten up, was to check the intranet on my phone for any news. Gosh, the wifi was so slow today. I waited patiently and after some minutes, yeah it was really that slow, I finally had the site open.

I checked the news:

The main gym is still out of order.

Yes, that meant Damon-time. But then I read further.

Fortunately we could manage to move all activities, which are normally in it, into other locations.

Cheerleading practice A-team will be in the smaller dancing gym at the usual time.

Volleyball will take place in gym C, also at the usual time.

Basketball girls will be in gym D, from 7 pm to 8:15 pm.

Basketball boys will also be located in gym D from 8:15 pm to 9:30 pm.

This plan will be effective until further notice.

Thank you.

No, no, no. Did I mention? No.

I wanted to spend the day with Damon. Not have cheerleading.

Okay, I loved cheerleading and I wanted to have practice, but why couldn't I do both? Why had life to be so cruel sometimes?

I had really planned on talking with Damon today, but now I could forget that. I didn't want to do it in public and other than that I wouldn't see him today, or even the rest of the week.

What should I do now?

Just when I wanted to start planning something new, my phone beeped.

I had a new message:

From Damon: Did you check the intranet?

I immediately responded.

To Damon: Yeah... Looks like our plans for tonight are cancelled :/

From Damon: Yes, looks like it ;/ Damn, I was really looking forward to watching OTH with you.

To Damon: Yeah, me too. But at least I know what's going to happen ;D

From Damon: Oh you are mean.:P Promise we continue as soon as possible!

To Damon: Promise.

From Damon: Pinky promise?

To Damon: Yeah, pinky promise :D

I chuckled about that. Sometimes he could be just like a little child. No one else would pinky promise. When I just wanted to go to the bathroom to get ready my phone beeped a last time.

From Damon: Good, see you later beautiful :D

What was that? Beautiful? He never called me that before. Why was he writing that now? I was officially confused. But before I could think about it any more, Care woke up and I had to hurry to get into the bathroom before her. Otherwise I would never get the chance to go in there for at least the next hour.

Friday, 09/12/2012, 11:45 pm, my room

Okay, the rest of the week hadn't gone well either.

First of all, I couldn't spend one single moment alone with Damon.

Secondly, I still didn't sleep any better.

And maybe the worst point, I became insecure about talking to Damon. Just that damn time I spent with thinking about the possible consequences, which mostly scared me to death. Okay I had to admit, some of the scenarios in my head were also good. Who was I kidding, some were actually perfect and I wanted nothing more than for one of them to become real. Nut unfortunately the bad scenarios dominated.

And I didn't want to loose Damon. Of that I was sure. So what should I do?

Then I remembered the plan I had at the beginning of the week. To ask Caroline. Okay, I said I would ask her on Saturday, but why not now? I mean the sooner the better, right?

I turned around in my bed, now facing hers.

'' Care, are you awake?'', I whispered, not sure if she was or if I should wake her.

'' Mhh, not really why?'' I heard her mumble back. Okay maybe her half asleep was not the best way to start. But I was afraid if I backed away now I wouldn't find the courage to talk to her again. Okay now not the best time, later no courage, what a dilemma. But wait.

'' I just wanted to ask, if you have time for some girl talk and relaxing tomorrow?''

'' You already had me with girl talk, so I'm in.''

I smiled brightly, but then realized she couldn't see me in the darkness, so I spoke:

'' Thank you Care. Good Night, sleep tight.''

I heard a laughter and the she said.

'' Yeah, see you later, alligator.''

I tried to not laugh to loud, while Care went back to sleep.

So that was set now. And I was sure, now that it was set, I would tell her about it. And as far as I knew, Care always gave good advices, so I was positive that my problem would be solved by tomorrow. Okay maybe just technically, because I would most likely not see Damon tomorrow. So I was sure my problem would theoretically be solved and it would be me who had to solve it practically.

The only problem about my plan was, that the problem wasn't solved now, so I didn't even hope for sleep right now.

I just tried to imagine a possible, positive future with Damon.

After I had the pictures of Damon and me kissing, than of us dancing at our prom together, and then of me walking down an aisle in a white dress with Damon standing at the end of it in my head, I fell asleep, imagining mini raven-haired children running around me.

Saturday, 10/12/2012, 9:48 pm, my room

We started girl-time right after lunch. Now at nearly 10 pm I still hadn't talked about my feelings for Damon.

But instead of that I've learned a lot about Caroline and Stefan's relationship in the past hours. And if I say a lot I also mean a lot. Most of it I didn't even want to know, but some parts were also so sweet. They got together last Saturday at Damon's party and now they were nearly inseparable. I was lucky that Stefan was at Damon's today, because of some video games with Damon and some others of the team.

Okay, I think Caroline would have still hung out with me, if that wasn't the case, but I just loved to annoy her.

At the moment, we were waiting for our nail polish to dry, while eating some ice cream and talking about, who would have guessed, still Stefan.

'' He is just so sweet and romantic. I just have to love him.''

After she said that she gasped in shock, her hand flying to her mouth. My eyes widened. The whole evening she hadn't once used the L-word. I wasn't sure how to react.

'' Do you? I mean love him?'' I asked. I think at that moment she wasn't sure about it. She just looked at me stunned.

'' I'm not sure. There is definitely something between us. And I'm not the girl who goes around kissing and making out with random guys, no offence.''

She smiled at me because of her last comment and I had to chuckle a bit. I mean that was my life a bit more than two weeks ago, so yeah a lot had changed for me.

'' None taken. But you didn't answer my question.''

'' I think I love him.'' I furrowed a brow.

'' You think?''

'' Yes, I mean I'm just seventeen. I don't know anything about life. So I don't know if this feeling I have is really love, but it feels like it.''

About that I had to smile. I was proud of her that she admitted her feelings. But I could also identify with her at the moment.

'' If you feel that it is love, than it is. So I am so happy for you.''

I just had to hug her at the moment.

When I leaned back she looked a bit angry.

'' Okay Elena, I really was patient, but you wanted to have girltalk, but you always avoided talking today. So what is it you wanted to talk about?''

She just knew me too good. She was so right, maybe I avoided talking about me at all today. I closed my eyes, took a deep breathe and then sighed.

'' Damon.''

With that word Caroline's face lightened. She let out some far to high pitch.

'' OMG Elena, what happened, did you finally kiss?'' She just blurted out.

With that comment my eyes opened a bit, not sure how to react emotionally.

'' No we didn't. Nothing happened. That's what I wanted to talk about with you. I'm not sure what to do.''

It was not as hard for me to admit it as I had thought. Maybe because of what Caroline had just told me about her and Stefan.

'' Okay, first of all tell me exactly what happened or not happened and what you feel.''

So first of all I told her about the dance. When I said that we had gotten disturbed by the cheerleading dance, her eyes widened in shock.

'' Holy shit, I'm going to kill Rose. How could she not see that you were nearly kissing?''

I laughed a bit about that, then I continued with the cake-dough-finger-sucking-whatever we had when I went to him.

Caroline let out another high pitched scream.

'' OMG, that is so... I can't describe. And by the way, I'm totally going to use cake dough with Stefan, too.''

Okay, that was too much for me. I broke out into laughter and only stopped when my stomach hurt to much to continue.

'' Okay, you have to stop saying things like that Care, otherwise I'm going to die of laughter some day.''

She tried to look at me angrily, but she started laughing the second she tried.

'' I have to admit, that may have sounded weird, but now, continue!''

So I continued telling her about the rest of the evening and about me freaking out and just kissing his cheek at the end.

''Okay, Lena, now I'm going to have to kill you. How could you not kiss him? It was the perfect moment.''

Now she really looked a bit angry.

'' I don't know. I was just scared for a moment.''

'' Scared about what Elena? Please tell me, I really don't get it.''

Okay she was pissed at me. She just couldn't understand.

'' I'm afraid that he rejects me and that I'm going to loose him then. And I just can't loose him. I've already lost to much this year.''

A tear rolled down my cheek.

'' Oh Elena!''

Caroline sighed and then embraced me. I started to sob a bit in her arms, but after a while I stopped and her arms loosened around me. She pushed my shoulders an arm-length away and then looked me directly into my eyes.

'' I can promise you, you won't loose him. I think the only two people on earth who don't see that you are both in love with each other are the both of you. And I have one question. Could you live without being sure how he feels about you? Can you live with all the what-ifs?''

I thought about it. I probably couldn't so she was right. I had to do something.

'' No I can't, but what should I do?''

'' I think the better question is, what do you want to do?''

I didn't have to think about that long.

'' I want to kiss him.''

I smiled when I said that and Caroline smiled, too.

'' Then just do it.''

With that I jumped up to get my purse, but Caroline stopped me.

'' Ehm.. Elena, maybe not now, it's already after 11 pm. You should wait till tomorrow. I nodded, she had a point with that, so we just continued girls-time a bit more and then went to bed.

Caroline was long asleep by now, but I just couldn't. I was too excited and too nervous to think about sleeping. In my had I had planned already about a hundred times what I would say to him and I always had something to improve.

So when I looked at the clock next to my bed it was 2 am and I wasn't sleepy at all. I just wanted to go over to Damon's and tell him what I felt. And hopefully we would kiss afterwards and...

Do you know what? Screw later and screw sleep, I had to do it now.

So I got up and tiptoed through the room, taking my purse and walking out of the room.

What do you think will happen?

I hope you are not to angry with me right now, that there was no Delena, but I think you can guess what will happen next, so don't be too cruel to me please.

So I hope I can write another chapter this week, but I forgot about Halloween, when I told you I had so much time. But we will see ;D

So what's your Halloween costume? I'm curious to know. Mine? Who would have guesses, I am going as a vampire :D But because of that I'm missing TVD again :'(

Hope you have a good rest of the week.

Oh and yeah, thank you for reviewing. I'm sorry I didn't reply personally this time, my internet isn't the best at the moment and with my phone it's difficult for me to reply.

Love PrincessNeens

And follow me on twitter if you like my story: PrincessNeens