A/N: I don't own anything I'm just having fun. And it was really fun to write this one, hopefully You will like it as well :D
#7 Lose your way
It supposed to be a simple mission. They were going back from Sullust a simple recon mission, in and out, to see if the Empire was making more ships and weapons and that mission went smoothly. But then they got the massage to make a small detour.
The detour was to go to Taul, a small rebel outpost settled on that planet to train soldiers for sever battle conditions. It was a simple supplies mission.
But there were some obstacles on the way.
The first obstacle was K2 profound hatred to Taul as soon as he read the description of the planet. The ever-presented fine mist in the atmosphere was acidic. When absolute harmless to the organic life it caused problems to all the mechanical things, especially the droids. It was part of the idea to train soldiers to depend on droids less and the atmosphere of Taul was prefect for that.
But well K2 was furious, as if droids could be furious, but he definitely whined and complained to all the crew members on board a very small in that situation U wing. Cassian was forced to order him to stop talking (more to shut up as his exact words were) when Jyn threatened to crosswire its circuit. And Cassian believed Jyn, because she was tired after the Sullust mission, as she hadn't slept for more than twenty six hours and she just wished to go back on Hoth. As much as she hated that frozen planet there was her bed there, and some normal food.
Cassian felt pretty much the same as she.
He left Bodhi to sit with very miserable K in the cockpit and went to the cargo hold to be rid of K's complaints for some time. He squeezed his way past all the crates with the supplies they took for Taul and looked at Jyn, who was half lying on the bench, her eyes closed but as sensing his look she spoke without opening them.
"I'm not sleeping, believe it or not but after some months of having my own bed I can't simple sleep around anymore."
Cassian's eyes narrowed and Jyn eyes flew open. She wondered what was wrong with her, lately she had some trouble with forming proper sentence around Cassian.
"That's good to know." He answered a small smirk playing on his lips, the implication of her words still in his mind.
"It's not what I was trying to say." Jyn tried to explain and only then she saw that he was making fun of her and enjoying it way too much. Cassian laughed a short delighted laugh that made Jyn's inside melt, she has loved that laugh. It was so rare that Cassian could laugh like that.
"I know you like your bed, but please tell me what were you talking about exactly?" Cassian was still smiling and Jyn could feel her blushing. How did she end up in situations like that? She should think what she wanted to say before her stupid mouth voice that.
"Sometimes you're even worse than K." She mumbled but she smiled at him.
"What did you think? I programmed him." Cassian said and sat next to her on the bench. Jyn only stared for some time at the swirls of hyperspace flashing outside the illuminator enjoying the silence between them. It was so sporadic when they could only sit and didn't plan or worry about yet another mission. They were going home, maybe it would take them a little longer than they wanted but still they had some quiet time.
"How long to Taul?" Jyn finally asked Cassian, whose head was resting at the back of the chair with his eyes closed, he opened his tired dark eyes and looked at her.
"An hour at most, and I think we will stay there for the night, we both need a rest, it was a long mission on Sullust, we need some sleep and since, as you said before, you're not sleeping around anymore we need to find you a bed."
"Be careful Captain or there would be yours circuits that would be tempered with." Jyn threatened but her eyes had that unique spark in it, the one that Cassian loved. What? What is wrong with me? How many times did he need to remined himself that he had to stop thinking feelings verbs toward Jyn. Their life was complicated enough without his mind presenting words like 'loved' to him.
"I can't wait seeing you do that, Jyn" Cassian answered mischievously and got up. They would be landing soon and he needed to make final instructions to Bodhi, and sent a massage to Taul landing control. He could feel Jyn's eyes following him from the cargo compartment.
When they were heading for a landing pad on Taul Jyn had a nice view of the rebel outpost. Located on the top of the cliff with only one way to enter and the rest were just a very high mountains' walls going straight down. The area was covered with swamps and wet and slimy forests. Jyn decided that she didn't especially like the idea of a training session here. She didn't like Hoth much but at least there were no toxic mist and green sticky ground around. Upon landing, they needed to part their ways. Cassian was summoned to the commanding office for some information and Jyn was left in charge of unpacking the supplies. K2 refused to participate in any of the works, he was sitting stiff in the cockpit not moving an inch as if that would help not to be contaminated. It didn't help explaining to him that the air in the base was filtrated and there was no acid mist inside (because all the equipment and ships in the hangar) but it wasn't much help to K's paranoia. Cassian just left him be and allowed him to shut himself in the ship for the night. For once K refused to set his metallic foot anywhere in the base. Jyn hasn't decided if she should be making fun of him or just felt sorry for him because it was so uncommon that K was afraid of something. She would make fun of him, she decided, but only when they left this this planet, now it would be just too cruel even for her.
The rebel base personnel was so friendly towards Jyn and Bodhi that Jyn couldn't stop looking for trap anytime soon. But the mystery of the warm welcome was solved when some pilot who helped unload the supplies asked Bodhi if that was true that they were actually the Rouge One crew. It led to a long explanation from Bodhi that there was no actually Rogue One crew that it was only a made-up code name because they needed to go but it didn't help and they were treated as heroes. Jyn hated when people treated her that way but she was just too tired to argue. The hours spent on Sullust were taking a toll on her and she was actually feeling exhausted by the minutes.
When the U wing was unload and K2 closed and sealed the door to the cargo compartment a group of pilots and other crew members offered Bodhi and Jyn a drink. And since they didn't want to be rude and refuse such a warm welcome despite the exhaustion Jyn followed Bodhi to the canteen.
It was where Cassian has found Jyn and Bodhi two hours later. Sitting around a table and laughing with the Taul crew members. Bodhi was telling some story when Cassian came to their table. And only then he decided that something was off. Jyn was having too much fun, as much as he liked her smiling and relaxed she was way too relaxed and he could swear she was giggling… at some pilot sitting next to her.
"What is going on here?" Cassian asked looking between Jyn and Bodhi, the last one stopped talking and tried to look guilty. Only then Cassian spotted an almost empty bottle of some brown liquid on the table.
"Cassian." Bodhi started trying to explain, but then Jyn cut in swaying in her chair and forming words in a funny way.
"Oh, Cassian, meet Jebber." She introduced the pilot she was grinning at before and Cassian immediately disliked him. The fact that the man was looking at him in some kind of admiration was completely lost to Cassian, who only narrowed his eyes at Jyn. But it didn't make any effect on her.
"Jebber this's our captain Cassian Andor." She introduced Cassian still in that fuzzy alcohol induced mood.
"It's an honor to meet you, sir, as we have heard a lot about the Rogue One." This Jebber guy was trying to be nice, Cassian could tell that but he was just too angry, at Jyn for getting drunk, at Bodhi that let her got drunk and at that Jebber guy for sitting too close to Jyn for Cassian's liking.
"You mean the squadron that Luke Skywalker is creating clearly because there is no Rogue One here." Cassian informed Jebber in a strict voice and then looked at Jyn.
"Jyn, I think you have enough, let's go."
Jyn's eyes narrowed in that special way that said you're in trouble but Cassian just couldn't care less at the moment. They were tired and exhausted from the last mission and now she would have to fight a massive hangover in the morning. He didn't like that. But clearly neither did Jyn who spoke her voice angry.
"What is wrong with you Cassian? They are trying to be nice."
"By getting you drunk, I don't think it's a good idea." He answered her and rounded the table to stand next to her, he made a move to grab her by her arm but she dogged his attempt.
"I'm a big girl, you know Captain." The last word she spoke was laced with sarcasm. Cassian heard her addressing him that way on numerous occasions every time when she was furious with what he just did or said.
"Sometimes I doubt that, please go with me." He hissed to her and this time he managed to grab her arm and almost lifted her from the chair. Jyn stood up her eyes blazing fire, she stood so close to him despite the height difference that Cassian could count all her lashes.
"Sometimes I hate you." She informed him looking directly into his eyes. Cassian had shivers down his back just by looking at her all furious and moved. It was a sight that made his inside twist in a knot and he just wished he could act on all that feelings that were building up inside him whenever he was in situations like this with her. He just wished to grab her and … kiss her senseless. Or in that case kiss some sense into her. Because getting drunk after almost a day's long mission it's not the brightest idea.
"Are you sure that's not the alcohol talking?" He questioned her and didn't back off from her. The table went silence just looking at the two. Then when the tension was just impossible to bear Bodhi cleared his throat and Cassian finally broke the staring contest with Jyn and looked at him. Bodhi looked pointedly at him and Jyn and Cassian only nodded his head at him.
"Bodhi, this's the code to your quarter, we'll leaving first thing in the morning." At that he yanked Jyn's hand forcing her to stop form sitting back on the chair.
"OK, do you think you can handle…" Bodhi asked and pointed in Jyn's direction.
"Yes, don't worry." Cassian answered shortly and wanted to leave but Bodhi's hand stopped him.
"Cassian I'm sorry, I didn't know she has drunk that much." Cassian only nodded to that information and spun around to Jyn.
"Let's go." He yanked her by her hand and out from the canteen.
"You know Cassian, you're cute when you're angry." Jyn informed him when they were just around the corner and Cassian lost his footing by this revelation.
"Damn, I was going for intimidating and vaguely threatening." He joked because he seriously didn't want to have that conversation with drunken Jyn.
"And yes, you could be threatening, sometimes" She said absolutely serious locking her eyes with him and stopped walking "… for people who doesn't know you, you could be even scary." She finished not losing eye contact with him and Cassian was frozen in the spot. He knew that alcohol was a great truth serum but he couldn't stop thinking it was unfair to explicit Jyn's state of mind.
"How much did you actually drink?" He asked her readjusting the hold on her forearm because she clearly need some support.
"I don't know, but the walls are spinning if that's any indication." She answered him and tried to hold to the nearest wall. Cassian just stepped closer and held her around her waist. In moments like that he discovered how small and fragile Jyn actually was. He could hold her small and light form without any actual effort.
"Sometimes I just can't leave you unsupervised." He informed her gathering her small form and holding her tightly to his side when walking to her room. It was good that this base wasn't so big. Their rooms were just around the corner.
"You shouldn't be leaving me at all then." Jyn mumbled into his shoulder and only that and the way she snuggled into his arm told him how much drunk she was. They were in front of her door, he needed to support her with one arm and pushed the code to her door with his free hand.
"I will try, and now in." He said to her catching a glimpse of green, clouded eyes.
He lightly pushed her in the room but looking at the way she was swaying she needed more help so he went inside with her. He helped her on the bed not even bothering to take any of her clothes. He wouldn't dare doing that, the mental imagines that would follow that exercise would probably kill him. Jyn lied down heavily on the bed and closed her eyes.
"It's not only walls that are spinning right now, the whole room is moving." She informed him closing her eyes shut and opening them as trying to regain any sense of normality.
"I don't envy you in the morning, you were tired before and tiredness and alcohol are never a good combination." Cassian said to her, he was thinking what he was supposed to do now. Was it safe to leave her alone, did he want to leave her alone?
"Yes, but they were asking so nicely and they were talking as we were heroes and it was all Bodhi's fault because it was him who agreed to have the first shot. Oh… I think I'm going to be sick." Jyn sat on the bed fast her eyes wide and her complexion even paler than before.
"I will bring you some water, don't get up." He went for the fresher and brought her a glass of water. She drank it eagerly but then just collapsed on the bed again. Cassian was mesmerized by the look of her. She looked so vulnerable, her pale skin almost glowing in the semi darkness of the room. Before he knew what he was doing he reached and brushed a loose strand of her hair from her eyes. Jyn didn't open her eyes but signed, a soft sound that Cassian would love to hear every evening. Some small part of him was screaming at him to leave, to be out in the door before he would do something stupid but Cassian was just too tired of listening to his reasonable self tonight. Now, in this dark room on some remote planet he just wished to stroke her hair. He didn't wish for more.
"It will be better if you just go to sleep." He whispered still stroking her hair. Jyn didn't open her eyes yet mostly because she was too afraid he would stop doing that. The feeling his hand was sending to her body was amazing and perplexing and even more intoxicating that the alcohol she had consumed. She didn't know if her head was spinning more from his touch or from the spirit.
After some time, the common sense finally reached Cassian and he retrieved his hand. But only when he wanted to walked away from Jyn's bed thinking she was asleep she blindly reached for his hand and hold it.
"Please don't leave, I don't want to be alone" She mumbled and turned on her side facing Cassian, she opened her eyes and Cassian could see all the unspoken emotions hidden behind them, he was almost sure similar emotions were flashing in his eyes.
"OK." He whispered back and without letting go of her hand he sat down on the floor by her bed. Their entwined hands were resting next to Jyn's chin. The moment he sat down leaning his back against her bed, Jyn closed her eyes again but he could see a small smile playing on her lips. He was partly wondering how much of this she would remember in the morning, but right now he couldn't care less. He didn't remember the time when he felt happier. He could feel Jyn's small hand in his, warm and perfect and Cassian was sure that he just found his place in the galaxy. By her side, no matter where, no matter how far she let him to be for her, he would take anything. He brushed his finger over her hand and he could feel her squeezing his hand in return.
"Do you ever think we should just stop doing that to ourselves..." Jyn started saying but she never finished that sentence. She has fallen asleep still holding his hand. Cassian only stared at her seeping form.
It was really long at night before Cassian had the courage and will to let go of her hand and went to his room. Her last words still ringing in his ears.
To said he was rested was an overstatement of the year, he didn't sleep almost all night. When he had enough of tossing and turning in his small bed he got up and saw that it was almost morning on Taul. The small bright sun of this planet was rising in the horizon making the swamps even more unhealthy shade of green. Pretty much as Jyn's face yesterday, Cassian thought and almost immediately felt sorry for her. He decided to do something about this and went to the small canteen from where he extracted her yesterday evening in not a very pleasant manner.
Taking the caf and something which bear resemblance to bread rolls in one hand he was leaving the canteen when the pilot from last night – Jebber was his name – stopped him.
"Captain Andor, sir I'd like to apologize for last night, I didn't mean anything and I'd no idea you two are together." The pilot, the one who Jyn introduced to him last night, said to Cassian. For a second Cassian didn't know what he was talking about and then he almost choked on his words.
"What?" Cassian spluttered and had an unstoppable desire to explain himself. "We are not together."
"No?" That kriffingly stupid man questioned and Cassian was feeling as ripping his head off was suddenly an option. "Still, I'm sorry for the misunderstanding and the alcohol." Jabber finished and as much as Cassian wanted to punch him he could see that he was honest.
"I'm not the one you should be apologizing to." Cassian informed him trying to be nice, trying was a good word in this situation.
"Understood, sir," Jebber said "and still I think you're heroes no matter what you will say."
"Well, thanks for that." Cassian answered because he truly didn't know what else to say. And just when he was ready to leave that odd conversation Jebber added.
"And Captain Andor, if I may say something, she's amazing but you clearly know that so what stops you?" Cassian was blinking stupidly at the man debating in his head whether he should actually kill him or just agree with him. After a long pause, Cassian finally managed to say.
"I don't think I can answer this question lieutenant." Because clearly there are times that I don't know what stops US, he finished in his mind. He only nodded his head and went out form the canteen.
He knocked at Jyn's door and waited a long minute before there was any sigh that she was alive. But then he could hear a small 'enter' coming from the door and Cassian pushed the door open. Jyn was still lying on the bed looking even more miserably than yesterday, but if Cassian was to truly described her the word beautiful was looming in his head. All sleepy and mussed from sleep it was a sight of Jyn that Cassian actually began to love. And yet again he scolded himself mentally not to think too much and not to use 'love' in any sentence with Jyn in it.
"I bring reinforcement." He said extending the caf and the bread roll towards her.
"Oh my… what happened." Jyn finally asked and tried to sit on the bed but failed miserably since her head was trying to explode and there was something dancing on her temples beating a frantic beat in the rhythm of her racing heart.
"What do you remember?" Cassian asked softly and came closer to her.
"The unloading of the U-wing and a dinner in the canteen, and Bodhi accepting a drink…" Jyn groaned painfully in the pillow.
"That's it?" Cassian asked, half of him hoping that she didn't remember a thing form last night, and the other smaller part of him was screaming 'remember' so they could finally talk and decide what was going on between them since …they met.
"I remember waking up here." Jyn's muffed voice came to him and that small part of him just shut up. Another small chance to sort out the thing between them just passed by. Because Cassian would not start explaining her why he spent a better part of the night holding her hand when she didn't remember that.
"Here take this it should help." Cassian extended the caf and some pills he took form his bag before he went to canteen.
"I don't care, I'm not moving if I move my head will explode." Jyn muttered her eyes closed.
"If you don't take this you will just suffer longer, come on it's good, I checked that myself."
Jyn opened one eye and looked at him in disbelieve.
"You? Has Captain Proper ever drunk too much?" She asked him her eyes glittered in amusement
"More times than you think, have you met Kyle?" Cassian said to her and encouraged her to drink. Jyn sat on the bed and immediately regretted that. Cassian could also see that because her face suddenly changed into this green shade that could only mean one. Before he could say anything Jyn bolted to the refresher slamming the door behind her. Cassian only sighted half amused, feeling sorry for her. She emerged from the fresher after sometime still pale but not so green and without a word took the pills form the nightstand where Cassian put them.
"I will kill Bodhi, I swear." She threatened but then only collapsed on the bed again.
"Do you think you can travel or should I send a message that we are staying due to… sever weather condition?" Cassian offered.
"No I want to go home, I'll be OK, and I don't think K2 would like the idea of spending more time on this planet." Jyn sat back again and this time she didn't turn all green and squeamish.
"K2 is my least concern at the moment." Cassian told her looking at her seriously with worry in his eyes.
Jyn only smiled, a small tried smile. Their eyes locked for a long moment as if Jyn was trying to read his mind about last night. For a brief moment Cassian hesitated and almost told her everything but then he just gritted his teeth and lowered his eyes.
"You should eat something, I will be waiting on the ship." Cassian finally said to her walking to the door.
"OK, and Cassian?
"Yes"
"Thanks… for everything." For hauling me here yesterday, for listening to my drunken jabber and mostly for holding my hand, Jyn finished in her head looking intently into Cassian's eyes. As if she was trying to say all this without actually voicing it. And somehow Jyn sensed that Cassian knew what she was thanking him for.
"Anytime." He smiled at her, that warm smile that made her traitorous heart skip a beat and left the room.
A/N: There will be more, and I'm sorry for all the mistakes I edited it like thousand times but still I might not see some of them.
If you will be so kind and tell me what you think. :D this is actually the best thing You can do to make me happy!