A Bitter Reminder.

The ambulance sped off leaving me glued to the ground, I could not move, worry had taken over my body. The memories of holding Camilla's hand as we rushed her to hospital possessed my thoughts, but I was snapped back in to reality by Sister Evangelina, she pushed me towards the house; 'Go and get changed, they need you!'

I stumbled into the house and changed from my pyjamas, I threw on the first thing I could find. My mind was full of worry, not just for Freddie, but for Camilla too. The way young sir came in to the world and the complications she endured made him even more special to her, to me, to both of us. I couldn't cope with the fact that we could possibly lose him. I knelt at the bed and placed my hands together. I'd never prayed before, but It was worth a try. Camilla has her faith, but me, I'm not so sure.

I closed my eyes, 'How can I have faith when such terrible things happen on a daily basis. The things I see. The things I hear. If there really is someone looking over us, why on earth are you letting all these things happen? I really want to have faith, I want to believe that you're up there, and that everything happens for a reason but today I just cannot comprehend it.'

I rose, eyes still closed. I stood still for many moments, again unable to move. I could see Camilla and Freddie sat on the bed, looking through 'Peter Rabbit' Freddie cuddling up to his teddy. I didn't want to open my eyes, because if I did, they would disappear. After many minutes, I finally opened my eyes, no Camilla, no Freddie, but I had been joined by Patrick, he stood in the bedroom doorway.

'I came as soon as I heard, thought you might need a lift to the hospital.'

I mustered up a minute smile as I gently pushed past, I walked into Edie's room, she was sat up rubbing her eyes. The commotion had woken her, I lifted her from her bed and dressed her in her warmest clothes I could find. The morning was rather nippy, I wouldn't want her to catch anything.

Patrick gently asked, 'Are you ready?' Before lighting a cigarette.

I ran to him and stole the cigarette from his grasp, as I breathed in the musky smoke my body began to relax. Patrick rested a reassuring hand on my shoulder as we walked out to the car. I still puffed away on the cigarette, hating every moment of it, but it was keeping me calm. It gave me something else to focus on. The ride to the hospital was very quiet, morbid, awkward. Patrick and Edie were silent, Patrick afraid to speak, Edie still being sleepy, she tucked herself into my side and nodded off again. Once the cigarette had burnt out, I had nothing to distract myself. My thoughts flooded back to that of Camilla and Freddie.

Patrick pulled up outside the hospital, the only words he spoke to me; 'Good Luck'

Why would I need luck? It wasn't me who was ill, it was Freddie, and he needed not luck, but strength. Strength to fight whatever illness had taken over his body. Patrick whizzed off on his rounds leaving me outside the dreaded hospital. I hated the hospital. It was a bitter reminder of things in the past. A reminder of what I have lost and what I could have lost. I climbed the stairs to the hospital entrance, Edie still clinging to me in her sleep. I wandered the many corridors until I found Camilla, she took Edie from my grasp and hugged her tightly.

I found myself, again, pacing the corridors, almost wearing a groove into the floor. Everything reminding me of that retched day. The sounds of trolleys banging through doors and the chattering of passing doctors. The vague smell of cigarette smoke filtering from the numerous Doctor's Offices mixing with the over bearing smell of medicinal alcohol disinfectant but overall the feeling of the unknown. Even with Camilla by my side squeezing my hand in reassurance, I still felt as scared and as helpless as I did then.

'Peter, he'll be okay.' Comforted Camilla as she pulled me down onto a waiting bench. 'I think its measles!'

'But what about his breathing? Measles doesn't make you short of breathe, its just a rash!'

'Measles can cause inflammation of the throat.' Replied Camilla, Edie stirring with the movement from her Mother. Camilla's tone shocked me, I never meant to challenge her knowledge. If it wasn't for her trained eye, goodness knows what would have happened, what if we had waited for Patrick. It doesn't bare thinking about.

'Sorry, I wasn't trying to tarnish your judgement, I just didn't know the extent of damage measles could do!' I said as a harsh apology.

The doors to our left swung open, just missing my leg. Freddie was wheeled through by two young nurses, he was attached to an oxygen tank. Doctor Nelmes stopped, level with myself, he looked down to us, we were in his mercy, the life of our precious child in his hands. Camilla grabbed my hands as the Doctor knelt to our level. It was bad news, I could tell by his expression. The words were running through his mind, he was contemplating how to tell us.

He sighed and said; 'It's Scarlett Fever!'

I looked to Camilla to see what her reaction would be, I had heard of the illness but was unaware of the severity.

She forced a smile. 'And how's he doing?'

'As you could see he needs help breathing, but as soon as the medication takes effect, the swelling should reduce allowing him to breath by himself. You caught it in the early stages so there should be no further complications!'

'Can we go and see him?' Camilla asked as I stood and shook the hand of the Doctor.

'Of course, go on through.'

Camilla took my hand as we were ushered into a ward by the matron, Freddie was tucked away in the corner. He was fast asleep, the rise and fall of his chest still very laboured. We sat in the two armchairs, Edie still asleep on Camilla shoulder. I fiddled in my coat pocket.

'Look Freddie, someone's come to see you!' With that I pulled out his Peter Rabbit toy and tucked it under his arm. Camilla stroked his forehead.

'Its okay Freddie, mummy and daddy are here!' She whispered as she kissed him gently.

The day was still only in its early hours, many people were only just waking from their slumber yet we had already had enough of the day. We prayed for the day to end. For us to have our son, home and well.