Hello lovely readers! I would first like to thank you for your follows, favorites, and reviews. Your support for this story means more than I can possibly express and it encourages me to continue writing. Originally, this chapter was going to be quite lengthy and then it got longer; so I decide to divide it into two chapters. Warning: This chapter includes a section involving self-harm and thoughts of suicide. Also, this is my first attempt at writing smut. Yikes! If you have time, please let me know what you think and especially if you like it ;) I love reading your reviews. These are intense chapters y'all. Hang on; we are going for a ride!
Emotions overtaking her, Emma smashes their lips together and kisses Regina with all the passion and frustration built up for four years. Regina longingly welcomes the kiss and instinctively wraps her arms around the stunning blonde in front of her. She allows Emma's enthusiastic tongue entrance as she yearns for more contact. Unable to get a handle on the moment, Regina struggles to convince herself that this is actually happening. Emma Swan is kissing her, she thinks. She is kissing Emma Swan. This is not a dream. Emma is really here.
Having been brought back to reality, Regina contentedly enjoys and tries to memorize every second of that kiss. She etches into her memory the feeling of Emma's tongue mingling with hers, the way she tastes, her breath. She is too preoccupied to notice what is happening with the rest of her body, particularly the current flood inside her underpants.
No longer satisfied with just kissing, Emma backs Regina into the nearest wall and pins her in place, breaking their kiss.
Attempting to snap out of the current haze, Regina begins to protest, "Emma, we should…"
"Shut up," the blonde whispers as she descends to her knees. Suddenly and aggressively, Emma pushes Regina's skirt up to her waist, causing the brunette to gasp as she is quickly being exposed. Emma smirks as she registers Regina's black lace thong. If she didn't know any better, Emma would assert that Regina was expecting the blonde to see her naked today. Confidently and with both hands Emma yanks the brunette's underwear down to her ankles, in one swift movement. Silently she communicates to Regina to step out of them. Once free, the blonde quickly stuffs the damp underwear into the pocket of her grey hoodie. Regina must've expected this to happen today, she is freshly waxed. Happy un-birthday to me, Emma muses.
Regina thinks to herself, this is really happening. She has wanted this for so long, but as realization hits she suddenly becomes nervous. Breathlessly, she tries to get the blonde's attention, "Emma…"
Ignoring the woman above her, Emma begins massaging Regina's thighs, which earns her a moan from the brunette. Emma can feel the heat radiating from Regina's slick center, as she trails hear fingers slowly upward toward the spot where the older woman needs her most. As she parts Regina's folds with her fingers, the hungry blonde dives in with her excited tongue. Emma spends time reacquainting herself with Regina's femininity, taking time to appreciate the way Regina feels, her scent, the way she tastes. Emma gets lost in that last one; she always did love the way Regina tastes. Emma licks a path straight and slowly up Regina's core, stopping at her pulsing clit to give it some much needed attention.
Emma can hear Regina whimper above her and realizes that the brunette is extremely sensitive to touch at this moment. This knowledge only fuels Emma. She grabs the back of Regina's knee with her left hand and lifts the brunette's right leg to place it on her shoulder, opening Regina up wider. A panting Regina holds Emma's head for balance and to keep the blonde in her current position. Emma's tongue continues its assault on Regina's receptive core, pausing to dip inside the older woman before traveling up to the spot where she is most responsive. Desperate for more contact, Emma snakes her right hand up to grope the brunette's left breast. At that, Regina hopelessly wishes she was not wearing a blouse, or bra for that matter. Annoyed by the amount of clothing in the way, Emma moves her hand back down and begins teasing Regina's entrance with her slender fingers. This action causes Regina to tremble and moan louder. Emma has to admit that the moaning is driving her crazy as she is eager to make the former queen come undone. She can clearly see that Regina is dripping with want and forcefully drives two fingers inside the brunette, causing the older woman to cry out and nearly topple over. She doesn't back off. Emma thrusts again, this time registering that Regina is much tighter than she ever remembered. She pushes inside the brunette a third time and starts a slow rhythm, simultaneously pressing her thumb against Regina's sensitive mass of nerves in the process. Regina responds to the rhythm set by the blonde immediately and attempts to lower herself even further onto the blonde's fingers by bending her left knee. Noticing this Emma adds a third finger and pushes deeper, earning her another moan from the brunette. She begins to quicken the pace. As Emma does this, she can hear Regina whimpering above her; it almost sounds as if the older woman is in pain. Emma continues to pump, even faster. The blonde is now sweating and panting, as she breathlessly whispers, "Come for me, Regina."
The brunette's legs are weak and trembling violently, and she can barely breathe.
Emma stills her fingers and torments Regina's excessively stimulated clit with her tongue. It had been four years since Emma felt a surge of magic throughout her body, but in that moment it sure felt like magic, passing between her and Regina.
The brunette can barely speak, but she manages in between heaving breaths to cry Emma's name repeatedly.
Emma braces Regina securely against the wall with her left arm to keep the older woman from falling, as she helps the brunette ride out her orgasm. As soon as Regina comes down and Emma has caught her breath, the blonde removes her fingers and laps up every last bit of evidence of her victory. With tears in her eyes, she kisses the inside of Regina's thigh and whispers, "I've missed you." As she does this, she can hear sniffling above her. A concerned Emma rises and as she does this she straightens Regina's wrinkled skirt, worried that the brunette is feeling vulnerable. She meets Regina's face, which is streaked with freshly shed tears.
The brunette begins, "It's been so long."
The realization of what Regina means hits Emma like a ton of bricks. "You mean you..?"
"Not after you left," the brunette replies as she shakes her head. "I tried, but I couldn't be with Robin after…after finally admitting to myself that I'm in love with you." Regina looks at Emma imploringly.
That look just destroys Emma. She begins to cry. "I thought you could never love me. I thought Robin was your True Love."
Emma's confusion is evident to Regina, who attempts to clarify and sooth. "I thought so too, because pixie dust revealed this man to be my True Love." Regina continues to elaborate, "I fooled myself into believing that I was in love with him, because I thought that he would be my happy ending…but after you left…I realized that I have always been in madly in love with you. When Tink used pixie dust to reveal my True Love you were not even a thought in your parent's minds, they hadn't even met, and I wasn't a villain. I don't regret becoming the Evil Queen because it led me to you; it gave me you and Henry. I would do it all over again if it means that we can be a family.
Sobbing uncontrollably now, Emma covers her face with both hands and falls against Regina, burying her face in the older woman's chest. Regina doesn't hesitate in wrapping her arms around the trembling blonde. "Regina…," Emma squeaks.
"It's alright my love."
Those last two words, 'my love' touch Emma profoundly, causing her to cry harder. She confesses, "I never stopped loving you." Her chest feels like it is in a vise and she struggles to breathe as she starts to explain, "I left because my heart was breaking…watching you with him." Unable to continue, she only grips Regina tighter.
Regina begins to break. "I'm so sorry, Emma." They hold one other and cry for several minutes, just hugging each other tight as if their lives depended on it for survival.
Regina regains composure first, "Sweetheart, look at me."
Emma slowly raises watery eyes to meet Regina's. Regina leans in to comfort Emma, with a gentle kiss. Both women are instantly comforted and deepen the kiss automatically. But, before they get too carried away Emma decides to make a confession.
Emma breaks the kiss and whispers, unable to meet Regina's eyes with her own, "Regina, there's another reason why I left."
Regina, picking up on Emma's nervousness, takes the blondes hands in her own as a show of support.
Emma cannot bear looking into Regina's loving gaze. She feels undeserving of the love Regina is so freely offering her. Emma closes her eyes in an attempt to muster the courage to reveal to Regina the secret that she has been keep all these years. "I couldn't stand being in the same town with you and Robin, when I knew…" She begins to break again, "…that I was carrying your child." The shock is evident on Regina's face as she frees one hand to cover her mouth. "When I found out I was pregnant, I knew immediately that she was yours." Silently, Regina begins to cry again as new tears pour from her eyes.
Emma finally looks up and attempts to meet Regina's eyes which are now closed. "I was so happy. I wanted to tell you, but then…I saw you and Robin..." She can barely speak; she is so overcome with emotion. Regina can't even stand anymore; this new information is making her physically sick. She sits down on the bed as she remains listening. Emma continues to cry, "It killed me." Regina shakes her head from side to side in a futile attempt to wake herself from what feels like a bad dream. "I felt like I was dying." She inhales deeply, "So, I ran away. I didn't know that I wouldn't be able to come back. I'm sorry I kept her a secret. I'm sorry I didn't tell you when you came over. I just…I just needed you to love me for me." Regina's eyes are still closed and Emma feels like she has ruined all of the recent progress that she made with Regina, by this admission. Teary eyed, Emma pleads, "Please say something."
Regina slowly looks up with bloodshot, watery eyes, and says, "It's my fault."
"What?"
"That you were alone." "You had to do it alone…because I was too blind." "I'm so stupid," Regina declares as she buries her face in her hands.
"No! No, shhhhh…baby, please." Emma tries to sooth as she seats herself next to Regina, wrapping her arms around the brunette in a show of support. "Please don't blame yourself. I ran because that's what I do. I should have been brave and told you the truth."
Regina looks up to meet Emma's eyes before admitting, "I have always loved you, Emma Swan." Emma smiles warmly, which Regina mirrors. She continues, "You are the mother of my son. And, now…we have a daughter…she's ours!" An overjoyed Regina embraces Emma; then proceeds to kiss her passionately. And, in that kiss, Emma finds hope. For the first time in four years, Emma has hope.
The two exhausted women curl up on the bed together, just holding each other for comfort that they each so desperately need. For the next twenty minutes they talk as they rest in each other's arms.
"Why did you name her Charlie?"
"You'll think it's stupid, if I tell you the truth."
"No I won't. Please tell me."
"The foster home that I was sent too when I was Charlie's age…I was so scared. I was also lonely." Hearing the tears in Emma's voice, Regina hugs the blond tighter. "I had trouble fitting in with the other kids. My only friend was a cat that also lived in the house, an orange cat named Charlie. I consider him my first pet. He always knew when I needed comforting, which was too often…but, he never left my side."
"What happened to him?"
"I was sent to another foster home when I was six, so I never saw him after that."
It must've been the fact that she had been crying almost non-stop for days that pushed her over the edge. Wow, this is inappropriate timing.
Emma notices that Regina's chest is shaking violently, she is laughing. What the hell? "Why are you laughing?"
Regina doesn't even attempt to stifle the laughter that is overtaking her. "You named our daughter after a cat," she says as if that is the most hilarious bit of news that she has heard in years. She continues laughing hysterically.
The highly contagious laughter spreads to Emma. "Yeah, I guess when you put it like that it is pretty funny."
"Oh, Emma, I'm sorry." Regina's giggle fit has finally subsided; she hugs Emma tighter and places a gentle kiss on the blonde's forehead.
"Just thinking of that cat always brings me comfort and when Charlie was born, I needed comfort more than ever."
At that declaration, Regina is almost unable to stop the tears from flowing again. She swallows hard and says, "I love you so much, Emma Swan."
"I love you, Regina." Emma snuggles closer to the sobbing brunette. Emma just lay curled into Regina's side, until she feels herself starting to doze. She breaks the comfortable silence by saying, into Regina's neck, "I have to go home."
Regina winces at this announcement, not ready to lose the renewed contact with the blonde.
An exhausted Emma continues, as she sits up, hoping to ease the blow, "But, I'll come back tomorrow..."
Regina nods, but doesn't look her in the eye.
"…with Charlie."
Regina immediately jolts back to life and looks Emma in the eye, unsure if she heard correctly. Emma smiles warmly and Regina brightens. "My baby…? I get to see my baby?"
"Of course…we can all have dinner together, after Chris goes to work."
"Oh!" Regina engulfs Emma in a loving embrace.
"I love you, Regina."
"I love you, Emma."
Emma stands and guides Regina up to meet her lips. They indulge in one last make out session. Remembering that the brunette's underpants are still stuffed in her pocket, Emma shamelessly grabs two handfuls of Regina's bare ass. The brunette moans, "Emma, don't start anything you can't finish."
Emma grumbles, breaking their kiss. They walk to the door hand-in-hand. When Emma reaches the door, she turns around for one last kiss as she says, "Thank you…for finding me."
"Swan, don't think for one second that I'm going to use your parent's cliché."
"It was worth a shot."
"I love you, Emma."
"I love you, Regina."
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Later that night, Emma lies in bed replaying in her mind the events of the day. She gets lost in the memory of Regina's arms around her. It wasn't a dream. Regina loves me, she thinks. Regina is here and she loves me.
Just then, Emma hears the front door open and shut, indicating that Chris has returned home from work. Emma thinks to herself, hopefully he will just stay in the living room and fall asleep in front of the TV. After her day with Regina, Emma could not begin to entertain the thought of having sex with her husband.
Unfortunately, Chris had been thinking about coming home to his incredibly sexy wife all day.
"You awake," Chris whispers as he enters the bedroom.
Emma attempts to deter Chris by pretending to sleep as she thinks to herself, please leave me alone, please leave me alone, please… She hears the familiar undoing of a belt, unzipping of jeans, and sound of garments hitting the floor. The opposite side of the bed dips. Okay, he's getting into bed, maybe he's tired, maybe he will just go to sleep. She feels the bed dip closer to her as she continues repeating the same plea over and over in her mind. Please leave me alone, please leave me alone, shit he's not going to leave me alone. Why can't he just leave me alone?
"Mmmm…," Chris moans as he kisses down his wife's exposed neck. He guides his reluctant wife onto her back and positions himself on top of her as he begins to kiss her slowly and deeply.
Why can't he just let me sleep?
Not caring that his wife is not reciprocating his advances, his right hand wastes no time moving to fondle Emma's breasts under her tank top.
I wish he would stop, I wish he would just go away. It doesn't take long before the tank top is removed. I don't want to do this. But, if I say anything he won't listen. There's no point even trying to fight it.
He then proceeds to strip Emma of her underpants, which he removes with one hand as he continues to kiss down her chest.
"Come here," Chris instructs, as he guides Emma on top of him.
I don't want to do this, she agonizes.
"I want you to ride me."
I don't want to do this, her head is pounding.
"But first, how about a blow job?"
I hate you so much. She gives in.
She really doesn't want to. She just wants to get this over with. Luckily, Emma had great deal of practice going somewhere else in her mind when bad things happened in the foster homes. She thinks of Regina's smiling face and she can hear Regina's voice soothing her. This will be over soon. I just have to get through this.
########
The next morning, Emma is a shell of a person. She feels hung over and emotionally she is. Vile thoughts keep racing through her mind. How could I be with Chris after getting back together with Regina? How will I look Regina in the eye tonight? How can I leave Chris? What am I going to do? Knowing his temper, it terrifies her to entertain the thought of confessing to him her desire to leave. She begins picking on herself. Why do I feel obligated to stay? Why can't I be strong? I should have left him years ago when I had the chance. How could I let things get this bad? How? I'm so stupid. It's my fault I'm in this deep.
She hated herself. In that moment, as she attempted to filter through these loathsome thoughts, suicide did cross her mind. Death was the only thought that comforted her. It would be a way out, after all.
She stood in the shower, letting the hot water rush over her. With a razor blade in her right hand, she attempts to talk herself out of doing something terrible. What am I doing? I can't kill myself, I can't leave Charlie…and I won't do that to Regina. But, I can do something. I can do something. I have control over this. I have a control over this. Where can I hide it? How can I hide it?