CHAPTER 2: ANXIETY
I hope that no one ever leaves,
'Cause I don't wanna be alone with me
Not with the things that rush up and down this symphonous smile
Here comes the love anxiety
Can't let it grab a hold of me, not after last time
- The Wombats: Here Comes the Anxiety
-X- BPOV -X-
There are approximately 3 million people in the UK, living with an anxiety disorder. Anxiety is a normal response to stress or danger, and is often called the 'flight or fight' response. This process involves Adrenalin being quickly pumped through the body enabling it to cope with whatever catastrophe may come its way.
The last time I had an anxiety attack was on the day I received my A-Level grades*, when I finally realised that moment affected my whole future.
That was over five years ago.
I'm currently standing in the alley behind 'Barfly'- mine and Alice's favourite gig spot - trying to calm myself before I go under.
"Are you okay?"
Soft touch on my shoulder. My diaphragm constricted further.
So glad I didn't have those donuts Alice brought home yesterday.
I didn't trust my voice enough, so I nodded in response.
The warm hand left my shoulder, and I heard him move to stand in front of me.
I felt my chest and face heat up, but I wasn't sure if it was from the panic or the proximity he was standing at.
He sighed. "Look I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable," he murmured, running his thumb across his lip. "I hope this doesn't come between us-"
"Us?" I manage to croak out, my voice still tight with panic.
Even he looked surprised at what he said. "Well I didn't mean us as in like a couple or-"
I finally found my voice. The 'flight' part of the 'flight or fight' instinct kicked in and I knew I had to get out of here.
"Look Masen," I started. "I came out tonight to have fun with my best friend, just like we do every night we come here. I didn't come here to find a guy or a relationship. I definitely didn't come here to have a quickie with the lead of the band performing. I am not impressed by your reputation, Masen, and I feel sorry for all the girls who started a conversation with you."
He looked stunned, running his hand through his hair, but I kept going. "I didn't know this is where you picked up girls, but I came out here for some peace. So I would really appreciate it if you left me alone and didn't approach me again. Cheers."
Ducking my head away from his gaze, I darted for the door and didn't look back.
-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-
"Are you sure you're okay?"
Argh. She knew something was off the moment I came back from outside and asked her if we could head home early.
"Al, I'm fine," I sighed, walking over to her and wrapping my arms around her neck. "If it was anything important I'd let you know, okay?"
She eyed me up before nodding a resigned 'okay', and returning the hug.
We headed to bed, deciding against watching a movie because Alice had to be up at 6 for work.
I had a hard time falling asleep that night, and welcomed the exhaustion that came about two and-a-half hours later.
Perhaps I had been a bit harsh on him – I mean I didn't know him so I didn't really have the right to have a go, but nevertheless he was way too forward.
Then I decided it really didn't matter.
He tried to make a move, I denied him and now we'll never have to see each other again.
Right?
. . .
Sorry about the short update guys, been hella busy looking at Unis and other almost-adult stuff - ew, I know.
Hope I didn't disappoint with this one adn you guys like it :)
I'm halfway throguh writing the next chapter so shouold have it up in the next couple of days.
Much love to everyone xoxo
* for all my non-UK readers: A-Levels are a two-year course you do in school when you're 16-18 years old. The path people usually choose after that is University :)