I own nothing except my character and her dog's name. All else belongs to BioWare.
To the wonderful people who have reviewed and put this on your favorites, thank you so much! I am deeply honored.I have a terrible head cold and I am not at my best with a head full of goop. But I hope it isn't too bad (I am my own worst critic) and it will still have you reading along. Thanks again for the love, I am enjoying writing it.
Blessings!
Apparently Oghren was carrying provisions, if your idea of provisions included two pony kegs of ale, that is. Oghren had one under each arm as he staggered through the doorway. Zev followed behind with another tray holding wooden mugs and a jug of milk? Kai felt her eyebrows rising in curiosity. Argus, her Mabari war hound, came behind Zev herding Schmooples, Leliana's pet nug. Schmooples's nose twitched and it eyed the room nervously.
The nug always looked nervous, truth be told, after all, in Orzammar Schmooples would be a snack, so it had good reason, Kai figured. Its pink and mostly hairless body looked like an unholy cross between a rabbit and a pig. Kai had gotten Schmooples as a gift for the bard when she found there was something else besides shoes that Leliana loved. The only problem with Schmooples was keeping an eye on Oghren, who tended to eye the creature the way Kai might eye a ham whenever he was drunk, hungry, or both.
If Schmooples was being herded by Argus, that meant that Leliana must not be far behind, and it wasn't a second before her fiery red hair showed around the door frame. The bard had yet another bottle of alcohol, honey mead from the looks of it. Leli refused to drink that 'horse piss,' as she put it, that Oghren favored. In the other hand, she held her lute. Leli immediately began looking for Schmooples and keeping an eye on Oghren. Leliana set her bottle on the table and put herself next to Kai, between Oghren and her pet.
Sten came next with a plate piled high with cookies. Kai found herself smiling, so that was what the milk was for. Sten didn't drink alcohol, but he had an almost obsessive love of cookies. Leli must have had a talk with Fergus about her friends' likes and dislikes. It would be just like her, Kai thought. Leliana could kill easily, and do it very well, but she had a sweet and kind soul. Shale followed Sten carrying extra chairs so no one had to sit on the floor. It appeared the gang was all here, but for three.
Morrigan had left before the battle, after Kai refused her offer to perform a sex rite to save the Gray Wardens (at least that's what Morrigan had claimed). That really stung; Morrigan could at least have helped fight at the end, but she had taken herself off in a snit. Kai loved Morrigan like a sister, and she thought the witch loved her, too. Best not to think of that, Kai, she told herself. It threatened to touch on the guilt, anger, and pain she felt over the way it had all played out.
Alistair, of course, was also missing. "Am I? If you say so." she was beginning to get used to hearing his voice now. If she was just tormenting herself, so be it. Or a desire demon, she pointedly asked into her own head. "Only desire, no demon here," came the cheeky response. Kai groaned inwardly, well, if she had to torture herself, the torture would at least have his humor. She could do nothing about it anyway.
And one more was missing, Wynne. Kai noticed everyone judiciously trying not to make it noticeable. If she were going to be honest, she wasn't sure how she felt about Wynne's conspiring with Alistair to stop her from taking the final blow, her feelings about that seemed to be behind the same numb wall that closed off her grief for her family and Alistair. She guessed not seeing Wynne right now might not be a bad idea at this point.
"You need to forgive her, mi'gra, my love. She only did what I, as her king, ordered her to do." Alistair's voice sounded again in her ear, tinged with concern and regret.
You would, she thought, who knew Alistair could be so manipulative and sneaky? "I learned it from Morrigan," came another cheeky response. Kai gave herself a mental head slap. Her internal exchange was broken off by a hand on her shoulder.
"I am so sorry about Alistair, Kai," Leliana said, her blue eyes filled with tears.
"We all are, Warden, the little pike twirler will be missed." Oghren poured himself a mug of ale and made it disappear.
"Kadan." for one word, Sten could infuse it with multiple layers of meaning. His tone, too, said he was sorry and that he had respect for Alistair.
"Aw, isn't that nice, Sten liked me in the end. Though I really wish Oghren wouldn't call me that," Alistair's voice continued as if he were right there taking it all in. Ugh, maybe she needed to make a trip to the Circle to find out why she was talking to herself, if that is all this was. Kai felt her eyes welling up as she smiled at them all, trying to comfort them, comforting her.
"To answer your question, Warden, the funeral is tomorrow." Oghren proceeded to pour more ale into his mug. "It was going to take place with or without you."
"Anora said she didn't want to delay the funeral out of respect...," Leliana started to say.
"Out of respect for her own itching hands to get the sodding crown!" Oghren interrupted. "As soon as the funeral is over, it's back to Denerim and to the Landsmeet Hall. The Revered Mother will bless Anora, and that nug humping chit will be queen." Oghren took a long drink from his mug and belched.
Fergus, who had been listening to all this in silence, laughed at Oghren's assessment. "My dear sister and I were just having a chat about our soon-to-be queen of Ferelden for the second time."
"The drunken dwarf is quite correct. One would guess that this Anora creature is only having the funeral because of appearances," Shale growled from where she was standing.
Leli's lilting Orlesian accent concurred, "She knows that the people would never allow her to forgo the funeral of the man who saved them. If I didn't know better, I would almost swear that this woman was Orlesian nobility. She could play the 'Great Game' well enough."
"But enough of such talk," interjected Zev's accented voice. "We have ale, we have wine, we have beautiful women, and if our dear Leliana would be so kind," he tilted his head toward the bard, "we will have song."
"We have nug which is tasty!" burst out Oghren, for which he received a smack on the arm from Leliana, jarring his mug and spilling some of its contents. "Careful, woman, Fergus was kind enough to dig this out of Highever's meager stores, don't waste it!" Oghren poured another mug and handed it to Fergus. "You look like a lightweight to me." He winked and made yet another mug disappear before wiping his mouth with his sleeve.
"Oh, you are so crude!" Leliana huffed, but she grabbed her lute and began to adjust the strings. Leli started with a song Kai knew well, as they had sung it many times around the campfire. It was a sad and humorous tale of two sisters vying for the same man with the older sister trying to do the younger in. It required the group to join in on the chorus so everyone felt a part of it. It had been one of Alistair's favorites because the elder sister and miller, who ultimately let the sibling drown, got their comeuppance.
"There were two sisters side by side, sing I dum, sing I day. There were two sisters side by side, the boys are bound for me..." and soon everyone, even Fergus, had joined in. So the night went with snatches of songs, stolen cookies, laughter and stories. It became apparent to Kai that they were all trying to keep her mind off of tomorrow, and she loved them even more for it. Still, the dread was there if she let it surface. Eventually, Kai found her eyes drooping and her head nodding.
"Well, time to let the Warden get some shut eye," slurred Oghren. "Of course you would think with six sodding days of sleep, she would have had enough by now." This statement earned him another smack on the arm from Leliana. "Watch it, woman, I might mistake you for Branka and crawl into bed with you." Leli just clucked her tongue, picked up her lute and Schmooples, and nudged the dwarf towards the door with her foot.
Slowly, they all filed out with the exception of Argus and Fergus. Argus planted himself on the floor near the foot of the bed, Fergus hovered near the door. "Good night, little sister, I am in your old room if you need me." With that he kissed her on the forehead and shut the door. Kai turned back towards the bed, guess it is a good thing I didn't get dressed after all, she thought. Instead, she took off the robe – she never had gotten the damn thing tied in the front – and laid it on the foot of the bed. Kai found herself filled with the dread she had pushed away all night and hugged her arms around herself.
"My dear Gray Warden, what distressing thoughts are in your mind?" Kai whirled around to find Zevran standing in a corner near the fireplace looking at her. She laughed rather than screamed, just barely, which was a good thing. The assassin had managed to stay unnoticed in the shadows while the others had filed out.
"Kai," Zev rarely spoke her name, usually calling her 'my dear Gray Warden.' And even now, he said her name softly and with such shared sadness, she knew he was serious. He walked towards her with his arms open to embrace her. He tucked her head into his muscled shoulder and held her there. There was nothing sexual in his touch, just the actions of someone who knew what it was to lose someone you loved with all your heart. Zev knew better than anyone else in their group, he told her of his Rinna, so long ago in one of their camps during the Blight.
"Oh Zev, I don't think I can do this, I don't think I can be at the funeral tomorrow," Kai snuffled into his shoulder. "Look at me, I killed hordes of darkspawn and faced the archdemon, and I can't even face a funeral." The despair and grief she felt was surfacing faster than ever.
Zevran simply grasped her chin and made her look at him. "You will be able to, and more importantly you must. You must have closure and say good bye, otherwise, you will not be able to move on. I have firsthand experience with this, no?" Zev smoothed her hair back from her forehead. "And more importantly, my dear friend, you will not do this alone." He simply looked at her with his pale amber eyes.
"Come with me." And he tugged her to the bed and tucked her in it, wrapping the feather filled duvet around her like a child. He tugged off his boots and climbed in bed on top of the covers next to her and simply leaned her head on his chest. "Now sleep, my one and only true friend." He stroked her hair and she listened to his heart beating. And if he felt the tears wetting his shirt, he said nothing. He just stroked her hair and her back until her deep breathing told him she was finally asleep.