Because the last chapter was short, here comes the longest chapter yet - at exactly 3666 words long! What a great number.
(I wasn't actually planning for this to be longer than normal but I couldn't find a good ending bit without making it really short.)
Anyway, hope you enjoy, as always!
Chara was watching another one of Mettaton's live shows, this time a news show. They'd been teased by their family that they were developing a celebrity crush on Mettaton, but they knew that wasn't true. Clearly, they'd developed a crush on the new human…
…
NO WAIT, THAT'S WRONG! They'd not developed a crush on anyone! Yeah! They're a demon, and demons don't have crushes! Anyway, back to the show!
Where were we? Oh yeah. It was a news show. Mettaton was sitting at a desk in a suit and holding some papers that were probably his script. There was a fake skyline background and a box that showed the human. Oh boy, they were pretty… (waIT NO) and they'd managed to clean the flour and confetti out of their hair. Mostly. They couldn't see where the human was at the moment, since the set covered most of the area. Anyway, Mettaton was talking, and news music was playing.
"OHHHHH YESSS! GOOD EVENING, BEAUTIES AND GENTLEBEAUTIES! THIS IS METTATON, REPORTING LIVE FROM MTT NEWS! AN INTERESTING SITUATION HAS ARISEN IN EASTERN HOTLAND! FORTUNATELY, OUR CORRESPONDENT IS OUT THERE, REPORTING LIVE! BRAVE CORRESPONDENT! PLEASE FIND SOMETHING NEWSWORTHY TO REPORT!" The human looked at the camera and shrugged, before heading around and looking at a variety of things in the area before sighting a dog and squealing in an amazingly cute way that made Chara melt (WHY I AM I STILL THINKING THESE THINGS) and running over to pet it.
"WHAT A SENSATIONAL OPPURTUNITY FOR A STORY! I CAN SEE THE HEADLINE NOW: 'A DOG EXISTS SOMEWHERE.' FRANKLY, I'M BLOWN AWAY. DO YOU WANT TO REPORT THIS ONE?" The human glanced at the camera amusedly (with a small grin still on their face as they pet the dog) and nodded. "ATTENTION, VIEWERS! OUR CORRESPONDENT HAS FOUND… A DOG! (CUE AUDIENCE AWWS) THAT'S RIGHT, FOLKS! IT'S THE FEEL-GOOD STORY OF THE YEAR! LOOK AT ITS LITTLE EARS, TINY PAWS, FLUFFY TAIL…" Mettaton paused and the music stopped. "WAIT A SECOND. THAT'S NOT A TAIL! THAT'S… A FUSE!"
The dog's tail lit on fire and the human scrambled back away from it, looking partially nervous and partially annoyed because they were unable to pet the dog more. They were cute when they were scared. (WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME)
"THAT'S RIGHT… THAT DOG… IS A BOMB! BUT DON'T PANIC! YOU HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN THE REST OF THE ROOM YET!" The set fell away and Mettaton was left hovering in his suit as the room was revealed, with multiple things that had bombs strapped to them surrounding the now worried-looking human. "OH MY! IT SEEMS EVERYTHING IN THIS AREA IS ACTUALLY A BOMB! THAT PRESENT'S A BOMB! THAT BASKETBALL'S A BOMB! EVEN MY WORDS ARE…!"
The words in Mettaton's speech box fell through the fourth wall, effectively breaking it, and exploded by the human's feet, who jumped back and hissed like a cat. Which was ironic because they seemed to love dogs.
"BRAVE CORRESPONDENT… IF YOU DON'T DEFUSE ALL OF THE BOMBS…" The camera panned to show a huge bomb to the north of the human. It had a timer on it. "THIS BIG BOMB WILL BLOW YOU TO SMITHEREENS IN TWO MINUTES! THEN YOU WON'T BE REPORTING 'LIVE' ANY LONGER! HOW TERRIBLE! HOW DISTURBING! GOOD LUCK, DARLING!"
Some dramatic music started, and the human rushed around the area so fast that the camera had trouble keeping track of them, defusing the bombs. Once they'd finished they headed back to the centre at a more leisurely pace, with Mettaton's normal game show music playing.
"WELL DONE DARLING!" MTT congratulated the human. "YOU'VE DEACTIVATED ALL OF THE BOMBS! IF YOU DIDN'T DEACTIVATE THEM, THE BIG BOMB WOULD'VE EXPLODED IN TWO MINUTES. NOW IT WON'T EXPLODE IN TWO MINUTES!"
The music cut out again. "INSTEAD IT'LL EXPLODE IN TWO SECONDS! GOODBYE, DARLING!" Mettaton floated around for a couple seconds, laughing maniacally until he realised nothing was happening.
"AH. IT SEEMS THE BOMB ISN'T GOING OFF."
Alphys's voice was suddenly heard. "That's b-because! While you were monologuing… I…! I f… fix… Um… I ch-change…"
"OH NO. YOU DEACTIVATED THE BOMB WITH YOUR HACKING SKILLS." Mettaton cut in.
"Yeah! That's what I did!" Alphys agreed, sounding sheepish.
"CURSES! IT SEEMS I'VE BEEN FOILED AGAIN! CURSE YOU, HUMAN! CURSE YOU, DR. ALPHYS, FOR HELPING SO MUCH! BUT I DON'T CURSE MY WONDERFUL VIEWERS FOR TUNING IN! UNTIL NEXT TIME, DARLING!" Just as the screen went black and Mettaton flew away, Chara saw the human exhale a large breath. It seemed acting was taking its toll on them.
They sat watching the screen as it switched to the "Stay Tuned" thing. They sat there for a while before one of their adopted brothers, Chuck (who was the only one of their siblings who was older than them), came in asking about what they'd like for dinner and then asking why they were still watching the television. They ignored the second question and walked into the kitchen while answering the first.
After the show had ended, Alphys had called Frisk and said that she was getting more confident with guiding them, which had made them feel good. They explored the room a bit before heading onwards, and finding another area with a view of the CORE. They got another call from Alphys in there.
"Um… I noticed you've been kind of quiet… Are you w-worried about meeting the Royals?" Frisk realised that they hadn't talked much, and also realised that they hadn't thought about what they'd do when they encountered the other humans.
Would they be able to control themselves? What if they couldn't? Why were they still going forward? Why not go back and find somewhere abandoned to starve?
So many questions that they had no good answer to. They tuned back in to Alphys's reassurances. "W-well, don't worry, okay? Th-they're really nice people (except for Chara)… I'm sure you can talk to them (except for Chara) a-and… J-just hang around until they break the barrier! S-so, no worrying, OK? J-just forget about it and smile."
"…Thanks, Alphys. I needed that." They hung up, mind still whirling. They could go back and find a place where they wouldn't hurt anyone… but if they left now, they'd hurt their friends… Oh, what a dilemma they'd gotten themselves into! The Hunger offered no input, but they could feel its presence in their thoughts.
They had been slowly moving forward, and they reached another one of the elevator ports. This one was labelled L2; Left Floor 2, probably. They were right. Their fingers hovered over the now-lit up Left Floor 3 button, but then went into their pocket. They dialled up Papyrus.
"Hey, Paps?" They said, using the nickname that they'd heard Sans use before. "Remember when you said we could hang with Undyne sometime..?"
Undyne was playing her piano while she waited for Papyrus to come for his cooking lesson. Usually Toriel and Chuck, the kindest of the humans, would join them for the lesson, but obviously they were busy with preparing for Chara's celebration now.
There was a knock on her door (which was a SUPER COOL TEETH DOOR that Alphys and her made!) so she stopped playing the piano, walked over to the door, and opened it. Papyarus was waiting ouside. She grinned. Just what she needed to get her mind off the beast-human! Some quality time with her favourite skeleton!
"Hi, Papyrus! Ready for your extra-private, one-on-one training?" She asked, joking a bit.
"YOU BET I AM! AND I BROUGHT A FRIEND!" Classic Papyrus.
He moved out of the way to reveal his friend, who'd been standing behind him. Undyne was halfway through a sentence before she realised who it was. "Hi, I don't think we've…"
She ground her teeth together and the beast-human nervously smiled and waved at her.
"…" Undyne was silent, looking in between Papyrus and the beast-human.
"…" Papyrus was silent as he grinned at her, seemingly not noticing the tension.
"Why don't. You two. Come in?" Undyne said through gritted teeth, turning around and walking back inside.
Frisk knew instantly that Undyne didn't want them there, but they had kind of expected that. It still made them sad and nervous. They followed Papyrus into her house and looked around. It had a tiled floor, and there was a rug under the wooden table and beside the window. There was a piano near the window as well, and a giant sword next to the table. The tablecloth had a fish on it, and there were four wooden stools around the table. She also had a kitchen connected to the living room.
"HERE, UNDYNE." Papyrus was saying as Frisk looked around. "MY FRIEND BROUGHT A GIFT FOR YOU, ON THEIR OWN!"
He pulled out a bone. "Uhhh… thanks. I'll, uh, put it with the others." Undyne opened a drawer filled with bones and put the one Papyrus had given her in with the rest. "So are we ready to start?"
"WHOOPSY DOOPSY! I JUST REMEMBERED! I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM! YOU TWO HAVE FUN!" Papyrus then proceeded to jump straight out of the window. Undyne turned to look at Frisk.
"…So why are YOU here? To rub your victory in my face? To humiliate me even further? IS THAT IT?" Undyne glared.
"No!" Frisk said.
"Then why are you here?" Undyne seemed to realised something. "Wait, I get it. You think I'm gonna be friends with you, huh? Right?"
Frisk hesitantly nodded their head.
"Really? How delightful! I accept! Let's all frolic in the fields of friendship! …NOT! Why would I EVER be friends with YOU?!" Frisk wasn't going to lie; that hurt.
I told you this was a stupid idea. The Hunger spoke up.
"If you weren't my houseguest, I'd beat you up right now! You're the enemy of everyone's hopes and dreams! I WILL NEVER BE YOUR FRIEND. Now get out of my house!"
Suddenly, Papyrus appeared at the shattered window. "DANG! WHAT A SHAME… I THOUGHT UNDYNE COULD BE FRIENDS WITH YOU. BUT I GUESS… I OVERESTIMATED HER. SHE'S JUST NOT UP TO THE CHALLENGE."
"CHALLENGE?! What?!" Undyne yelled as Papyrus ran away again. "Papyrus! Wait a second…! Darnit! He thinks I can't be friends with you?! Fuhuhu! What a joke! I could make friends with a wimpy loser like you any day! I'll show him!"
It seems I overestimated her intelligence once again.
"Listen up, human. We're not just going to be friends. We're going to be… BESTIES. I'll make you like me so much… You won't be able to think of anyone else! FUHUHUHU! It's the PERFECT REVENGE! …Why don't you have a seat?" Before they took a seat, Frisk decided to inspect items that had caught their interest. It was becoming routine. First, they looked out the window.
"I can't believe he leapt through the window like that. Normally he NAILS the landing." Next came the piano. "What? I'm not going to serenade you."
They looked at a door that looked like it led to another part of the house. "You wanna see my room? TOO BAD! No nerds allowed! …Well, maybe some nerds…"
They looked inside of the bone drawer. The annoying dog winked at them. They closed the draw. They then looked at the oven. "This oven is some top-of-the-line MTT thing. But, y'know, as much as technology advances… Nothing beats food home cooked with fire magic."
They looked inside Undyne's silverware drawer. There were forks, spoons, knives… tiny swords, axes, spears, nunchucks…
I'm not sure why I bother being surprised anymore.
They looked at the strangely warm fridge. "I hate cold food, you may remember. So Alphys and Betty fixed up my fridge so it heats up food instead! Hot Fridge… The world's greatest invention!"
Frisk was intimidated by the size of the sword Undyne had leaning against the wall. It was twice as tall as they were! "Humans suck, but their history… kinda rules. Case in point: this giant sword! Historically, Super Humans wielded swords up to 10x their size. Now, I know Super Humans are extremely rare – the other humans told me that, but their legendary exploits are AMAZING. When I first heard that, I immediately wanted one of these things! So me and Alphys built that together. Alphys figured out all the specs herself… She's smart, huh?!"
Finally, Frisk sat down at one of the stools by the table. "Comfortable? I'll get you something to drink." Undyne got a bunch of items out of her fridge and placed them along her kitchen counter. "All set! What would you like?"
As Frisk got up to select something, Undyne threw an energy spear at the table, cracking it all the way through the middle. Frisk sat back onto their seat, anxiously eyeing Undyne. "HEY! DON'T GET UP! YOU'RE THE GUEST! SIT DOWN AND ENJOY YOURSELF! …Um, why not just point to what you want? You can use the spear!"
Well, that was shock- please no. Don't do what I think you're doing. Frisk immediately picked up the spear and pointed it straight at Undyne, wiggling their eyebrows at amazing speeds. "…Are you… Hitting on me?"
Frisk snickered and pointed the spear at the sugar cup next. "That sugar's for the tea. I'm not gonna give you a cup of sugar! What do I look like, the ice-cream woman? Do human ice-cream women TERRORIZE HUMANITY with ENERGY SPEARS? Are their ice-cream songs a PRELUDE TO DESTRUCTION? IS THAT IT?"
"Yeah!" Frisk nodded their head.
"…what? Really? That rules!"
Honestly, she already has so much misinformation, I bet this won't even make a difference…
Frisk pointed at the yellow soda bottle. "Oh, soda? Actually, uh… that's mine. Sorry!"
They shrugged and pointed at the hot chocolate instead. "Oh, you want some hot chocolate? Wait, wait, I just remembered… That container's empty. Chara drank it all a couple days ago when they came for their training and I haven't got any more yet."
Frisk skipped over the teabox and went straight for the fridge. "The fridge?! You want to have the entire fridge?! No!"
They pointed the spear at the sword next. "Believe me, I would GLADLY give you your fill of swords. If you weren't my beloved houseguest!"
Finally, Frisk pointed at the teabox, the blatantly correct choice. "…tea, huh? Coming right up!" Undyne put the water on to boil and informed them that it'd take a while. When it was done, Undyne brought it to them in a cup shaped like a fish. "Here we are. Careful, it's hot."
Undyne went around and sat on the stool opposite to Frisk. When they didn't drink it immediately, she got impatient. "It's not THAT hot! Just drink it already!" They took a sip of the tea. It was burning hot, but otherwise really good.
"It's pretty good, right? Nothing but the best for my ABSOLUTELY PRECIOUS FRIEND!" There was a pause. It was nowhere near as dramatic as Mettaton's were. "Hey… You know, it's kind of strange you chose THAT tea. Golden flower tea… That's Asgore's favourite kind. He's the king of monsters! Actually, now that I think about it… You kind of remind me of him. You're both TOTAL weenies! …sort of."
There was another pause. "Y'know, I was a pretty hotheaded kid." And you're still a pretty hotheaded adult. "Once, to prove I was the strongest, I tried to fight Asgore. Emphasis on TRIED. I couldn't land a single blow on him! And worse, the whole time, he refused to fight back!" Frisk's tea was almost gone. "I was so humiliated… Afterwards, he apologized and said something goofy… 'Excuse me, do you want to know how to beat me?' I said yes, and from then on, he trained me. One day, during practice, I finally knocked him down. I felt… bad." Frisk had run out of tea. "But he was beaming… I had never seen someone so proud to get their butt kicked. Anyway, long story short, he kept training me… And now I'm the head of the Royal Guard! So I'm the one who gets to train dorks to fight! Like Chara and…"
"…and Papyrus." Frisk finished her sentence.
"Yeah… But, um, to be honest… I don't know if… I can ever let Papyrus into the Royal Guard. Don't tell him I said that! He's just… Well… I mean, it's not that he's weak. He's actually pretty freaking tough! It's just that… He's… He's too innocent and nice!" Frisk felt their sins weighing on their back. "I could NEVER send him into battle! He'd get ripped into little smiling shreds. That's part of why… I organised a cooking class, with him and some of the Royals, you know? So, um, maybe he can do something else with his life."
Undyne seemed to snap out of her reverie. "Oh, sorry, I was talking for so long… You're out of tea, aren't you? I'll get you some more." She stood up and walked to the kettle. Suddenly, she stopped. "Wait a second. Papyrus… his cooking lesson… HE WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE THAT RIGHT NOW! And if HE'S not here to have it… YOU'LL HAVE TO HAVE IT FOR HIM!"
Undyne jumped onto the kitchen surface and knocked all of the things off of it, making a huge mess. "That's right! NOTHING has brought Papyrus and I closer than cooking! Which means if I give you his lesson… WE'LL BECOME CLOSER THAN YOU'LL EVER IMAGINE! Fuhuhu! Afraid?! We're gonna be best friends!"
Undyne jumped over to Frisk, picked them up, and jumped back to the kitchen counter. "Let's start with the sauce!" Undyne stomped on the ground and some vegetables fell from the ceiling. "Envision these vegetables as your greatest enemy! Now! Pound them to dust with your fists!"
"Um, Undyne, I would but… those tomatoes are very… red." Frisk said uncomfortably. Undyne looked confused and then realised what Frisk was saying.
"Oh… yeah. Let's go to the noodles first instead, then." Undyne stomped on the floor and this time a pot and a box of noodles fell onto the MTT-brand stove. "Homemade noodles are the best! BUT I JUST BUY STORE-BRAND! THEY'RE THE CHEAPEST! NGAHHHHHHHH!" Undyne calmed down a bit and said "Uh, just put them in the pot."
What the- Well. You throw everything in the pot as hard as you can, including the box. You've dented the pot. The Hunger narrates.
"YEAH! I'M INTO IT! Alright! Now it's time to stir the pasta! As the general rule of thumb, the more you stir… THE BETTER IT IS! Ready? Let's do it!" Frisk stirred so fiercely they snapped the wooden spoon. They were enjoying the cooking lesson quite a lot.
Both of them looked at the broken spoon before Undyne said "Uh, nevermind! Let me do it!" An energy spear materialised and smashed the pot multiple times, causing even more dents. "Fuhuhu! That's the stuff! Alright, now for the final step: TURN UP THE HEAT! Let the stovetop symbolise your passion! Let your hopes and dreams turn into burning fire! READY? Don't hold anything back!"
Frisk turned the knob all the way. Unfortunately for Undyne's house, MTT-brand ovens do not need limits on their heat capacity. Although it was partially Undyne's fault for chanting "HOTTER!" over and over until the fireball consumed the whole house. Either way, the two of them were suddenly standing in a room full of fire.
That failed spectacularly.
"Ah. Man, no wonder Papyrus sucks at cooking." They both turned to look at the stove. "So what's next? Scrapbooking? Friendship bracelets? …oh, who am I kidding. I really screwed this up, didn't I? I can't force you to like me, human. Some people just don't get along with each other. I understand if you feel that way about me. And if we can't be friends… That's okay."
Frisk was quite sad, and not just because they were standing surrounded by flames. (It wasn't like the flames could kill them, anyway.) Undyne continued.
"Because… If we're not friends… IT MEANS I CAN DESTROY YOU WITHOUT REGRET!" Very suddenly, Frisk's soul was drawn into battle. It shocked them. "I've been defeated… my house is in shambles… I even failed to befriend you. That's it. I don't care if you're my guest anymore. One final rematch! All out on both sides! IT'S THE ONLY WAY I CAN REGAIN MY LOST PRIDE! NOW COME ON! HIT ME WITH ALL YOU'VE GOT! NGAHHHHH!"
Undyne is letting you make the first attack. Out of habit, Frisk checked Undyne. UNDYNE – ATK 41 DEF 21. This time, don't hold anything back!
"Show me what you've got!" Undyne demanded. Frisk hesitantly swung at Undyne…
Wow, you did 20 damage without even wanting to hurt Undyne? You're even stronger than I thought. Frisk was looking at Undyne worriedly.
"What…? You're that strong… even attacking with no intent to kill, you still do enough damage to kill a Whimsun?" Frisk winced. "Heh, you know what?" Undyne dropped her spear. "I'm glad you're the way you are, nerd. Now I know you aren't just some wimpy loser… you're a wimpy loser with a big heart! But if you ever do kill anyone… I'll beat the hell out of you! That's what friends are for, right? Fuhuhu! Now let's get the hell out of this flaming house!"
The fight ended and they headed outside. "Well, that was fun, huh? We'll have to hang out another time…! But, uh, somewhere else I guess. In the meantime, I guess I'll go hang with Papyrus." Undyne paused. "Actually… It's getting kind of late… You wanna go and bug Papyrus and Sans until they let us sleep at their place?!"
And that was how Frisk ended up scrunched up on the couch, asleep, with Undyne at the skeleton brother's house for their first night in the Underground. It had been a long day.
Meanwhile, Chara was grumbling about how they had to wait until the next day to watch the next MTT show. The anticipation kept them up all night.
Frisk seems to be feeling kind of frisky lately.
...
God that joke is so overused I'm sorry.
Fun fact: the only type of jokes I actually don't like are overused ones or ones that just aren't funny. So please, please send me as many puns as possible. I'm not even kidding. That would make my day. (Also, puns will be in this story, never fear.)