Devin Jaste: She is not; Rachel and Kurt are the only two at the apartment. Santana really won't be in this story much, though she will eventually make an appearance.
icewaterdrive: It will be interesting…Rachel and Kurt's influence with Puck and Quinn's genetics…
Chapter 4 – The Point of No Return
As Rachel walked up the stairs to her apartment, she had a bag over each shoulder, a suitcase in one hand, and held Beth's hand with the other. She knew the girl was perfectly capable of walking up stairs herself, but she was still afraid she would trip and fall and it would be her fault. Rachel definitely wasn't used to taking care of a child, so she was hyperaware of every little thing, worried that she was going to do something wrong.
She could see the door to the apartment now and wondered if Kurt was done making Beth's room. She didn't exactly know what he was doing, but she knew he was cordoning off another area. They both agreed that it would be better for her to have her own area, and she hoped it was done by now since it wasn't yet complete that morning. She would rather Beth not have to sleep on the couch for a few days, though; she wanted her to have some stability and normalcy, which meant she needed that room done.
"We're here," Rachel announced to Beth as she stopped in front of the door.
She looked down, but the little girl didn't say anything and didn't even look up at her. Rachel knew Beth had been this way since the accident, but it didn't make it any easier. She always looked so sad and Rachel just wanted to hug her and make it all better, but she knew it wasn't that simple. Rachel wasn't used to feeling so helpless—she was more about actively doing things to try to help the situation—but she was definitely feeling helpless now.
The judge had finally heard the case and granted her request for guardianship only three days prior. She would be lying if she said she wasn't slightly shocked by the decision, but she was happy about it. Because of her young age, she really thought the judge would deny it, but because no one else came forward, and Shelby had written a very compelling letter in the event of her death asking for Rachel to be the one to raise Beth, the judge placed Beth under her care. She could tell the woman was a little apprehensive about it, but the judge was assured that Rachel would be a suitable guardian; there was a lot of discussion about whether or not she was responsible, her financial situation, and if she would have support from other people. Hiram and Leroy had been there, and Rachel thought maybe that was one of the things that swayed the judge. Rachel was just thankful she did have such a good support system because she knew she was going to need it.
The door slid open in front of her and she looked up to find Kurt standing there with clothes that were much more raggedy than she had ever seen him in. Now she was really curious to know what he was doing to the apartment.
"I told you to call me when you got into the city," Kurt said, reaching out, and taking her suitcase and one of the bags, which he set just inside the apartment.
"My phone died while Daddy was driving me to the airport," Rachel replied. "I forgot to charge it when I went to bed."
"Do you have more bags?" Kurt asked.
"There are several more downstairs," Rachel said, nodding toward the steps.
The suitcase was hers, but everything was else was stuff for Beth; luckily she had been able to go to Shelby's place and boxed up most things for storage, while packing up certain things in case she was able to take Beth. She didn't know what all Beth would want, so she did her best to bring what she could.
"I'll get them," Kurt said, already heading for the stairs. "Don't peek!"
Rachel led Beth into the apartment, and she immediately noticed the new section of the loft. It was smaller than either of their bedrooms, but it took up a decent portion of what used to be part of the living room. She wanted to go over and look inside the curtain, but she did as Kurt asked and didn't peek.
"Well, Beth, this is your new home," Rachel said.
Beth still didn't say anything, but Rachel did let go of her hand when she started pulling away. She stood just inside the apartment as she watched Beth look around. She knew it was going to take her some time to get used to living in a new place, but she really hoped the little girl would come to think of it as home.
"What do you think?" Rachel asked. "As soon as Kurt comes back, you will be able to see your room."
She could already hear Kurt struggling to bring the rest of the things up the stairs. When it sounded as if something fell—probably on Kurt if his grumbling was any indication—she looked at Beth. She didn't want to leave her alone, but she thought it might be a good idea to go help Kurt. She had no idea if it was okay to leave a four year old alone for a minute or two, though, and realized she really needed to ask her dads what was acceptable and not acceptable. Or maybe she would do an internet search on the subject.
"I'll be right back, okay?" she said, and Beth gave her a slight nod. "Don't go anywhere."
She rushed out of the apartment and sprinted down the stairs, finding Kurt halfway up, trying to juggle three different suitcases and a bag. His face was slightly red from exertion and she couldn't help but laugh.
"How did they let you bring this many bags on a plane?" Kurt asked.
"I'm sure they were quite happy to let me bring this many considering how much they charged me," Rachel said, taking the bag from around Kurt's neck, and grabbing one of the suitcases. "My question is why you didn't make two trips up the stairs."
"Just go," Kurt said, rolling his eyes.
Rachel laughed and headed up the stairs; when she walked into the apartment, she immediately looked for Beth. The girl was standing exactly where she had been when Rachel left; Rachel was happy to see that she at least listened.
"Ready to see the room?" Kurt asked the moment he set the bags on the floor.
"Would you like to see your room, Beth?" Rachel asked, walking over to her.
The girl didn't answer, but followed them nonetheless. Kurt quickly walked ahead and held a curtain in each hand; Rachel couldn't remember seeing him this excited in a long time.
"Ta-dah," Kurt said, opening the curtains, and revealing the room.
Rachel gasped when she saw it. "Kurt! Where did you get all of this stuff?"
"Well, the dresser, nightstand, and bedframe belonged to Adam, which he was kind enough to give me, and I repainted them since they were a boring white color," Kurt said. "The mattress and chair are both new, and I found the little vanity at that antique place we've been to a couple times; it's been there forever, so I bargained with her."
"Kurt, this is amazing," Rachel said, smiling. "What do you think, Beth?"
The little girl had been standing back, looking around the room, but she still hadn't moved from the entryway. Rachel sighed and looked at Kurt; she didn't know how to get Beth to start talking; she hoped she just needed time, though. She had been through more than any four year old should have to go through, and Rachel couldn't blame her for being a little withdrawn.
"Well, we'll leave and let you look around," Rachel said, grabbing Kurt's arm. "How does that sound?"
They headed for the living room, and Rachel hoped Beth would at least look around her new room if they were not in there with her.
"She's still not talking, huh?" Kurt said, looking over his shoulder.
Rachel shook her head. "I have no idea what to do, either." She sighed, but then looked at Kurt and gave him a smile. "You did an amazing job on the room. In time, I'm sure she will love it."
"You'll have to also thank your dads," Kurt remarked. "They mailed me a check with instructions to give Beth a nice room. I was also lucky enough that Adam gave me everything; I offered to pay him, but he knew what happened and wanted to do something."
"Did he already go back to England?" Rachel asked.
"He leaves Monday," Kurt answered. "He has been sleeping on his floor for a couple of days because he knew I wanted to repaint everything and have it done for when you guys came."
"Will you thank him for me?" Rachel asked. "And also tell him I said goodbye if I don't see him."
She was going to miss him; he and Kurt dated for a while, but when that didn't work out, they became friends. Rachel wasn't that close with him, but he did come to the apartment some, and she always liked him.
"Seriously, Kurt, thank you," Rachel said, wrapping her arms around him.
"You're welcome, sweetie," Kurt said, hugging her back
Rachel awoke to the sound of pots banging and it took her a moment to realize she was in her room in New York. After being in Lima for a little over a month, she had gotten used to sleeping there again. She rubbed her eyes and looking over her shoulder at the clock to see that it was nearly seven; she had only meant to take a short nap, but apparently her short nap turned into three hours. She had been pretty exhausted from the trip, though, and Kurt had insisted she lie down while he watched Beth.
She sat up, swinging her legs over the side of the bed, and stretched. Her muscles were a little sore from lifting so much luggage, and she was starting to wish she had listened to her fathers. They had offered to mail all the contents of the luggage, but Rachel was afraid Beth would want something and it wouldn't immediately be there. So, Rachel figured she would lug most of it herself. There were still a few boxes on their way—mostly clothes and stuffed animals—that she couldn't fit in the other bags.
Stretching one last time, she finally got to her feet. She could tell by the aroma in the house as well as the noise that Kurt was fixing something for dinner. Usually they just ordered takeout, but she guessed since it was Beth's first night in the apartment, he wanted to cook dinner for her. When she walked through the curtain, he was in the kitchen while Beth sat at the table, so she wandered over to them.
"What are you making?" Rachel asked, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.
"Oh, you're up," Kurt said, looking over his shoulder before looking back at whatever he was stirring. "Salad, spaghetti, and garlic bread."
"It smells wonderful," Rachel said as she joined him by the stove.
"Kids like spaghetti, right?" Kurt whispered. "I tried to ask her what she liked, but she shrugged every time. I thought about macaroni and cheese, but I thought this would be a little more appetizing for the rest of us."
"She hasn't been eating very much anyway," Rachel informed him.
She turned to see what Beth was doing; there were several markers out on the table and she had a coloring book in front of her. When Rachel walked to the table, the little girl glanced up, and then went back to filling in the picture. Rachel didn't know where the coloring book came from—she didn't think it was in the things she brought—but she assumed Kurt must have gotten it. She did notice several toys in the room, so he had clearly been shopping for more than just furniture.
"That's very pretty," Rachel commented, looking down at whatever princess Beth was coloring the dress of.
When Beth didn't say anything, Rachel looked over her shoulder at Kurt, was looking at her. They both shrugged at each other and Rachel sat down at the table, sitting across from Beth.
"Do you need any help?" Rachel asked.
"You could set the table," Kurt said, nodding to the stack of dishes on the counter.
Rachel stood, grabbing the stack, and started placing them on the table. She put Beth's plate and silverware next to her since she was taking up the area in front of her, and Rachel didn't want to ask her to put it away. She figured it was good that Beth was coloring; at least she wasn't just sitting there in silence.
"Everything should just about be ready," Kurt said when the oven beeped. "Try this and tell me what you think."
Rachel tasted a bit of the sauce on the spoon he was holding up. "Perfect."
Kurt quickly turned, grabbed an oven mitt, and took the garlic bread out the oven. She then watched as he grabbed the boiling pot, pouring the contents into a strainer, and turned to pull his sauce off. She was glad he was such a good cook; if she had tried making dinner, the bread would be burned, the noodles would be overcooked, and she would probably have half the sauce on her clothes. She came from a family that was pretty dedicated to their takeout, so neither of her fathers had really ever taught her to cook.
She grabbed the salad from the counter and put it in the middle of the table while Kurt set everything else on it. Rachel walked to the refrigerator, grabbed two bottles of water, and then looked at Beth.
"Beth, what would you like to drink?" she asked. "Is water okay?"
Beth nodded, so Rachel grabbed another bottle and walked to the table, sitting down next to Kurt. The two adults looked at each other for a moment and then Rachel stood, grabbing the pasta scoop, and leaning over to put food on Beth's plate. When she was done with Beth's plate, she went ahead and put some on hers and Kurt's as well.
"How was the flight?" Kurt asked, glancing at Beth more than Rachel. "Did you like flying? Was it the first time you'd been in an airplane?"
"No," Beth actually answered.
Kurt looked a little surprised that she actually spoke. "No, you didn't like flying or no, you'd never flown before?"
Beth didn't answer further; Kurt let out a little sigh and looked at Rachel, who just shrugged. She had no idea how to get Beth to talk; even her fathers hadn't been very successful. She did notice that Beth had taken a few bites of food, so she was already considering this dinner a victory. She knew this was going to be a big adjustment for them all, so she was fairly content with baby steps at this point.
"What do you have planned for tomorrow?" Kurt asked, looking at Rachel.
Rachel sighed. "I need to go talk to my instructors and let them know I'm back."
She was incredibly lucky they were all understanding; they had all agreed to let her make up her work. If they hadn't, she would have ended up failing the semester, and would've had to repeat all her classes, putting her behind. She had already made up most of her non-performance work while she was in Lima, so now she just needed to make up the rest and prepare for her showcase.
"How's the spaghetti?" Kurt asked Beth after she finished chewing another bite. "Is it good?"
Beth nodded. "But Mommy always put hotdogs in it."
Rachel and Kurt both froze; Rachel could tell by the look on the little girl's face that she just realized what she said. A moment later, Beth dropped her fork and began crying.
"Oh dear," Kurt said.
"Beth, sweetie," Rachel said, jumping up, and running around the table to kneel next to her. "It's okay."
Rachel wrapped her arms around Beth, hoping to comfort her. She didn't really know what to do but to hug her and try to tell her everything was going to be okay. Then she remembered when she was little. She always liked it when her fathers sang to her when she was upset—it never failed to calm her down-so she began humming softly as the little girl cried in her arms.
Rachel quietly crept through the room, pausing at the curtain to look back. She took a deep breath and slowly released it; she was happy Beth was finally asleep even if it took her a long time to get there. She watched her for a few minutes, enjoying how peaceful she looked, and then finally walked through the curtain. Kurt was at the kitchen table and she walked over to join him.
"I'm making coffee," Kurt said the moment she sat down.
"Coffee sounds good," Rachel said, knowing she was probably going to be up half the night, so some caffeine would help with staying awake.
"Did you finally get her to sleep?" Kurt asked, nodding towards Beth's room.
Rachel nodded. "I didn't think she was ever going to stop crying. I feel so horrible for her, but I don't know what to do. I already feel like this is a huge mistake and the judge should have given her to someone more qualified for this."
"It's not a job, Rachel, and you're doing the best you can," Kurt remarked. "Just consider yourself a new parent; no one knows what they're doing in the beginning. They usually have newborns, though, so this is just a little more complicated, but we will both get through it. It's just going to take time for us to learn."
"I know," Rachel said, sighing. "It's just frustrating feeling so helpless. I want to fix everything, but I know it's not that simple."
"You're right," Kurt replied. "It's not that simple, but you're trying, which is more than most people are doing."
"I suppose," Rachel whispered.
Kurt stood and walked to the cabinet, where he grabbed two mugs, and began pouring the coffee into them. He put a few teaspoons of sugar in his, and then walked back with the mugs, setting one in front of Rachel. She wrapped her hands around it and breathed in the scent. Ever since she was little, she loved the smell of coffee; it always made her think of her fathers.
"Are you hungry?" Kurt asked, walking back to another cabinet, and opening it. "We didn't really get to have dinner."
"Not really," Rachel replied.
She knew she should be hungry—she hadn't eaten much today—but she didn't have much of an appetite. It had been that was since she opened her door to find the police standing on the other side. While she was in Lima, she really only ate when her fathers called her down to dinner, usually skipping breakfast and lunch unless one of her dads were home.
"Are you sure?" Kurt asked.
"I'm sure," she replied.
Kurt grabbed the stepstool and stood on it so he could see the top shelf, where he kept his stash of junk food. He said he put it up so high to make him think twice about getting into it, but Rachel was convinced he did it because she could barely reach it even while she was standing on the stool.
"I need to go shopping tomorrow," Rachel said, thinking about how she would need to get food that was more appropriate for a four year old.
"I can go if you would like," Kurt offered.
"No, I'll go," Rachel said, shaking her head. "I think I'll take Beth; hopefully she will let me know what she likes."
"And if she doesn't?" Kurt asked.
"Well, I guess I will have to buy a little of everything," Rachel responded.
"Aren't you glad we have the cabinets now?" Kurt said, raising his eyebrow at her.
She laughed lightly before taking a sip of her coffee. "Yes, I am."
They actually hadn't had the cabinets long; they were a gift from Kurt's dad. Every time he came to visit, Kurt would cook and complain the whole time about lack of counter and cabinet space. At the time she didn't really think they needed them, but with Beth here now, she was glad to have them.
"Do you think we should move?" Kurt abruptly asked.
Rachel frowned. "Why?"
"I don't know," Kurt said, looking around. "I was thinking and I thought maybe you would want an apartment that's in a slightly better neighborhood and, you know—has actual walls."
"Is this your way of saying you want to move?" Rachel asked.
"You know I love this apartment, Rach, but what I'm saying is if you want to move because of Beth, we can do that," Kurt explained.
"I'm perfectly content right here," Rachel replied.
"Okay, but the offer still stands if you change your mind," Kurt said.
"I appreciate it, Kurt," Rachel said, looking toward Beth's room, and sighing. "Do you think I should set up an appointment with a child psychologist?"
"That's really up to you," Kurt said with a slight shrug. "I think I would wait a week or two, though; if things don't improve, I would say absolutely."
She looked at the clock and saw this it was nearly midnight; despite the fact that she was still drinking coffee, she was starting to feel incredibly tired. "I think I'm going to go to bed."
"I thought you were going to stay up," Kurt commented.
Rachel shrugged. "I've changed my mind; tomorrow is going to be a very long day, so I should get a decent night's rest."
"What all do you have to do?" Kurt asked.
"Well, I need to go grocery shopping, stop by NYADA, rehearse some for the showcase, and I need to find a job," Rachel replied.
"I thought your dads were going to pay for everything," Kurt commented.
"They're still going to help, but one of the stipulations of getting Beth was that I needed to find a job, which I promised to do," Rachel replied.
"Can they revoke guardianship if you don't?" Kurt asked.
"I honestly don't know, but I'm not going to risk finding out," Rachel replied as she stood up.
She really didn't know if Beth could be taken away or not, but she hoped not. She was sure the judge or lawyer had probably told her at some point, but she was honestly in a bit of a daze the whole time and didn't remember. Most of what she remembered was answering questions. She couldn't blame them for asking so many questions, though; they obviously only wanted what was best for Beth, so she needed to prove that she was what was best. Thankfully she had her fathers and Kurt to help her through it; they were all there for emotional support and Kurt had helped by showing a social worker around the apartment when they wanted to see where Beth would be living.
"We won't," Kurt stated. "Beth isn't going anywhere; we'll both make sure of that."
"You wouldn't know anywhere that's hiring, would you?" Rachel asked.
"No, but I can ask around," Kurt replied.
"Thank you," Rachel said, taking the few steps to Kurt, and giving him a hug. "For dinner and giving Beth an amazing room—for everything."
"No need to thank me," Kurt softly said into her ear as he hugged her back.
Rachel let go of him and gave him a sad smile. "I'll see you in the morning."
"Goodnight, Rachel," he said.
"Goodnight," Rachel said, reaching out and giving his hand a friendly squeeze.
She covered a yawn as she turned to head to Beth's room, wanting to check on the little girl before going to bed herself. When she poked her head through the curtain, the little girl was curled up in her bed. She looked peaceful and Rachel hoped it stayed that way. She'd had nightmares the past two nights in Lima, and Rachel hated seeing her so upset. She hoped tonight would be different, but if it wasn't, Rachel was just across the loft and would come running if she needed her.
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