Chapter 9 – Carnival Lights

Rachel stared out the window, watching everything go by, slightly lost in thought. Sometimes she wished she could clear her mind and not worry about so many things. Only a few months ago her biggest worry was whether or not she was going to get a callback for an audition, but now she had to think about so much more. Now she had to worry about work and finding a second job and raising a four year old, which she still felt like she knew nothing about.

"How much longer?" Beth asked.

"We should be there soon," Rachel said, looking down at her.

Beth nodded. "Okay."

At least things with Beth were getting a little bit easier. She had her second session with Dr. Gilmore, and since then, Beth was talking a little more. Rachel didn't know if it was because of the therapy sessions or if it was just because more time had passed, but either way, Rachel was thankful. She knew they still had a long way to go, but any progress was wonderful.

Monday would be the first time Rachel would sit in on the session. She had spoken to the doctor, who filled her in on what she was doing with Beth and the things they discussed, but Rachel was eager to see it in person. She had to take off work to go, but it would be worth it—anything to help Beth was worth it.

"Eww, I think I stepped in gum," Kurt said, lifting his foot, and scrunching his nose in disgust. "I hate trains."

"They're not that terrible," Rachel replied.

"They're probably never cleaned," Kurt remarked.

"I'm sure someone cleans them," Rachel said, shaking her head, and smiling. "It would be unsanitary if they didn't."

"Well, clearly not enough," Kurt said, rubbing his shoe on the floor to get the gum off. "Why are people so disgusting? Is it so hard to put your gum in a receipt or something?"

"Kurt, you have lived in New York for two years, you should be used to stepping in gum," Rachel commented.

Kurt sighed. "Fine."

Beth giggled lightly and Rachel smiled at the sound; it was rare to hear her laugh, but it had been happening a little more in the past week. She still had her moments of being withdrawn, but instead of coloring quietly or watching a movie, she had actually asked them to play a board game with her the previous day. It probably wouldn't seem like a lot to most people, but Rachel and Kurt both knew it meant things were on the right track.

"I think we're almost there," Rachel said, looking out the window again when the train started slowing.

"Are you excited?" Kurt asked.

Beth nodded. "Yeah."

When Rachel's fathers were in town, they saw a flyer about some carnival outside of the city that was happening in a few weeks. Since they weren't going to be there during that time, they made Kurt and Rachel promise to take Beth. Her fathers always took her to things like the carnival or the circus when they were in town, and they apparently wanted Beth to experience the same thing even if they weren't around to do it. Rachel hadn't been to a carnival in a long time and Kurt had never been to one, so they readily agreed.

"Are you excited?" Rachel asked Kurt.

"A little," Kurt said before smiling. "Alright, yes. When I was little I didn't really want to go to these things—too many greasy foods and weird people—but now that I'm an adult, I actually feel like maybe I missed out."

"The food is gross," Rachel remarked. "I'm pretty sure I decided to forgo meat after one ill-fated carnival experience. The rides and games can be fun, though. My favorite part was always the Ferris wheel; I love when it stops at the top and you can see everything." Rachel stood and held out her hand for Beth. "Time to get off the train."

"Can I get one of those cotton candies?" Beth asked.

"You can," Rachel replied. "Do you still have your money?"

"I think," Beth said, putting her hand in her pocket.

Leroy had given Beth money for the carnival. Beth wanted to hold onto it, but Rachel didn't think it was the best idea to let a four year old carry fifty dollars, so the little girl had ten of it while Rachel had the rest. Her father made her promise that she would let Beth get whatever she wanted—within reason, of course. Rachel hoped she didn't regret that promise, but as long as Beth didn't spend it all on sugary treats, she figured it would be okay.

"Do you see her?" Rachel asked.

"Over there," Kurt said, nudging Rachel toward the right.

Rachel scanned the crowd for a moment and then she spotted her; Quinn was leaning against the fence that surrounded the carnival area.

"Are you ready?" Kurt asked.

"One moment," Rachel said, taking a few deep breaths. "Okay."

Quinn had called a few days prior, wondering if she could see Beth sometime that weekend. It had been the first time Rachel had talked to her since getting coffee, and she had actually began to wonder if her former classmate was ever going to call. At first she told Quinn that they were going to be busy that weekend, but then she decided to ask if she wanted to come to the carnival with them. Rachel still wasn't sure about Quinn or her intentions, so she thought it would be a good idea if they all met somewhere outside of her and Kurt's apartment. She figured it would be less awkward since there were a lot of things to distract them there.

They began walking toward Quinn, who also spotted them and started making her way toward them. Rachel quickly looked down at her outfit; Kurt picked it out for her since she was having trouble again. She knew she was being slightly irrational about it, but after being made fun of for years, she wanted to show that she was more fashionable now. Once again, she was wearing jeans—something she almost never wore in high school—and a t-shirt from a concert she went to while she was dating Brody. It wasn't something she would have worn, but Kurt pretty much forced her wear it.

"Hey," Quinn said, giving her a smile before looking at Kurt. "It's been a while."

"Yes, it has," Kurt said, crossing his arms over his chest, and giving her a tight smile.

While Quinn had never bullied Kurt—that honor was solely reserved for Rachel—he had never been her biggest fan. At least not since he became friends with Rachel; before that they had been on slightly friendlier terms.

"How have you been?" Quinn asked.

"Fine," Kurt replied. "You?"

Quinn shrugged. "Good, I guess."

Kurt hummed and nodded; Rachel looked between the two and then said, "So, what do we want to do first?"

"I want one of those," Beth said, pointing to one of the booths, and then pulling on Kurt's hand. "Get me one."

"The stuffed animals?" Kurt asked.

Beth nodded. "Please."

"Alright," Kurt said, looking uncertain.

"Good luck," Rachel said, laughing.

"Are you sure you wouldn't rather have Rachel try to win one?" Kurt asked. "Or Quinn? I'm sure either of them will have a better chance at winning than I will."

"I want you," Beth replied.

Kurt sighed. "Okay."

Rachel couldn't help but laugh. "Poor Kurt; he is not a fan of physical exertion."

"I remember," Quinn said, smiling slightly.

Rachel stood back and watched as Kurt attempted to throw a ball and knock over some pins. He completely missed the first time, hit the stand they were on the second time, and managed to knock two down on his third try. He frowned and pulled out his own money the second time, getting three more balls.

"I wonder how many times he's going to try," Quinn remarked.

"I think we may be here a while," Rachel replied.

She watched as Kurt tried a second time to win one of the stuffed animals for Beth. He knocked down three pins in his first try, but missed the other two times. Rachel shook her head as he put down money to try a third time; she wondered how many times he was going to try before giving up, but he looked fairly determined.

"Are your dads still in the city?"

Rachel averted her eyes from Kurt and looked at Quinn. "No, they went back to Lima last weekend. They both had to get back to work or I'm fairly certain they would have stayed all summer. They adore Beth and are already spoiling her like crazy. They're already calling her their granddaughter" Rachel paused. "I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for?" Quinn asked.

"I just—I don't know," Rachel replied.

"I give up," Kurt said, throwing his hands in the air, causing Beth to giggle. "Can I try winning you a stuffed animal somewhere else? Somewhere that isn't rigged and doesn't require me throwing these stupid balls at those stupid pins."

Beth grabbed Kurt's hand and pulled him several booths down to one with other stuffed animals. He looked dubiously at the booth—one with darts that had to be thrown at balloons—and Rachel shook her head, smiling. She figured he would at least have a slightly easier time winning something at this game.

"Can we go on it?" Beth asked, looking up.

"Of course we can," Rachel replied, looking at the Ferris wheel. "Who would you like to ride with?"

"Kurt," Beth said, grabbing his hand, and dragging him toward the ride.

"She's really taken with him, isn't she," Quinn commented.

"Is it possible for a four year old to have a crush?" Rachel asked.

Quinn laughed. "I don't know."

Rachel wanted to go on the Ferris wheel, but she was apprehensive about asking Quinn if she wanted to go on it. They were actually getting along, but she didn't know how it would go if they were stuck on a ride together. Even though she was being nice to her, Rachel was constantly expecting Quinn to revert back to her old ways. Part of her felt like she was being unfair, but then the other part would remind her why she was so distrusting of the blonde.

"Do you want to go on the Ferris wheel?" Quinn asked.

"Oh, umm." Rachel looked at Quinn and then looked up again.

"You're not afraid of heights, are you?" Quinn asked.

"No, I am not," Rachel replied. "And, yes, I would like to go on the Ferris wheel."

Quinn nodded and the two got in the short line, which only consisted of Kurt and Beth, who were at the front, and a couple of teenagers. Rachel's stomach grumbled a bit and she was beginning to regret not eating on the way. There was very little she could or would eat at the carnival and it didn't seem like they were going to leave anytime soon. Beth was having fun, though, so Rachel felt like it was worth it, and she would gladly wait until she got home to eat.

"She seems a lot happier," Quinn commented as Kurt and Beth got on the ride. "I mean, at the restaurant and the park she didn't really say very much."

"Yeah," Rachel agreed. "A few days ago she just started opening up a little more. I don't know if the therapy sessions are helping or if she is simply becoming more comfortable with us."

"Either way, it's a good thing," Quinn said.

"A very good thing," Rachel replied.

They fell silent and Rachel waited patiently for their turn. As Kurt and Beth went around, Rachel took a picture of them with her phone and immediately sent it to her fathers. It only took about fifteen seconds before Hiram texted her back, telling her to take more pictures and to call them the next day with all the details.

"You didn't have to do that," Rachel said when Quinn handed over one of her own tickets for Rachel to get onto the Ferris wheel.

Quinn shrugged. "I think I bought way too many tickets."

"Yes, there are not many grownup rides here to use them on," Rachel remarked. "It's a shame, really. Going on the rides was my favorite part when I was a child."

"Did you go to a lot of carnivals?" Quinn asked.

"At least once a year," Rachel said, sitting down on the ride. "My fathers liked taking me."

"I think I've only been twice," Quinn said, joining her. "My sister took me once when I was little—it was one of the few things we ever did together—and then Finn took me to one while we were dating." Quinn cleared her throat. "I have to say, this is actually more fun than either of those times. My sister ditched me for her friends after only an hour and Finn was—well, he got really mad when he couldn't win this stuffed monkey for me and sulked the rest of the evening."

The ride moved, swinging them a bit and Rachel looked over the side. She saw Kurt, who was also looking around, and gave him a wave, smiling at Beth when she looked her way.

"Do you ever talk to him?" Quinn asked.

"Finn?" Rachel asked and Quinn nodded. "Not really, no. I talked to him a few times while I was in Lima for the funeral and everything, but that was the first time I had seen him since we broke up. Kurt is the only one I have remained in contact with since graduation. Then again, I wasn't really close to anyone else during high school, so I suppose it's not surprising." Rachel paused for a moment. "I suppose you're still friends with everyone?"

Quinn laughed. "No, not at all. Just Santana—sort of; I don't know if you'd call us friends. I talk to Puck every now and then, and Mercedes calls sometimes, but that's it."

"Do you ever visit Lima?" Rachel wondered.

"I usually go a couple times a year," Quinn replied. "Usually once during the summer and Thanksgiving or Christmas—whichever my mother isn't visiting my sister."

"Kurt and I are going for the fourth," Rachel commented. "My fathers made us promise while they were here; they want us to come so they can see Beth, and they just got this new grill and want to have a cookout. "

The ride came to a halt while they were at the top, and Rachel smiled at the view. "I've always preferred sunsets over sunrises."

"It is beautiful," Quinn replied.

"Yes, it is," Rachel agreed, pulling her phone out to take a picture.

About an hour after the sun set, the foursome decided to head home. Beth was beginning to get tired from all the excitement and Rachel was exhausted since she worked all morning before coming to the carnival. They had been there for quite a while; Beth's money was nearly gone and Kurt had a very large stuffed animal that he had been carrying around for a half an hour. As much as he complained about lugging it around, Rachel knew he was proud of himself for winning it. It took him four different tries, but he eventually managed to toss a ring onto a bottle to win it for Beth.

Rachel noticed on the train ride back that Quinn kept looking at Beth, who was curled up between Rachel and Kurt. Quinn hadn't said much to Beth the whole time they were at the carnival, but Rachel thought it was understandable. She didn't know the blonde very well, but she knew if it was her in this situation, she probably wouldn't know what to say, either.

"Are we home?" Beth mumbled.

"We'll be off the train soon, sweetie," Kurt replied.

"I'm tired," Beth said, shifting.

Rachel laughed lightly. "I know, but we'll be home soon."

"Not soon enough," Kurt said, yawning.

"When did we get so old?" Rachel asked. "It's not even eleven yet and I just want to crawl into bed."

"Apparently taking care of a child will do that to you," Kurt said, shrugging. "We're no longer footloose and fancy free individuals that we once were."

"Were we ever really footloose and fancy free?" Rachel asked.

"Maybe for a month or so," Kurt replied with a shrug.

Rachel looked up when Quinn groaned; the blonde was looking at her phone and rolling her eyes. "Is something wrong?"

"My roommate is an idiot," Quinn replied.

"Roommates usually are," Kurt remarked.

"I resent that," Rachel said, frowning. "What did she do?"

"She knew I left my keys at home so I didn't have to bring them with me, and she apparently just decided to go out," Quinn said, rolling her eyes. "She swore she was going to stay in tonight, but now I'm going to have to try to track her down so I can get her keys to get into the apartment."

"You could stay with us," Kurt said.

Rachel gave him a sharp look. While she'd had a fairly pleasant evening with Quinn, she was apprehensive about having the blonde come to their apartment. Even though she knew asking her to come was the right thing to do, she still didn't want to push her luck.

"I'll be okay," Quinn said, shaking her head. "It's not the first time she's done something like this and I doubt it will be the last. Hopefully she's at the club near our apartment."

The train started coming to a stop and Beth shifted again, and Rachel wondered if she would be able to wake up enough to walk. She supposed Kurt could carry her if not, but that meant she would have to carry the stuffed animal, which was well over half her size.

"Beth, honey," Rachel said, shaking the girl. "Can you get up?"

Beth mumbled something that Rachel couldn't quite make out and then opened her eyes. She yawned and sat up, appearing slightly dazed as she looked around.

"Are you ready to go home?" Kurt asked, holding out his hand.

"Uh huh," Beth said, nodding.

"Rach, grab the penguin," Kurt instructed.

Rachel frowned and grabbed the large penguin, which only made Quinn laugh. She couldn't really blame the blonde, though; she knew she must look ridiculous with it.

"Do you need any help with it?" Quinn asked.

"I've got it," Rachel said, sighing. "But if you do want to sleep on our couch, I will gladly give it to you to carry."

Quinn laughed again. "I would probably take you up on that, but I need to get up early, and who knows if my roommate would be back by the morning."

"Understandable," Rachel replied with a nod.

"Thank you for letting me come with you guys today," Quinn said. "I had fun."

"So did I," Rachel replied. "Maybe next time we can do something a little more low-key and you can get to know Beth a little better."

"So, it's alright if I call again?" Quinn asked.

"Of course," Rachel replied.

"Okay," Quinn said, a faint smile gracing her lips.

The blonde turned around and walked toward Kurt and Beth, saying her goodbyes to them as well. Rachel let her know that if she couldn't find her roommate, the offer to let her sleep at their place still stood. When she parted from them, Rachel realized she was actually glad Quinn came. It was nice getting to know her a little better and seeing that there was more to her than the bitchy façade she put on in high school. Still, part of Rachel wondered if it could all just be an act—another prank that would result in her feeling like a fool yet again.

"How is she?" Kurt asked.

"I think she was having a nightmare," Rachel said quietly as she closed the curtain to Beth's room. "She seems to be okay now."

Rachel sat down at the table and rubbed her eyes; she was tired, but she didn't think she could fall asleep. After the excitement of the day, she was a little too wound up and needed to relax a bit before finally lying down. Luckily Beth was completely worn out, so Rachel was able to get her to sleep quickly. Kurt thought some tea might do them both some good, but the moment Rachel sat down to drink hers, she heard Beth making some noise from her room. When she walked into her room, Beth was whimpering and tossing in her bed, but it only lasted a few seconds. Rachel still waited around in case it happened again, but it seemed to have passed, so after about ten minutes, she figured it was safe to leave the room.

"Any idea what the nightmare was about?" Kurt asked.

"No," Rachel replied.

"Sometimes she talks in her sleep," Kurt remarked.

"I know." Rachel wrapped her hands around the mug and it had cooled considerably, but it still felt drinkable. "She didn't say anything this time, though." Rachel took a sip of her tea and noticed Kurt was staring at her. "What?"

Kurt shrugged. "Did you have fun today?"

"I did," Rachel replied. "It wasn't quite as fun as when I was a child, but it was fun nonetheless."

"And Quinn," Kurt said, raising his eyebrows.

"What about her?" Rachel asked.

"I was just wondering if you two are friends now," Kurt said, shrugging.

"I don't think friends is the right word," Rachel said, shaking her head.

"You two talked quite a bit," Kurt noted.

"Well, that's because Beth only wanted you to win her things and go on rides with her," Rachel said with a light laugh. "I definitely think you're her favorite."

"So, what is the right word?" Kurt asked.

Rachel frowned. "What?"

"You and Quinn," Kurt said, taking a drink of his tea.

"I don't know, Kurt," Rachel replied. "Is it important?"

"I was just curious," Kurt said.

"She's—" Rachel sighed and shrugged. "I don't know. Quinn seems like a nice person now, but I find it difficult to trust her. I don't know if this is all simply an act or if she's being sincere, but I don't want to risk falling for one of her tricks again. I will admit that it was nice getting to know her a little better. I'm fairly certain she spoke more to me today than all of high school combined, and there wasn't one insult thrown my way."

"Maybe she's changed," Kurt replied.

"Maybe," Rachel agreed. "Or maybe she's afraid I will no longer let her have any contact with Beth."

"Also a possibility," Kurt remarked.

"Considering she seemed to despise me in high school, I find it hard to believe that she would ever enjoy my company now," Rachel added. "Maybe she's simply tolerating me and choosing to stay quiet about her true feelings for the sake of being able to see Beth. It's okay, though; Quinn doesn't have to like me. As long as she's not openly hostile toward me like she was in school, everything will be fine."

"And if she is, would you stop her from seeing Beth?" Kurt asked.

Rachel sighed. "I do not know. I would like Beth to know her biological parents, but if Quinn reverted to her old ways, I don't know how I would feel about her being around Beth."

"I guess only time will tell," Kurt said.

"I want to believe her, but Quinn Fabray has never been the most trustworthy person," Rachel said. "She's always manipulated people to get what she wants."

"I know, sweetie," Kurt replied.

"It wouldn't be the first time she's used to me," Rachel added.

"I know," Kurt repeated.

"Or the first time that I thought there was a possibility of friendship only to have her laugh in my face," Rachel continued. "So, I guess I will be cautiously optimistic that she is being sincere until she either earns my trust or shows her true colors." Rachel sighed. "I think I'm going to go to bed."

"Do you work tomorrow?" Kurt asked.

"Yes, which means I need to be up in six hours," Rachel replied, standing up.

"If you hear Beth, don't worry," Kurt said, looking up at her. "I'll get up and make sure she's okay."

"Are you sure?" Rachel asked.

"Yeah, you go get some sleep," Kurt replied.

"Thank you," Rachel said, leaning down, and kissing his cheek. "I don't know what I would do without you."

"Be even more tired?" Kurt joked.

Rachel laughed lightly. "Goodnight, Kurt."